Fear is Tomorrow
by Don'tBeLame
Summary: Stealing illegal money from some dangerous individuals is a mistake this college student won't forget. Whether or not he'll regret it, however, remains to be seen. Rated M for several adult themes including but not limited to: violence, language, profanity, domestic abuse, sexual themes, and a possible hot button topic here or there. Reviews welcome.
1. Chapter 1

**Quick Author's Note: So here's my attempt at writing an AoT story and just letting it lead me where it will. I hope to continue it regardless, but I would appreciate any sort of serious feedback or reviews anyone reading may have. Also an extra warning: this story will be graphic and will deal with a lot of subjects people can get uncomfortable with (more so down the road). Read at your own discretion.**

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 ** _"The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary;_**

 ** _men alone are quite capable of every wickedness."_**

 ** _\- Joseph Conrad_**

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.

.

.

Where had it all gone?

.

.

It didn't seem possible.

.

.

It wasn't possible.

.

.

"Did you hear me?"

.

.

"Yes."

.

.

It wasn't fair.

.

.

.

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It was the third time it had happened in the last month.

Despite being close to the end of the gloomy and testy January it had been, Joe couldn't help but fight down initial feelings of rage that came on unwanted. From his position on the bench he could see across the park to the only other person who had chosen this as their place of study, solace, or what have you as the weekend ended with its usual abruptness.

She was a small blonde from what he could tell; he had spent a lengthy few moments being mesmerized by the way the biting wind tossed and toyed with her hair, but had escaped its song and had returned to his work only to find that minutes later, he was going to need to intervene again.

 _How many of these damn types exist?_

The perpetrators this time were only three in number which meant (in theory) his very real looking toy wouldn't need to rear at them. They approached her, loudly spouting crude appreciation for her looks.

She was clearly attempting to ignore them but was unfortunately succeeding only in egging them on. The low hanging pants wearer who must have been the ringleader stepped forward heavily and closed her laptop forcefully. Now she raised her head only to offer something that was clearly along the lines of "Not interested." Too stupid to take a hint, the three continued laughing and instigating.

By this time, Joe had crossed the field and was close to enough to be heard through a raised voice.

"Fairly certain she's not interested guys."

He hated the amount of brainless rude schmucks that meandered this park; the more he saw, the angrier he got. Acting as his own sort of moderator was all he could do to keep from letting his emotions completely take control.

Now they turned to regard him, all pretense of being noisy and suave vanishing as quickly as the wind. He saw the annoyance and anger in their eyes, but no clear signs of being under any kind of influence.

 _That'll make this easier_ he thought, mentally cracking his knuckles as the ringleader spoke.

"You know, at no point did I see anyone invite you into this conversation, bitch," the one in the middle tried, throwing all the derision and spit into the statement as he could.

 _Cute_ Joe smiled inwardly _except you already lost that one._

"I didn't recall seeing you gentlemen receive an invite from her neither."

"My face is my invitation, you little shit. Now how's about you get the fuck outta here fore I bust one in your head."

Not concerned at this point, but certainly now intrigued, Joe offered a winning smile.

"What with?"

In a dramatically sloppy show, the ringleader reached into his several sizes too large sports coat. Eyes on him all the way, Joe waited until he saw a flash of nickel within the coat's seemingly endless depths before rolling his hand to his back and drawing an onyx handgun as fast as a blink.

"Not gonna lie man, totally thought you were bluffing. Now hit the shit before I show you how capping actually works."

The stunned into silence boys paused only briefly before turning tail and vanishing around the corner of the library without a glance back. Tossing a careful look around to ensure his act of aggression hadn't been witnessed by any passerby, Joe returned the gun to its tucked spot before turning to the girl. Up close, he imagined she was around his age; she had a small yet striking form and powerful eyes. Damn powerful eyes, he felt pressured just making eye contact.

"You a student here?" he prodded, by way of conversation.

"No."

Well that was certainly a daisy. Not often would a saved damsel not offer any sort of verbal thanks; not that it happened often, but this response was certainly unexpected. Possibly a little refreshing. Joe sensed that there was a lot more to this one then met the eye and, prepared to leave it at that, he offered a real smile before turning back to his belongings.

"That's not a real gun is it?"

He stopped.

 _Daisy and a half._

"Pardon?"

She gestured towards his midsection.

"The screws and the barrel. Both are wrong. And I'm pretty sure I saw the warning written on the side. Not to…

He threw up his hands in an act of mock surrender.

"You got me."

She turned back towards her computer flipping it up to resume work while adding,

"I had it handled."

He tilted his head, brow furrowing in confusion.

 _Well let's not get too carried away._

Completely prepared to offer his own opinion on who could have managed the handling of the situation, he only managed to collect his thoughts before she reached into her bag and yanked out a Glock and proceeded to drop the magazine and pop the one in the chamber before holding it up to him with raised eyebrows. As she asked a question, he found himself annoyed and shocked that not only had she pulled and unloaded a real gun, she had done it in the same time it had taken him just to pull a fake one.

"Know what this is?"

He swallowed before answering, doing his best to keep a level tone. Sure he knew his guns, but didn't want to sound a wimp letting her know.

"Glock-19 by the looks."

"What generation?"

"Third. You can tell by the rail and the thumb… "

She smiled for the first time before finishing his sentence.

"… rests on both sides."

She reloaded and stowed the gun with similar speed and began to type.

"There may be hope for you yet."

Not sure how he felt about this sudden turn of events, he mirrored the actions of the gentlemen whom he had previously threatened, before finishing his turn and striding uncertainly back to his spot. He caught a glimpse of the name on her login screen, _Reiss_.

 _Well Miss Reiss… can't say I expected that._

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She never let it show that if bothered her; she would never give him that.

As his gin soaked breath rolled down her back and he thrust his decaying manhood into her, she did her best to focus on whatever else she could to keep herself elsewhere mentally.

 _We're supposed to take the larger shipment forty-two miles out on the first… I have to get my rifle cleaned well before then, it was acting up last weekend… Annie mentioned we'd need to swing by the backway before going in tonight to make sure the vehicles are stocked… definitely low on ACP rounds… ever since that screw up at downtown fucked us to…_

Dammit. She couldn't even keep metaphorical terms at bay. Biting her lower lip as he thrust unexpectedly hard, she tried to get back into the solitude of her own head, but failed as he began to really enjoy himself.

"Yeah… I know you like it. You don't make a sound, but I'm betting you love this like I do..."

His hands moved up to pinch her nipples which were involuntarily erect. She lowered her head in disgust; she couldn't even remember the last time she had been properly aroused.

As he changed his grip to hold her waist just above her butt, she realized for the umpteenth time how little all her power was of use to her in this situation, a situation that kept coming back.

Her impressively chiseled form, her skill in hand to hand combat, her marksmanship… all of it failed to be of any use when she was dragged back to her childhood during these visits to her parents which had, as of late, unfortunately increased in frequency.

She had done her best to hide the trips from her friends and fellow "employees"; she could never tell them what was done to her in the late of night by the man who was supposed to have raised her. Despite being mostly on equal footing with the rest of them in the records, she had taken natural command of most of their operations and they had become her true family.

 _Certainly more than this one._

Her mother, just down the hall was surely bawling into a pillow; she wouldn't ever bring herself to try and intervene in this nightly ritual after what had happened the last time she had tried. She had told her boss and her friends that the scars had come from a nasty fall down a mountain after a strenuous hike; that had sounded better in her head then explaining how her father had whipped her with a scourge that was supposed to be nothing more than a prop used in one of his bizarre, twisted films. And while it had been covered in fake blood from time to time on camera, off the set it had become one of her demons after claiming a fair share of real blood.

Hearing an increase in his panting and a slowness in the forced intercourse, she gently but sternly rolled him over and began to ride him much faster then he had been fucking her from behind. It made her sick, but she had to end this as quickly as she could; much more in here and she might finally snap.

After what seemed like hours, he signaled his climax and she pulled off to let him shower her face with his seed. He never came in her, but had come close on a few occasions, when he was more intoxicated than normal.

Offering only a disturbing guttural laugh, he threw her to the ground and walked out of the room closing her door. She waited a long time until his telltale snores echoed from down the hall. Only then did Mikasa rise to her feet to clean herself.

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Another nightly walk never failed to get him thinking about the hated future. He always went with the intention of clearing his mind of the negative and focusing on nothing, but more often than not, the opposite happened. This particular eve found him swearing silently to the skies as a result of his hate for having to take a language to be a history major.

Truly though, if he planned to fulfill a career busying himself with historical events and works, what was the damn point of two semesters of wasting his time with dead gibberish? Granted he had chosen the language himself but in his eyes, they were all as meaningless. Spitting angrily, he continued down the path that was never lit, towards the shadow of the mountain. Despite the apparent blackness, the near full moon allowed him enough sight to manage a short paced walk.

On him he had only his jacket, wallet, phone, and, just for shits and giggles, a replica non-firing Colt .45 revolver. While it could do little else then look pretty, his was loaded with six blanks in case he needed to deter a possible mugger or a violent drunk. He nearly fired one towards the moon in his state of ire.

 _Seriously, two fuckin semesters? Isn't just one enough or do you really want your pound of flesh and blood to go with another?_

Unleashing one of his frequent heavy sighs, he got his emotions under control and continued.

On this particular dirt path, the only traffic it ever received at night was the occasional nighttime jogger or dog walker, but this late he dismissed it as very unlikely that either one would be out. Therefore, it went without saying that he froze mid step when he heard a very faint but very distinct shout ahead in the darkness. He waited about a minute before moving forward, much more slowly. After roughly a hundred paces he noticed a soft orange light of the trail towards the hug of the mountain and the soft and consistent breeze of voices sliding through the trees.

Now while eavesdropping was hardly something Joe practiced normally, on this night with his blank firing gun, he felt an irresistible tug towards the other human life out in the cold this late as him.

Moving towards the spot where the path gave way to true forest, he stepped cautiously forward, not wanting any sort of attention to be drawn towards himself. If at any point he deemed he should swing around, he wanted to be able to do so as the ghost he was trying to be. Not hauling ass with others following, shouting in raised voices.

 _Let's just be super quiet and see what we can see. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. YOLO…_

His damn excuse for everything stupid he attempted.

Not stopping to question the obvious as to what would be gained by spying on unknown individuals out in the forest in the middle of the night, he continued to push up to the clearing where the voices were coming from. The spot was well off the path; if not for the lights, he likely would never have spotted it. The lights, as it turned out, were being projected by three vehicles, two black Sedan looking cars and something that, quite frankly, could have easily passed for a mini APC. It had its lights off but its presence was clear in its foreboding shadow.

Now having identified the fifty or so square feet of space and the vehicles, Joe moved his eyes to the people. There were three men with their backs to him and facing them were six young women. Moments before conversation resumed, he was shocked to notice that one of them was the small blonde girl he had encountered in the park two days prior. He noticed second, but no less importantly, every single person was holding some kind of firearm, ranging from a single 1911 pistol to some clear looking Kalashnikov rifles.

"Look… all we want is to head back and check with our guys… we got no clue where the other hundred grand went…"

The man in the middle of the trio spoke now, and each of them looked less than comfortable. One of the girls, sitting on the hood of the sedan on their side cracked a smile before retorting. She looked faintly native but had all the skepticism of a full blown American.

"Well that's pretty special. And here I thought everything was going to go without a hitch."

She gestured with her AK-47 towards the three men before looking at the girl to her left, still smiling.

"I'm thinking we pop one, you know, just so they know we're serious, then haul the other two back until we get the other half."

"Shut up Ymir."

The response came not from the one she had addressed, but from the girl who was clearly in charge. She was at least as tall as Ymir who looked to be about the peak height of the group. She had raven hair to about her shoulders and was packing a heavy looking revolver. Smith and Wesson perhaps.

 _Those eyes…_

She inclined her head very slightly towards the men before speaking to them in a very steady and low voice.

"Six days ago we agreed on two hundred g's. We were promised that money this evening as long as we supplied the product, which we have. Now, you look to be pretty low chain lackeys so I'm not blaming you, at least not yet. All I want is for you to answer this simple question: where's the other half?"

That always hated awkward silence followed. The girl who Ymir had spoken to blew out a long breath.

"I gotta say, I'm with Ymir on this one, if we make it look like…"

"Shut up Ym… uh, Ilse."

This came from the brunette who looked slightly too excited to be there.

"I mean, my name's Ilse, I've been working with y'all for a while…"

Despite an air of light heartedness, Joe sensed this was a situation about to blow up. It came down to whether the three men were telling the truth, or, if not, would be willing to give up their due before stocks came to shoulders. Then, catching his eye as if by will, he saw several stacks of green bills protruding from a sack off to the left behind the women. Hating himself for it, he realized that no one was watching it. He began to work his way around far to the left.

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It certainly wasn't showing, but Mikasa was getting angry; Annie could tell by her breathing. It had increased ever so slightly in frequency and she saw the slow change in her grip on her Python. She would stay in control though, that was something that never changed.

Not that she herself wasn't getting annoyed; if she had it her way, Annie would have shot these three punks minutes ago.

Speaking for all of them, Sasha spoke up, proceeding herself with a long sigh.

"Guys, here's the thing. Regardless of who's attempting to fuck who in this here situation, we need to get paid. So you tell us where the money is or you're gonna have to hurt: plain and simple."

She smiled broadly as she asserted this and Annie very softly shook her head. It would take some serious extremes to get Sasha to not smile.

"I mean, we should hurt em regardless right…? Like if only for wasting our time…"

Typical Ymir. Hoping to scare the shit out of these losers before the inevitable. Sasha replied with a slow shrug.

"Well yea, but I was kinda not gonna tell them that…"

"Oh shit, you right…"

Krista slugged her in the shoulder earning a very exaggerated "Owwwwww."

Lowering his head and speaking more to the ground then anyone else, the middleman uttered once more.

"I swear to all of you, we were just given that money and no more, I don't know what to tell you, the money was a pickup."

As he spoke, Mikasa turned very slightly to catch Annie's eye before addressing the men one last time, confirming what the blonde already knew. Unnoticed, she thumbed the safety off her double-action Luger.

"Well, if that's really the truth, I guess we can all go our separate ways."

The three men's eyes widened with surprise and relief; they slowly began to lower their firearms.

"Just one more thing. Annie?"

All eyes on her, the blonde spoke for the first time that night as, with lightning speed, she brought her sidearm up.

"Auf Wiedersehen."


	2. Chapter 2

Joe heard the gunfire as he made it back onto the main path, bag slung over his shoulder. He froze, staring at the ground as his conscience got the better of him. Then he raised his eyes towards the city lights and, leaving the scene behind him, broke into a run towards his bed. His survival instinct had always gotten the better of his conscience.

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The man whom had so recently thought he and his two companions were about to get away with their hoax dropped to his knees in shock. Seconds ago, they had been alive next to him, as excited as he was to get out of these woods. Now, they lay dead on either side of him, a single shot in both their heads. He looked up in defeat, completely unsure why he had been spared.

He needn't have bothered; as he prepared to ask what was to be done with him, a single round of 7.62 tore through his own head, just above his left eye, and he lapsed into oblivion.

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"Ymir, are you serious?"

The girl in question looked quickly over to Ilse in confusion while lowering her AK.

"What's up?"

Mikasa closed her eyes as Annie kicked the ground angrily before Ilse's heated reply struck home.

"For fuck's… we kind of needed him! How did you not catch that?!

She adopted a mocking tone.

"Oh hey let's kill two and take the one in charge since we only need one, oh wait no let's kill him too because we totally don't need him after all and shooting is fun."

Krista glanced toward her friend, with no attempt to hide her annoyance.

"If you were going to shoot him at all, it should have been in the leg or something."

Ymir drew a long inhale through closed teeth.

"Yea see… I didn't though."

Ilse turned away, snarling at the night sky. Annie gave the ground a second and final kick before moving to start up their armored vehicle, adding in an irked undertone,

"If tomorrow's deal goes this way it will have gone… really badly."

Mikasa let her compatriots move around her starting up vehicles, moving bodies, and cursing to themselves. She let her own blood pressure even itself out before giving a last sigh; before she could do more than turn, however, she heard Sasha call out in a panicked tone.

"Hey which one of you guys grabbed the dough?"

All movements ceased and Krista asked without turning,

"Sasha, I thought you were in charge of, you know, making sure the money doesn't decide to wander off?"

The girl in question was now frantically tearing around the area she had lain the sack and was only now able to spout fragments.

"I put it… the fucking… who could… how could… did…"

Ymir shifted balance, raising her eyebrows.

"Have you seriously managed to let the sack walk off..."

Sasha spun on her heel, anger letting her regain her control of the English language.

"I don't want to hear shit from you! You screwed up just as…"

Ymir, who could be fired up as quickly as gasoline, took a few aggressive steps forward.

"I made a completely understandable mistake, you lost track of a fucking inanimate object in a ninety second time span!"

"Stop."

Moments before Sasha's fist achieved maximum velocity, Mikasa's voice sliced through the tension with all the effect of a gunshot.

"As much as it may surprise you Ymir, it is actually impossible that the sack walked off. Either there is a random thief about or these three had at least a fourth. Get sharp and scour the area."

Ilse angrily ripped her Mossberg out of its place in the backseat of the car and racked it viciously.

"Great, grand, because I was really looking forward to continuing this godforsaken night."

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He hadn't been able to sleep for two days. He would certainly try; laying near the ceiling contemplating what he had done and, most distressingly, what he would do. He was sitting (literally) on a hundred thousand dollars, money that blood had likely been spilled over. Constantly trying to justify his actions may have been the worst part of the experience.

 _It had to have been money that was traded over drugs or what have you… 'product', I mean seriously, what else could it be? So I stole drug money… remember what happened in No Country for Old Men? That doesn't even apply to this situation, I've quadruple checked that bag, no tracking device or nothing… but seriously, what the hell do I do what with it. That's not several million but it's no small sum neither…_

The suffering and possible deaths of those who had been involved with the jacked up exchange weighed the most heavily. To think that people had possibly died due to his greed was enough to bring him down ( _but they already had botched the deal by only bringing half, shooting would have started either way)_ and he preferred in his head to imagine the shots fired _(even though they were fired by multiple guns)_ were warning shots.

A friend during lecture yesterday had asked him,

"Man, you don't look so good, you doing alright?"

And as always, he simply blew if off on his roommate keeping it up, playing his stupid computer games. He couldn't tell anyone what he had done; he couldn't even justify it in his own head, how the hell would anyone else understand?

This mental hell plagued him for three more days before finally he received unexpected closure. Typical Wednesday, Latin was still giving him shit, but now he was just glad to be back in his room in the quiet. Where his roommate was, he didn't know nor care; as long as he was gone, Joe was happy. Dumping his school stuff at the corner of his lofted bad, he sat heavily in his chair and exhaled loudly before rubbing his face and flipping the screen of his laptop up.

"So you're the little bandit that's caused Sasha to completely lose her shit."

So frightened he was by the sudden voice, he failed to jump or even look around. All he could do was freeze and immediately pinpoint the voice. He hadn't forgotten it; the raven haired girl's voice had drilled memory of itself deep in his mind. Closing his eyes for a few seconds, he slowly turned. She was sitting on his roommate's bed, legs hanging over nonchalantly as her fierce eyes filled with curiosity and coldness ( _and interest…?)_ sized him up. She was surely packing, so in an attempt to defuse a possibly hostile situation, he raised his hands in a sign of surrender.

"Alright yea it was me, I won't deny that. But… how did you find…?"

She jumped down as easily as a cat and landed a few feet from him crossing her arms. He rose instinctively and realized they were near the same height.

"Oh I saw you take it. I figured I'd just let it sit for a few days and let Sasha, the girl who was theoretically supposed to be watching the dough, cook for a good bit. She never makes mistakes like that so I like reminding her she isn't perfect."

"You… then why didn't…"

"I stop you? I don't know actually. No one has ever had the nuts to steal right from under our noses. Maybe I liked that. Or maybe I wanted to see what you'd do."

Joe paused to try and formulate a response. She was so… completely apathetic about all this. Or at least appeared to be. She stepped close enough to be what could be called nose-to-nose.

"So… what have you done with it?"

A lick of his lips.

"Nothing."

She inclined her head, not smiling.

"Now Joseph, you wouldn't lie to me, would you?"

 _She knows my name… well, actually that's not super surprising._

"Not until I get to know you better."

He immediately regretted this cocky return; while she was coming at him with an air of unconcern, he could sense she could, at any time, lose the mask and gut him like a fish. He had, despite what she said, stolen and inconvenienced her and her friends and he supposed he may deserve any ill that was heading his way. He should do his best to avoid it though; small relief filled his chest as her expression failed to change.

"Well needless to say, I've taken back the money…"

He saw behind her the empty space where the ambiguous looking sack had lain.

"… and all I need of you now is to come with me."

 _Well no that's not gonna…_

He felt his nose shatter before the pain hit; as his eyes jammed shut in pain, a strike to his gut felled him and he crashed over, slamming his head into the radiator as he went.

Through the mist of pain, he heard her continue,

"And I'm not asking."

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Sitting in the backseat of what he had briefly glimpsed of as a black sedan, Joe now was staring into an almost blinding bag. She had jammed it over his face after they had both gotten in and she had mentioned briefly and clearly,

"I'm not restraining you because I trust you won't be stupid enough to try anything. Do know that I will kill you if you do though."

And so he had said nothing and done nothing other than try to focus on things other than his bleeding nose.

 _Like how I am very likely being led somewhere to be interrogated about how who hired me to steal the money after which I will be killed and chopped up and dumped… holy crap, this really is happening isn't it._

They had been driving for what he reasoned to be about fifteen minutes before the vehicle began executing a series of frequent turns. Then, very abruptly, they stopped; the girl got out for about thirty seconds and the following roar of machinery brought Joe to assume she had opened a garage-esque door. She returned and drove them a good ways forward before stopping, getting back out, and the repeated roar came with a considerable dampening of the light. His door then swung open and she unbuckled and hauled him out roughly. With the true weight of his situation now bearing heavily down on him, his heart was now racing and his anxiety kicking at an all-time high.

"I'm going to guide you now, do not slow or stop unless I tell you to."

He trusted himself only to nod. Her hand landed on his left shoulder and she began to steer him along a series of hallways; she only stopped him to step ahead and open the occasional door. Finally she guided him sharply left and sat him down in a chair.

"Stay put, don't move."

As she exited the room, he couldn't even fathom disobeying. He waited for a length of time that only further drew him into the arms of fear until the door reopened and what sounded to be several people entered. After a moment of movement and the scrape of a second chair, silence returned. It was broken this time by a pair of snaps and the sack was ripped off his head. Gaining control of his breathing, he examined the people before him who likely would be the ones deciding his fate.

To his right, the six young women from the other night were positioned, some leaning, some standing. The girls he remembered as Ilse and Ymir both looked mildly intrigued, the Reiss girl appeared somewhat concerned ( _for some reason),_ the brunette with the excitable looking face seemed confused, and the other short intimidating blonde looked just as bored as she had been on the night he had first seen her. Center of them all, exerting the same air of authority, the girl whom had dragged him here stood straight backed and arms crossed, looking half indifferent, half amused. With all their eyes on him, he felt a great deal of pressure and shifted his gaze forwards.

Directly ahead of him, seated at a very simple wooden desk, sat a woman with glasses, brown hair back in a ponytail, and eyes that literally gave him the feeling he was about to be dissected. After a horribly painful moment, she addressed him.

"Well you look very calm for someone who may be in a very great deal of shit."

 _I do?_

Clearing his voice of any emotion, he responded honestly.

"More resigned, I think."

She smiled broadly, but before she could further the conversation, the confused brunette interjected.

"Wait, so in all seriousness, who the goddamn is this?"

The woman at the desk swiveled her chair towards her, still smiling.

"This Sasha, and Mikasa, correct me if I have this wrong, is the nobody who came across your deal the other night and made off with the hundred grand while you busied yourself with things other than your job of simply watching it."

As the girl he now knew as Mikasa nodded confirmation, Sasha's expression morphed with frightening speed from perplexed to enraged. He barely saw her start to move before the right side of his face exploded in pain. A total of five blows rained down in various places about his head before, in a haze, he saw Mikasa drag the source of his pain back as Ymir burst into laughter, followed shortly by Ilse.

"Jesus Sash, you want to wait until he talks before turning him into beef casserole?"

Sasha shook herself free of Mikasa's grip aggressively but made no further move to turn him inside out. Somehow, however, her staring at him with a promise of hell in her eyes was worse.

As he blinked away the pain, the woman at the desk continued.

"So Joseph, we are now going to chat for a bit, and at the end of that chat, we will determine if you will get to exit these premises alive."


	3. Chapter 3

_**"I am living in hell from one day to the next.**_

 _ **But there is nothing I can do to escape.**_

 _ **I don't know where I would go if I did.**_

 _ **I feel utterly powerless, and that feeling is my prison.**_

 _ **I entered of my own free will, I locked the door, and I threw away the key."**_

 _ **― Haruki Murakami**_

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"Alrighty so here we go; spill everything about the night you stole the money. Who hired you, how you knew where the handoff was, if you were alone, etc."

 _Fair enough._

Completely surprising himself, he told the whole truth without a stutter and while maintaining firm eye contact with the woman. He explained how he had taken a standard nightly walk, how raised voices and lights drew his curiosity, and how his greed had gotten the better of him after seeing the money. He was sure to mention how he really was a nobody who had gotten mixed up in more than he knew. After he finished, he let silence hold its own for a moment and, when the silence was not immediately broken, he asked a question that he needed answered desperately.

"Are all three of them dead?"

The woman who had been staring thoughtfully at the ground to her left, now turned to regard him with mild surprise.

"Yes. After assuming they were lying, Mikasa took proper initiative and executed particular elimination which supposedly went swimmingly. Well, for the most part…"

She rolled her head to left towards Ymir, eyebrows raised. The girl muttered something bitterly, eyes dropping towards the ground.

"… and thusly, they were taken here and disposed of properly."

Imagining that he may soon undergo the same process of disposal, Joe nodded and lowered his eyes. Mikasa took this opportunity to add,

"They were dead regardless of the stolen money; they were trying to pull a fast one, and that's why they lost their lives. We only noticed the missing money afterwards."

Joe looked towards her, offering a fleeting look of appreciation. That's all he had wanted to know. She returned nothing, but instead responded to the woman at the desk's gesture to step over. As she strode over and bent to hear some whispered information, the woman gestured towards him. Just as quickly, Ymir crossed over to him, gave him a very insincere apology, and proceeded to pummel his stomach until he bent forward, retching. As his eyes flooded over, she kicked him off the chair where he remained attempting to regain control over his nausea.

While he was still fetal, the woman at the desk rose dramatically after finishing confiding with Mikasa and announced,

"It seems you've convinced us Joseph! Now stand up please."

After only reacting to this with a strain of confusion, a sharp kick to the kidney had him struggle quickly into what could be qualified loosely as an upright position. The woman reached under the desk and whipped out a revolver. Raising it towards him, she queried,

"Can you identify this?"

He fairly wheezed a reply.

"Colt .45 single action, by the looks."

She nodded approvingly.

"Krista wasn't lying. Now…"

She ejected five rounds from the cylinder, spun the gun around, and placed it on the desk, grip facing towards him. Reaching under the desk once more, she drew out an empty can of Monster and placed it near the center of the desk. Moving off to join the six young women, she crossed her arms, smile still there.

"Now pick it up."

He stared blankly at her in complete and utter bemusement. Only after several seconds did he move to pick it up, left hand still cradling his stomach. The instant he touched it, the _instant_ , every single one of them save for the woman in the glasses drew sidearms, primed and aimed at his head.

"What I want you to do now, is shoot the can as fast as you can. And I think my girls have visually discouraged any funny business…"

 _Yea six guns at my head, pretty good discouragement._

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Krista watched the poor guy reach slowly and cautiously to pick up the Colt before backing up to a respectable distance. For his sake, he needed to impress; if Hange was seriously considering picking him up for a position, he needed to at least be quick with a gun. From last week, only she knew he could draw fast; whether or not he could add actually shooting into the mix remained to be seen.

Stretching his arms and grimacing in pain, he slid the gun into the right front pocket of his jeans, before giving a long exhale through his nose. Turning to Hange now with a final, silent look, she saw the question in his eyes. She nodded.

 _As much as he deserves it, none of us had this kind of pressure, he should at least get…_

The gun roared, but she barely saw him twitch. The can, struck full on, bounced off towards the ceiling. Before it even achieved its arc, the gun was back in his pocket.

As the echo died down, Krista was glad to see that no one had let their shock show. Hange was quick to move along.

"If you could go ahead and sit back down, we're going to step out for a minute."

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"That was a pretty sweet aimbot, fuck me…"

"Shut up Sasha."

"What, like you've seen someone move that fast? Fucker moved like Bob Munden…"

"Rest in peace."

"Shut up Ilse."

"I think he's faking… like all of it."

"Yea you would think that Ymir…"

"Fuck you."

"He could just be a natural."

"No, no, no, Mika's a natural. Annie's a natural. That, on the other hand, was like some superhuman nonsense."

"How about we promise not to report him if he tells us where he got his aimbots."

"I'm seriously gonna break your nose."

Hange interjected through the rabble in an attempt to make some progress; it was clear this conversation could go on a while.

"Mikasa, what do you think?"

The girl she asked was staring through the one way glass at their current subject of debate who was now toying slowly with the now empty gun and, despite having just pulled off an incredible feat, looked just as defeated as he had five minutes ago. She let out a sigh before responding.

"He's a good thief. Fast draw, and accurate. He could definitely be useful. He's hard to read though, trust could be a big issue."

Hange nodded thoughtfully, joining her top dog at the window. Behind her, arguments and conversations were breaking back out.

"I still think he's a fuckin' liar."

"Yea I think you're just jealous."

"Oh no I'm not denying that, I just think he's a dirty liar."

"Seriously how fast you think he pulled…"

"Point thirty of a second at least."

"Thirty pff… I'm gonna put thirty dildos in your ass…"

"Alright, let's calm down."

"No, you're right, that was pretty fucking fast, but he could just be a quickdraw. I'd like to see him with a Remington out at five hundred meters…"

"And then he bullseyes and puts you to shame."

"You want to stop before I put your ass to shame right now?"

"Ymir why are you so angry?"

Mikasa turned to silence her bickering companions, but before she could, Hange broke out in a large declaration.

"I think there's little else to talk about. Well, I'll go let him know the good news!"

Leaving a heated group behind her, she marched back into the room; hidden mics allowed the girls to hear her as though she was next to them.

"So here are your options. First, you can die. Or second, you can start working for me."

He lifted his eyes to meet her gaze, looking back cautiously.

"Doing what? If I may ask…"

"That remains to be seen; we'll start you out doing a few different things and we'll see where you best fit."

Sniffing slowly, he replied,

"And I assume this is all very illegal."

A beaming smile.

"Of course."

He shook his head after a long pause.

"Well considering I'm selfish and want to keep living, I guess I'll have to go with option two."

She clapped her hands.

"Excellent! I'm going to have you go along with Mika and her girls for a drop off tomorrow afternoon and if you handle yourself well enough…"

Mikasa didn't get to hear any more, however, as an eruption of voices sounded behind her.

"Hold up, with us?"

"Wait whoa, whoa, whoa, and he just gets a piggyback ride right out the gate?!"

"I'm not working with his ass, sunuvabitch stole from us!"

"Hang on, are we seriously…"

A short but powerful bark from Annie quieted the noise instantly.

"SHUT UP."

After a moment, she turned towards her best friend.

"Mika… did you…"

"No, Hange literally decided that just now. Or ten minutes ago. Or... fuck me, I don't know. She didn't tell me."

There was a long pause of shocked silence before she chuckled softly, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Hope you all have been wanting to play babysitter."

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He was lying in bed now, staring at the ceiling. It was only five in the afternoon but after being unceremoniously dumped off back at his dorm, he felt able to do little more physically than breathe.

It didn't help that he was charging through the most mixed series of emotions he had ever felt. Every minute or so, he managed to run the gambit of anger, fear, relief, desperation, and self-loathing, all while feeling an overwhelming sense of impending doom.

 _I'm in total shit… so I can draw fast… that's just a hobby… these people kill for a living. I can't kill… well maybe I… right, who the hell am I kidding… and I can't just be like, 'Hey so listen, I really don't think this line of work suits me'… I mean, I could, after which a bullet goes through my damn skull… total shit…_

Tomorrow at three in the afternoon, he was supposed to wait outside his hall, equipped only with his room key. He had requested to bring his iPod on an out-of-nowhere whim, and had been surprised by the gratuitous, "Sure!" he had received.

The woman had finally introduced herself as Hange Zoe, the person in charge of Mikasa's "team". She was undoubtedly one of the oddest people Joe had ever encountered; he had no doubt that, being in her position, she was also one of the most dangerous. For the most part, she was over the top happy and bouncy and, for the life of him, he had no idea if it was an elaborate act to drop peoples' guards or not. As far as he knew, that was literally her personality, though, if true, he had no idea how she had wound up running… whatever exactly the hell she was running.

Rolling over for the first time in an hour, he tried closing his eyes, but nothing had changed. He still saw six hard faces training six guns on him.

 _I don't know what the fuck I've gotten myself into… but for now… I think just trying to survive tomorrow is enough._

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As torturous as the sex was, the dinners always resulted in the most mental discomfort. Not due to the food or the setting or even being with her parents. It was purely the thoughts of what could come if the old man was pushed anywhere close to frustration with either of them. There he would be, rambling on about whatever new film his private company was working on and the very next moment, he could be bellowing at her or hitting mother. Regardless of the negative outcome, there was always at least one.

Mikasa tried to keep the appearance of as passively interested as she could manage as her father continued to blather on, stopping only to chew loudly. She couldn't keep her mother from shaking; that had been a given ever since the scourging. She was always trembling as she carried dishes, ate, or even on the extremely rare occasions where she spoke. This all came with the due that the worst she ever got was a few hits to the head; Mikasa was the only one he ever chose to punish with his cock or his belt. Seeing her mother beaten, however, might have been the worst punishment he could inflict.

"… so I suppose it goes without saying that if he has any more late days I may as well fire his ass, I mean, it's not as if I haven't threatened the little shit before and even though the crew loves him, I would rather pick up a new co-star than have to deal with his bullshit any longer… Hey hand me a beer. No you dumb bitch, don't you know what a beer is? … I oughta bust your nose…"

Hiding her left hand which had clenched into a grouping of white knuckles, Mikasa forked more potatoes while trying to ignore her father berating his wife. As much as she received the brunt of his physical anger, her mother had been dealing with it longer than she had been alive. It wasn't fair, but it certainly couldn't be helped at this point. She had been as calm as an oak until the night she had tried to prevent her husband from driving himself into her daughter yet again… and she had seen the repercussions and had not since dared to question him.

"How about you girl? Meet any guys? Girls? Trannies?"

He cackled through closed lips before stuffing his mouth with further sustenance. Mikasa waited until she had the self-control to form a sentence without including any reaming dialogue before responding.

"No father. Only one new face who showed up today. Not sure if he'll amount to anything."

"Well it's just the same. I wanted a son you know…"

 _As if you haven't mentioned that at least once every visit._

"… but if you wouldn't mind getting knocked up at some point, I could use a grandson to show the ropes to."

If she had known her mother was about to speak, Mikasa would have fired a stream of curses at her father to cut off whatever her mother would say; it would only get her into trouble.

"Dear, our... our daughter works very hard to keep a stable in... income for herself, she's proven tenfold that…"

As it normally was, she never saw the hand coming as it swung round striking her in the ear. She cried out and lowered her head, covering the top of it with both hands. Her husband struck again, then again at her ear.

"At no point did I ask you to speak. You can never just keep your mouth shut, can you? You just can't remember your place."

He struck again. When Mikasa saw the blood begin to leak from her mother's left ear, she found herself no longer able to restrain herself.

"Well maybe if you didn't like to hear the sound of your own voice so much, she wouldn't feel the need to add a different sound to the table to compete with your constant bitching."

She knew what was coming for that and so did her mother who broke into a fresh round of tears as soon as her daughter concluded her insult. Her father's head turned slowly towards her and she could feel the anger behind his tiny black eyes, but he had stopped hitting mother and that's all she was concerned about.

He sat slowly back and laced his thick fingers delicately before speaking in a slow drawl.

"I think I'm going to have to teach you another lesson about mouthing off to your elders."

Without a word, she rose and walked out of the kitchen to the single aluminum pole that stood in the middle of the office room. Her father called after her, "do you want the rope or…"

"I got it."

She was surprised by the calmness of her own tone. Then, of course, she had dealt with this an amount of times that passed her thought. She pulled off her shirt and removed her bra before gripping the pole tightly with both hands; she did her best to steady and deepen her breath. Behind her, she heard the metal studded belt come off and her father shuffle up behind her. Her mother hadn't moved and was still face down on the table, crying quietly.

"You don't know how much it pains me to do this…"

 _Yea fucking right, like you don't love every second of this you sick bastard. I bet you jerk off thinking about shit like this, give me a fucking break, you can't…_

The belt whistled through the air before laying into her muscled back with a loud crack. She snarled silently as she arched. She swore in her head over and over and exhaled quickly to keep herself from crying out. In the kitchen, her mother was now wailing.

 _Shit shit shit… goddamn miserable sunuva…_

Crack.

Bit into her tongue now as she twisted in pain. He never hit her more than about nine times in the first go around, but he swung like a juggernaut. Her knuckles grew whiter as she clenched them against the pole.

Crack.

Went ahead and let a moan escape her through a closed mouth. Pride only went so far and when you were in the presence of the only two people who would ever witness this, it meant even less. The only thing she couldn't give up now was her complete dignity.

Crack.

Inhaled sharply as she twisted to the right, left breast pressing up against the cold of the pole. She looked out the window for anything to distract her from the pain, but being dark, far out in the Montana forests, she could only settle on the distant stars. She grasped at what Sasha had been telling her last week when they were on watch together.

 _The belt there… so above that is Orion. Easiest to see in January… the V… Taurus I think… and Gemini… I know that's around here somewhere… next to_

Crack.

The fifth strike came unexpectedly and Mikasa cried out through clenched teeth. Her left fingers were nearing numbness from being strained so. She held back tears of pain and retreated back into her head.

 _Next to Orion I think… yea there it is…Canis Major should be behind him… look for the brightest star… Sirius it's called… there… better catch up dogs, Orion's gonna be pissed if you…_

Crack.

This one laid directly over where an earlier had, and her back screamed along with her as she bent back.

"You ready to apologize?"

He asked immediately after she finished her short scream. She bent her head and clenched her eyes tightly shut; she hated this the most. Every time he beat her, he would make her apologize for whatever his kingly eyes saw as wrong. And every time, she would refuse and the pain would continue until finally she would relent before her mother came at him with her terribly thin arms and got herself hurt. This occasion was no exception.

"For what?"

Her mother moaned in distress as her father exhaled heavily. Mikasa smiled as she laid her forehead against the pole. He would win, he always did, but she would test his blood pressure as much as she could first. As the next strike came whistling through the air, she looked back out the window.

… _if you_ _don't catch Taurus._


	4. Chapter 4

He stood waiting. Wondered if he should say a prayer before it was too late. Scrolled through his iPod's listings for the hundredth time; still nothing that could calm his nerves.

 _Breath. Just do as you're told, and don't be an asshole._

He wasn't sure how long he had been standing outside his dorm. He had come out early; no one likes a late guy. Ground dirt beneath his feet. Closed his eyes and opened them to the sound of crows. He glanced up towards them, watching them hop between the high branched trees that surrounded his hall. Then, due to an unknown urging, they flocked off towards the mountains as freely as the wind.

Stared after them.

 _Wish I could fly._

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Despite giving no evidence towards it, Ymir had been on Mikasa's case for a good while; a dozen weeks at least. Within that time, Ymir had begun to notice the odd behavior that would come once or twice a week. During this time, Mikasa would take off after work alone and return the next day in a slight, but noticeable, foul mood. It was consistent and rather unnerving; curiosity had slowly gotten the better of her. She had even asked Annie, who was closest with their mutual leader, if she was aware of this strange behavior and if she knew anything about it.

"Don't bother her, and don't mess around with what you don't need to," she had replied.

"Aren't you the least bit…?"

"No. And if you respect her privacy, you won't be either."

Typical Annie.

Not deterred by moral pressings, however, Ymir had frequently caught herself thinking about the issue until it had been all that was on her mind.

Now, as time ticked down to when the new guy would need to be picked up, Ymir found herself storming around the loading dock trying to decide if she wanted to take a risk. Mikasa had come in that day particularly sour and after turning down getting drinks downtown with the rest of them, something she was normally first to suggest, the previous night, Ymir was attempting to draw up the courage to confront her. If there was something going on, she wanted to be in the know; it didn't seem right that she would be keeping secrets from them.

But while not many things frightened Ymir, her higher up just happened to be one of those things.

" _Jesus Mika, get off!"_

" _Quit, you're gonna kill him!"_

" _Stop, stop, stop hurting my daddy!"_

The door swung open and Mikasa walked through carrying some heavy duty container. Swallowing down the lump in her throat and shaking away hated memories, Ymir slapped on a cheerful face.

"Hey Mika!"

The black haired girl half turned as she hauled the ammo crate she had been lugging into the back of their carrier truck and responded,

"What's up? I thought you and Krista were off to go pick up our… new find."

"Yea we're heading off pretty soon here… I just had something I wanted to run by you right quick."

"Alright."

She spit it out before she devolved into a chicken.

"Where'd you run off to last night?"

Mikasa froze with her back to Ymir who immediately looked around for all possible escape routes. Mentally slapping herself, she felt her conscience remind her to kick out any fear that was plaguing her. But as she turned, Ymir felt that same fear race through her veins as she saw Mikasa's face. There was no change in emotion, no twitching or noticeable movements. But in her eyes burned raw fire and worse yet, it was fire Ymir recognized. Fire from the deal that had gone badly in Great Falls, fire from the shooting at downtown, fire from the night outside the cemetery.

Fire from the Klan camp.

Slowly and with an undercurrent of heat, she received a response.

"Why do you ask?"

Somehow, Ymir managed to keep her happy-go-lucky aura alive.

"Oh, I was just curious, you know, sometimes you'll take off after work and not chill with us like normal and I was just wondering what's so important that you're always, you know, sneaking off to…"

"Actually that's none of your concern."

Seemingly content to leave it at that, she turned and made to head back through the ajar door, and Ymir felt anger, an emotion she wasn't good at restraining, well up.

"Actually, as your friend, I think it is my concern."

As Mikasa stopped, she continued, wanting to make sure she didn't regret later not saying what she felt.

"The six of us are pretty tight, yea? Me, you, Annie, Ilse, Sasha, and Krista. Now, we all lead pretty dangerous lives where a lot of shit can happen and I think it's in no one's best interest to keep secrets from each other. I'm not sure what…"

"Ymir."

Stopped dead.

"I love you."

Hadn't seen that coming.

"I love all of you; ever since we all met, you've been the family I've never had and the family I don't deserve. But you should know… you're treading on some very thin ice as we speak."

Those eyes.

" _Did you seriously…"_

" _Oh my fucking… "_

" _YOU THINK I GIVE A FUCK?! YOU THINK THIS DESERVES BETTER?!"_

Stop. Fucking stop.

"Alright hey, I can take a hint. You do you and all that. I'll go and uh… get the guy."

"Sounds good."

Ymir turned on her heel and strode out of the bay, angry at herself for not making a better argument, frightened to think what would have come if she had. She punched the wall in frustration.

 _What would she have to hide?_

Turning out through the south entrance, she made her way into the shotgun of the sedan Krista had been keeping warm.

"What kept you?"

Of course she sensed something was wrong. Damn this beautiful girl, she always knew when something was up. Ymir wasn't about to admit to anything though; they had other, more immediate problems that needed dealing with. She opted to answer half honestly, feeling a pang of guilt for the half lie. She hated lying to Krista; she could count all the instances she had on one hand. And she always swore to herself they were for her friend's own good, if not her own.

Still, this was only a half lie.

 _Stop trying to justify it you shit._

"I think I'm seeing ghosts."

 _Why would she hide something?_

She threw in a wayward grin for good measure. Her friend smiled back.

"Well try and not let them in right now. We've got fresh meat to deal with."

Ymir nodded in agreement. The mysteries could wait and, in the meantime, she could decide whether or not she even wanted to solve them.

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There was the sedan. Exhaling through a very slightly open mouth, he cleared his face of any emotion. Inside was a tornado but, on the outside, masks of every sort were available. Deciding on disinterested Christopher Walken, he pulled it on just as the car slowed to an abrupt stop adjacent to him. In an attempt to be proactive, he strode straight up to the right passenger door, opened it and swung inside.

As he imagined, the windows were all tinted, allowing perfectly fine viewing from inside, not so good from the latter. He wondered what the laws were regarding window tinting.

"Take the middle."

The order came from the young woman in the shotgun he remembered as Ymir. Driving was Krista, the blonde he had first encountered in the park. He obeyed, but as he made to put his seat belt on, he was stopped.

"Hold, hold, hold, scoot forward."

Confused, he did so as Ymir undid her seat belt to swing around and began to feel him up, none to gently. Finishing her inspection, she swatted between his legs as she came up, and he couldn't prevent himself from wincing. She smirked.

"So you got balls after all. Let's see what good they do you."

Krista flashed her a look and the brunette furrowed her brow.

"That came out wrong."

She turned back to the front, refastening herself.

"He's clean."

Their mutual driver stepped on it without waiting for Joe to buckle, which he did as the car pulled swiftly out of the lot.

After clearing a few lights, Ymir glanced at him through the mirror.

"Ain't you gonna reprimand us for being late?"

Baiting him already. Fortunately for him, he wasn't that stupid.

"I don't think it's my place to do so."

She nodded slowly, returning her eyes to the front.

"Damn straight. Glad that's common knowledge."

The drive was uncomfortable and quiet, but thankfully short; Joe noted that he hadn't been blindfolded this time around. Passed through the more occupied part of town off towards the mountainous hills where dozens of large buildings lay both in order and disarray. As they turned behind a long row of warehouses that loomed like giants, he found himself wondering what occupied each of them. In a frighteningly timed statement, Ymir was quick to assure him,

"Depending on a lot of things, you may wind up seeing a lot of what's in these sheds. But, regardless, there's plenty you won't see. The one way down on the left, I don't think even Mika's seen what's in it."

She laughed, as though possible human trafficking or illegal heavy weapon transportation was funny. Slightly curious as to what exactly he would be dealing with in terms of "product", he asked before he lost the courage to do so,

"What exactly do _you_ deal with?"

Surprised, he got an answer.

"Oh, a bit of this, a bit of that, rainbow, junk, flake, whatever there's demand for really."

She turned back to him.

"All you need to know though is that you help us move whatever drug we moving; what it is happens to be is of no concern. Not even so much to us, but especially not to you."

He nodded his understanding, and she rolled back.

Hanging a left around a warehouse, he saw to the vehicle's right an open hanger door, a heavy duty box truck, and the four women he had not had the pleasure of riding over with. Krista drove them up on the opposite side of the road, parked, and killed the engine; looking back to, and addressing him for the first time, she said,

"Just don't say anything stupid and do exactly what Mika tells you. No way in hell Sash has forgiven you yet and Ilse will be looking for any chance to stick it to you."

He saw the genuineness in her eyes and felt surprised that someone was even remotely on his side in all of this. Before he could decide if he wanted to answer, Ymir let loose a snort as she swung out of the car.

"Please Krista, let's not pamper the kid too much."

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Looking over as she finished passing out mags, Mikasa watched Ymir spring from the car _(what does she know?)_ , Krista climb out with her usual reserve, and the new guy slide out lightly and slowly. Face of pure indifference notwithstanding, she knew he was scared. He would have been an idiot to not be. Whistling, she waved them over. As they grouped up, she delivered her brief.

"So this afternoon, we have a very standard smack drop, only difference being, it's a small one."

Bitter mutterings began to rise.

"Yea I know; these guys just want to give our stuff a shot, before committing to anything fully. Probably a healthy… Ymir, Krista, your sets are in the locker, other side of the truck… probably a healthy business practice, but unfortunately, one that won't give us a particularly grand paycheck. So all we can do is make sure these gentlemen have the best possible business experience."

The group converted into a Yelp comment section.

"Excellent business transaction."

"Ten out of ten."

"Extremely likely to recommend to friend."

"Would do business with again."

A resounding series of snickers went up with Sasha dropping a restrained snort. Mikasa allowed herself a small smile.

"So the place is twelve miles out towards the airport, plus three more off the road. I'll do the talking as per usual. Ilse, I'm gonna have you take and watch the transaction."

Sasha kicked the ground as Ilse smirked.

"So load up and we'll bounce in five."

As her team split up to deal with their individual necessities, she gestured to the newest team member.

"You. Here."

He stepped up wordlessly, obviously content to be as passive as he could. If he really was going to become part of her lineup though, that would have to change.

"Let's get this straight. I don't know what in the fuck Hange was doing sticking us with you right off the bat. You've got some clear basic talent, but, I would assume, no experience.

She waited for him to nod confirmation before continuing.

"Last thing: regardless of how happy we all are about this arrangement, you're with us now and we operate as a team."

She reached behind her.

"For this drop, you will be an observer. So while that means quiet for the most part, you speak if you need to. You see something amiss, you shout it out. You notice something suspicious, you act on it."

She handed him a black 1911.

"Krista mentioned you carry this particular handgun."

 _From the first time we met… how thoughtful... that was a fake though._

"Yes."

"That's all I'm letting you carry on this first go. We'll see how you manage."

She stepped back and sighed, eyeing him up and down.

"I honestly have no clue what to think of you Joseph. I thought we were done when Hange was going to cap you yesterday."

A brief pause.

"Just don't fuck anything up."

Leaving it at that, she turned and strode smoothly into the hanger, leaving him to eye his new friend and contemplate what exactly he would use it for.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"… so he says, 'not only will Clinton win the nomination, she'll take the election in a landslide!' after which I knew there was no sense to be found and left."

"Can't figure out why you started arguing with him in the first place…"

"Well he started by showing off a pretty decent knowledge of finance reform saying it was 'broken' and 'corrupt' and this and that. Guess that was his bait."

"Well good thing you bounced when you did; I know you, and as much as I get pretty annoyed when someone starts fellating Hillary, you're measurably worse. Had you given me ten more seconds, I would probably have split his jaw nicely in half."

"That's all?"

"What's up?"

"I said 'That's all?' I would have rearranged more than his jaw…"

"You see this is the problem with you three, you never want to actually engage in any sort of serious argument…"

"Krista, you see, we don't need to, not when we can just shut their mouths permanently. Saves a lot of pointless words."

Joe was trying very hard to not engage in a political argument for the first time in his life; he and all the girls save for Annie and Mikasa, who were in the front, were seated in the back of the box truck which was lit only by a flashing orange incandescent light. He and Krista had been almost completely silent through a political debate that had sprouted after Ilse had brought up meeting a very far left gentlemen in a bar two nights previous.

 _You'll always find at least one._

"Joseph, what do you think?"

Immediately threw him for a loop, had not been expecting to be included in the conversation, let alone by Sasha. He then saw that by the predatory look in her eyes that this invitation had been no offer of good will. Ilse was eying him with a frighteningly unidentifiable look as well and he thought back to the warning he had received. The girl who had issued it glanced at him with a touch of anxiety. Despite what she had said, he felt compelled to speak his mind, truthfully, regardless of the backlash. Politics were a hot button topic for him; hard for him to stop once he got started. They wouldn't kill him for it.

 _Would they?_

"Hurts to even think of a slimy liar like Clinton making office; she can't differentiate email types, what in the hell makes people think she's authorized for office. And Sanders… well he needs to rethink his 'free education' plan if he really wants to run with that. Not to mention his health care plan has no chance of working; may be due to the fact that's he grown senile in his old age. Also I don't like socialists."

Stopped himself before the rant began.

 _Might have been a bit much._

For a moment, the only sound was that of the rumbling vehicle until Ymir through a look of jubilant surprise left towards Sasha.

"Ho. Ho! Hahaha, check out this sumbitch!"

She jammed her finger in the girl's face.

"Hahaaa look at you, you stupid asshole! What'd you think he was gonna say Sash?! 'Hey I very much support the left being a gun holding, free trade supportive, antigovernment involvement Montana resident!'"

 _How in the hell did she…_

She turned away and buried her face in Krista's lap, laughing away. The blonde glanced toward Joe, giving him a small smile as she gave her friend's head a pat. Ilse, smiling ear to ear, punched a glum looking Sasha in the shoulder.

"Well hey, revenge never comes easy huh? Keep your head up girl, patience is a virtue."

She leaned back and threw Joe a wink before leaning back and closing her eyes, still smiling. And, doing his absolute best to not get any hopes up, he felt the smallest rush of elation in his gut.

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Hearing familiar laughter from the cargo area, Annie took her eyes of the road for the briefest moment to turn to her friend.

"How do you think he's doing back there?"

She received a short shake of the head in return.

"It doesn't matter. The only way he'll manage to prove himself to them is by actually performing, regardless of anything he might say."

"You actually think he has a chance of fitting in? I think most everyone is still pretty sure that after this, we're gonna have Hange send his ass somewhere else. Anywhere else."

"We'll see."

Annie looked back over in slight puzzlement.

"Do you want to keep him around?"

Mikasa didn't answer. As she stared out the window towards the mountains, she realized she couldn't provide any answer that would honestly resolve the question. Not one Annie could understand anyway.

She gestured ahead towards the right of the road.

"Turn off. We're almost there."

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Krista let Ymir continue to rest of her lap; she was well aware it was what her friend wanted.

Silence had returned after the laughter had died down and the mood in the back was somehow more and less tense then before. More because Sash's rage was almost palpable, less because the ice had been broken; for better or worse had yet to be determined.

She was surprised Ilse hadn't made any attempts to poke at Joseph thus far. When Krista herself had first joined up, she had been almost relentlessly tormented by Ymir's high school friend verbally for weeks. Only after she had executed two gentlemen who had been hired to ambush a deal they had made about a year prior, had the teasing stopped.

While she had never gotten an explanation for the abuse, Sasha had explained a week later that she had been looking for verbal breaking points. Ilse's plan had been to heckle until her victim proved themselves; Sasha also mentioned that she had gotten the same treatment when she had signed up five months prior to Krista. When asked, however, what had been her proving ground, the normally upbeat Sash had grown morose and requested she not ask about it.

Fair enough.

With a swing, the truck turned sharply right and the ride became considerably bumpier. After roughly three minutes the truck slowed, then stopped. Ymir sat up and gave a noisy stretch.

"UhhhhhhHHHHHH-WHOOO."

She leaned forward, exhaling heavily.

"Alright newb. Let's see how you handle."

 **AN: So people are actually reading this, huh? Well, I guess when you go in with no expectations, you're easily pleased with results. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who's stopped by and read this far. I'm just continuing to just let this tale take me where it will; hope you'll stay with me as it does.**


	5. Chapter 5

**_Murderers are not monsters, they're men._**

 ** _And that's the most frightening thing about them._**

 ** _\- Alice Sebold_**

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The truck's cargo door swung noisily upwards to shower the occupants with dazzling sunlight that burned through the leafless trees with powerful effect. It was momentarily bling for those who had been in a dimly lit compartment for the previous twenty minutes. Joe saw the ground and realized they were very off-road indeed; the truck's tracks were all that marked any sort of path.

"Alright kids, ride stops here."

Annie kicked down the ramp.

"Mika's already started the chat so let's move our asses. Guns holstered, they're not looking too heavily armed, so let's look nice. No vests."

Ilse frowned.

"No vests? But we…"

"…always wear I know, but Hange was very clear we wouldn't need them."

"Explains why we didn't suit up back home… but why would we not…"

"Couldn't tell you. Let's go."

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"We-e-e-ell, this is certainly a surprise!"

This exclamation was issued by the man who appeared in charge of the three men around him. He was less imposing and threatening than any single one of them with greasy black hair, tattered biker clothes and a nasally drone. The three others appeared cleaner, stronger, and taller, but this was definitely their spokesman; not a one of them had moved or spoken since they arrived in their single red Impala.

Mikasa didn't fail to note the bulge in the greasehead's pants that certainly couldn't have been his cock.

 _Compensating or just precautious?_

When he didn't divulge the reason for his outcry, she prompted,

"Reason being?"

"Oh well I was led to believe that you lot were uh… an all-female crew. Completely dick free. Pro-fem and all that."

He stuck a fist in the air. She ignored the jibe.

"Brought someone in from out of town. A consultant of sorts, our boss just wanted to make sure everything's in order with how we do things."

Lying on the spot was easy when you had done it so often; this job practically required it.

"Well letting a man tell you what's what, how about that…"

Mikasa felt, more than saw, several of her team tense up.

"… but, I have to say, he doesn't look like much."

The man to his right gave a short guffaw. Having enough with the pretentious small talk, she changed the subject,

"You here to deal or talk?"

He smiled and rubbed his hands together.

"Ah yes, of course, a woman of efficiency, nice, nice… Yo! Bring it out!"

One of the two men to his left spun and forcefully yanked a satchel through the open window of the passenger's seat. He hauled it over to where he dumped it on the ground between him and his other companion. The half unzipped bag showed the cash within. Greasehead turned back to her.

"May we see the product?"

Reaching into her jacket, she removed a plastic bag of beige powder, quadruple sealed. With no small amount of hunger on his face, the man spoke,

"So could I, in theory, go ahead and just smoke that right here and now or...?"

Ilse, more in the know on chemicals then the rest, picked up the answer,

"Pretty iffy burning temp, wouldn't recommend it. Better to use it intravenously."

"Intra… huh?"

Mikasa fought down a smile as she imagined the tremendous amount of effort that was going towards preventing Ilse from sighing and rolling her eyes.

"Jam it in your arm with a needle."

Dawning comprehension spread over his face.

"Ah okay, okay, you college kids and your big words, I say… well let's make the handoff then!"

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 _That's it? Just like that?_

Joe very gently shifted his balance, feeling a marvelous amount of relief. Fast, efficient, non-volatile, and, most importantly, non-violent. Very slightly, he wondered if this job would really be so bad. As Mikasa tossed the bag to Ilse who caught it backhand without looking _(showoff)_ and began to walk toward the center of the quasi circle their groups formed, he almost immediately was slammed with karma for his thoughts.

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"Hold up."

This demand came from one of the two men who had the money between them. Ilse stopped, slowly raising hands.

"Problem?"

The man who had spoken looked to the other and nodded and they brought out matching assault rifles that had been slung behind them.

"Motherfucker…"

Ilse swore and backpedaled quickly as the group began to collectively move; Mikasa threw up a hand.

"HOLD."

Everyone ceased movement and she narrowed her eyes ever so slightly at the men.

"What's the issue boys?"

The man who had yet to speak broke his silence,

"A matter of justice. Four nights ago, you killed three of our friends."

"Fuck me in the fuck…"

Mikasa snapped silence into Ymir and the man continued,

"We don't want to waste time explaining each other; all we are interested in is the blood for blood."

They both were doing an incredibly good job keeping their cool, but Mikasa saw now the anger and hate that had billowed over into their eyes. Shooting a look to the greasehead, she was met with an exaggerated, if honest, response,

"No, no, no I don't know what's up with these guys! We were just put with them; I don't even know their names!"

Backing away from the two, he snapped his head towards the third man, who similarly shook his head, eyes wide.

Turning back to their immediate problem, Mikasa chose to speak honestly, hoping perhaps, by some miracle, she could defuse these two before hell broke loose. This was already far out of hand, and considerably more dangerous than had been expected.

 _Hange, why the fuck did you tell us no vests…_

Gesturing, she spoke without pause and with as little emotion as she could.

"When it became clear we were in a hoaxed situation, I gave the three sufficient chance to tell the truth and explain where the other half of our pay was. When we received nothing but 'I don't knows', Annie and myself took the shorter two down, intending to take the taller third in for questioning. Ymir here saw his movements as an attempt to draw…"

 _You're welcome._

"… and dropped him as well. All of this was done in our best interests and after plenty of opportunities had been granted to make light of the situation."

"And if they had been telling the truth?"

"They weren't."

This came unexpectedly from Krista who was looking unusually aggressive. The two men glanced at each other before nodding with finality.

"Regardless of whether they were telling the truth, they are dead. And you can't be forgiven for that."

 _Stupid sons of…_

She saw them begin to raise their rifles and the point of no-return came. She instinctively began to crouch, hand going for her handgun and she knew her girls were doing the same. In the area of her mind reserved for small, less important details, she noted the third man and the greasehead dive away from the soon-to-be gunfight. Her mind ignored this however; survival was much more important.

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 _Don't move._

 _Only the pair of them._

 _Wait until they start to move._

 _Wait._

 _The one on the right first, he's got the best shot at her..._

 _What?_

 _Stop it._

 _Not a good time._

 _Wait…_

…

 _Move. Now._

 _._

 _Don't miss._

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BANG.

She just managed to get her gun up and ready as the two men toppled over, clearly dead.

She looked towards Annie, towards Ymir, towards Krista, towards Ilse and Sasha. They all had their firearms up as well, but they too were looking at each other in muffled confusion. Then the greasehead cried out,

"Man, please don't kill us! We didn't know what they were gonna do! Look, just let us go with the drugs, it's all good, they dead now!"

 _What…_

She realized then that he was talking to Joseph, who didn't look like he had moved; gun smoke swirled about him. He looked shocked as well, but then spoke with menace she hadn't before heard.

"Then I suggest you do it quickly before any more time gets wasted."

Not waiting for further admittance, he gestured wildly at his remaining man who sped to the car. Greasehead himself then stumbled forward and picked up the powder Ilse had dropped to grab her gun, sprinted to the now started car, and the pair drove off as quickly as was feasible. Only muddy tracks, two dead bodies, and a sack of cash remained.

The gun's echo began to fade.

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 **Four Minutes Prior**

One by one they filed out and around both sides of the truck. Joe made to do so, but as he did, Krista grabbed his upper arm, restraining him with surprising strength.

"Wait."

He did so and met her eyes as he turned back. Quickly and discreetly, she reached out and tucked the same Colt he had fired yesterday into his front pocket. He looked down at it and then back at her in confusion.

"Just… don't use it unless you have to."

 _Huh?_

"How will I…"

She moved her hand to his forearm and squeezed.

"You'll know."

With that, she scrambled out the back and turned around the side of the truck Ymir had. He paused to wonder why she was being so… kind. Shaking his head, he agreed with his instinct that now was not the time to question it. Glancing at the gun, he realized he hadn't been given any instructions on what to do now that they were here.

 _When in Rome…_

Gathering his wits, he bounded out before his survival instinct got the better of him, bringing down the door behind him.

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 **Now**

Tried to rationalize what had just happened. Couldn't. All he really felt was hollow; not sad, not angry, not hyped on adrenaline. Just very empty.

 _You killed them._

He had to. They could have killed him back just as easily.

 _You just put bullets in their heads. Just like practicing with empty milk jugs and watermelons._

What if he hadn't? Would he be dead now?

 _You think they had families? People to go home to?_

It was a dangerous line of work, they shouldn't have tried to…

 _You're a murderer._

As he shook the voices from his head, he realized the gunshots still hung in the air, taunting him. The Colt felt like a cannonball in his pocket. He also came to realize all eyes were, once again, on him. He didn't return a single gaze; didn't trust himself to.

For a moment he felt weightless and wondered if this was his mind playing with his realm of physicality. Then he noticed the hand on his throat and his legs being kicked out from under him an instant before his back met the ground.

Momentarily the pain pulled away his memory and he wished it simply would just wash away the past week of his life. He had little time to dwell on this as Annie's voice came crashing down on him. It wasn't yelling, but the anger was clear as she spoke.

"You want to explain exactly why you were carrying more than what you were given?"

He opened his mouth but found himself improperly able to form words, let alone figure out an explanation. This lack of a response earned his head a brief but violent meeting to the ground; black flashed before him as she demanded again with more force,

"Get talking."

She drew his head back again, but before it made contact, Krista shouted out beyond his view,

"Stop! I gave it to him."

He was released none to gently and he made no attempt to stop himself from crashing back to the ground; staring blankly at the sky, he listened to the conversation that followed while absorbing none of it.

 _You're a murderer._

"What did you say?"

"Mika, back off her."

"Get out of my way Ymir."

"Stop, both of you!"

Quiet, followed by a small portion of foot shuffling.

"Hange pulled me inside before we left, gave me the gun, and told me to give it to him before we arrived."

"She… what?"

"She told me to do it discreetly; no one was supposed to know."

Ymir sounded in,

"What… in the fuck…"

Footsteps moved quickly towards him; again possible violent repercussions were avoided by Krista's voice,

"He doesn't know anything! Hange and I were the only ones."

Silence for several seconds before Ilse broke it,

"So… if I'm getting this straight, like in my head right now, we were not only misinformed on who we would be meeting, we were also put in unnecessary danger, without vests mind you… over a test?!"

"So it would seem."

Sasha spoke for the first time; she sounded further off as though she had turned away in anger,

"Well I must say, I'm less than thrilled about this turn of events. How the hell do we know…"

"Enough."

Mikasa spoke clearly and calmly, voice still devoid of emotion.

"Get the money, the bodies, the guns and load them up. We need to get back."

"Wait, are we not…"

"As soon as we've finished what we came out here to do, don't think we're not going to find out exactly what the fuck this was."

Sets of footsteps moved off around him, setting to work; one moved up to his left. He opened his eyes to see Ilse looking down at him with a combination of worry and suspicion. She extended a hand and he took it mindlessly, brain still flying very much on autopilot. Hauling him to his feet, she waited a moment before speaking quietly,

"Not sure what you've going on, but I will say: that was pretty impressive."

Attempting vainly to draw breath to speak, he was surpassed by Mikasa who called out from behind the truck,

"Take his guns."

Throwing a look behind her, she obliged, pulling the Colt from his front right pocket and the 1911 from his back. Before striding to the back of the truck, she added,

"If you really have nothing to hide, you have nothing to worry about."

This consolation, while registered, did nothing to fill the tremendous void now placed where he imagined his heart was.

He remained standing there, eyeing the ground blankly, until ordered to climb back into the truck. He did so, finding himself eager to leave. The cargo door slammed shut, but not before a final whisper from the forest slithered into his ear.

 _Murderer._

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"Sash, you look desperately like you need to ask something."

Fist met desktop.

"Someth… a hundred somethings! Did you know those two jerkoffs were meeting us?! Why did you have us not vest?! Why did you have Krista sneak Joseph that Colt?! Why tell only her?! Who exactly were they?! Why… why hide any of it?!"

Hange sat back slowly allowing Sasha's chest to slow in its heaving and for the question's echoes to quiet. Ymir had considered reaching forward to restrain her but, frankly, she was considerably angry as well. She wanted answers.

Her hands were on Krista's shoulders as her friend sat in one of the two chairs in front of their boss's desk. The other was occupied by Joseph, who could have passed for a catatonic. The rest of them stood around the desk in a tense, angry circle, waiting for a response.

"Well let's start from the beginning. I knew of them, yes. They were chummy with the three you knocked off. So, despite being with two separate buying groups, they apparently knew each other well."

She smiled very softly before delivering her bombshell.

"I had you not vest because none of you were in any danger. The third man with them was planted by me; he mentioned via text prior that the he had overheard the two talking about pulling on you during the deal; he filled every one of their guns with blanks before the meet. I had Krista give Joe the Colt because I wanted to see how he would react with nearly no one aware he had it, in a situation he presumed as life or death. Acting on his own, without pressuring from any of you, I knew would gauge his ability to act on the spot."

She smiled further at the disbelief on the faces of her girls. Ymir tightened her grip on Krista's shoulders.

"Why her?"

A soft laugh.

"I flipped a coin."

Ilse followed her in slow, building laughter, followed by Sasha. Ymir ran a hand through her hair before allowing herself to chuckle along. A moment later, Krista joined her. Looking right she saw Annie smiling towards the ground shaking her head and Mikasa looking… well, more distraught. Granted her face had always been without any clear feeling, so the now slightly furrowed brow indicated something else had not been resolved. Hange caught this as well.

"Mika?"

She shifted balance before speaking.

"So you concocted this master plan as an experiment of sorts…"

"Yes, I suppose you could say that."

"What was the outcome of that experiment?"

Said challengingly. Ymir wondered what the problem was. Hange, too, shifted in her seat.

"Well, before I finally assess anything… Annie could you give us all a brief autopsy? You were the one who took the bodies in, yes?"

The blonde nodded and answered cleanly and accordingly.

"They both died of gunshots to the head; the taller above the right eye and the other a little above between the eyes."

Hange nodded then addressed the group as a whole.

"Anyone see him shoot?"

No responses indicated appropriately. Krista quietly mentioned after a brief silence,

"Sounded like one shot."

Soft, brief exhales indicated agreement from the others. Hange turned to Joseph,

"Well it would seem you handled yourself to the best of my expectations."

No response or eye contact.

 _He's taking it hard._

It had shaken her up too, her first kill; Ymir had gotten over it fairly quickly though. So had the others. Perhaps he had a bigger heart than she had thought.

 _Or we just all came into this fucking heartless._

Then, as a fair surprise, he spoke,

"Can I leave?"

It wasn't as question as much as a statement; if a question had been asked, it was more along the lines of, " _How much resistance am I about to get as I force myself out the door?_ "

With no surprise evident, Hange responded,

"Certainly; I suppose I ought to thank you for performing so well today. We'll be in touch in regards to the next time we'll need you… Ymir could you…?"

Not even angry that she was on carpool again, Ymir made to head to the door, but his response stopped her dead.

"I'll walk, thanks."

Getting to his feet with an air of drunkenness, he turned sharply and moved to exit. Krista called after him,

"…Do you know where…?"

"I'll… figure it out…"

The door closed behind him and Ymir felt as though she wasn't watching a young man walk away.

 _More like a shell._


	6. Chapter 6

_Sometimes… reality hits harder than anything._

Staring after the seemingly broken individual who had just departed, it took a good three attempts for Mikasa's attention to be brought back forward.

"Sorry?"

"I was just going to let you know that your next delivery will be two nights from now."

"Alright."

"These guys are wanting to meet further out and will be picking up two batches of horse. It'll be later… sometime around eleven."

"Sounds good."

When nothing further was said, Ymir clapped her hands together in finality.

"Nice, awesome. So, who wants to get some hooch?"

As the girls resounded their consensus, it was not lost on Mikasa how Ymir's eyes followed her closely.

"Yea, let's do it."

She made to follow them, but stopped with a foot out the door as she heard her name.

"Mika, can I talk to you before you go?"

Before heeding the request, she addressed her friends who had turned back in puzzlement.

"You guys go on ahead, I'll take the other car and meet you there."

Closing the door behind them, she turned and walked back to the front of Hange's desk. Unsure of whether or not she should sit, she remained standing slightly in front of the right chair. Her boss laced her fingers and leaned forward.

"So how does he work?"

For the first time in what felt like years, Mikasa felt herself at a slight loss of what exactly she would say, despite knowing exactly what the question would be beforehand. She answered regardless,

"I mean, he's obviously a natural of sorts… able to ad lib well if needed… other than not knowing where the gun came from initially, he gave me no reason to distrust him… but… well, I guess he works fine."

"But what?"

"Pardon?"

"I heard a 'but' in there somewhere…"

"I… don't know… just came out, nothing to it."

Hange smiled knowingly.

"There's never 'nothing to it' with you, Mika."

The black haired girl sighed with a slight air of frustration.

"He's just… well, it doesn't seem like he is even… I don't know if he'll fit with what we have going on, he's very… think of it like… I have trouble thinking about what could happen if… I… he just isn't…"

"Stop."

She did, feeling a shot of surprise; she had been pacing.

"I'm not surprised you doubt his ability to work as a team. With dedication. With trust. But you need to remember: you just met him. And he just killed for the first time in his life. You, Annie, and Ilse came in with that hurdle already jumped and the others had weeks to bond before taking that step. And they all took time, but they did come around."

She gestured towards the door.

"In a matter of just a few days, he's had more cherries popped than he may ever have been ready for. Like in his whole life."

Mikasa nodded towards the ground.

"Give him some time is all I'm asking. If he still isn't… compatible, I'll figure something out."

 _Like getting rid of him._

Swallowing, she raised her eyes to make contact,

"What do you see in him?"

Hange broke the contact relatively quickly.

"For now… promise. I can't explain better than that."

Leaning back, she concluded,

"Go on now."

Not saying a word, but showing her understanding with another nod, she turned and exited the office. She made her way down the hall to the stairwell that emptied into the garage. The first car was gone as expected and she climbed into the second.

 _I can't…_

Starting it up, she opened the massive door and drove out. Putting it in park, she closed the door behind her and blew out a long sigh. Fixing her eyes on the mountains, which were shadowed with what looked like a coming storm, she laid back on the head rest.

She sat there for a very long time.

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 _It won't ever go away._

For the umpteenth time between quick breaths, Joe thanked whoever was listening for ensuring that his roommate was staying the night at a friend's. He had been pacing rapidly around his room, shaking slightly, for what must have been two hours now.

The lights were off; he thought they may have helped calm him, but all they did was give him less distraction, something he desperately needed. And yet, he couldn't bring himself to flip the switch.

 _It's your fault._

Feeling nauseous yet again, he composed himself as best he could and headed down the hall to the bathroom where he stayed bent over the toilet for several minutes. Achieving nothing other than a thorough inspection of the contents of the bowl, he staggered back to his dorm and slid against the door as it closed. Letting the darkness wrap him up again, he slumped to the ground as the shaking became worse.

In his mind, all he could see were the angry faces of the two he had put down like animals. If he closed his eyes long enough, their families would arrive at the forest clearing and wail over them.

And he would just stand there.

When they finally rose angrily and charged him, he opened his eyes in fear to meet reality once again. After not long, the pain would grow to a point where he jammed his eyes shut and the cycle would repeat.

Placing his head in his hands, he wondered if this was what it was like to turn into a psychopath.

"We all went through it too, you know."

He jumped, in surprise and in anger. In this moment of weakness, the thought of being watched nearly provided him with enough strength to rise, but his attempt was met with failure and he crashed back to the floor, still leaning against the door. His voice didn't sound like his own, raspy and tinged with anger, as he tried to speak,

" _Who…"_

Even as he spoke, his mind had already identified the speaker. For the second time, Mikasa had managed her way into his room and was presumably somewhere on his roommate's side of the room; the dark made it more or less impossible to pinpoint exactly where. He gathered his words,

"Well, the difference there is that you all got over it somehow."

"So will you."

He attempted to put out a disbelieving laugh, but it wouldn't form, let alone come out.

"So I… was tricked into killing today."

"You were tested."

"By being tricked."

"Yes. We were all tricked."

He clenched his teeth and dug his fingers into his scalp. It wasn't fair… or maybe it was, he didn't know. He was losing the ability to give a shit anymore. She spoke up again,

"This will pass. Right now your mind is on fire and you don't think you'll ever be whole again."

" _I won't_."

He snarled these words brutally and then leaned forward as a hollow chuckle escaped,

"You should probably just kill me now."

Silence for several seconds.

"Why?"

"Because I'm devolving into a madman and you don't want a madman working for you."

"You're not turning into a madman."

He let out a growl which grew into furious words,

"Look, I don't know exactly what shit you've been through in your life that makes you so goddamn indifferent to extermination of your fellow man… ANY of you… but I'm not so lucky. I've…"

Choked back a genuine and involuntary shudder.

"I've actually had a great fucking life. I've bitched plenty, but that's only because I've had it so easy. The best family I could ask for, never been wanting for anything, hardly any personal problems… and now just… outta the fucking blue… that life has been turned to shit. And I know it's all my fault. And you may be thinking 'Oh you just need to grow up' or whatever, but THAT'S NOT ME."

He held the sobs back, but the tears couldn't be stopped now.

"I've been press ganged into working with a group of people who won't bat an eye killing someone in their way. And should I decide that maybe I don't want that, I'm one of those someone's."

He shook his head.

"Got nowhere to go."

Silence followed his outburst and he allowed it to remain. He didn't have any more to say, honestly. Then he heard his roommate's bed shift.

"No."

He felt confusion amidst the torrential vortex of hell that swirled through him.

"What?"

"If you want out, I… I can theoretically fake a suicide pretty easily to get you out of the eyes of our operation. Nothing public, nothing… nothing that would ever come to light anywhere else. And through some tinkering I could get you a relatively easy transition to a college back home or in some other state after this semester. You'd just have to remain relatively recluse until then."

He tried to figure out if he really was mad or if he had actually heard that.

"If you really want that, I can grant it."

Determining his ears were still functioning appropriately, he engineered a reply,

"You're serious about that."

"Yes."

Pulled himself up slightly.

"Why?"

"Hmm?"

"Why would you do that for someone you barely know?"

She waited awhile before responding.

"I don't know."

Still confused, but no less resigned, he recessed back down the door.

"I… it's too late. There's no going back. If you had asked me twelve hours ago, maybe, but now… "

He felt his face contort angrily.

"I have to stick this out. I got myself into this and it's… too late. I killed… I'm a… murderer. Just a fucking killer. I'm just gonna have to do my damnedest to… live with it."

With his self-restraint finally toppling, he found his body start shaking and his eyes began to burn worse. He let it happen, didn't fight it. Who cared if she heard or saw this embarrassing display.

Through his low key hysterics, he heard her lower herself from his roommate's bed and walk quietly towards him. Assuming she had had enough and was looking to leave, he did his best to lean to the right to let her.

Unexpectedly, he felt his head collide softly with what must've been her shoulder as she slid down next to him. Before he could react in any way, she drew her arm around him and pulled him against her and when he didn't resist, her other arm followed suit. She said nothing, just held him. Along with his now uncontrollable sobs, he felt a short laugh leak out.

 _What the fuck is going on?_

As he cried into her chest, he noticed she smelled very… familiar. Not of perfume or any applicable product; it was a nostalgic smell and his memory told him it was that of a farm. Maybe one out in the woods. He thought back to traveling to his friend's ranch when he was very young, playing flashlight tag in the woods and climbing what felt like miles up stacked hay. The smell seemed more… clean than some standard farm though. He contemplated this as she began to rock him gently, finally lowering him into much-needed, much-feared sleep.

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"And there she is!"

"Only took you nine years…"

Mikasa slid into a seat between Ilse and Annie at the lifted table they always occupied.

"What in the world did the boss want?"

"Yea even if ya'll had been fucking, that was still a long-ass time…"

Ymir promptly blew out a laugh, barely swallowing her drink in time as Sasha and Krista both dropped exaggerated 'Ooooooo's'. Mikasa shot Ilse a look before their waiter rolled up.

"Good to see you ma'am, your friends weren't sure you'd make it!"

She raised her eyes to the ceiling in annoyance as snickers picked up.

"How many times am I going to have to ask you to not call me 'ma'am' before you take the hint?"

"Well, my apologies, I had always assumed that was polite and appropriate to call…"

"No, it isn't… makes us feel old…"

Before this turned into a debate, she switched subjects,

"Aunt Roberta… quickly, please."

"Right away ma…"

He caught himself as she turned to glare, and he turned heel and sped off. Sipping what looked like a White Russian, Ilse shook her head.

"He is something else, isn't he?"

"Hmm… he's one polite mannerism away from adding 'Not at all Mr. Torrance' to the end of every thanks…"

Krista laughed harder than any of them at this, and Mikasa noticed she was a little tipsier than was normal on these nights.

Returning promptly with her drink, their server placed it before her; it barely touched the table before she grabbed it and moved it to her mouth. As he moved away to let them be, Sasha regained control of herself, as she grabbed his attention,

"Wait… hang on, hang on…. are you,"

She burst out laughing again, but managed to hold it down just enough to ask her question,

"Hold up, hold up… who had your position before you started working here?"

He frowned in confusion as he opened his mouth, then closed it. Mikasa could see his mind working hard to figure out what he should respond with. He opened his mouth again,

"Well… I'm afraid I'm not quite sure… I'm not sure if anyone had this particular position before me…"

With an incredible amount of restraint, Sasha held back her laughter as she dramatically lowered her voice,

"That's because… you are the waiter here. You've _always_ been the waiter here."

The other residing patrons found themselves looking over now at the table of laughing women who were increasing in noise. Mikasa found herself unable to keep back laughter herself, though she wondered how many more 'Shining' references she would have to endure before the night's end.

As their waiter skedaddled and calm returned to the table, serious thoughts returned to the minds of all. Ymir was the first to put those thoughts into words,

"So… that new guy huh."

A few 'hmm's' and slow nods. Ilse was the first to respond verbally,

"What's everyone think?

She shrugged to no one in particular.

"Think … he could fit?"

As she was met with surprised faces, she immediately tried to correct course,

"I'm just saying, you know, maybe…"

The ripping began very quickly, with Ymir leading the charge. She dramatically slapped a hand over her chest,

"Ilse! I would never have labeled you as one to be smitten so… so suddenly!"

Krista leaned over the table,

"Why… I doeth believe she hath changed eyes!"

"Doeth thou thinketh she hath truly fallen?"

Ilse sipped her bone dry glumly while Sasha roared into the crook of her arm.

"Alright, everyone needs to say less things…"

Annie smirked at her with a knowing look,

"Let's be perfectly honest: you set that up real nicely for these jokers."

Despite her own smile, Mikasa snapped quiet into her friends,

"C'mon guys, we're pretty valued customers here, but it's not that late yet."

As the laughter faded into chuckles, Sasha gave an honest answer,

"I mean, he's a bit of loose cannon, isn't he?"

Surprised, Mikasa found Annie beating her to the defense,

"You mean because he did exactly what we were all trying to do?"

"Well… okay, objectively, no issues. But as a part of a team? Someone we'll be able to rely on?"

Ymir followed suit,

"Yea he left pretty… well, messed. And I know, we all had some sort of fixing to be done after our first… but damn, I don't remember being a mummy."

Ilse nodded, eyes narrowing slightly as she thought back.

"No, you had a bad case of the shakes for the rest of the night. No issues the next day or since. Krista cried for a bit, but she actually recovered faster than you. And Sash, well… I'm sure we all remember that."

She smiled into her glass, not meeting Sasha's fiery gaze.

"He'll come around. Then we'll see."

"What if he doesn't?"

Ilse shrugged.

"Then I guess we can't use him, can we?"

She sipped again, eyes lowering to the table,

"If he does though… do we send him off or nah?"

No one wanted to answer, regardless of the surely shifting opinions they all had. After waiting a good while, she went ahead and answered herself,

"I mean… not gonna lie… would be nice to have someone that fast around."

Mikasa was slightly amazed that no jokes came from Ymir or Sasha; instead Krista added her thoughts,

"Would be nice to have someone like that watching our backs … "

"He might take some getting used to… I don't know if he'll ever really be 'one of us' or whatever… but I mean, we can give him another job or two, yea?"

Ymir's agreement with Krista was not unexpected, though Mikasa wondered if she meant it. Sighing, she let her own thoughts out,

"Hange said she saw promise in him. I don't imagine you guys have forgotten the last time she saw 'promise' in someone."

A heavy air of malaise settled over the group. Leaning back and meeting each of their gazes, she finished,

"I don't plan on requesting that he be moved… yet. I know we all know what happened the last time this happened, but I won't lie, I see something in him too."

She felt the mellow surprise from several of them, but didn't pay it any mind.

"I don't know what yet. Let's give him some more time to… sort himself out. Then we'll see."

"…But what if…"

"Sash, I know your ass is still sore. But that's how we're doing this."

Throwing down the rest of her drink, she waved over their old-fashioned server.

"What I do know… is I'm gonna need a lot more of this."

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His eyes snapped open, moments before the voices drove him to pull the trigger.

He was in his bed, and for a brief, hopeful moment, he wondered if it had all been a sick dream and in a frenzy to wake up and determine truth from nightmare, he rolled right out of his lofted bed.

Crashing to the floor after the six foot drop, his shoulder and thigh erupted in pain and he spent a good minute or so swearing into the ground. After concluding that what would surely be some serious bruising was the worst of his injuries ( _lucky_ ), he hauled himself up and took a deep breath.

He looked around his room. Nothing was where it shouldn't be, laptop, TV, textbooks, jacket… he then turned to the door and saw a sticky note slapped on it. Its existence verified what he already knew and was simply trying now to deny; walking slowly over to it, he blinked several times to wake his eyes.

 **Joseph,**

 **Our next drop will be the night after this. You'll be picked up at 4 as we'll need to go over several things prior.**

 **Your cut is behind your dresser.**

It hadn't been signed, but it didn't take a genius to figure out the author. Removing the note, he ducked under his bed and felt behind the dresser. His fingers eventually made contact with a small envelope; opening it, he pulled free four hundred dollar bills and a fifty. He stared at it for some time while his mind raged.

As he hid the money, his brain was screaming at him to run away, to call the police, to cry, to hide, to get ahold of his parents. As the mad fire burned, every one of these options seemed reasonable. But as he straightened, he did none of these things.

Calmly undressing, he grabbed his towel from the rack and went to shower.


	7. Chapter 7

_Blood blanketed the pavement in a horrible and mesmerizing way. The kid wouldn't stop crying, wouldn't just shut up… Sash stepped forward and swept him up an away; he kicked and bit her, but her eyes and mind were elsewhere._

" _Ymir, c'mon!"_

 _She shook free of her stupor and raced forward, grabbing one arm while Annie took the second. As they dragged her raging body away, Ilse came forward to examine… well, what was left. Krista had joined Sasha in trying to calm the kid; her voice was shaking as she tried._

 _Ymir helped force her down to one knee; Annie sounded angrier then ever she had heard._

" _Get a fucking grip! Do you have any idea what you're fucking doing?!"_

" _Like I haven't just done him a fucking favor! Get your goddamn… !"_

 _She struggled hard and looked up to meet Ymir's eyes and… and…_

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Krista woke to intelligible moans; as her eyes opened, she looked to the right of the bed where Ymir was in clear discomfort.

She sighed.

This wasn't even close to the first time this had happened. Ymir, so tough and brutal out among others, but in here, she may have been more vulnerable than any of them.

Krista reached out and gently took her friend's hand. She wouldn't wake Ymir with this clear level of distress plaguing her. The last time she had tried, she had immediately received a black eye and was on the ground with hands around her throat before her friend came fully to her senses. It pained Krista greatly to let her friend suffer like this, but this part normally didn't last long.

Eventually, the shakes and moans gave way to unsteady breathing and Krista allowed herself to gently wake her.

"Ymir… c'mon girl, wake up…"

As was expected, Ymir jerked up into a sitting position and promptly relapsed into panting and shaking. Her sweat held her shirt tightly to her as her grip on Krista's hand tightened tenfold. Ultimately, the breathing slowly calmed, the shakes receded, and the soft whirr of the fan reasserted its place as the primary noisemaker of the room.

Swallowing, Ymir lowered her forehead into her other hand.

"…Sorry…"

Krista smiled, though she knew it couldn't be seen; she compensated by giving her friend's hand a squeeze.

"It's okay. It's been awhile since the last one."

She paused, then asked hopefully,

"Do you think they… they could be going away?"

Ymir laughed through a closed mouth,

"I don't know… could be. No way they'll ever piss off for good, but I guess… maybe… recession is possible."

She shook her head in the blackness.

"God… I'm so sorry Krista. I don't know why… why they affect me so badly, why they still do, but… I don't know what I can do about it."

"I know… I know."

Krista moved herself over behind Ymir and pressed her friend's back down, driving her thumbs into her upper back. She shifted around until a low groan ensured she had found the right point, and she began massaging, slow and hard.

"We all have ghosts. And we don't need to try and get rid of them; we just have to find our ways of dealing with them."

It was a good minute before she got a response,

"But I can't expect you to have to deal with something that's completely my…"

 _She can't keep beating herself up over this._

"I've told you plenty of times: it's not a problem for me."

"How can…?"

She was cut off as Krista twisted herself around Ymir's body and connected their lips. And, then, everything seemed right with the world; just them and each other. After several seconds, she pulled away and stroked Ymir's face.

"Nothing makes me happier than being here for you. No matter the reason."

She felt some of the tension leak out of her friend as she lay back down with a relieved sigh; Krista followed suit. She nestled close and as they both drifted back to sleep, she heard a soft, relaxed sigh,

"Nothing makes me happier than knowing that."

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The sunlight woke her instead of her phone; upon checking it, she saw the battery was dead.

Rolling onto her back, Mikasa stretched and swore in pain as her back arched. He had not been gentle last night. She closed her eyes, willing away the memories and focusing only on what was to come as opposed to what had passed. Naked, she stood up and, while moving to her closet, she caught sight of her shadow.

The radiant sunlight created a more perfect frame than anything else could. The subtle yet clear tone of her muscles, the curves of her breasts and her hips, the streaks of her hair, each individual finger: all encapsulated perfectly in the shadow. As she pulled her gaze away, she couldn't help but feel that the adumbration had more in common with her then just an outline.

Pulling her charger from the pocket of her jacket and plugging it into the single outlet the room possessed, she proceeded to yank open her closet door. In her brief morning haze, however, she had forgotten that this particular door was the loudest in the house as she was promptly reminded of by a single, cacophonous screech.

She jammed her eyes shut and hissed angrily at herself,

"Shitfuck…"

She froze with her hand still on the handle as the noise faded away, praying she hadn't alerted…

 _Sunuvabitch…_

She heard the soft steps of her mother coming down the hallway and sighed in defeat. They stopped at what must have been the room's open door.

"Honey? How… how are you?"

Her mother's broken, whispered voice drove a spike into her gut; she ignored it.

"I'm fine mom. Just running a little late."

"Your father had to leave early… you don't need to worry about sneaking…"

"I know, he mentioned last night."

"Oh… oh right. I had forgotten."

As she stood with her back to her mother, Mikasa knew what she was looking at. The scars would never stop hurting her mother just as her father would never stop hurting her.

"Do you want some… breakfast before you go?"

Fully ready to say she was okay, Mikasa stopped herself at the last moment,

 _Don't. Not this time._

"I… yea just a little something."

"Okay, I'll …get on it…"

As the soft steps retreated back towards the stairs, she tightened two lethal fists, willing her anger back down. She opened her eyes to the sound of a muffled flutter.

Looking out of the old window, she saw a crow perched on the sill. After eying the bird for several seconds, she took a few slow steps towards it.

It was big for a crow, black and streamlined, and wasn't making any obnoxious noises like they sometimes would do in the morning. It was just… looking in. Towards her it seemed, but she felt its attention was focused elsewhere. Inside of her perhaps. Or behind her.

She turned on instinct; nothing there but a mirror. Turning back to the bird, she found it gone. She didn't fail to notice how silently it had left. Turning back to the mirror, she noticed her hardened nipples, the raised bumps on her arms, and the drawn up hairs.

As she dressed, she felt strange that her body had acted as such; she hadn't been feeling cold at all.

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The cafeteria, as per usual, was close to empty around two in the afternoon; this suited Joe as well as anything. The Wi-Fi thick areas were open, it was quiet, and there was no mob stealing his pizza. The timing had been an issue in figuring out last semester, but he had since isolated the periods where he could be the least bothered.

As he dropped his meal on the table and rolled up his sleeves, he tried to ignore his anxiety that had been rolling about within him for the last forty-eight hours. Shortly, he would be off on his second… operation. Though he couldn't pinpoint why, his tension was higher than he recalled it being from the first.

Maybe it was because maybe they would expect more out of him. Maybe they would further distance themselves from him. Maybe they would try and set him up for failure or just… kill him. Maybe they didn't think he could be trusted.

He laughed inwardly.

 _Hell, I can't even trust myself._

He heard it distantly.

 _Murderer._

Attempting to put away these thoughts at least for the time being, he put his mixed drink to his mouth for a big swig; as such, he was only able to see out of the corner of his eye to watch Ilse slide in the booth next to him.

She patted him fervently on the back as he coughed down the fluid. He fumbled for a napkin to deal with his now teared up eyes as he choked down the last of the surprise. As he wiped away the water from his eyes, she gave his back a final, aggressive rub before speaking,

"It would appear that you were not expecting me to join you for some chow."

Finding himself now properly recovered, he quickly straightened to whip his head around, eyeing every part of the cafeteria he could see.

"Chill out man, I'm here by myself."

Only partially comforted by this assurance, he finally turned to meet her gaze,

"And uh… why exactly is that?"

"Why am I alone?"

"No… I mean, why are you here at all?"

She turned away to the meal she had brought herself with a look of mock hurt on her face.

"Well, get rude immediately why don't you."

 _Killer._

She forked down a bite of salad before looking back to him. Seeing an obvious not-in-the-mood-to-play-games face, she smiled as she swallowed,

"I'm your driver today and I had some spare time… figured I may as well stop by and see how you were holding up."

Pressing away his confusion, his outward emotion became that of attentive, yet cautious. He replied nonetheless,

"I appreciate that, though I can't possibly imagine why."

She turned her glass slowly.

"You weren't exactly doing well when you left the other night."

He managed to give a short laugh before he sarcastically responded in a low tone, reaching for his plate,

"Really. I was under the sense that I hid it very well."

It was her turn to give him a hard look as her tone turned hard,

"I'm serious Joseph. You took a huge step few days back, one that some people can't recover from."

"Yea, a step… in which direction though…"

She leaned back and shrugged,

"You have to decide that."

"Yea I guess so."

He felt her eyes watching him carefully as she continued,

"So… how are you doing?"

He looked back at her.

"Are you being serious?"

"Yes."

"Hmm… forgive me, but… I have a hard time believing you give even the smallest shit how I'm doing. I'm an outsider, one none of you want around."

It came off harsher then he had intended, but, instead of regret, a heavy indifference welled in him. She didn't seem to take offense,

"If you want to be that way, fine, I get it. But I'm one of the only people you can talk to about… anything that's happened."

"I hardly know you."

"True. That's how everyone is before they start talking to each other though."

Coughing softly, she reached for a napkin,

"Also you come from Alaska, but were born in Colorado, your family was previously military, your birthday is in eight days, and you frequent the movies often, mostly on Mondays and Wednesdays."

An overwhelming sense of tension smashed him and he didn't trust himself to speak. Instead, he shook his head slowly and let the silence hang for several moments. She waited for a bit before seeming to decide that he wasn't going to say anything. She began to eat again and, after watching her for a good minute, he followed suit.

He spent another minute sitting on the question before sucking it up,

"How… how was it for you?"

She replied without looking at him,

"Killing?"

"Yes."

She inhaled slowly through her nose,

"Not good. Although I don't imagine it is for anyone, except maybe a few of those natural born psychopaths."

Meeting his eyes, he felt to seriousness of the statement that followed,

"I'm about to be very honest and very open. I don't imagine you need me to say anything beyond that regarding discrepancy."

Keeping the gaze, he nodded slowly and firmly. She looked away and continued,

"No, it was not easy for me. That is for damn sure. After it happened… well, the pain just wouldn't go away. Wouldn't just fuck off. Started drinking. Tried some drugs. Even…"

She rolled up her sleeve to the elbow and beyond very fair skin and the start of a tattoo, Joe saw a myriad of precise, even scars. He met her eyes and she shrugged,

"You can say I nearly went the distance in killing my fucking body. Didn't find closure until I met up with Ymir again. The two of us go back to early high school."

She scratched the back of her head with what seemed to be a touch of embarrassment,

"We were the uh… the assholes, you could say, of the school. Didn't really make friends, didn't need em. Anyway… that's not important, other than we dropped out of touch after we graduated. So, I meet her at a bar one night and we get to chatting and catching up. I mention I was having trouble with college and finding a job and she asks me if I was still good with a gun. From there… well, I'm sure you can guess."

Her eyes glazed slightly as she looked up at nothing in particular,

"Those girls… they've been family. I know, I know, you probably still think we're a bunch of heartless bitches with no room for emotion, but… we're not. We've just grown up a lot faster than most. And know how to deal with a lot more than most."

 _I think… I think she really is … why, she's doing this I still can't fathom. I'm nobody to her._

He let the confession hang in the air before proceeding with a new, yet careful confidence; he knew she was waiting for him to ask.

"…Why… did you kill…?"

The smile she gave was a very humorless one,

"There… was a house two down from mine. This was almost four years ago. Sometimes, I would head into the woods behind the neighborhood and would take a path that would lead me behind the houses. And sometimes… I would hear noises. Nasty ones. Eventually, I got curious. Snuck up behind the house to where I could get a good look through a window and… well, I saw a mother beating the hell out of one of her kids. There were three, I guess she was single."

While the story continued, he could see old anger building behind her eyes,

"There came a point where… I guess I reached a crossroads. I wanted to call the police, but I was scared of what would happen if… you know, if nothing came of it. I couldn't tell my parents because… well, they didn't beat me or nothing like that, but they were definite grade-A assholes. Didn't like seeing me or hearing me much. So after weeks of… hearing this, I made a choice… and went and had a little much to drink."

She laughed softly,

"I wanted to be buzzed for what I knew I was about to do. And I also didn't think I'd be able to unless I was. So… hung out in the woods until I heard those sounds… those fucking sounds and well… door was unlocked."

Shrugged.

"I never got caught, I was pretty smart about it. Contemplated turning myself in a few times though. Never did. And… well… that's that."

Despite himself, Joe realized he was believing every word. There was just too much pain under the story that made him unable to think otherwise.

As he tried strenuously to find some way, any way, to respond to this disclosure, his eyes caught several male students striding through the cafeteria entrance.

He swore on impulse,

"Oh dammit."

Coming out of whatever light stupor she had been in, Ilse glanced towards him sharply,

"What's up?"

Gesturing and turning his head away from them, he muttered,

"Roommate. With a bunch of his noisy buddies, if he sees…"

Without a word, she slid towards him, closing the distance and pressed against him, laying her head on his shoulder. Closing her eyes, she put on a content smile.

Rendered mostly speechless, he looked back towards his roommate who caught his eye. Offering only an approving nod and making an inappropriate gesture, he moved off towards the other side of the large room with his friends.

A moment later, she asked,

"Did he see?"

"Yea."

She pulled back and returned to her previous position,

"I'd say that did the trick then."

Joe raised his eyebrows and, for the first time in what felt like years, he allowed the smallest of genuine smiles to come to his face. He saw Ilse out of the corner of his eye smiling back,

"Now that's what I was looking for."

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They were now walking down the hallway towards a room Joe had not yet been in. His nerves had returned with a smoldering passion and Ilse seemed to sense this,

"Right, so try not to say anything unless you need to. I imagine everyone is going to be a lot more wary of you, but don't be surprised by any hostility. Just… play calm, pay close attention, and you'll be fine."

He stopped walking and, when she noticed he wasn't following, she stopped and turned. Nothing was said, but the question was clear in her eyes. He replied with a question of his own,

"Why… are you doing all this? Checking up on me, sharing personal stories, giving me advice… what have I done to warrant any of that?"

Ilse looked off towards the ceiling, appearing deep in contemplation. She then met his eyes,

"I actually can't give you a solid answer to that. But you are right; I'm going out on a limb for you. So, you know… don't fuck me. At least not metaphorically."

She then gave him a wink and he straightened quickly with surprise. Laughing heartily at his reaction, she took the last few paces towards the door and swung it open, ushering him inside.


	8. Chapter 8

"…So then I asked, 'well, if you really don't have an opinion on gay marriage, then why did you assert, literally three minutes ago, that you would vote against it?' And you won't believe this: he says, 'Oh well, because that's the most neutral thing to do.'"

"Hahaha, what? What the fuck?"

"Um no, the most neutral thing to do would be to, you know, not vote…"

"At that point, you either get up and leave or… jeez, well, what did you do?"

"Absolutely nothing. Just stopped talking to him."

"That is a remarkable show of self-restraint. Like for you I mean."

Ymir gave Krista an aggressive look,

"Would you care to explain what…"

"One mile out. Check and be ready."

Annie's cold order cut through Joe's stupor; he had been half wrapped up in the conversation and half transfixed on the outside view.

For this job, they had needed to drive up for a ways through some of the area's mountainous hills, and there was no lack of gorgeous scenery to attract the eye. For the moment, it was fairly sunny with a few clouds high off in the sky, but to the west, what could only be described as black clouds had amassed on the horizon. They were heading slowly and ominously towards town and Joe could have sworn at some point that he saw a distant flash within their depths.

 _Haven't seen a thunderstorm in a good long while._

Glancing down at the AK-74 he had been provided with, he cocked the slide and checked the safety in harmony with the others. The clicks and snaps of the weapons sounded for a brief moment in the armored van before the rumbling of the engine returned as the primary sound maker.

After driving a few more hundred feet, the van braked quick and hard. Mikasa turned back to address the group,

"Alright, so the meet is over that hill and past the ridge. The two trees should be visible over it. Let's move."

The doors slid open and Joe followed the others to the trunk where several camo tops waited. He stood back, waiting his turn, but as he made to reach for one of his own, Annie caught his arm and stopped him with a surprising amount of force. She gave him a smirk and Ymir copied the look,

"Not so fast big man. Take shotgun."

He stared for a moment,

"Hange said that Mikasa and Annie would deal with… "

"Ahhh, she changes plans on us, we can change plans on her."

Probably noting the look of suspicion on his face, she reached out and smashed his shoulder with a good punch before pulling the rest of her camouflage on,

"Chillax dude. We need to make sure you're flexible, can handle quick changes and the sort. Those are good skills for the bedroom too, I might add."

Sasha and Ilse snickered and Krista smiled at the ground, shaking her head in what could have been mock exasperation. He eyed each of them in turn for a second before turning and moseying up slowly to the front passenger seat. As the others closed the trunk and slid off into the high brush, he closed his door and looked over at Mikasa briefly. Her face was void of emotion, but her eyes held a comfort he couldn't quite specify. He kept the gaze until she turned her eyes back to the dirt road.

"You'll be fine."

He didn't see it, but he felt the smile in her tone,

"Just try not to scare them. We like repeat customers."

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As the two trees came into view, Mikasa braked slowly before halting a few hundred feet away from the flat area that was to be the meeting point. She killed the engine and leaned back quietly, letting the silence hold the pair of them.

The calm was beautiful.

Breaking it, she reached under the seat and pulled free the revolver that had recently ended two lives. She passed it towards him without a word; as his eyes caught sight of it, he paled slightly.

"I don't… no, I won't need it."

She raised her eyebrows,

"You won't?"

He opened his mouth as he shook his head, but no words left him. She pressed,

"How can you know that you won't?"

Before he could respond, she answered herself,

"Trick question: you have no idea. Truth is, you don't want to _need_ it. Hell, you probably don't want it, period."

Holding up the firearm, she gave it a firm shake,

"As much as you may hate this piece right now, as much as you may never want to see or hold it ever again, in your hands, this is as close to instant death as you can give any opponent."

The slightest flinch crossed his face as she immediately regretted her word choice.

 _Real fucking smooth._

Shifting tactics, she clarified,

"Look, regardless of how you feel about this, I can trust you to be faster with this than whoever we run into. So even if you won't do it for yourself, do it for me. For us, as a collective."

Letting the words sink in, she thought for a moment that he really wouldn't, but, after several seconds of pondering eye contact, he gradually reached over and relieved her of it. As he slid it out of sight, she tapped the wheel deliberately,

"Alright, let's make this happen."

They both climbed out of the van and he waited near the hood as she retrieved a shoebox sized container from the back. Locking the van, they both walked towards the trees. Beyond their footsteps, all the noise that could be heard was the long grass and nearby brush swaying from the gentle breeze. Alluringly peaceful, Mikasa was well aware of the storm that was being preceded by this pleasing weather.

Glancing towards the black clouds sliding steadily their way, she reached what she perceived as a good spot to hold. Placing the box neatly at her feet and slid her hands into her light jacket's pockets. She shifted her dark jeans to a slightly more comfortable position and focused ahead where their contact would be coming from. Though his appearance didn't give it away, she sensed how tense he was.

"Relax. Look neutral. Nothing hostile about this meeting, so we should try for a good impression."

Giving his head a slight toss, he loosened up and clasped his hands in front of him while giving both his legs slight shakes.

"Vest fitting alright?"

He nodded gently and she looked back ahead. The soft rustling of the growth around them remained the only sound for about two minutes. Then the faintest rumble of an engine joined the wind and she shifted balance. As the sound increased in volume, the roof of a grey Sedan edged up into her line of sight. Braking a good distance away, the driver killed the engine and him and another individual climbed out and marched towards them.

"Let them talk first. Shows… "

He glanced towards her as she stopped speaking abruptly,

"Shows?"

She didn't respond; she had recognized the front most individual heading towards them.

"Damn."

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Ymir edged up the ridge, only a few feet behind and to the left of Krista.

"We good?"

Moment's wait before she got a reply,

"Yup, nothing moving across. It looks like we're the only ones who came in with eyes in the sky."

Crawling up to close the distance, Ymir slid out her FAL and looked through her scope to confirm the assertion.

"Alright nice, so I guess we just get to hang out here and do jack all for ten or fifteen minutes."

She looked down the hillside a hundred or so meters away to where she knew Sash lay hidden and quietly opened the channel between them. Getting close to the mic, she barked quickly and loudly,

"SUP BITCH."

The growth shook immediately and briefly and she cackled through closed teeth as a gloved hand flipped her the bird from far off. Krista was quick to reprimand, but Ymir heard the laughter in her voice,

"Alright come on, let's not blow cover."

Peeling her gaze from the scope, Ymir smiled mischievously although Krista wasn't looking at her; she compensated by throwing some dirty undertones into her query,

"You wanna… I don't know, do something a little more fun?"

Still peering through the scope of her PSG-1, a smile appeared on Krista's face,

"How do you mean?"

"Oh, well, I mean, we could like… I don't know, maybe…"

Silencing the verbal foreplay in a single swift movement, Krista reached out with her left hand, still not looking away, and drove her fingers down Ymir's pants. Cut off completely, she ceased all noise until the fingers started working and she groaned into her sleeve. Krista giggled,

"You asked for it. Don't get too noisy though."

"Well maybe if you didn't… fuck… oh shit girl…"

She moaned louder as the clear sounds of another vehicle could be head approaching and being silenced. The blonde shook her head as she continued her overwatch,

"How about you be just be quiet and be glad that…"

The pleasure evaporated from Ymir's midsection as the hand came flashing out to adjust the scope. Her annoyance was quickly overpowered by alarm and concern; she pulled her rifle up hastily as she asked,

"What? What's up?"

After a frightened moment, Krista laughed in disbelief,

"Have a look at who's headed their way."

Ymir, who had had her sights focused on the hills and surrounding areas, moved her vision to their contact. Her concern gave way to her own disbelief,

"No fuckin' way."

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While not letting it show, Mikasa's very sudden silence had Joe considerably worried. He wasn't sure whether this was about to get hostile or not, so as the two men stopped twenty feet away, he made sure his right hand was loose. As instructed, he said nothing, simply waited tensely.

The brown haired man in the front spoke first, talking with a very high-held attitude,

"Mikasa Ackerman. How long has it been? Two, two and a half years?"

Joe could practically taste the acid in her mouth as she replied,

"Haven't been keeping track."

He loosed a repulsively arrogant smile,

"Are you as happy to see me as I am to see you?"

"I can't say."

"Awww c'mon, don't play around like that…"

"Regardless of either of our feelings Jean, you are here to conduct a deal, yes?"

 _Kill._

Flinching at the sudden voice, he did his best to keep his eyes ahead.

Leaning backwards, Jean smirked,

"You have not changed. Oh well… Marco?"

The dark haired young man from behind Jean pulled out a large yellow envelope, the thickness of which rivaled Joe's clenched fist. When he spoke, the nervousness was clear in his tone,

"That's all eighty G's."

She toed the container gently,

"And that's twelve hundred grams."

Marco shifted uncomfortably,

"Um… well then… "

He began to trot forward slowly with his other hand up. Catching a glance from Mikasa, Joe bent without shifting his gaze, lifted the container, and moved forward to meet him halfway.

Stopping a respectable distance from each other, they both slowly reached out and made the handoff. Joe never changed his focus and, for a moment, he saw something in Marco's eyes. At first, he couldn't figure it out; it was familiar yet seemed something from long past.

A curt whistle from Jean, tore him away and he turned to make his way back. Halting at her side, he clasped his hands behind his back, clutching the envelope as though it was his child. The quiet that followed didn't seem tense, it seemed more… awkward. He moved his eyes gently between Jean and Mikasa.

 _What is it with these two?_

After what seemed like minutes, she spoke with a clear finality,

"We'll be in touch."

She got only a few degrees into her turn before Jean made it apparent he wasn't done chatting yet.

"What's been up with Eren? And Armin?"

Joe heard her swallow down what could have very well been anger as she replied.

"Eren moved back to his dad's place to help out where he could; he'll be back in town at the start of April to pick his job back up at the factory. Armin got a cozy job in accounting in Great Falls for a private self-start company. He'll be visiting when Eren does."

It didn't seem she had a problem with releasing the information on two more people Joe wasn't aware of, but there was definitely a bite to the delivery.

 _Like she wants to tell him to fuck off, but doesn't want to hurt his feelings._

He heard the raised eyebrows in her question.

"Is that it?"

Another smart smile.

"When will I see you again?"

"If your people decide to start a regular relationship with us, probably more than you would otherwise."

He seemed to accept this, as well as finally acknowledging the air of dismissal that wafted towards him.

"Then I'll make it a point to ensure they do."

As he turned to swagger off, Marco following like a concerned dog, he threw one more statement over his shoulder.

"When they do come back… we should all hang out again. Try and dig up Sasha, Krista, and whoever else."

"Maybe we should."

Getting one final look at his smug face, Joe watched as the two made their way back down the hill to their vehicle. Distant door slams, the rumble of an engine, and finally, the fading of its noise, echoing away just as softly as it had come.

He waited patiently for her to move before following. Halfway back to the van, he came close, very close, to asking who Jean was. Or Eren was. Or Armin was. As the question formed on his lips, he realized that it ( _just isn't any of your damn business really)_ , and turned the query into a soft clearing of the throat at the last minute. If she was aware of his catch, she drew no attention to it.

They drove back down the road to the spot where they had dropped everyone off; they all were waiting and, even from a distance, Joe could pick up on some definite glee on the faces of Sasha and Ymir. As they stopped, he bounced out quickly to let Annie take the front again. He also sensed that some definite fireworks may be ready to fly, and he wanted nothing to do with that.

Sliding as inconspicuously as he could into the back, he waited with tension as everyone climbed in, saying not a word. As the last door shut, a momentary reign of silence assaulted the van and he prepared himself for an argument, or hell, even a fight. No words came. He tried to keep his breathing as quiet as he could.

Then, starting soft, but rapidly increasing, Sasha began to laugh. Ymir followed and was joined almost instantly by Ilse. Krista as well began to giggle infectiously and Joe could feel the bemusement on his face as he saw even Annie laughing silently and softly into a closed fist. As he pondered if they had all been off getting blitzed out of their minds, he noticed that Mikasa herself was smiling. It was a very I-can't-believe-that-just-happened smile, but it was a smile nonetheless. Ymir was the first to add actual words to the situation.

"And then BAM… outta left field, Jean Kirstein comes in with a SCHWING!"

Sasha grabbed the torch,

"Dick still in his hands, ladies and gentlemen! Dick still in his hands!"

The laughter ramped higher; Ilse practically had to yell,

"But the confidence is still there people! We still have a ball game!"

Joe, completely out of the equation at this point, attempted as much as he was able to become one with the backseat. The van finally began to roll back towards town; he jumped in surprise as a sizable raindrop smacked the window at which his face was pressed.

As the laughter finally reached a low quell, Krista noticed his sudden movement and seemed to think he deserved an explanation,

"That charming and irresistible gentleman you just got to meet happens to be a pretty consistent punchline of ours."

She wiped her eyes as she released the last of her chuckles and Ymir continued for her,

"That guy has been trying to stick his Johnson between Mika's legs since fuckin' high school."

Ymir looked up to the front of the vehicle where Mikasa shook her head, smile still on her face, before proceeding,

"Showed up sophomore year from pretty rich parents. Was pretty smart but never really applied himself I guess. Spent most of his time there trying to impress everyone and get with Mika. And maaaaaan, did he try…"

Glancing off as though taken hold by strong memories, she paused momentarily,

"Got in plenty of fights with her cousin Eren, mostly dick measuring though, nothing serious… he sort of vanished after high school and I haven't seen him since."

She laughed.

"Until today. God, I can't believe… "

She sat back biting her knuckle, clearly stunned and amused. Not seeing the danger in doing so and, somewhat suspicious, Joe asked,

"And now he just… shows up as a contact? Working for some distributor we don't know?"

The question cast a slight air of somberness over the group, but nothing potent enough to kill the general upbeat mood. Annie spoke, likely for everyone,

"It's definitely a weird coincidence for him to just show up out of the fucking blue like that, but the roots of this business are long and many. He could be moving stuff out of state or, hell, even out of country. In that regard, it can be a small world."

He displayed his acknowledgement through a low "hmm", then turned back to the window where the rainfall was slowly increasing. The silence held in the van until shortly after they hit the road again and Ilse asked,

"Yo Mika, ain't we heading back home?"

Instead of responding immediately, Mikasa turned partially towards Annie.

"Let Hange know we're gonna hit the cellar."

"Oh fuck yes…"

Ymir muttered this as the van turned towards downtown. While not wanting to be the guy asking too many questions, Joe still chose to ask,

"What's the cellar?"

Sasha smiled.

"Hope you ain't no lightweight…"


	9. Chapter 9

" _ **It is a man's own mind,**_

 _ **not his enemy or foe,**_

 _ **that lures him to evil ways"**_

 _ **-Buddha**_

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The orange light burned with an almost tangible feel; it seemed to spin in the air above him and he wondered if perhaps he reached out… maybe… maybe he could hold it. He watched it hold its position, altering only in an occasional change in brightness. Shifted his legs and prepared to reach out…

KRACK-BOOM

Halfway to his feet, the sudden crashing of thunder sent him to the ground as quickly as it happened. He lay there in a half fetal, half sitting position for several moments, allowing his heart to reobtain its normal rate. As he did, he became aware of the heavy laughter that surrounded him; as he attempted to blink focus back into his vision, he felt hands gently lift him back to his seat. When he was back in an upright position, the world came searing back with perfect clarity.

"Alright, write that down, after nine, subject lost control of basic motor functions."

Sasha mimed scribbling in response to Ilse's joke before turning to Joe and asking,

"If I had to guess… you don't get wet very often do you?"

He turned slowly towards her, mouth slightly agape; everyone waited for a response which was delivered very deliberately.

"I mean… I don't really have… like, a vagina, you know, so… not really… "

Sasha had to wait for the mirth, including her own, to die back down before clarifying,

"No, I mean getting drunk, you damn ignorant."

She leaned back with a giggle, toying her glass. Despite being significantly buzzed, he had indeed said it as a joke; pleased that it had been received well, he replied,

"Oh. Well, sometimes, but not… like, frequently, I guess."

"It shows."

 _Just die._

He stared down at his empty shot glass ( _how did it get empty?_ ) and looked hazily around the table before finding the bottle of Grey Goose.

"Where has the… aha, there you are… "

His grip closed around air however as he groped for it. Glaring at his clenched fist for a moment, he then looked beyond it to see Mikasa holding the bottle. She gave him that look that was half-concern and half-amusement.

"I think that will about do it for you, at least for tonight."

Ilse nodded as she reached out and took the Grey Goose from her friend,

"Yea you've done pretty well at keeping pace actually, but now, you need to hit the water. Or wake up to a damn lousy headache, your choice."

After pouring herself another shot, she slid the bottle down to Ymir, who poured herself and Krista one as well. The three raised the glasses and threw down the bitter liquid; Ilse clenched her eyes as she lowered her head before straightening and pummeling the table with her fist, making Joe jump slightly.

"SHIT, that is some stuff."

Ymir nodded, face pulled in a short cringe while Krista's whole body shuddered briefly. Another bone shaking crack of thunder caused Joe to snap his head towards the window where the heavy rain streaming down the window could be seen in the dim streetlights and the flashes of lightning that were growing in frequency.

 _May be the worst fucking storm I've seen._

They had pulled into the lot just as the rain had started falling consistently and within the last couple hours the sky had grown black and the storm had seemed content to settle over the town.

Upon entering, Joe had been considerably cautious; being a year and a half outside the legal drinking age hadn't deterred him from drinking privately, but in such a public domain, he had his obvious fears. Krista had noticed and reassured him,

"Don't worry, we more or less own this place. Like, we can't throw parties or start fights and whatnot, but we've been getting served whatever for a good while now. The most of us can drink legally anyway, except me, and now you."

Thusly, they had found a table nestled in the back and started bringing out the suds. Now, with the clock reading only a few past midnight, they had burned through a great deal of topics: politics, laws, gossip, guns, and a good share of funny stories. Initially apprehensive to join in the conversation, some questions, consistent urging, and some of the drink had pulled him right in.

As he had continued drinking and making merry, however, he had found himself hearing whispers. Starting off quietly, they had grown in frequency and pitch as the night had worn on. He hadn't bothered looking around; he knew their source. They originated not from any of the bar's patrons, but from the serpent within him.

Over the past few days, he had determined it didn't simply appear that day in the forest to begin tormenting him; rather, he believed it had lay dormant deep inside his soul and the two gunshots had woken it from its respite. Ever since, it had not once silenced, driving those nails of doubt and fear into his head,

 _Murderer._

 _You shouldn't even be alive._

 _They all are killers just like you._

 _Sooner or later, you'll be found out._

 _They aren't your friends, they'll betray you in a blink._

 _Murderer._

He had been able to control them in public and in class; in his room and in private, though, he would wage ferocious battle with the serpent. It was a pointless endeavor, the beast would always come out on top, for no matter how many of its whispers he quelled, more would slip in from behind, battering his consciousness into submission.

"… So what do you think Joe?"

The question caught him off guard and he turned quickly to Ilse, only saying,

"Sorry?"

A good deal of snickers and giggles followed his confusion and Ilse looked off in exasperation,

"Jesus Christ, you didn't hear a word I said, did you?"

He determined it better to be truthful then to make a larger fool of himself.

"Ah, no, I'm afraid not… "

She shook her head before repeating herself,

"I said, we need to find you a name. We all have one that we use for keeping records and the sort. In the incredibly unlikely, near-impossible, one in a million chance we ever do get busted, we don't like putting our real names anywhere. So where you would find a first, middle, and last name in our files, we all have single syllable… uhh….umm… "

Annie had volunteered to be the group's designated driver and was thusly sober enough to help finish off the sentence,

"Aliases?"

Ilse snapped her fingers in agreement,

"Yes, yes, aliases. We all have one that is somewhat based on some part of our character and I guess… well, we were talking and we think maybe it's time we give you one."

She gestured around the table in turn,

"Mikasa there is Glaive. Krista is Runt, Annie is Weld, Ymir is Red, Sasha is Stitch, and I'm Fur."

He narrowed his eyes in obvious contemplation.

"Fir… like fir tree?"

"No, fur as in fur of an animal."

"Oh I see. Runt… that seems kinda mean."

She smiled at Krista who smiled towards Joe in appreciation for the comment,

"Maybe so, but that's not the point of the names."

He nodded slowly,

"So umm… what would I be?"

Ilse leaned back and furrowed her brows,

"Well, we talked a little bit and I think we sort of narrowed it down to two possibilities, what were they like… ? Pull or… what was it?"

"Pull or Crook."

 _Murderer._

He ignored the serpent and, seeing the significance of both, he adopted a thoughtful look. Discussion began to gently break out as he considered both.

"Pull probably makes the most sense."

"Fair, but he wouldn't have even wound up here if he hadn't went with that stunt."

"He also did it well, no one even noticed him do it."

"But Pull just makes so much more sense."

"How? He's good at both."

"But he's much better at pulling then crooking."

"Well, I would argue we don't yet have a decent sample size for the latter, so you can't say for sure."

"I'm just saying that Pull makes sense."

"You keep using that word, I don't think it means what you think it means."

As Joe began to consider that maybe a clear conclusion would not be reached in any sort of timely manner, Mikasa cut in,

"I like Dust."

Everyone ceased talking and looked to her, but her eyes rested only on him, the way a surgeon eyes a patient. He stared back at her, truly not sure where that particular name had come from, but, to his surprise, Annie agreed shortly thereafter,

"Dust. I like that."

Confused, he turned towards her, question phrasing on his mouth, but before he could, the others sounded in,

"Yea, hey, that's not bad."

"Hmm… Dust..."

"Why didn't you mention that earlier…?"

They continued to speak, but his mind began to block them. He lowered his eyes, contemplating the name.

 _Dust._

Possible due to his presently buzzed mind, it still was making a general lack of sense. He wasn't sure what significance or relationship she saw between him and the word. Yet… something about it was clicking. He couldn't figure what, but it was almost as though… it gave him strength.

 _Dust._

Perhaps… perhaps the name was more than just that. Perhaps it existed to hold a higher purpose than just something he would be known offhand as.

 _Dust._

Slowly, he began to smile. That was it, he understood now. The name wasn't just a name, it was who he could become. Who he would need to become. More of an idea than just an alias. A mask.

 _Dust._

A feeling of elation began to spread through his core. He could feel Dust, as though it was a separate being, pull itself from the smoldering furnace of his heart. It easily overcame the stress, fear, and anger he had been so horribly tormented by and marched towards the serpent.

 _Dust._

The serpent turned to him now, trying to hiss of failure and pain and fear, but Dust reached out and caught it by in a powerful fist.

 _Dust._

Squirming in an attempt to free itself, the serpent began to try and tell him that she would never feel for him the way he had been starting to feel for her, but Dust crushed its throat with and flung its dead body to the ground.

 _Dust._

With its dying whispers, the serpent tried to tell him of what this path would lead him to in its finality, and Dust ground its corpse beneath its heel and scattered its remains, and voices, into oblivion.

"Joe?"

He looked up, shaking free from the battle that had just been waged within him, as another heavy roll of thunder sounded. Everyone was looking at him, but the difference being in this case that there was no small amount of concern on their faces. It didn't take him long to determine why; the smile he felt on his face was one that hadn't been present for a good while.

It probably was a little frightening.

Wiping the look from his face, he cleared his throat as Krista asked,

"Are you okay?"

Found himself surprised by the question. Inside him was a rush of emotions and thoughts that he was having trouble pinpointing a how he was feeling. He attempted to formulate the word "Fine", but it was proving more of a struggle then he had anticipated.

Then, as he opened his mouth, something else spoke for him. He knew what it was though, and didn't try to stop it.

"I'm doing excellent."

She only looked half convinced and looked over to Mikasa questioningly who very gently shook her head.

"Maybe it's time we got you home."

He found himself nodding.

"Okay."

He was vaguely aware of being escorted outside into the wet cascade and seeing a single flash make the sky momentarily bright as day. He felt himself guided into the van and felt the ground begin to move beneath him as they began to drive. He was also aware of someone's holding his arm. He felt himself being taken inside where he was urged to climb into bed. Making no attempt to fight it, he did so and heard some words of generic comfort before the door closed and he was left alone in the dark.

 _Maybe with this… I can be free._

Now, able to do so in the privacy of his own room, he let the laughing come.

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 **Two Months Later**

Lost in thought and thoroughly ignoring the papers on her desk she still had to sift through, Hange stared off towards the ceiling where the single incandescent bulb lit her office in an orange glow. Some would say that, combined with the carmine walls, it gave the room an eerie, macabre feel.

She preferred the term cozy.

Sighing, she leaned back and closed her eyes, letting the quiet of the room hold her. She had never been able to get much done when her A-team was out, dealing with a possible altercation. Dozens of people worked under her, whether they were the faceless ones who came in late to move around product, slippery sorts who conducted small transactions one on one, guards who roamed the grounds and the halls, they all answered to her and were loyal to her.

But they were all replaceable.

Perhaps it didn't seem fair, but little about a job in this trade was. You wanted bigger bucks, you took risks and accepted the fact that you very well may be expendable. They all knew that. And she had known that when she started; only through a combination of craftiness, smarts, and good luck had she ultimately arrived in this office. She could have just as easily wound up dead.

 _But…_

Hange cared more about her girls then she would ever let on; they were loyal, had proven themselves over and over, and each one of them could have been her daughter. So when they embarked on what could have been a hostile meeting, she fretted just as any parent would.

 _Then there's him…_

A firm yet soft knock drew her attention away and she sat up,

"Yes?"

The door opened gently and her aide appeared.

"She's here."

Nodding slowly, she stood up,

"Thank you Mike, send her in."

He backed out of the frame and she heard him move down the hall. Shortly thereafter, his footsteps returned, accompanied by a pair of softer, more deliberate sounding steps. His hand opened the door and allowed for a red-headed young woman to enter; she met his eyes and he closed the door leaving the pair of them alone.

She smiled, something that came more naturally to her than anything,

"It's good to see you. Petra Ral is it?"

The woman softly returned her grin,

"Yes. And you would be Hange, yes?"

"I certainly hope so. Please take a seat."

She waited until her guest had reposed before doing so herself,

"So… what may I help you with?"

"Well, I suppose the question is more what you can help my boss with. Considering I am here on his behalf."

As Petra spoke, Hange, while listening, was taking careful note of as many details as she could. The young woman held herself very well and spoke with confidence that didn't come off as cockiness, but there was an air of innocence to it all.

 _Perhaps she's new and really doesn't know what she's gotten herself into…_

"… it isn't the product or fears of cost alterations, frankly, everything major between our two businesses has been going swimmingly."

"Seems like a bit of a trip just to tell me what I know."

Petra shifted as she pulled out a triple folded paper and slid it across the desk,

"Officially, I'm here to clear it by you that next weekend we will need a substantial shipment to go across the border to Canada."

Hange glanced over at her, brows furrowed,

"That's normally where we get product from, not where we… "

"The drug in question is molly."

"Ah."

She examined the paper for several seconds before raising her eyes in slight bemusement.

"This says your buyer wants half a ton."

"Yes."

Long pause.

"Half a ton."

"Yes."

She waited before laughing in slight shock,

"I mean… that is certainly doable. But that's about fifty million bucks as an estimate."

"Fifty-nine. We get a piece for setting up while you bag the rest. We both send groups to the border on that date for confirmation purposes and there shouldn't be any issues."

She didn't respond for a moment, allowing herself to take this rather heavy information in.

"I'll need a few days before I can confirm that amount, it'll take some time to ensure I can get that much in on such short notice."

"My employer assumed you'd say as much."

Hange leaned forward.

"Well make sure you tell your boss that his Canadian friends had best hold this up. We will both be risking a lot on this side of the border."

"He's very aware, but I will remind him."

After waiting a few seconds, she leaned back, letting her typical pleasant aura rejuvenate the conversation.

"Alright then! Now… earlier when you said officially… it sounded very much like there was an unofficial portion you have yet to make me aware of."

"Yes… actually, our boss doesn't care at all about this matter. Hell, he actually has made it seem like it's a good thing. I'm telling you this more on behalf of some of our lower level employees."

"That being?"

Petra shifted uncomfortably.

"It… it's about one of your people. He's only been on board for a few months, but you've had him go around on a few types of jobs, some of which were bullying payments."

"Are you talking about Joseph?"

"Yes. He… are you aware of what he did to the last man who refused to pay for some overdue product?"

Smiling, Hange nodded. She knew exactly where this was heading now.

"Well, we would greatly appreciate if you would ask him to tone down his… techniques. Honestly, if he would just stop… "

"I'll talk to him."

Petra smiled, breathing in deeply.

"Thank you very much."

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As Krista moved to place herself in a more comfortable position, a bullet slapped the dirt not a foot to the left of her hand, exploding the ground around it.

 _Goddammit._

She paused until another shot whizzed by before popping up and unloading four rounds from her sidearm. None hit any of the aggressors, but forcing them into cover allowed Sasha to move up behind a boulder. The brunette looked back and Krista flashed her a thumbs-up. Fast as lightning, she rolled her shotgun over the top of the rock and blasted the side of the tree closest to her.

Through a cloud of blood and bark, a howling man stumbled out of cover and was silenced quickly as Ilse put a single round through his forehead. She and Sasha both dropped back down.

Kicking up a good deal of dirt, Ymir came around the sharp hill to her right and slid over next to her.

"How many?"

"Three alive, three dead."

Her girlfriend risked a glance over the short ridge they were both behind as she gritted her teeth.

"Stupid fucks… what in the hell are they thinking?"

"High tensions, think they're getting fucked and got angry."

Several harsh pings sounded as their opponents drilled the truck just ahead of them that Ilse and Mikasa were hid behind. Ymir answered by jumping up and loosing three controlled bursts in their direction. Falling back, she asked,

"They know this only ends one way right?"

"Probably not."

The shots from their side were answered by several unorganized volleys and silence began to mingle with the echoes of their violence. The pair glanced up cautiously towards the trees and, as they did, a single, seemingly horrified man came sprinting towards them, two handguns raised. As he opened his mouth to give what may have been a battle cry, a splintering crack reverberated across the mountain side and he was knocked clean over, a hole through his chest.

"Two."

"Cover me. I'll move up to Sasha and we can both drive them out, that way… "

Ymir was cut off as, suddenly, a hooded man clambered out from behind where Ymir had come from moments ago. He must have worked himself around the same way, perhaps in an attempt to flee, perhaps in an attempt to flank. The fear was clear in his eyes, but so was the will to live. He didn't look as though he had been expecting to see them. And his gun was already almost up.

Ymir snarled as she tried to throw herself in front of Krista while bringing her assault rifle up one-handed. But, as the blonde stared back at the man, she knew her friend's rifle would never make it up in time. At least for one of them.


	10. Chapter 10

_" **Nobody ever did,**_

 _ **Or ever will,**_

 _ **Escape the consequences of his choices."**_

 _ **-Alfred A. Montapert**_

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Completely surprised by encountering the two young women taking cover behind the fallen tree, the man hidden behind the cloth mask nonetheless knew what needed to be done.

The man in question had a peculiar condition; his brain moved at an accelerated rate. Some called it schizophrenia, but he preferred to call it a blessing and a curse. This didn't make him smarter or more intelligent then his fellow man. If it had, it was likely he wouldn't presently be in this situation. But, he could think a hundred things in the time it took someone else to think a dozen. So, thusly, as he raised his SIG to fire upon the both of them, his mind was working overtime.

As the deal had turned more and more sour mere moments ago, he had not been trying to decide whom he was going to fire upon when shit hit the fan, he was looking for somewhere to run. When the black haired girl had announced that no alteration to the previously decided upon deal would be made, his feet were ready to move. And when his dumbass "leader" had snapped and opened fire, he had drawn his gun, but hadn't fired and had run several meters to his right to hide behind a boulder.

He was well aware of the gunshots that blistered the air around him, but his mind dulled them; it was working very quickly at this point. It took him through several different scenarios on how he could avoid death on this day and, with the way his mind worked, it took less than a minute to eliminate all options except one.

Glancing briefly from behind his cover, he saw that no eyes were looking towards him, no one on his side was yelling at him to fight back. He chose then to move, heading for the thin, sharp hillside beyond the rock. This path would hopefully take him behind the enemy and he could avoid the cliff and head into the thick woods behind them. He had a fairly good idea of where he could find civilization past the wilderness; from there he could take the money he had made in his brief time in the business and move out of state or possibly out of country. At least until he knew he wouldn't be chased or followed.

Now he had made it around the hill and was staring at the blonde and brunette, knowing what they had to do. He didn't particularly care to kill them; he had murdered before and it hadn't bothered him greatly, but he still didn't like doing it unless he had to. But, now, as the taller of the two moved between him and the smaller blonde, attempting to raise an assault rifle to point, he became well aware that he had no other choice. They would surely kill him otherwise and, just beyond them, was the tree-line. Surprised, he realized that he felt a decent amount of elation rise within him; two accurate shots and he had a good shot at freedom.

Which was probably why he was so surprised to see a dark shape out of the corner of his eye, a split second before darkness exploded before him.

As he lay on the ground he felt an incredible amount of pain in his head that was dulled by a loud ringing. For some reason, the world wouldn't focus.

As the his sight flickered, he managed to notice a young man step into his frame of view with what appeared to be a baseball bat in his hands. The man tried to focus on his assailant's face as the bat came down again.

Everything seemed to be slipping away now. His eyes were wide open, but all he could see was a few blurry colors. Moments before a final swing removed the life from his body, the man thought about the face that had been looking back at him.

What did you call that emotion?

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Ymir stepped over the corpse of the last man to fall, looking down at the surprised face and empty eyes. The bullet had entered his head just above the nose; despite having been hit elsewhere, this was surely what had done it. Sighing, she reached down to haul him to a body bag.

She passed by Sasha who was sitting on a stump having her arm checked out by Annie. She smiled sheepishly as Ymir passed who said,

"Sash, you know how fuckin' stupid it looks when we all go perfectly unscathed except for you because you tripped over your own two feet?"

"Better than one of us getting shot."

Ymir snorted,

"Fair enough."

Annie finished wrapping the arm and tightened it sharply and quickly, resulting in a yelp from Sasha.

"Try not to bang it on anything, we'll change it later."

"Thanks."

Grunting in response, the blonde rose of her crouch, shifting her Remington. As she continued on her way, Ymir found herself being grateful that she had been hidden back in the trees, watching everything through the scope.

 _Otherwise…_

Zipping up the man, marking the last one, she tossed him into the back of truck before stretching loudly. Ilse's voice rang out from behind the vehicle, out of sight,

"Ymir, please, masturbate at home."

Krista's adorable giggle sounded from the same place; marching around the truck, Ymir jabbed Ilse in the shoulder who was smiling at her own joke,

"You shut your mouth, I will do what I please, where I please."

She then reached out and pulled her girlfriend in close,

"And YOU… don't even get me started… "

Krista slipped free, shaking her hair out of her face,

"Don't get so defensive… "

Ymir smiled and flicked her on the nose, then laughed as she was promptly swatted in the face. She turned back to the truck's back door and slammed it shut; over the passenger side mirror, she could see Mikasa and Joseph standing at the cliff-side, talking quietly.

It seemed as though his energy had risen each day since his first tour with them; initially pleased with his change, Ymir now frequently found herself wondering how good this alteration actually was. His bat, having been cleaned, was resting on his shoulder; he had found it lying in a warehouse they had been investigating late one night. Hange had remarked that, even though they hadn't found any hidden product, Joseph had at least come away with a new best friend.

She was jarred from her thoughts as he let out a gush of low laughter, turning away to enjoy whatever had just transpired between them. Mikasa herself was smiling broadly; Ymir felt herself mirror the sight. She was still coming to terms with having him as a part of their team, but he was making Mikasa smile more than she had ever seen. That was reason enough to keep him around.

 _He also just might have saved our lives._

She wiped the grin from her face and turned away. That had been chilling, never before had she been caught off guard like that. Despite having been bringing her weapon up, it was very possible she could have been hit. She would probably never admit it like Krista would, but she was very grateful that Joseph had been there; she didn't want to contemplate what would have happened if he hadn't.

Moving over to a relatively flat patch of earth, she slumped to her knees and fell over backwards, giving herself to the beautiful day. As she squinted off towards the sun, she laughed to herself; how in the world, after the last ten minutes, was she content to just sit here and enjoy the weather?

 _Indifference does a number._

"That looks cozy."

Ymir turned her head slightly to look at her girlfriend, and the blonde quickly dropped down and pressed against her, stretching.

"Just nice to enjoy it when we can."

She heard no response but looked over to see Krista's eyes closed; smiling she wrapped an arm around her and sighed. For a moment, everything was perfect.

Naturally, it didn't last.

"Ymir, we almost died."

She didn't look over to acknowledge the statement; how had she known this was coming?

"Ymir?"

"Yea, but we didn't. And that's all that matters."

"He was on top of us. Gun pointed straight at… "

"I'm aware."

Silence returned and she mentally punched herself. Why did she ( _have to be such a fucking bitch to this perfect girl_ ) never think before biting into words like that? Intending to quickly rectify the mistake, she turned her head,

"Look, I know… "

"I just thought… it never really crossed my mind that we would be in a situation like that. We always plan so much further ahead than everyone else, we're faster and better prepared than everyone else, we're smarter than everyone else, but… "

As she didn't continue, Ymir looked over to see tears welling in Krista's eyes.

 _Oh Jesus._

It really had shook her the fuck up.

"I… I'm not afraid of dying, but… I could have lost you just… "

She snapped.

"… like that."

 _Okay, time to stop this._

She could feel real concern building in her; she couldn't stand to see Krista like this.

"Okay, yes, we got caught with our guard down. But that was a one in a million kind of thing, you saw how freaked he was. He was just trying to get away and happened to stumble into us. Yes, we should have been watching, but you know what? Someone else was."

Raising an arm, she jabbed with a finger toward Joseph.

"And if it hadn't been him it would have been somebody else. We watch out for each other and, because of that, we will always come out on top. And I promise that… "

"Don't."

"What?"

"Don't… don't promise something that you know you can't keep. Because then, if… if you… I don't want to be mad at you for breaking a promise if you… leave."

The tears had spilled over now and through the concern and frustration, Ymir felt an overwhelming wave of infection that drowned all other emotions coursing through her. She gently took Krista's face and turned it towards her.

She was so beautiful.

"I promise I won't leave you."

For a moment, they simply looked into each other's eyes. Then, the blonde broke into fresh tears and pulled herself close to Ymir's chest and sobbed quietly into it. And Ymir held her. She would always hold her.

Forever if she had to.

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He watched as the car pulled out into the night and remained there in the shadows well after it had left. Inhaling deeply, he was very pleased to find that his breath was not shaking; his nerves had done naught but improve since the night in the bar. Was this due to a growing sense of indifference? A loss of his humanity?

 _Maybe._

Many a night had been spent pondering this, sometimes he would find himself crying, sometimes laughing, sometimes feeling dead, sometimes feeling elated. Ultimately, he had always come to the same conclusion. The same one that Ymir had given him several weeks ago.

"Doing the things we do… it's easy to beat the hell out of ourselves with emotion and doubt and this and that. But, our mind is always good at telling us shit to make us feel better. You should definitely let it."

And so he had. If his mind told him he was killing bad men, he let it. If it said that the money he had piled in his room was better in his hands, then it was. And any time it tried to make him feel worse, he let Dust beat it into shape.

It was a little past midnight as he pushed open the door to his hall and made his way towards his room. On this particular return, he felt content. Thick wallet, spring break coming up, and no tests between now and then. He smiled as he swiped his card and entered his room.

The light was on. His roommate stood in the back center staring down at Joe's desk, at the stacks of money and the handgun that had been hidden beneath it.

"Joe… what is this?"

His mind was buzzing furiously.

 _He's here, he's supposed to be in Arizona._

And for the first time in a good while, he felt completely helpless.

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Staring at the unsinged tip of the cigarette, Mikasa bit down on the butt of the damn thing and held it there. She had gone through a period of addiction that had lasted only a few months, but the recovery was still fighting her. This was her best way of coping.

It was some early morning hour, she didn't care to check; when sitting out on the hood of her car, staring over the small town lights on a faraway hillside, she wanted nothing to remind her of passing time. Sometimes she wished that the night wouldn't end.

She thought to what Hange had told her a few hours prior; it was strange that she was the only person to know about a delivery, especially one this big, so close to its date of drop-off. But while she hadn't been told, she knew why it was. If she decided that it was too much of a risk for herself and her team, Hange wouldn't hesitate sending some less experienced lower levels to initiate the deal. The money wasn't much compared to losing them to prison or otherwise.

There wasn't much that could go wrong, but if something did, it would not do so lightly.

 _When it rains, it pours. Even if the chance of rain is real fucking low._

Her phone's gentle yet sudden buzzing caused her hand to pluck the cigarette from her lips and the other to bring the device up to eye level. Her heart hit an odd beat ever so softly when she saw who the caller was; clearing her throat, she swiped the green and brought it up to her ear.

"Hey Joseph, what's… "

It took her several seconds to realize he was rambling and several seconds more to get him under control.

"Okay, okay let's just stop. Stop. Breath."

He did so gradually; when she was content to ask, she did so,

"What's going on."

Phrased it as a gentle demand. Something was wrong and she needed to know fast.

" _He wasn't… my roommate was supposed to be out of town for the next week. In like, Arizona or some shit. But he was in the room tonight and saw… and saw a bunch of money and, and, and a gun and, and… I don't know..._ "

He was starting to panic again; she grabbed him before he got on a roll.

"Hey, calm down. We can deal with this, but calmly."

Honestly, Mikasa didn't know how, but right now, she didn't need him hanging on a wire. She waited and then asked,

"Are you calm?"

" _Yes._ "

"What did he say?"

" _He… he asked where it was from and I just told him it was better if he didn't know and he said he was scared and wanted to call the police and I talked him out of it, but I don't know… I don't know how long I can make that work… "_

Closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose, her mind began to race with all possible solutions. None were appealing.

"Alright well listen, I'll get ahold of Annie and she can tap his phone; see who he calls, texts, all that. You need to stay cool until we can figure this out. Act like nothing is wrong and don't do anything to sketch him out more."

" _Okay._ "

"I'll get back to you as fast as I can, I'll need to make a few calls, then… "

" _Don't kill him._ "

She stopped.

"What?"

" _He's not… you know, like other people we've dealt with, like, I mean, he's stupid and an idiot, but he's not… not a bad guy, we can't just…_ "

"Joseph."

He stopped rambling; he could have probably gone on for a while.

"He's going to be fine. Don't worry, we'll figure something out."

She could hear him audibly swallow.

" _Okay._ "

"Just do what I said, and wait for my call, alright?"

The pause before he replied was almost too long.

" _Alright._ "

"It'll be okay."

With that, she ended the call and stared of blankly towards the black horizon. After a time, she returned to her phone's screen, swearing,

"Fucking dammit."

Because she really didn't know how they were going to figure this out.

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He lay in bed now, his roommate only a short distance away. They hadn't said anything for a while, but he knew they were thinking about the same thing. His mind was racing; how was he supposed to leave him alone now that he knew, he could call the cops and second, or steal the money, or…

"Joe?"

His heart skipped a beat.

"Yea?"

"I don't know what I'm going to do… but I promise, that whatever it is, I promise I'm doing what I think is right."

His heart swelled with stress. He could almost hear the serpent again.

"Fair enough."


	11. Chapter 11

_**"When truth is replaced by silence,**_

 _ **the silence is a lie."**_

 _ **\- Yevgeny Yevtushenko**_

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"I really just don't see what there is to talk about, it doesn't matter that he's a 'good guy', I'm not holding my ass over the fire because his fat fuck of a roommate saw something he shouldn't have."

"So what, just go and stick a knife in his throat?"

"Doesn't fucking matter, he just needs to go away."

It was four in the morning; Krista was listening to Ilse and Ymir back and forth constantly while Annie and Mikasa looked like their brains were working overtime. Sasha hadn't been able to make it to this impromptu meeting, but that may have been for the best.

She didn't know herself what to do; it was a fucked situation to be sure, but killing the person in question did seem like it was something that could be avoided. Yet, regardless, it was the fastest and easiest solution. So, of course, Ymir was all for it.

"You can't seriously be having a moral crisis here, Joseph, he'll be fucked, but also, in case you weren't aware, he is also a trail that could lead right to us."

"I'm thinking about, you know, not just putting him in a hole because of something he might do. One of us could go talk to him… "

"No."

Annie and Mikasa both said it at the same time; the latter finished what was surely a collective thought,

"No one else is getting put at any kind of risk because of this. We can deal with it, but we're going to deal with it smart and safe."

Ymir was reaching classic levels of frustration.

"And how exactly are we fucking supposed to do that."

Mikasa was quiet for a long time.

"I don't know."

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He sat in his room, typing away furiously. This essay was due tomorrow, but he really didn't need to continue working on it; he had already written out eight or nine drafts at this point. The work was all that was keeping him from having a completely stress related breakdown; he had already caused his lip to bleed in a few different places.

Fingers flying over the keyboard, he found himself not typing in relation to the essay topic. As he reread his work, he noticed that he had moved to talking about a completely unrelated subject in his political paper. Laughing in a way that didn't sound like himself, he closed his eyes while holding down the delete button.

Not for the first time, he turned quickly to glance at the clock. His roommate's class was over, he should have been back by now…

Something warm hit his hand and he glanced down to see a drop of blood on the top of his palm. Angrily, he scrubbed it off. A firm, knock on his door caused him to jump a good foot. Standing up without noticing, he made his way to the door, heart in his throat. He looked through the peephole. An officer was standing stock straight, waiting patiently.

 _Is this it?_

Knowing there was no other option, he opened the door, putting on the straightest face that he could. Feigning gentle surprise, he asked,

"Hello?"

The officer smiled softly, but offered no greeting in return; instead he said,

"Are you Alex's roommate?"

Finding it hard to breath, he still managed to reply,

"Yes sir."

"Well son, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but… we found him dead on the campus trails early this morning."

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Steaming with anger, Mikasa strode down the hall that led to the general meeting room, phone clenched in her hand. She knew she was late, but she was not going to be the one to get ragged out, that was for sure.

Pushing the door open, she saw her friends displaced around the large table; Ymir and Ilse sitting on the table casually, Annie off to the side, leaning against the wall, Sasha laying down on a line of chairs, and Krista talking with Hange, who was looking over a good number of papers. As she entered the room, attention flicked to her and Ilse spoke up,

"Took you long enough, we were about to… "

The ire must have been obvious on her face,

"… what's wrong?"

As opposed to responding verbally, she tossed her phone on the desk and Ymir and Ilse almost sent each other to the ground trying to be the first to read it. Mikasa let them; she turned her back to them and went to the window. She knew behind her, they were all taking turns reading the headline and when she turned back, they would all look sober and surprised. After waiting a good thirty seconds, she did, and was not disappointed. Other than Hange, who was looking around in interest as though she was watching a very close football game, the faces looking back at her were concerned and confused.

At least one of them was faking.

"So does one of you want to fess up?"

She posed it as a demand and felt her blood pressure increase further as no one did. Meeting each of their stares in turn and receiving no feedback, she shook her head, exhaling in disbelief as she moved to look back out the window.

"Jesus Christ."

The uncomfortable silence was broken after a minute by Hange, who, Mikasa realized, probably hadn't she slightest clue what was going on.

"Is someone going to tell me what this is about?"

Mikasa listened to Annie calmly explain the relevance of the dead college student in the article and why they hadn't told Hange as they had had it under control.

 _Which is complete bullshit._

Killing had of course been the easiest and most opportune way of going about it, and she wasn't even particularly upset that one of them had done the deed. She was more annoyed they had done behind everyone else's backs and…

 _What is Joseph going to think?_

He was due to come in anytime now, though she wouldn't be surprised if he didn't show. She closed her eyes.

 _How can we expect him to trust us pulling shit like this…?_

Hearing her name, she returned her attention, if not her gaze, behind her.

"Listen, Mika… I know maybe this isn't what you wanted to hear, but… "

In her mind's eye, she saw Ymir looking around for visual consent.

"… none of us did this. Though I damn wish I did, none of us acted on this, we stayed in line. This was… some… "

She spun to face Ymir, allowing some of the angry fire in her heart to translate into her words,

"Some what? What? This guy gets a hint of our operation and just happens to wind up with a broken neck in the fuckin' woods? We were the only ones that knew he was a threat; Hange didn't even know."

"Yes, and I resent that."

Ignoring the jibe, she continued, realizing she had taken several steps forward.

"No, one of you acted on this. And ultimately, it may be for the best, but in the meantime, someone still had the gall to go behind our backs and possibly destroy any chance of Joseph ever trusting us!"

Ymir fired right back,

"So what do you care? Maybe one of us did take care of the problem and maybe one of us did shit on our relationship with him. He'll get over it probably faster than you will."

The tension was thicker than water.

"What exactly does that mean?"

"Guys, c'mon, we can talk about… "

"Quiet Krista."

"Don't talk to her like that!"

Ymir took an aggressive step forward and Mikasa met her in stride. Annie and Ilse began to move forward to break up what could have quickly turned ugly, but all motion stopped at the single, piercing creak of the door.

Backing off immediately, she turned to see him step in.

Before she even met his eyes, she could feel his rage.

He stepped in passively and gently closed the door behind him. Remaining in front of it, he brought his eyes up to meet theirs' and Mikasa felt a stab in her heart, as through the rage, she saw hurt. As he turned away, so did she; she caught a glimpse of Hange's face as she did so. As was expected, she woman was enjoying every second of the drama.

"I know… that one of you… or some of you… or all of you… did what you thought was right."

He was staring at the floor now, defeat showing through his angry mask.

"And I don't care who it was. What's done is done. But, to whoever broke his neck in those woods… just… you should know… he didn't deserve it."

Seeing angry tears well up in his eyes, she barely fought down the urge to move to him, to apologize, to ensure him everything would be alright; she would rather he be bellowing at them. He swallowed.

"That's all."

Moving then to his regular place at the table, he sat down, now unwilling to look at anyone. As everyone eyed him apprehensively, Hange finally attempted to change the mood.

"Well, if that's all done with, we do have a rather important order of business here to attend to… as you know, you'll be making a somewhat lengthy trip this evening to the border to meet up with… "

As everyone sat down to listen as the plan was laid out, Mikasa found herself tuning out the talking; she already knew the plan by heart. Instead, she sat in her guilt and frustration, occasionally hazarding a glance at Joseph. He was clearly paying attention, but there was a hollowness in his eyes she hadn't seen before. It wasn't like the emptiness she had seen and felt in him all those weeks ago; this was more a… bitter acceptance.

 _He has to know it was for the best._

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It didn't take long to find her; she always would hang out in one of two places.

Krista gently nudged open the door that led to roof access before quietly ascending the stairs, which echoed anyway. They had about an hour before they were supposed to leave; they had opted, to air on the side of caution, to take a longer way to the border so they would need to get a good head start.

This was a big deal that they had agreed to be a part of. There was a lot at risk, but with such a huge payoff, it was something they couldn't pass up. And while Krista knew she should have been feeling nervous about the whole thing, and she was, it wasn't at the forefront of her mind. That spot was being occupied by the incident that had just transpired and she knew she needed to clear the air with Mikasa; this was not something they needed hanging over them.

As she reached the roof, she saw her there, leaning over the edge, staring at that stupid cigarette.

"You know, holding onto those isn't going to help anything."

The raven haired girl sighed without turning around,

"You're probably right."

For a moment, the blonde let the gentle wind remain the only sound between them as she looked up towards the sun. It was a beautiful day, not too hot, but warm, with a blue sky and fat, white clouds that drifted lazily though the atmosphere. The sight calmed her, but as she opened her mouth, she was beat to the punch,

"Krista, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you earlier… I just was mad."

"Oh God, don't worry about that. And don't worry about Ymir, she's just being overprotective."

Quiet again.

"But I did want to tell you… I agree. Someone must have done it."

Mikasa's eyes were fixed on the horizon, but Krista knew she was listening,

"And even if they don't admit to it, even if they never do, it… "

She swallowed; this was hard to say,

"It was the only way we could eliminate any… any risk… "

Now she turned to look; she wasn't angry, but there was a fire burning behind the question. They met eyes for a good long while before it came,

"Did you do it?"

"No."

 _Now we see._

Blowing out a long breath, she turned back to the horizon,

"I believe you."

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The drive was certainly scenic if nothing else; the gradual hills and distant mountains had given way to woods that had grown thicker and thicker as the sun dipped towards the horizon. With the previous incident being put mostly behind them, Ymir was now free to let her nerves regarding the deal to take over. There was a lot at risk, heavy product, unknown dealers, border cross… but…

 _We're going to be getting a whole lot of money._

It really was. They had been making very good money before this, but now… this was something like winning the lottery. She looked up as Krista nudged her with a toe.

"Sasha's going."

Glancing towards her friend, Ymir realized that she was indeed drifting off. Reaching down, she picked up a shaker bottle of G-Fuel and lobbed it; striking Sasha in the shoulder, it sat her right up as it dropped into her lap.

"Drink up. We have to be close and nobody's allowed no sleep."

Shaking off her surprise, she threw down a few swallows before muttering something about "tapping politely next time". Throwing away her own weariness, Ymir shook her head briskly before leaning back and taking some deep breaths. Looking around, she could tell she wasn't alone. Her girlfriend was doing her best to maintain awareness by bobbing her head without regards to the rhythm of the vehicle; she smiled as she had a flashback to the first time she had seen _Exorcist_.

Ilse seemed to be staving off sleep by moving her eyes around to everything in the now-tight space. The floor, the lights, the boxes, the guns, but her eyes most frequently came to rest on Joseph.

 _What is her deal with him?_

It would make sense to be nervous over him after what had happened mere hours ago, but after he had given his two cents after arrival, he had seemed perfectly fine. Not distant, not depressed, just eager to get done what they were setting out to do. And yet Ilse was still looking at him with the concern of a mother.

They had all warmed up to him as well as he had to them in the past couple months, but Ilse had been uncharacteristically nice to him; the occasional flirty tip-off had been enough for Ymir, but if she had really wanted to get with him so bad, why hadn't she pursued it more than that?

 _She's never been the type to be shy… maybe_

She was jolted out of her thought as the van pulled to the side and came to a jarring halt. As soon as it had stopped moving, Sasha killed the lights and everyone went for arms; the sliding of locking of them was the only sound as everyone collectively took aim at the door. Silence and darkness were all to be felt until a car door opened and closed behind them.

"Fuck… cops… "

Ilse spoke for all of them and the tension increased tenfold; this was a worst case scenario that hadn't been expected. Slowly, steps on asphalt could be heard moving slowly around the side and to the window. A small hatch that allowed for air circulation granted them all eavesdropping capability.

"I'm sorry officer, but, what seems to be the issue?"

"Well ma'am… "

Despite the tension, Ymir allowed a small smile as she felt Mikasa's guts twist at being called "ma'am".

"… are you aware you're driving without a taillight?"

In the darkness of the storage space, audible movement could be heard as everyone shifted in anger and Ymir hissed through her teeth.

 _Of all the stupid…_

"No…. I'm afraid not, we've been driving awhile and I haven't looked."

"Well, had to make you aware… you'll need that taken care of ASAP… "

He paused and everyone waited in near-impatience for him to let them go on their way; no such luck,

"Might I ask what two young ladies like yourselves are doing out her driving what looks like a moving van?"

"Just helping her move stuff out of her boyfriend's place."

Annie answered on the spot and Ymir could tell she had had the response preloaded.

"Ah I see… well then… "

Ymir felt slight relief enter her as it appeared they were going to get out of this okay.

At least until what could only have been a full magazine went crashing down to the metal floor with all the sound of an elephant.

Ymir felt frustration race through her and she very quietly heard Sasha whisper,

"Shit…"

Breaths were all drawn in and held and they waited and prayed that it hadn't been heard…

"Ma'am, you got something alive back there?"

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 **AN: This is just a quick apology to anyone who has been actively following this story in regards to the lateness of this chapter. I've been trying to keep uploads within a one to two week time frame, but that is definitely not the case here... school just is coming to wraps, so what with finals and the sort, it's been hard to find the time. Now, heading home, I have a trip to see some family and a wedding to go to, so the uploading of CH12 may also be a little longer in the coming, but I may be able to get it out in a reasonable fashion. Regardless, in a few weeks, the chapters should come back to being weekly to bi-weekly... just wanted to address that.**

 **Thanks for stopping by to have a read!**


	12. Chapter 12

" _ **Ordinary men don't find their own way**_

 _ **It's in the struggle that we can finally see**_

 _ **I'll never forget how I felt so far away**_

 _ **when fear waged war and wore down on me"**_

 _ **\- August Burns Red**_

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Seeing the sirens flash behind them had certainly been enough to give Mikasa a good jolt, but when finding out the cop's only beef had been with their taillight, she had allowed herself a moment of relief; that is until someone in the rear decided now would be a good time to create a sizeable bang and completely throw them back into the danger zone.

"Ma'am, you got something alive back there?"

She immediately did her best to adopt a surprised, but unconcerned expression before replying,

"We certainly didn't _put_ anything alive back there… something must have fallen over."

The officer remained clearly suspicious.

"Odd something would fall when the vehicle isn't moving."

He looked back towards the rear.

"Mind if I take a look?"

Now concern was giving way to a knowing that the inevitable was about to happen. Well aware she could have denied his request, he probably would've surpassed her word anyway.

 _I'm sorry._

She gave him a nod.

Giving the both of them another curious look, he plodded purposefully back towards the door. As he left earshot, she turned to Annie, who, naturally, was already on top of the situation.

"There's another one in the shotgun of the cruiser. We can't drop this guy without him seeing."

Thinking fast, Mikasa came to the only plausible conclusion.

"We have to give the guys in the back a chance. I'll go for the guy in the car."

Nodding, they both climbed out the passenger side. Annie made for a very casual walk after the cop, while Mikasa used the cover of the dark and the fact that their vehicle was pressed gently against the woods to hit the ground fast and roll into the brush. She watched intently to see if she had been noticed, but as the police cruiser displayed no opening doors, she began to sneak around towards it. As she did, she caught Annie saying something about a sticky handle.

Becoming very quickly parallel with the police car, she crawled towards the passenger side of the police car as she heard the clank of the loading door latch. Knowing she had seconds, she began to rise, moving quickly at the car door… when it very unexpectedly swung open and crashed into her chest, sending her toppling backwards, while knocking the breath out of her. Her head collided with the ground and for a moment she saw lights; she tried desperately to recover as she heard the officer who had opened the door call out,

"Freeze! Don't move!"

As she looked back towards the scene, a number of things occurred in very quick succession; she first realized that the demand had been made at Annie, not her. The officer looked back towards the cruiser and immediately caught sight of her lying on the ground and made a noise of surprise. The one on the passenger side followed his gaze as the door to their transport swung up; Annie wrapped her arm around the distracted officer's neck while kicking out his legs.

By this point, Mikasa could do little more than scramble for her pistol, which she should have had at the ready, as the officer looked at her with frightened eyes and had to move his gun towards her, offering the same warning,

"Freeze! Don't… "

Or, at least he tried to, as a baseball bat, curving with an odd sort of beauty through the black sky, collided with his temple. His threat turned to a surprised and pained grunt; she didn't take her time thanking the benevolence. Despite having little to no breath in her lungs, she vaulted up and caught the officer with a kick to the gut that sent him against the side of the car. Jabbing with a sharp right to keep him off balance, she caught his head and slammed it against the door that had sent her down moments ago.

He collapsed without a word.

As she caught sight of Annie lowering the other unconscious cop to the ground, she allowed herself time to recover; slumping over the hood of the car, she gasped in copious amounts of air back into her compressed lungs, savoring the taste of the brisk night air. While her eyes refocused, she heard a pair of footsteps sprint up to her,

"Are you alright? Where'd you get hit? Is anything broke?"

Before she could respond or even react, Joseph was at her side, looking very much like he wanted to be of assistance, but was unsure of how exactly he could be so. Despite the thick pain in her chest, she found herself amused at his controlled franticness; she laughed, surprising him and herself,

"Yes, I'm fine, thank you."

He kept his voice low, asking again, as he was clearly trying to not make an embarrassing fuss out of it all, but she could still sense his concern and it caused an unknown feeling to rush through her gut.

She also caught sight of Ymir snickering wildly behind them and making an inappropriate gesture or two; the sight of her companion caused her to straighten and march towards the back, leaving Joseph to worriedly dog her footsteps.

"So… exactly what was… "

"Me. It was me."

In an unexpected show of humility, Sasha raised her hand while keeping her eyes on the asphalt. Turning towards her, Mikasa started to ask,

"Was it… ?"

"Yeah, it was. Sorry… "

Regarding her friend with a newfound concern, she muttered,

"It's okay…let's clean this up quick, we have a date to meet."

As they all quietly got to work, she caught a look of Joseph's face, which was wrought with no small amount of confusion; he would likely come to uncover a fair few of the secrets they all kept, she knew.

Now, however, was not the time.

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With one hand on the box of product and the other on the handle of his revolver, Joe stared out towards where the headlights of a very large vehicle had just killed its engine.

After clearing up the mess they had made, they had only been a few miles to the cutoff where they would turn to get to the meetup. The cleanup had taken exceptionally longer than it should have, as he had been scrambling around the woods looking for his bat, which had skipped tremendously after colliding with the officer's skull; he had been close to giving into the exasperated groans of the others, promising they would buy him another if he just got in the damn car, when he had found it. Now they had pulled into the clearing, unloaded, and waited for the other two parties to make their arrivals.

Despite being late, they were still the first ones there; apparently being fashionably late was still very much a thing.

The truck the second party had arrived in was very quiet, despite being noticeably larger than theirs. Doing his best to judge the distance, he had to guess that the truck's headlights had been level with his hairline before it had shut down.

Doors opened and closed and in the darkness several sets of footsteps moved gently towards them. Presently, they were lucky enough to be operating by moonlight; the celestial body was two-thirds full, but still beamed down with a powerful radiance. The clearing, thusly, was very slightly illuminated all around, and would certainly help for keeping a low profile while the transaction was made.

While they were quite capable of seeing a fair bit, Joe still had to wait until the first person was about twenty feet out before he could truly pick out features on those approaching. The first was the young woman he had seen leaving the building several days prior; redhead, very alive expression, and who held herself quite well. Two others accompanied her; a taller man with close cut hair and one with blonde hair tied back. They both held very grim looks on their face, and Joe found himself wishing he could see their eyes better; being able to tell if they were frightened would be very useful.

Pushing only as far as they had to in order to enter the clearing, the three stopped advancing and the redhead, whom Joe remembered as Petra, spoke up,

"Glad we didn't keep you."

Mikasa shrugged gently in the moonlight,

"Not a big deal, few minutes hardly makes a difference."

He noticed she didn't mention that they had only just arrived themselves.

 _Probably more professional that way._

Petra gestured to the men on her right and left,

"Gunther and Eld. They don't talk much, but they handle themselves fine."

Joe waited for them to make their introductions, but none came. He found himself only slightly disconcerted that they may have already known who he was. The discomfort turned to slight elation after not too long as, in his heart, Dust pointed out,

 _They've heard of you._

This possibility became truth as the one called Gunther looked at him, asking,

"You're Joseph."

He just managed to bite back the response, "Who wants to know?" as, not only had Gunther just been introduced, but his sentence hadn't been stated as a question either. Joe instead went with his own statement,

"Yeah, that's the rumor."

A blisteringly painful silence bit into the air. Just when he assumed there was nothing else to the exchange, Gunther added,

"You recently put my cousin in the hospital."

Joe tilted his head back; this was certainly something that he had been expecting would become an issue at some point, but he hadn't imagined this would be the time it would have come up. As he tried to will a response forward, he noticed that Sasha had moved slightly back to her right and Mikasa the same to her left to block him off from Gunther, only allowing them to make what he assumed was eye contact.

 _Hard to tell in the dark._

Whether they thought he needed protection or Gunther needed protection, he felt slightly flattered. Allowing some relaxation to return, he dropped his bat from his shoulder, where the hard end collided with the ground, giving off a harsh clang. Toying with the handle, he returned,

"Missed one payment and dodged two more. That's not something we like to call an honest business practice."

"So you break four of his more essential bones."

"So I tried to change his outlook on the business."

"By putting him in the hospital."

"If you want to put it like that."

There was a slight pause and he was able to note Gunther shifting his balance,

"Well, I don't have some way to put it, that's just the way it is. I was meaning to thank you."

He cleared up Joe's confusion before he even had a chance to ask,

"Kid's an asshole and didn't know what he was doing… he'll live the rest of his life a lot more cautious and not so assuming he'll be able to get away with shit like that."

Still surprised, but much less worried, Joe gave a nod, which he exaggerated to make sure it was seen in the low lighting; he saw it returned thereafter.

 _Man, put a guy in a cast and get thanked for it? This just keeps getting weirder…_

He also realized, much to his discomfort, that he had no idea how truthful Gunther was being.

A fresh series of rustling turned him to the right. As if they had been waiting for a resolution, those who could only have been the Canadian side of the bargain cautiously broke the tree line.

They were all dressed very much the same; dark khakis and black tops and no small amount of firearms. In total, eight entered their newly formed triangle. One, who could have been any of them for all the differences they sported, spoke low and deliberate.

"For all our sakes, we should conduct this quickly."

Mikasa jerked her head and Joe, along with Ymir, Ilse, and Sasha began hauling over cases; after motioning to them, she asked,

"Why? We got some reason to be worried?"

The man turned his head lightly from left to right, which didn't elicit the tone of his following words; he looked like he was waiting for something to happen.

"No, no, it would simply be good to not dally for too long."

No arguments there.

In the next several minutes, Joe watched carefully as someone from the Canadian side, who clearly knew more about the expensive consumables then he did, came forward with some equipment to test a few samples. When he finished with no complaints, Annie and another man from their side moved to exchange payment which was quickly counted. Petra and her two companions looked on as though mediators; they only moved when Annie handed off a case of money to Krista who brought it to them. At last, the cases were closed and lifted, as the deal seemed to have reached a conclusion. The relief and eagerness to beat feet was nearly palpable as the head Canadian turned to offer some form of final statement.

"Well, I can certainly say this went well. I would expect nothing less from Hange's crew though… be sure to ask… "

He stopped talking to stare ahead for several seconds, before crouching and hissing,

"Down!"

The near twenty of them followed suit and Joe turned as they did to get a look at whatever had prompted the sudden movement. Through the trees, a far distance away, were several bobbing lights; while they were not near enough to be of immediate concern, the fact was certain that they were indeed moving their way. Very quickly and quietly, Eld asked collectively,

"Anyone bring any friends they forgot to mention?"

In the dark overgrowth, the following silence was as good an answer as verbal denial; Joe heard one of the Canadians mutter,

"Could be cops, border patrol… or they could just be a couple of campers or fucking kids…"

Mikasa turned to her right,

"Let's find out."

The statement acted simultaneously as an order for Sasha, who slipped into the brush ahead of them, making no more noise than a tree branch caught in a light breeze. For about a minute, everyone remained silent and motionless, allowing their breathing to be as gentle as possible. Joe went down to one knee; if he need to move fast, he didn't want his feet to be asleep. As the minute finished, with the lights bobbing ever the closer, Sasha slid back into their fold. She spoke clearly and calmly, but there was a very apparent undertone of worry,

"It's cops and border patrol both looks like, we only see six lights, but there's at least two dozen of them, maybe more coming, we need to fucking _move_..."

People started rising to make their getaway and were immediately pulled down by their neighbor; hushed arguments began to escape into the back air and all Joe could think of was the impossibility of them all making it out of there safe and unnoticed. Someone would be seen. He turned to Mikasa to see a face that showed her mind was hard at work; he could tell though, that even she wouldn't be able to pull up a solution fast enough.

Then, with sudden clarity, he knew what had to be done.

Scooting along the ground, he planted himself right next to her; she glanced at him to acknowledge his presence, before continuing to stare out towards the gradually approaching beacons.

"Got any ideas?"

"Yeah, I do… you're gonna need to hold onto this…"

He took the pack off that held his extra ammunition and supplies and placed it by her feet. She gave him a look that told him she was not yet comprehending what he was doing; quickly, he pulled free his Colt and his 1911 to make sure they were both as he had left them, then tapped his bat to make sure it remained in the personalized holster he had made for it over his right shoulder. He turned back to her,

"I'll draw them. Wait for the signal, it'll be pretty obvious, then get everyone the hell out of Dodge."

She made no outward response to his statement, but they were close enough that he could see her eyes; he saw several flashes of emotion. There was realization, anger, and… was that fear? The emotion she centered on regardless, was the anger.

"Joseph, don't you fucking _dare_ … "

With the way the moonlight shone over his shoulder onto her and obscuring his face, he knew she couldn't see the very small, sheepish smile he offered. Perhaps it was better that way.

"See you around."

She snarled something furiously at him as he rose quickly to his feet and moved off to the left to where he would have the most cover with the trees; as he did he felt her hand reach out as if to snatch him back. For a moment, he considered letting it, but before his selfishness got the better of him, he pulled away and took off low and as quiet as he could.

Time seemed to pass with frightening speed; he scoured far around to left of where they had been encamped and in finding a small ledge that he could hold decent cover behind, he scrambled against it. His common sense and anxiety began to creep up, trying to sow seeds of doubt; fortunately, Dust was there to beat them down. He lay out his two sidearms in the moss next to him, and sighed, long and calming. He then slowly twisted, staring from under a large bush to where he knew they would be coming. For only a few moments, it was silent. Then, the rustling of brush gave way to about two dozen shadows creeping forward. A quarter of them in the front held their lights angled forward.

Quietly, he rose to a high crouch, Colt in hand. None of them looking towards him, he pulled back his left hand and pulled the trigger. He waited until they had passed about twenty feet of being perpendicular to him, before closing his eyes and steeling himself for what he had to do. And then, he hesitated.

 _I could… just get out of here now. No one would see me._

 _What the fuck are you thinking? Light em up, you wuss._

Dust's bitter and angry growl tore through his thinking. It startled him, but he was immediately thankful, as he straightened. He felt a tremendous surge of rage rise within him and as his eyebrows furrowed, his face contorting into a furious mask, he slammed his palm down on the hammer.


	13. Chapter 13

" _ **The reason I talk to myself is because**_

 _ **I'm the only one whose answers I accept."**_

― _**George Carlin**_

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Joe hadn't really been aiming at any particular one of them per se; frankly, if no one had to die tonight, that would be his preferred outcome. But as his palm fell rapidly on the hammer a total of four times, he wasn't sure such a miracle could be.

Despite being in total control of his faculties, he felt numb all over. Perhaps it was a side effect of being about to garner the attention of about twenty well-armed servants of the state. Perhaps it was the fact that he had just rushed into a potentially foolhardy plan without any real idea of how it would turn out.

Or maybe it was just the fact that, in a moment, he might get shot in the face.

Anger and adrenaline kept him upright to allow four thunderclaps to sound from his Colt, before he spun backward to eat the ground, grasping for his other handgun as he did. He found its handle as he began to furiously scramble away; he heard several surprised shouts and swears and then, in an instant, the forest exploded with gunfire behind him.

Trying, for his own sanity, to ignore the shots flying above him, he kept as pressed to the dirt and grass as he could. After making it a good ten yards, he rolled to the left to put several large bushes between him and his eventual pursuers. As he continued his hasty retreat, he began to congratulate himself,

 _See, look? Make them think you're getting ready for a gunfight, then take off in the cover of night. No problem, by the time they get to where you were hiding…_

A bullet skipped through the earth behind him and tore through the back of his calf. Yelling through clenched teeth, though it couldn't be heard through the continued shots that sounded behind him, he stopped for a moment to contort in pain.

 _Oh, what the fuck, did I actually just get shot, how in the fuck did that piece of shit know to aim over here, you goddamn…_

 _MOVE._

With his usual abrupt nature, Dust snapped the order through his mental bitching, and sent him scrambling forward again despite the now-searing pain that came from the back of his lower leg. He didn't make it that much farther; the ground in front of him suddenly gave way to open air and, before he could slow to stop, he went tumbling down a good eight feet of steep crevasse to land facedown in a very shallow pool.

He rolled over, allowing himself to bitch a good bit more at the night sky as the gunshots behind him lessened. Through his pain, he noticed the alteration,

 _Have they figured out I wasn't there?_

Then he noticed that the gunshots hadn't lessened: they had simply changed direction.

 _Fucking damn it._

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The speed with which the past minute had transgressed still was baffling to Ymir, trying not to stumble as she fled back through the woods to where their vehicle had been placed.

She had noticed Joseph get up and move towards Mikasa out of the corner of her eye, but had been too caught up in her own brainstorming; when he had simply got up and ran the wrong way, she had taken further notice and had been just as surprised as the rest, hissing at their leader for the collective,

"Mika, what the fuck is he… "

"I don't know… I don't know… I… "

"The fuck you mean, he just… "

"He's going to make a diversion."

The explanation came from Annie, who looked as stone cold as ever and not at all concerned with their current predicament. Being close by, she clearly heard whatever short communication had been had between the two, but was not nearly at such a loss for words.

Ymir settled back down, though she herself was torn by his decision. If someone had needed to create a diversion it should have been Sasha or Ilse or someone fast, someone who could get away unscathed. But as she smiled gently down, she knew he had acted on impulse. Regardless, however, she certainly didn't want him dead. Feeling the smile vanish, she had only a moment to consider how Joseph might manage to worm his way out of a confrontation with twenty armed men, before the snap of Joseph's Colt tore through her mind and the forest. It could have been one shot, but she knew it must have been at least three. For a single, numbing moment, there was distant shouting and movement.

Then, sounds and lights that would have put a state sponsored fireworks show to shame. Instinctively ducking, Ymir heard someone shout,

"MOVE!"

Staying low, she reached out to grab Krista by the back of her jacket and pulling her ahead; in unison, the three groups split off at top speed for their respective vehicles. As they moved further away from the gunfire, Ilse shouted over the roar,

"What about Joseph!?"

Mikasa didn't even glance over; Ymir saw the look of knowing on Ilse's face at the lack of response and slowed significantly, starting to turn back. Annie grabbed her arm roughly and yanked her back on track.

"He knows what he's doing! And any of us going back does him no goddamn good! Now RUN!"

Ilse gave one withheld look of desperation and fear back towards the blaze before turning back forward; as she did the heavy rumble of one of their business partner's vehicles cut low through the sounds of gunfire. Not ten meters later, a bullet whizzed past them to the right, tearing wood from a tree, causing a curse to fly from Ymir's lips,

"Jesus!"

She sped up slightly for a moment to get closer to Krista, covering her as best she could while running through the woods, light flashing erratically behind them. After seconds that felt like hours, the bursts of the police's firearms lit up the side of their box truck, parked where they had left on the side of the road. Annie sprinted, flinging the back door up, and ushering them violently inside, shouting over the deafening clamor.

Ensuring Krista made it in first, Ymir backed against the far side letting Sasha and Ilse pile in and hit the floor before climbing in herself, slipping as she did. Her knee dragged against the sharp edge and she felt it tear through her pants and skin. She hit the metal ground of the truck, swearing like a sailor; she felt Krista's hands drag her further in and she reached around herself to clasp their hands. Annie reached up to pull down the door; as she did, the engine of the vehicle rumbled alive. Moments later, a door opened and closed and the truck accelerated sharply and Ymir's head banged against the rear. Now swearing for more than one reason, she clutched at her head and knee, feeling Krista scramble to her side,

"What happened!? Where're you hurt!?"

"Ugh… head… knee… "

She felt her girlfriend's hands move up and down her body, checking for serious damage; wincing she lay back, listening to the muffled thuds of the gunshots fade away into nothing. A gently and dim orange light gleamed through her fingers as Sasha turned on the back light. Finally, the only sound became that of the truck's engine and after a minute, Ymir breathed a soft sigh of relief.

"Out of the woods. Man, that was way too close."

"The fuck Ymir…"

She opened her eyes to see Ilse looking at her with dark resentment.

"We're down a seventh in case you missed that memo."

Never one to back down from a confrontation, she moved to rise to a more appropriate height, but was pulled down gently, but sternly. She looked at Krista who shook her head, a pained and distraught look on her face. Ymir pushed down her aggressive nature and responded with much more restraint then she normally put forth,

"I'm sorry… I wasn't thinking."

"Yeah you were… just about you though."

That wasn't gonna fly.

"Hey, yo, what the fuck do you want!? I say one fucking thing and I'm suddenly heartless?!"

Ilse shook her head in what could have been mild disgust.

"You are unbelievable."

"Please, enlighten me."

"You can never just keep your mouth shut when you should, not matter what insensitive shit you're thinking. Always gotta speak that twisted mind of yours."

"You're talking pretty tough shit for a pot calling the kettle black. You think I'm not worried about him?"

"You could have fooled me."

For the second time, Ymir grabbed control of her aggression.

"Look, it's not as bad as you're making it. "

"We left him. In the middle of nowhere to boot."

"He's no idiot, he's got just as good a chance… "

"GIVE ME A BREAK!"

The shout reverberated harshly through the box's interior; Ymir stared at her friend in level shock. Krista and Sasha were both staring at the floor, looking morose. Ilse let the silence reign for a few moments before following up,

"How could he have made it out of there. Twenty guys, yeah?"

She looked at Sasha who nodded bitter consent.

"All with bigger guns, a number advantage, probably some night vision gear, and he had nowhere to go. But, hey, we got our money right?"

Kicked one of the satchels with passive anger. Ymir let it sit for a good while; she then turned her gaze down and spoke with as much control as she was able.

"Ilse, that's not fair."

No reply; it only spurred her further.

"We didn't throw him to the wolves, he jumped to them. And there was nothing we could have done to improve the situation he put _himself_ in."

This was the harsh truth and as much as it sucked, she needed to hear it. But as Ilse turned to look at her friend, anger fell to a beaten expression that hurt Ymir's heart far more then the tempered one had. It was a knowing look, one that showed that, despite everything, it was trying to deflect the hurt of a loss.

"I know."

She put her head in her hands.

"I know."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

He wasn't sure how he was still moving.

Having fallen at least a half dozen times, Joe had pulled himself up over and over and ran as best as he could through the black woods. His calf seemed to be on fire, there was blood in his mouth from a fall onto a rock, and the same blood continued to leak into his eye, as a result of an unfortunate collision with a tree. He was fairly sure he had lost the officers a while ago; by zagging through trees and making wild turns, he must have now been far from any human. Regardless, he ran. By this point he shouldn't have been able to; he was tired, hurting, and quite possibly delusional.

As he tore through the growth on his path to nowhere, he kept seeing people through the trees, looking at him in disapproval. There went his parents, his brother, and those he had killed. Each looked at him like he wasn't worth shit.

Maybe he wasn't.

 _Look at what you've become._

 _You are alone in your nothingness._

 _You deserve to bleed._

They hissed at him cruelly; as if the physical stress wasn't enough. He gritted his teeth, feeling the coppery liquid flow through them, and barreled on. The phantoms, for that's all they could have been, followed, tormenting him with words. Dust was nowhere to be heard.

 _Why are you still running?_

 _There is nowhere for you to go._

 _You have nothing, they see you as nothing, they left you like nothing._

 _None of them, not even her, feel anything for you._

"SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTHES!"

He snarled this violently at the night sky, immediately regretting the toll it took on his already burning lungs. For a second, it seemed his outburst had quelled the spirits. He found he was very wrong as his roommate appeared before him, his face a decomposed mess,

 _YOU'RE A MURDERER!_

Then his roommate became a tree, and for the second time that night, he collided with an arboreal monument face-first.

He lay on the ground, bleeding from multiple lacerations and hating everything about his situation. He stopped to consider turning back and giving himself up; at least back there with the police, he could be guaranteed a place to sleep and eat. Then, as though he had just come back from a vacation, Dust arrived to berate him.

 _What the hell are you thinking. Turn yourself in? What kind of chicken-shit play is that?_

Joe did no more than grunt in pain; right now, movement was too much to ask. He changed the subject,

"Why won't you keep those fucking ghosts away… ? I thought that was what you were for… "

 _I killed the serpent. Those others, you have to fight them yourself until you realize there are no ghosts. Nothing left to haunt you but your conscience._

"Hehe… so I am just going crazy."

No reply.

"Well… thanks for the pep-talk."

 _Forget it. After all, I'm not really here either._

Laughing, Joe rolled over to his hands and knees. Looking around, he saw nothing but more black trees and ground.

Shakily, slowly, he began to run again.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The atmosphere in inside the abandoned gas station could have passed for a funeral service.

 _Though it very may well be._

Ymir thought this bitterly to herself as she sat on the decaying counter, swinging her legs to keep feeling in her body. The group was staying in the hideout until such a time that it was agreed the police were not going to find them. No matter how long they waited, they would be taking a different route home; there was no point in risking anything.

As for the moods that occupied the generally empty space, there were variants, but all of the same basic feeling. Krista was leaning against Ymir's shoulder with a hand on the taller girl's leg. She had said nothing since their escape. Sasha was the only one making any real noise, throwing bits of gravel at a half faded poster on the wall. Her face revealed little, but Ymir noticed her shaking arms and legs. Ilse was as she had been left: a seemingly broken and defeated person, sitting knees pulled up against her, her face resting in her crossed arms. Her eyes her difficult to look at without immediately feeling depression well up. Annie was the only one acting objectively, moving to each window in a slow and steady pattern, checking outside for any sign of movement. If she was feeling any emotion, she was hiding it as always.

Then… then there was Mikasa.

Their leader had been pacing ever since they had arrived and agreed on their plan of action. It wasn't a frantic pace, nor was it emotionless. It was just a constant striding back and forth along the worn down aisles. No feeling could be immediately discerned from it, but her white knuckles gave away that whatever emotion was being felt by the raven-haired girl was fierce.

Sighing softly through her nose, Ymir ceased swinging her legs. It was a grave situation despite them just having averted a serious crisis. But everyone was thinking the same thing.

 _We lost someone._

She knew it, because it was all she was able to comprehend. He was gone. And if it hadn't been him, would it have been someone else? Facing facts, they had to realize: this was the first time something like this had ever happened to their group. They had dealt with exceptionally hostile situations before, but now… now, they had actually lost something. The feeling of losing control was frighteningly powerful; to suddenly realize you had so little power over so much.

After what could have been hours, Annie broke the silence coldly,

"We've waited long enough. Let's give it thirty more minutes, then we hit the road. I'll do a quick drive around in the sweep to make sure we have an all clear."

No one gave the comment an acknowledgement, but everyone was agreeing silently. Sasha spoke up as well, voice cracking ever so slightly,

"Should check the truck too. Make sure there's no bullet marks; could act as red flags."

This too, was given silent consent.

Ymir glanced towards the sealed garage where she knew the truck was parked. As she wrapped her arm instinctively around Krista, her mind went to the money inside and a throbbing rush of self-loathing penetrated her gut. Not because of the money, but because of the spot it had taken in her priorities.

Regardless of what she knew, Ilse had made an agonizing point.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The sky finally began to show light as he staggered free of the treeline. Although "light" was perhaps an exaggeration; the solid grey sky gave the obvious intention of bringing rain at any moment.

He slumped against the ditch on the side of the road, desperate for shallow breath. After a good while, the pain had started to become something that wasn't so difficult to endure. Looking up at the grey, he imagined it was probably around four or five in the morning. Oh, how many times he had slept through these hours, with no thought of the events that transpired at this time. Joe thought to the other students sleeping on campus, who had no idea who he was or what he was going through. Pushing down his envy, he wobbled to a standing position, he began along the dirt road that he had come out on, trying to remember why he had need to be cautious.

 _What's there to worry about… ? I'm just a guy on a walk, in the absurdly early morning, in the middle of nowhere, bleeding from multiple areas, and probably looking like something Salvador Dali would dream up._

He giggled at his own reference; how absurd he was, to think of such nonsense at a time like this.

Eventually, the dirt road gave way to a real two-lane road, and he bobbled in both directions, trying to make heads or tails of which direction was best. He thought of flipping a coin, but, knowing he didn't have one, opted instead to spin around in place a good six times to randomize the direction. After collapsing in dizziness and swearing in pain two dozen times, he dragged himself up again and started along the road.

As he lurched along the aging pavement, he took stock of how pretty the surrounding area was. Far off to his right, there was a large open field and ahead and to the left, daunting woods took up all the eye could see. The grey clouds did the area good as well; it looked like something out of a horror movie.

Swaying back and forth across the lane divide, he realized that it had started raining. He looked up, scowling, then immediately regretted the decision, as the sudden movement caused his head to rush.

As he waited for the world to stop spinning, he realized he could hear a car; glancing around quickly, he realized it must be coming from around the bend up ahead. He considered leaping away and hiding, but his body wouldn't hear it. He tottered over to the right lane and lowered his head, hoping whoever was driving would think him a drunk homeless man, and continue on their way.

Keeping his eyes on the pavement, he heard the car make the bend, near him, and then smash its brakes.. It stopped behind him and he sighed, spitting blood as he did so, waiting for a voice to yell at him to put his hands up. A door did open, but no sudden yelling came. He kept walking slowly.

"…Joseph… ?"

He stopped.

 _Huh?_

He turned slowly to see Annie standing beside a grey sedan, showing the most emotion he had ever seen her let loose. Granted it wasn't much, just a singularly shocked expression, eyes looking him up and down.

Stupidly, he wondered how he looked.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

 **AN: So I'm pleased to announce that I have now found a working, consistent schedule for my life. As such I should be able to now get chapters out every 1-2 weeks, depending on how difficult the chapter is to write, random, unforeseen events, and the like. This chapter made it out in about a week, and while I can't promise such speed every update, it's hopefully a sign of things to come. Regardless, there shouldn't be any more 3+ week gaps in between updates. Thanks for dealing with that and, as always, hope you're enjoying reading as much I am writing!**


	14. Chapter 14

The cracked and greying ceiling of the battered and time-weathered building. A tear in the fabric of her jacket that was relatively new. The nearly completely healed cut on the back of her right hand.

These were the things Mikasa could focus on before she started shaking.

Pacing and clenching white fists only could deflect so much of her emotion and stress. She knew that at least one of her girls had eyes on her; in such a show of weakness, it must have been hard not to. She didn't care. This display could have been much worse.

 _I can't believe I just went with it. What the fuck is wrong with me. I just let him get up and go, I didn't say anything, we could have… fuck, we could have done something. What'll his family think? When he just disappears… that isn't fair. And I didn't tell him…_

She stopped walking and swallowed with considerable effort.

 _Would I have even been able to?_

A gentle shuffle of feet drew her attention behind her. Ilse hadn't moved from where she had been sitting, but now, a single wet trail where a tear had fallen stained her face. As she angrily wiped it away, Sasha caught sight and rose, moving over to sit next to her friend. She put out a comforting arm and didn't seem surprised or offended, when Ilse aggressively resisted the touch. Instead, Sasha waited with her arm out for a solid minute until Ilse caved, sniffing heavily as she leaned into her friend, accepting the friendly embrace.

With a terrifically painful yank at her gut, Mikasa felt the memory of her sitting with Joseph slide into her mind. Before it consumed her with guilt and regret, she shoved it aside, and resumed her pacing. Far in the distant scape of her mind, a voice of reason sat out in the dark, trying to place thoughts of rationale into her conscience.

 _Don't think about that; what you need to worry about is making sure everyone gets out of here without a hitch._

But her emotional side prevented these thoughts from creating any sort of effect.

 _Everyone…_

Driving her nails into her hand, she cursed herself again. Not for being useless in the situation, not for having done nothing, but for having the ability to feel such wretched emotion. She thought to her mother, living in constant fear. To Joseph, someone whom she had lost so suddenly.

To the child she had rendered fatherless.

She found herself wanting to cry, actually wanting to break down physically along with her pained mind, but the tears just wouldn't come; she instead settled for tearing the skin of her palm.

 _Why is the world so cruel?_

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

As the car hit a bend in the road at a slightly overzealous speed, Joe grunted weakly as hid head rolled to the right, smacking into the car door.

"Jeez, you wanna take it easy? I've been hitting plenty of stuff without being a test track passenger… "

He was aware of the weak slurring of his words; it surely had something to do with the exhaustion, pain, and nausea weighing down on him. Annie swore violently, glancing over at him for the umpteenth time,

"Fuckin' hell… sorry, just… hang in there… "

After breaking free of her stupor in the middle of the road, she had sprinted to him and gave him a swift look over for serious wounds. Determining there was nothing that required immediate attention, she had half dragged him into the car and seemed intent on breaking land speed records while taking him… wherever it was they were going.

"Hey Annie?"

He did his best to not slur his speech; he had a feeling that current attribute was doing nothing to lessen the urgency she felt. She looked over sharply,

"What?"

Opening his mouth, he realized he had completely forgotten what he was going to say. He remained there for several seconds, probably looking like a complete idiot; aware she was staring at him with an ever-growing sense of worry, he drilled his throbbing head and snapped his fingers in remembrance.

Or at least, he tried. When one's hands were wet with blood, snapping fingers becomes a difficult task.

"Where… where are we heading exactly?"

While she answered, he noticed that at least every couple seconds, she would snap her head over to look at him, as though she was expecting him to drop dead.

"Contingency spot only Mika and I knew about ahead of time. Tired out gas station we found a few months back, everyone's there now, once we get you back, we'll fix you up and be on our way."

Nodding slowly, he heaved a painful sight and leaned back, closing his eyes. They snapped open as she slapped the side of his face,

"OW, what the fuck?!"

"Stay awake, don't close your eyes. We're almost there."

"You didn't have to hit me… "

She didn't respond, and mere moments later, she was pulling across a decrepit excuse for an intersection into an even more decrepit parking lot. Glancing out, his eyes caught sight of the grey-brown gas station; he wondered how long it had been around. The faded sign evoked a very seventies feel and he noticed the terribly old-looking font on the side of the building.

Annie fairly kicked her door open, then moved quickly around the front of the vehicle to haul him out.

"It's chill, it's chill, I can walk fine… "

As he spoke the last words, his knee gave out and he collapsed against her. With general ease, she helped him back up; as he looked at his arm around her shoulder, he noticed he had smeared blood on the sleeve of her beige hoodie.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry, that could be a pain in the ass to clean out… "

For a moment, she looked utterly bemused as to the nature of his comment. Then, catching on, she shook her head in disbelief,

"Jesus, don't worry about that… can you stand?"

She gently eased away, and he tested his footing. Leaning back and forth, he flipped on a smile.

"Yup, looking pretty good!"

Casting him a last look of worry, she marched towards the side entrance to the station, waving an arm urgently at him. He walked after her, growling in pain for each step. Perhaps joking around, acting as though he was fine hadn't been a good idea.

He might have just convinced her he was insane.

The bleary movement was causing his head to start to rush again as he reach the door, seconds after her. Pushing on the handle and forcing it open with considerably more effort then should have been necessary. Unable to properly gauge his inertia, he stumbled inside and against the wall. Allowing himself a quick rest, he heard voices from around the corner.

"There you are… everything look okay?"

"Hold up, is that blood? Are you alright?"

Ymir and Sasha's voices sent a surprising and considerably heavy wave of emotion through them. It may have just been his fatigue, but he realized that he had seriously been of the mindset that he would never see or hear any of them again. He regretted not giving Annie a hug when she picked up on the road; although, frankly, she probably would say she was just fine without.

He heard a slight shuffle of feet as she replied to the questions,

"No, no, it's… it's not mine."

Feeling a stupid rush of nerves at what they might say to his appearance, he stepped around the corner, into the station's main room.

There they all were; Ymir and Krista halfway off the counter, Sasha and Ilse sitting against the wall, Annie looking back towards him, and… her. His stomach was in no shape to do flip-flops, but it did its best anyway.

In a weak show of nerves, he lowered his gaze, not wanting to meet any of theirs'. He didn't know if any one of them had cared that he may have been dead out in the woods somewhere, but his lack of knowledge about their feelings made him critically uncomfortable. But when no movement was made, no voice was raised as he slid into open view, his curiosity got the better of him and he looked up.

Shock in the eyes of Sasha and Ymir were the only emotion he was able to pick out; Krista had a hand over her mouth and looked ready to be sick and crying at the same time. Ilse had somehow made it to her feet silently and instantly, her face tight and reserved, jaw muscles working furiously.

"Sweet merciful fuck… "

Ymir's soft exclamation caused Mikasa to finally turn and regard who had just walked in. He feared her gaze the most, but found himself completely unable to look away as their eyes met. After a silent moment, she took several slow steps towards him; as she did, Ymir hopped down from her place, smile starting to bloom and Ilse as well moved at him, though her steps were far from steady.

Mikasa stopped a good couple feet from him, still unveiling no emotion. This worried him more than it probably should have, though he continued to stare across the short space between them. His head still spinning slightly, he looked back at her, desperately trying to pick out _any_ feeling.

There could have been anything behind those beautiful eyes; nothing came to the forefront, however. She also simply wasn't moving, only staring at him. The movement of others behind her remained only in his peripheral; she was the only one who mattered right now. He thought to his weak attempts to convince Annie he was okay earlier and decided maybe to downplay it. Mustering up some courage, he allowed a small, sheepish smile to climb across his face, thinking maybe that would be a good move.

It was not.

Without really seeing much of anything, he was suddenly aware of an explosion of pain as a fist fairly pulverized the side of his head. It struck with enough force to drive him down and against an ancient aisle that clattered as his body collapsed against it. Eyes tearing with pain, he weakly scrambled to a more upright position.

"Mika, what the FUCK!"

He heard Ilse shout this as slid back down the aisle stand in pain and flashed his eyes up. Mikasa stood over him, right hand tightly clenched into a fully effective sledgehammer. Ilse and Ymir had moved forward and Annie was already there holding the taller girl by the lower arm. And as his head slowed in its swaying to comprehend what was placed before him, he saw her eyes.

He had never been one to be driven into a submission by a mere stare (though Krista would come close on occasion), now he found himself thoroughly unable to defend himself, talk, or even look away.

The eyes burned with so much emotion; he could now see anger, regret, frustration, and fear among others that he couldn't pinpoint. He couldn't decide whether he was more frightened of the emotions he could identify, or the ones he couldn't. She reached out slowly with her free arm to point at him; the toxicity of her voice was so that he found himself wanting to find another crevasse in the woods to crawl into and die.

"Don't you ever… EVER… pull something so fucking stupid again."

It seemed she wanted to say more, but didn't, just pulled back slowly.

"I'm gonna go check and prep the truck."

She said this to no one in particular and stormed out of the building, leaving Joe on the floor with a fresh injury, feeling very hollow indeed.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ymir yanked right the bandage she had been instructed, earning a slight spasm and yelp from Joseph. He was belly down on the counter getting temporarily fixed up until they could get back home and have Hange's crew do a full and proper job.

"Ah, quit crying you big baby, this could have been soooooo much worse."

She was having trouble keeping her elation down; him walking through that entrance… he literally was back from the dead, and she wasn't sure what to think. For now, at least, she was content with just being pleased with the turn of events. She was taking care of his leg, while Ilse dealt with the brown patches that lay across his back and sides. Krista was kneeling in front of him, delicately dabbing and cleaning up his head wounds.

No doubt he would be in more pain from all this, but Annie had stuck with something that would keep him awake and in control of his faculties for a good few hours and something else that would keep him from feeling much while Ymir picked at his leg. She and Sasha were sitting on two folding chairs, watching the live action game of Operation play out and listening to Joseph telling an exceptionally funny and exceptionally exaggerated tale of his "dramatic" escape.

It was readily apparent that the painkiller he had been stuck with had made him as hyperactive as a toddler jumped up on sugar.

"… so after I made it out the ditch, I thought, 'well shit, now I'm definitely going to have to run with this fucked up leg', so I get going and after a while, I'm thinking, 'hey this is going pretty smoothly!' at which point my brain told my eyes that I really wanted to see what it was like to eat a tree at twelve miles per hour."

Ymir snorted a laugh as Sasha and Krista giggled softly.

"So I'm running, falling, running, hitting trees, running until If finally reach a road. Now, to my knowledge, the North Star only is of assistance when you can see it… "

Finishing binding his leg, Ymir shook her head, smiling.

"Decided to take a chance and started off randomly. Didn't get too far until I heard this rumble and I realized… "

He held a pointer finger ahead of him, narrowing his eyes with suspense. Krista looked on nodding and smiling widely, like a mother humoring a child. Smiling herself at the sight, Ymir nevertheless turned towards Annie and gave a firm nod. The blonde rose and moved towards the bag that contained the medical equipment.

"… then I realized… that a car was rounding the corner at near ninety miles an hour! I just managed to jump out of the way… "

Sasha glanced with mock surprise towards Annie who had found what she was looking for in the bag and was moving over to the downed patient.

"Annie! How could you drive so dangerously?"

"Please."

That remained her only response as she stopped next to Joseph and stuck him the neck. He winced,

"Hey, what was that?"

She returned to her seat, tossing her hair out of her eye.

"Beta-blocker type drug, gonna neutralize the med that's got you so damn lively."

"But why would you… "

Holding up a hand, she gave him a hard look.

"Count to thirty."

Huffing softly, he lowered his head onto his arms and began counting. Ymir walked around the counter to put her hand on Krista's shoulders as they all watched his face. Very slowly, the high-spirits began to fade into a very neutral expression; at the thirty-second mark, Ilse asked,

"How you feel?"

He raised his eyes glumly.

"My head hurts."

Ymir clapped her hands on her girlfriend's shoulders.

"And just like that… back to normal."

Annie nodded, eyes down.

"Alright everybody, get your shit together. And give the place a good look around, nothing gets left behind."

Everyone rose slowly and moved off to make ready; Ymir let Krista return to the backroom where they had laid their gear and moved off to her pack. In the corner of her eye, she saw Ilse ( _unsurprisingly_ ) move to Joseph and help him get back on his feet. Now, she had never been one to eavesdrop, but in such a scenario, Ymir found herself unable to stop from listening in as she took her time going through her belongings.

"You actually okay?"

"Yeah, head just hurts a little… leg too."

"Well that's normal… if you feel dizzy or anything, let one of us know, no shame in asking for help. Though Ymir may burn you a little bit."

The girl in question smiled as she kept her head down.

 _You better believe it._

"Hehe yeah, I'd imagine… though maybe I'll ask Mikasa so she can match this bruise under the eye here… "

The joke was obvious, but Ilse's indignation and disbelief were apparent in her tone; Ymir could practically hear her shake her head.

"That was… I can't believe that. I know she was probably feeling mixed emotions, but to lay you out like that in the state you were in… That's… maybe I'd better talk to her… "

"No. I appreciate that… but if anyone's going to talk to her, it should be me."

As Ymir straightened, she saw Ilse lay a hand on his shoulder, an uncommonly soft look on her face. Then she turned and moved off to take care of her own material. For a moment, Joseph stood there; he didn't move, but Ymir could see his mind working hard.

She was the only one who saw him finally move to the side entrance of the station, out into the increasing rainfall and out of sight.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Mikasa walked around the rear end of the truck for what must have been the twelfth time. The vehicle was in perfect working order, but she didn't trust herself to be back around everyone just yet. Her mind was still racing, and at a speed she couldn't properly control.

Breathing heavily, she placed a forearm against the back door of the truck and leaned against it. The now open garage door let the sound of the now steady rainfall fill her ears and she did all she could to find comfort in it. She thought to the nights where her father would be off on a business trip and she and her mother would sit near the windowsill and listen to the sound of water hitting the roof. The thought gave her some peace of mind and she felt her heart rate slightly begin to return to a regular pace.

"Hey."

His voice stopped everything.

Her thoughts, her emotions, the acknowledgment of the rain. All ceased for a moment as she heard him.

But it didn't take long for the emotions to come flooding back.

"Listen… I'm not sure exactly what you're feeling, about any of this. I'm not sure exactly what you're upset at or with, but I just wanted to say that I did what I did because I saw no other recourse."

She was hearing him and comprehending him, but her mind simply wasn't processing his words.

"I drew those men with the intention that I could hold their attention long enough for you all to make it out alive. And I'd do it again. But, if you felt betrayed or overridden or whatever, I just wanted to apologize. I did what I thought was right."

She made no reply; he swallowed.

"So… if there's anything you… you know… wanted to say to me… "

He left it hanging and she felt an insane well of emotions seize at her insides. She was talking before she knew it.

"You made a decision with no real thought to what the consequences would be regarding yourself or us. You acted foolishly and selfishly and gave a damn good impression of just being some guy wanting to play the hero."

She turned to face him.

"You think this a game? You think that just like that, you can go and risk so much because you thought it was 'right'? I don't know who exactly you see yourself as, but maybe next time, remember that whoever that is, can wind up a fucking corpse a lot faster than you seem to think."

She laughed a laugh that wasn't her own.

"Looks like you put pretty low value on the one thing you have control of; your life. You're a lot less strong then I gave you credit for."

The words hung in the air and Mikasa realized she had no idea if she meant them. In her mind, she wanted him to deny them, to call her crazy, to fight back. But he did none of those things. With a morose look, he turned and began to walk away.

As he moved out into the rain, she found herself moving swiftly after him out of the garage.

"HEY!"

Rain falling faster around them, he turned to regard her with an enraging amount of passiveness.

"What is this to you?! When you pick up a gun, when you get in one of these vehicles, do you give even the smallest shit of what happens to you?! Is there some death wish you have that you'd like to share?!"

He didn't reply for several seconds; before he did, a shallow laugh issued from his mouth.

"What is this to me…? You really can't figure…?"

Then, whatever dam was holding him back, vanished.

"Everything I've done, I've done for you, all of you. Ever since I picked up this job, I've risked everything, doing something I was forced into. I didn't ask for this!"

He too, laughed a laugh that didn't belong to him.

"Something told me that this was something I was going to do, it was what I was meant to do. And ever since then, I've done everything to you've instructed and then some. You think I find this easy, that I enjoy this?!"

His face cracked and she saw the agony and anger within.

"I KILLED MY ROOMMATE FOR YOU PEOPLE FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!"

The revelation froze her, if only for a moment.

"You can order me around, you can control my life. But let's get one thing straight: I am no good person and I am certainly no goddamn hero. Though I'm glad you think you know me well enough to let me know otherwise."

With that he turned and marched back towards the station door.

Mikasa stood there, knowing and regret holding her in place. Then, the anger that had been ever present in her life launched her forward. She grabbed his arm and yanked him hard backward; he stumbled, but recovered quickly. She spat angrily as he did,

"You seem pretty intent on playing it free and easy regardless."

"Oh, well I apologize if hating myself comes across as 'playing it free and easy'".

"Don't use self-loathing as a fucking excuse."

"Excuse?! Don't you try and… you know what? I don't need this shit."

He marched forward and tried to step around her, but she threw him back.

"You can't just walk away from this."

"Yeah? Watch me."

Moving towards the door again, he evaded her first attempt to withhold him. When it failed, she shot her arm out and struck him in the gut, sending him back against the building. Before he could move, she was on him, ramming him up against the greying wall. He snarled and reach out to grab a fistful of her hair and they both held each other at deadlock.

And they both stopped.

She stared into his angry, tormented eyes; she knew she held the same emotions in hers. They both were breathing heavily, their breath drifting up into the now pouring rain and towards the grey sheet of the sky. She watched the rain slide down his face to mix with his tears; and suddenly, through all her emotion, she felt a ray of light slice through them.

Without any forethought, without any fear, she closed the distance, kissing him with all the drive her pent-up body held. As their lips met, she went from holding him aggressively against the wall to sliding her hand onto his chest.

Through the numbing feeling, she felt his hand go from clenching her hair to caressing the back of her head with all the softness of a breeze. As her other hand went around his neck to cradle his head, she pressed up against him, making as much contact as possible. Her mind had stopped racing, and now only passionate thunder rolled through her body.

And there, minds falling apart in the pouring rain, they held each other, as time ceased to hold relevance.

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 **AN: Well, with a good bit of free time, I managed to get another chapter out pretty quick... I've actually had this one in the making for awhile, so to see it finally hit the story is pretty exciting for me.**

 **I also wanted to take a moment to seriously thank anyone who's decided to give this a read and especially those who have left a review. You'd be surprised how just a few words in a response to my work makes my day. It's so awesome to see my renditions of these characters and the story they find themselves in have any sort of impact on a reader and being able to have this sort of interaction with my audience is something I cherish deeply.**

 **So, I hope you enjoyed this longer-than-normal chapter and as always, thanks so much for stopping by!**


	15. Chapter 15

**_"_** ** _I was safe, I was brave_**

 ** _Until the sky collapsed on me_**

 ** _Can you hear the thunder in my chest?_**

 ** _Can you feel how heavy lies the air?_**

 ** _Let it fall, let it fall_**

 ** _Let it all be swallowed by the storm_**

 ** _Can you hear the thunder in my chest?_**

 ** _Rain down on me, rain down on me."_**

 ** _\- Caleb Shomo_**

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He was falling forever.

Then he was flying.

Then he was motionless.

Joe felt all these things at once as he remained pressed against the building, being caressed by Mikasa, who had been at his throat mere seconds prior. His eyes were closed, but it hardly mattered. The ability to see was woefully useless in a moment like this.

Running his hand slowly through her wet hair, she responded by driving herself against him; as their chests met, he could feel the drum of her heart intersect with his. As they kissed, he felt her hand doing the same as his; her fingers ran gentle strokes along the back of his head, sending shivers through him unlike any he had ever felt.

Through a haze, he became aware that all the feelings of anxiety, anger, fear, and sadness had been swallowed up; she had taken them and rendered them helpless. It was the first time in his entire life that he felt truly blank.

And then, just as quickly, it was over.

She pulled away, and he opened his eyes to meet hers, feeling a terrible rip through his insides as his hand leave contact with her. The eyes that he saw were no longer filled with distress and rage. Perhaps even worse, they held an emotion he could not identify.

Stepping back, she regarded him; he opened his mouth, but found he had no words to say. That he could say. She spoke instead, however, words as cold as the grey sky,

"That didn't happen."

"What do you… what do you mean… "

The anger was back in an instant.

"I _mean_ … exactly what I said."

He could only shake his head in confusion and he took a step forward. Instantly, she lashed out with a frontal kick that sent him painfully back into the wall. She eyed him with a now dark expression.

"Don't."

Then, she turned sharply, and walked steadily past him, back towards the station.

Feeling an odd form of distress that he was unfamiliar with, he scrambled up and moved after her, catching the door before it closed. As he moved inside, he caught a quick glimpse of Mikasa's back whip out of sight; suddenly, in the empty hallway, he felt an overwhelming sense of emotional fatigue. The feeling brought him to crash into the wall, sliding down to rest his wrists on his knees.

He realized he was still out of breath.

 _I… I can't believe… she just did that. To me._

He wheezed out a weak laugh.

 _Was that… was that even real?_

Mind reeling, he closed his eyes and lowered his head. In the recesses of his thoughts, he could still feel her, smell her, hold her.

And he realized that he had no idea what to feel.

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"Well that only took you a hundred years."

"Yeah, you didn't need to refurbish the seats, it would cost less to just buy new ones."

"But new ones wouldn't hold the memory of Sasha and Ilse fucking like rabbits. You can't put a price on that… "

Ymir snickered heavily at her own joke, ignoring the now burning glares of her two friends. She instead kept her eyes as inconspicuously as she could on Mikasa, who had just reentered the main room of the station. The dark-haired girl appeared calmer than she had had been before storming out of the building and was also thoroughly drenched by the now apparent rainstorm that was now cascading the area.

It was not lost on Ymir, however, that the truck was resting inside a separate garage that still had a functioning roof; there was no reason for her to have been in the rain for longer than a few seconds. Changing tactics, she called out,

"Hey Mika, did you see Joseph back there?"

The abrupt halt in walking told her more than she needed to know; looking back through wet hair, she opened her mouth, but instead of speaking, only gestured towards the hallway she had entered from. Then, she moved away to take care of whatever possessions she had left in the greying station.

Not looking away, Ymir lowered her bag down to the floor gently.

 _Should I, or should I not… ?_

It wasn't a hard decision to make.

Moving steadily, but cautiously, she quietly made her way past some worn out aisles to the hallway in question. She glanced back to make sure no one was paying her any mind, and upon confirming, she slipped into the darker corridor.

She found him relatively quickly; the hall only turned twice before revealing its exit and there he was, sitting and propped against the wall. His head was down, with his hands resting on his knees and she wondered if approaching him was smart. But, as usual, her mouth moved before her brain,

"Hey, what's going on?"

He looked up and around jerkily; he too, was considerably wet.

"Oh, sorry… was just… thinking."

Hauling himself forcefully to his feet, he stumped past her towards where she had come from. She didn't imagine, even for a moment, letting him get away that easy.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, yeah… just tired I guess… "

She sensed pain in his voice.

"Fuck, did she hit you again?"

"What… what? No, no... "

"Did you see her?"

"Yea, we just… sorta talked…. "

"What about?"

"Just… stuff… and things."

She realized she was smiling; tiring of her game of catch and release, she sighed,

"Alright, well everyone's shit is pretty much ready to go, so you may as well just hang here, while we load up."

"I can help… "

"Maybe, but not without risking you passing out. We just patched you up, you're not fixed yet."

Not fighting it, he nodded with his back to her. She walked past him and back towards the others; as she neared the bend in the hallway, she heard him,

"Ymir."

Fully ready to receive a mushy confession, she began to spin, smile still playing at her face. It winked out of existence when she saw his though. It wasn't the sheepish, tired, or dull expression she had been expecting. Instead, he was looking towards the ground, face ripe with sheer panic. He had also nearly completely paled. She took a step forward, half-expecting him to collapse.

"Jesus, what?"

He didn't move, just kept staring a near hysterical look. Then, in a matter of a few seconds, color returned and his face receded to a normal, slightly relieved expression.

"Nothing… just… thought I forgot something… "

She watched him for several seconds more, slightly put off.

"Alright… we'll be back in a few seconds."

Not wanting to leave him, she felt herself pulled away regardless and she walked back out to the main room. She heard herself offer some general excuse as Sasha asked where she had run off to; her mind was elsewhere.

 _What did she do to him… fuck, what did they do to each other?_

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He looked after Ymir and waited for her footsteps to reach a reasonable distance before speaking, low and annoyed.

"Why did you stop me? What's wrong with her knowing?"

 _You know exactly why. One romance exists in this group and it's a stable one. You both are obviously a little fucked in the head, you more than her._

"You don't think… the two of us… ?'

 _No, I don't. And if you have any common sense, you'll see that._

As usual, Dust iced none of his words. Joe looked down again.

"I can't forget that. Even if I wanted to."

 _Don't you?_

"I… I don't know what to think."

Dust half-growled, half-sighed.

 _You could maybe make it happen, but you need to know what it's worth to you. What really would you be willing to do for this girl, who so clearly stated that she wants nothing to come from what just happened and who so clearly has problems._

He felt a horribly wrenching tug on his gut that dragged him back down to the floor.

"Anything… "

Dust spat in disgust.

 _You're living a daydream. Until you think about this rationally, there's no point discussing it._

Joe felt the entity begin to slip away,

"Wait. What do see in her that's wrong? What do you know about her that I don't?"

In his mind's eye, he saw a sick smile plaster itself across Dust's face.

 _Nothing. She's beautiful, intelligent, down-to-earth. But if I really need to spell it out for you; she is someone with a lot to hide._

"Like what?"

 _How the hell should I know. You keep forgetting I'm not really here._

And with that, he was gone, just as quickly as his namesake. Joe remained on the floor. He found himself wanting to stay there for a very long time. Then he heard approaching footsteps; he rose and prepared a mask. For now it was time to pretend that absolutely nothing was wrong.

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 **One Week Later**

Grimacing with effort, Krista attempted vainly to hoist the box of spare ammo into the rack above. She wasn't as weak as her appearance would have suggested, but dealing with sixty pound luggage in a tight area still presented a considerable challenge. Hearing the door open, she turned to see Joseph and Sasha walk through, chatting avidly about some sports nonsense. Deeming her situation worthy of an interruption, she spoke up,

"Hey, could someone maybe come give me a hand real quick?"

They both turned to regard her and their expressions quickly became concerned. Jogging briskly across the loading bay, they split to both sides of her, relieving her of the heavy material. Lifting it, they jointly slid it into place on the rack above; Krista noticed, but chose to not mention, that the rack was a good foot higher then she could have reached regardless. Sasha heaved a relieved sigh,

"Damn Krista, you don't need to tackle this sort of thing single handedly; you know what Ymir would say if she knew you were trying… ?

"Well, that's not a problem, because neither of you lovely people are going to mention it."

They both exchanged smiles and Joseph chuckled,

"Mention what?"

"… Thanks."

Sasha dug out her phone as it buzzed; glancing at it for only a second or two, she looked up at them,

"Well, I gotta go, can't keep Ilse waiting."

Krista grinned knowingly.

"Bye Sash."

"See you around."

She twirled and sprung off towards the door, waving in response to their farewells. As the door closed behind her, Joseph glanced back towards Krista and noticed the half dozen boxes left behind her. He raised an eyebrow as he cocked his head,

"You, uh… want some help with those?"

She closed her eyes for a brief instant.

"I'm really glad I didn't have to ask… "

Laughing again, he moved over and stretched, his slim frame and broad shoulders giving way to a few pops from tired joints. He bent over the lot and yanking one up to rest beside the first, he said lowly,

"Sasha and Ilse… they're pretty close, huh?

Smiling widely as she leaned against the racks and tossing her hair, she replied,

"You could say that… they've definitely got a… special relationship."

As he reached for another, he looked at her oddly,

"What does that mean… ?"

"Let's just say… "close" friends can have a few meanings."

Spinning his head to look at her in surprise, the third box tumbled from his grip to land heavily on his right foot. Krista gave a short squeal of panic which quickly lapsed into laughter as he hopped madly about, swearing six times a second. Recovering a short time after, he limped back over giving her a pained and puzzled look.

"You know I'm still having issues with this leg…

He shook his head.

"So they really are… "

"Fuck buddies, yeah, something like that."

He turned back to the work, expression morphing into what could have been one of disappointment. Krista cocked her head in gentle curiosity,

"What's that look for? You have eyes on one of them or something?"

"No, no… it's just… you'd think me being here for a few months now would have resulted in my dumbass picking up on a thing or two."

She laughed.

"Hardly a big deal. They don't ever really talk about it and it's not a frequent thing. Least as far as I know."

Glancing down, she spoke her mind before she chickened out.

"Speaking of relationships, you and Mika have been acting kinda weird around each other since that… other week."

It was no doubt a touchy subject, for both of them, but as a friend, something was driving her to inquire. She knew immediately the ice was thin as his gaze shifted uncomfortably away from her.

"I haven't noticed."

Krista saw no reason for beating around the bush.

"I'm betting you have. Maybe you'd rather just not think about it. Or talk about it."

She'd rather him be angry with her; his passive attitude always made it impossible to get anywhere with him in a conversation like this. His blank response caused an uncommon flare of anger to drive itself into her stomach.

"Yeah, maybe."

Hopping away from her perch, she approached him; reaching out, she took his arm to prevent him from continuing to haul boxes and waited until he met her gaze.

"What's the point of blocking yourself off? You afraid someone like me won't understand?"

He refused to respond, looking only downward. Snapping sharply in his face and eliciting only a reactive blink, she shook her head in bemusement.

"You are _just_ like her. Stubborn as a rock."

Turning in annoyance at her own lack of progress, she started walking back towards where she had been sitting.

"Something happened between the two of you. Whether it happened that day we almost lost you, or afterwards, something changed. And it doesn't feel right."

She could practically see him looking daggers at her back..

"It seems you've put a great deal of thought into this."

His voice held bitter, passive sarcasm, but his response hit much closer to home than he knew. Krista had been watching the pair of the quietly for weeks. They both had seemed to have a positive impact on each other and, unbeknownst to the rest, she had been considering the possibility that they would hit a point in their relationship that would ascend it to the next level. That had been how it had been with Ymir; they had been just friends for such a long time, until, finally, Krista had gotten the stupid girl to kiss her, out spending the night on some nondescript Montana mountain.

But more than she wanted them to be together, she wanted them both to be happy. Since he had joined, he had paired with Mikasa for the two most commonly depressed people in the group. It was never obvious in either of their actions or speech, but they both carried a weight that clearly took a toll on both of them. Then, they both had started talking to each other more, hanging out, and growing closer and it became clear that they were good for each other. They both grew protective of each other, talked more in general on outings, and began to laugh frequently.

Then, that night.

That night, Joseph frightened them all with his dangerous move to lay down a diversion, but it was obvious that Mikasa was the most rattled by his action. She had shut down almost completely in the following hours, leaving the fortunately well-capable Annie in charge of most everything until the same girl had returned from probing the area with a battered, bleeding, and delirious Joseph in tow. Then, their leader had went and hit him. _Hit_ him. And then after giving him only a few venomous words, Krista hadn't witnessed the two speak since.

But she knew something was going on between them. Whether it was bitter disregard or a silent war, she was sick of guessing.

They would be going to oversee a drop the next night as moderators and with a possibly hostile situation looming, this was also the first time Joseph was going to be back at work since his leg had mended enough to deem him worthy of taking on another job. And if there was a dissent between him and Mikasa, it could only hurt them as a team.

"That morning in the rain… after you all fixed me up… me and her had a frank exchange of words in the rain."

Utterly surprised by his sudden openness, she restrained herself from moving too quickly as she sensed more coming.

"We fought briefly and then… she… "

Turning slowly, she looked at him. Little had changed about his appearance since they first met in the park several months ago; same thin brown hair, same strong green eyes, same soft expression that always held fire beneath. But what was in his eyes had changed and not for the better. Now, nothing but distress lingered in them. And she found herself knowing exactly what it was he was unable to say.

And it numbed her to the bone.

"Since then… she hasn't approached me or even tried talking to me. And I've… I've been scared to try myself."

It was insane to contemplate. Almost impossible. That Mikasa would come onto him like that… yet it would explain so much.

Despite this heavy revelation, she moved a step towards him, mind racing,

"Joseph… this… this isn't something you can hide from, either of you."

His silence had returned, but she fought on.

"I can't know exactly what you both said… but, you both have to deal with this before… "

The door swung open once again, and Krista heard Ymir's strong voice call through the large warehouse.

"Hey Krista! C'mon we gotta hit the road!"

Feeling as though she was wading through a bog, she twisted to look at her girlfriend, feeling conflict weigh down her ability to coherently think. As she did, she saw Ymir's face take on an angry tone.

"Are you… have you been trying to lift heavy crap again? I don't know what you think you have to prove by almost breaking your goddamn back… "

"Hey, hey Ymir, it's chill. I was moving these and she came to keep me company."

Joseph spoke without revealing any sign of his affliction. Ymir heaved a sigh, rolling her eyes off to the ceiling.

"Thank Christ… alright, well seriously, we gotta get."

She hit the door twice for emphasis; Krista looked back towards Joseph who had started moving the boxes again. He looked at her with a troubled look, but his voice still held no pain.

"Okay, well I'll catch you guys tomorrow."

"Yeah will do. We'll see how you do holding a gun again, Wobbles."

Laughing at the nickname she had just conceived, Ymir held the door open to let Krista walk through, who realized she had no memory of moving there. Looking back once more, she saw him toting an annoyed expression at Ymir; before her conscience convinced her to stay, she turned heel and strode out into the evening air.

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Scowling at the grey sidewalk, Joe kicked at a rock that rested just beyond sitting in his path. It skipped sharply across the street before landing in someone's lawn and falling silent. He looked around and noticed for the first time since he started his walk that it really was damned quiet. No cars, no other pedestrians; even the streetlights were not content to buzz. The overcast sky was obvious by the complete lack of moon and stars. All in all, it was a very dead night.

Blinking for a long time, he continued on his way, steps making a very empty noise. One thing that hadn't changed since his life had altered drastically was that late walks still held solace for him. Something about just getting away from it all, walking on a dirt trail or a suburban sidewalk held such peace for him. Yet now they held the curse that, no matter what he started thinking about, he would always come back to remembering that it was a walk just like this that had flipped his life topsy-turvy.

Thus, the cycle continued on this night.

 _Krista… she really is too nice for her own good. Did she really want to know any of that?_

He sighed. Of course she did, a good friend would trouble themselves with the worriment of their comrades.

 _How she wound up doing this job… I'll never know._

Against his will, his mind dragged up the topic that was now tormenting him the most.

 _Mikasa… what have you done to me?_

He could barely will himself to feel angry at her; all he could feel in such a time was his dolor. He clenched a fist.

He acknowledged, not for the first time, that he was grateful Dust had no interest in speaking tonight. While sometimes the dark entity's voice was a comfort to discuss or argue with, on some nights it was better for the lonesomeness to take him.

Stopping under a streetlight at a corner, he looked down into a storm drain that randomly caught his eye. Gazing into its blackness, he thought to Pennywise the clown and how he had yanked the arm off the kid who had put his arm to close to the water drain. He wondered if such monsters truly existed, as he turned and continued on his way.

He almost didn't see the hit coming.

The steel pipe that collided with his side sent an explosion of pain searing through his body. The pipe had flashed against the yellow streetlight just a moment before he had attempted dodging. And even while he stumbled away, cursing and tearing up in pain, he knew that if he hadn't tried, he may very well now be dealing with some broken ribs. Casting aside the pain as best he could, he readied himself and twisted to face his assailant.

The figure was tall and relatively thick and was wielding what looked to be a bar from a construction site.

 _Hell, maybe it was from the one just down the road._

He was genuinely surprised when the figure spoke.

"You have decent reflexes."

There was no obvious attempt to disguise the voice; it was clear and strong, the man could have been military. Trying to not let any weakness show through, Joe responded as nonchalantly as he could,

"Job sort of requires it."

"So it would seem… "

Surprising him yet again, the man tossed aside the pipe and stepped forward, revealing a face hidden by a ski mask.

"Nice night… you game?"

He raised his fists. Joe stared in bewilderment, mouth now slightly agape. He mentally called to Dust for advice, but received none. Growling in resignation, he then chose to surprise the man with a gush of possibly mad laughter; he too put up his fists.

"Ah fuck it, didn't have any other plans."

Narrowing his eyes, and feeling no regret for what he was about to do, he lunged.

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 **AN: And I again surprise myself with how smoothly this writing keeps pouring from my mind to the keyboard. Certainly not complaining, it is a very freeing feeling to be able to just let the story flow from my imagination... and even better, I've got folks enjoying the journey right along with me!**

 **Hope you all have an auspicious day and, as always, thanks so much for stopping by!**


	16. Chapter 16

In her mind's eye, she could still see it.

 _How do I tell her?_

The shower ran a constant steady stream; the noise did nothing to calm her nerves.

 _How do I tell her?_

It was stupid to debate this with herself. She had to just come out and say it.

 _But… how?_

She clenched her fists in anger at herself. Despite having become so much more confident then she had been when she met Mikasa and the rest, now it felt as though she were seventeen again, speaking to her father.

 _Just… buck up. We both agreed to this, we're both equally deserving to know when…_

Tears began to form.

 _When this happens._

The shower turned off and a jump of panic struck at her heart.

 _Just tell her… don't forget, this isn't a bad thing._

And she steeled herself, ready to face the future.

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Ilse took deep breaths to calm her lustful shaking as Sasha thrust hard against her. She felt a fresh wave of ecstasy spread from between her legs outward which was further aroused by the brunette moaning and putting her hands against the bedframe to position herself better.

The television played a soothing song of static from the foot of the bed, the volume such that the breathing, groaning, and occasional screaming of the two young women weren't unaccompanied. The moon hadn't decided to come out; the blind may as well have been closed for all the light the open window it added.

Not wanting to be the one doing none of the work, Ilse moved a hand forward and began to work hard with her fingers on Sasha's sex. A sudden shiver ensured her efforts weren't for not; she put her other hand around the girl's back, pulling her further down. As they came within range, Ilse lifted her head slightly in order to cup her mouth around one of the brunette's nipples, sucking gently, but firmly. With her tongue and fingers working magic, Sasha screamed at the ceiling, then cut herself off, giggling at her own show of ecstasy. Rubbing the front of her thigh against Ilse's own area, she smiled down,

"Do you think maybe this is wrong?"

Ilse took herself away from the harbor of Sasha's nipple for a moment to look back with puzzlement.

"The hell do you mean?"

"I mean us, friends, fucking for pure pleasure… "

"Wait, we've been doing this for months and just now you're questioning the morals of this?"

The dirty look she received in follow up assured her that there was no real sincerity to the question. Shaking her head, she moved her mouth to Sasha's other breast, moving her tongue in a circular fashion.

Despite the mockingly annoyed response she received, she felt a hand take her head gently, running fingers delicately through her dark hair.

"Ilse, I'm serious… don't pretend that… "

"Alright, you know what… "

Rising quickly and causing Sasha to roll of her, Ilse grabbed the girl's head and forced it against the mattress, as she forcibly flipped their positions. Spreading her legs, she took one of Sasha's ankles, hoisting it up as she brought their waists together.

"If you're just going to keep talking, I'm gonna close that big fuckin' mouth of yours."

The brunette did not but smirk as she raised a hand to caress and pinch at Ilse's nipple. Just as she was about to start, she stopped at a second question,

"Ilse?"

"Yeah?"

There wasn't an immediate response, and for a few seconds, Ilse let her breath steady as she felt sweat begin to slide down the left side of her face.

"Why do we do what we do?"

She stared down as confusion returned,

"I suppose…like our job you mean?"

"Yeah."

"Like… to make money… ?"

"Is that it?"

"Sure… maybe… hell, I don't know."

"Are we missing something?"

"Sash, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Maybe… maybe we… "

She was cut off immediately as Ilse thrust against her, sending waves of pleasure through the both of them. Sasha arched her back, moaning high at the ceiling and moving her hands to her breasts. Before she could regain any of her train of thought, Ilse began grinding consistently, slowly increasing in speed.

But as her mind gave way to the meaningless pleasure, Sasha's obscure question poked at the back of her mind where it had burrowed itself.

 _What…_ are _we missing?_

Then a hand came up to pull her head down, and the lapse into ecstasy eliminated all else.

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For the third time that night, Joe failed to properly anticipate the coming swing, and a savage right hook crashed into the side of his head. He spun away, trying desperately to recover his bearings; the world spun and the tears that had drawn themselves to his eyes in pain helped not to regain his sight. Backpedaling further, he angrily wiped his eyes and returned his fists into a ready position.

The man whom he was currently tangling with had been advancing, though when he saw Joe recover, he stopped and straightened.

"You have little training in hand to hand, your footing is all over the place, and your swings have little power, but… I must say, your ability to recover is impeccable."

While his brain tried to sort out if what he had just heard was a compliment, Joe staggered to as frontal a stance as he could.

"Fuck yeah dude, I'm the king of recovery."

He may have heard a laugh, but his mind immediately flicked back to combat as the man rushed him again. Instead of trying to sidestep, which had failed him up until now, he lunged forward and to the right, dodging the massive hands that swiped at him. While in midair, he lashed out with a foot and connected solidly with the side of the man's knee, eliciting a pained growl.

Scrambling back up, he saw the man had went down to one knee and he pressed his advantage, throwing what could be considered a haymaker at the back of the head.

While it felt as though he had just punched an aircraft carrier, the man did topple over sideways, giving Joe ample time to clench his hand to his stomach.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, fuck, fuck, fuck… "

He ceased his incessant swearing as what could only have been a laugh rose from behind him. Turning, and feeling a surge of anger send adrenaline through his veins, he saw the man standing up and stretching his arms.

"Not a bad hit. Shame you can't control it better."

"Control… control this, you… "

He charged, feigning a right swing and twisting to the left at the last second to send a ferocious uppercut into the man's kidney. Hearing a grunt, he felt momentarily pleased, until the man's forearm swept under his chin, lifting him off the ground. He snarled and grabbed at the arm; it meant nothing as he was fairly thrown several feet across the lawn to go crashing to the ground.

Feeling the ache throughout his whole frame, he rose shakily again, wondering how many more times he would be able to do so.

"You fight only with anger. Not a good way to go."

He had to take a deep breath before responding; as he did, he felt that familiar coppery taste in his mouth.

"Are you fighting for me or trying to tell me how to fucking fight?"

"Hmm… good point."

Joe didn't even feel like trying to dodge the hit; the man's broad shoulder connected solidly with his chest and sent him sailing backwards again. A second later, as he tried to rise, a kick connected with his head sending him spinning away and back to the ground.

Putting as much strength as he could into it, he turned his fall into another roll and, instead of breaking, he locked onto the man and rushed him, lowering his head and driving it into the man's stomach. Wanting to press his attack, he reached an arm under the man's thigh and managed to throw him to the ground. That was as far as he got; as he knelt over the man, two hands came up to pull him down by the shoulders and he was delivered a head-butt that had him seeing stars. In the back of his head, he was aware of hitting the ground yet again.

He reached out with a shaking hand trying to get back to his feet as well as clear the black from his vision. Through the blurry haze he saw the man pace backwards, looking now thoroughly disinterested in the sport of kicking Joe's ass up and down the street. Feeling the spinning and nausea that normally came with being drunk, he made it to his hands and knees.

"Well, that was more or less entertaining. I guess I'll see you around."

Now on top of being sore, dizzy, and sick, he now realized how very confused he was. Hoping the man could hear him as he growled painfully at the grass, he grunted,

"Wait, so you just came out of nowhere… kicked my ass… and are now just pissing off… "

"I guess so. I was just curious what Hange's newest recruit was made of. You've got some guts, but there's some work to be done there."

The man began to stride down the street towards what must have been town.

"I'd ask Annie for some lessons in hand to hand. She used to stomp me pretty good, back in the day."

With his mind now spinning for more than one reason, Joe staggered up,

"Hold up, exactly who the fuck… "

This was as far as he got; his spinning mind performed a sharp u-turn and he went back to eating grass. As he tried not to curse with pain and frustration, he heard the man laugh and he sounded more distant,

"Try not to move for a few minutes at least. You may find it considerably more difficult than the concept normally would be."

Not wanting to do anything this man told him, but also wanting to do nothing more than lie still and suffer, Joe did just that. He lay in the lawn for what must have been five minutes before slowly making his way to his feet. As the dark streets returned to focus, the man was nowhere to be seen. He breathed in and out, trying to return to normal as best he could. He waited for Dust to appear and reprimand him, but he remained the only presence in the vicinity.

He tried to wrap his mind around what the man had told him. He had known who he was, who he worked for, and who he worked with. That was a startling amount of information; he was surprised to find himself smiling weakly.

 _That was some fuck shit._

He should have been more concerned, but right now, he just wanted to go to bed. He stretched and immediately regretted it,

"Ow, shit, my fucking back, son of a whore."

Leaving the curse lingering in the silent night air, he began to move tenderly back towards his dorm, praying no cops were driving the neighborhoods this time of night.

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Pleased at the refreshing feeling the shower had just given her, Ymir sighed happily. It was always such a good feeling to be home, not out risking her life, not out dealing with other people; just being home with Krista was enough to elate her spirits.

"Hey, girl, is this your shampoo here?"

She stared down at the unfamiliar bottle as she heard a response,

"Oh… yeah, I got some new stuff while you were out with Sash and Ilse last night."

"Ah, gotcha."

Returning it to its place on the counter, she wrapped her towel around her waist and took the blow dryer to her hair for a few moments. She had never been one to make a fuss over her appearance; she probably spent a very small fraction of the time most girls her age spent in the bathroom.

Throwing the floor matt over the shower rod, she turned and opened the cracked bathroom door. The bright light of the fluorescent bathroom bulbs cast a glow around the bedroom, which had previously been only dimly lit by a bedside lamp. Krista sat on the bed, feet over the side, eyes on the floor.

"So you want to play some more Halo tonight? I know you're not that good, but hey, I need someone to make me feel good about my less-than-adequate gaming."

Laughing, she moved to the closet, the door of which doubled as a full-body mirror. Looking herself up and down, she dropped the towel, getting a full look at her frame.

 _I'm no model, but with muscles like these, who needs an ass and tits the size of the fucking moon._

She mockingly flexed in front of the mirror, going as far as to strike a few laughable poses before noticing that Krista hadn't moved since she had entered the room; not so much as a greeting, look, or hell, even an acknowledgment. Instantly concerned, she pulled on some underwear, not taking her eyes away from her girlfriend.

"You alright?"

Receiving no response, she reached down to pick up her towel and throw it on its hook. Dressing no further, she began to move towards the bed; she got only a few paces before Krista looked up at her. She felt her stomach seize as she saw a worrying mixture of emotions in those eyes. Quickly closing the distance, she sat down next to her and threw an arm around the blonde's shoulder.

"Whoa, whoa, what's with that look?"

"Ymir, I… I… "

As she watched Krista's breasts start to heave beneath her nightshirt, Ymir realized she was close to a state of panic. She wanted desperately to know what was the matter, but didn't want to further pressure her with demands; she settled for rubbing her hand up and down her girlfriend's back.

"Don't worry, its okay… "

"I… oh God, I… "

"Hey, alright, let's calm down, it's all good, don't… "

Krista looked up to meet her eyes.

"Ymir, I… it worked."

There were several bemused moments where Ymir stared back, not comprehending. Then it hit her like a fucking freight train.

 _No way._

She found very quickly that she was now the one at a loss for words.

"You… you… the IUI… it… ?"

Krista only nodded, lower jaw quivering ever so slightly. Ymir rocketed off the bed, grabbing at the top of her head with both hands.

"Oh my good Christ… you… holy shit… you… "

No longer able to stand still, she began pacing feverishly.

"Ymir… ?"

She looked back to the bed to see Krista in a state of what appeared to be nervousness and fear.

"Are… are you… happy?"

Dropping her hands to her side, she stared back, blinking a few times. Then, a stupid smile spread across her face and she rushed back the bed and lifted Krista into the air.

"Happy?! Of course I'm happy! I've never been more… oh my God… "

She laughed half-hysterically spinning around and then collapsing to the bed, holding her girlfriend tight. Lying there, she tried to stop her mind from spinning; Krista pulled herself up over Ymir's chest. Happiness and tears shone in her eyes and had replaced the nervousness, but the fear still stood strong.

"What are we gonna do? I know we both agreed to this and we didn't tell anyone, but neither of us really thought it would work and we hid it and we have to tell everyone now… "

Sitting them both up, Ymir tried to keep herself from shaking as she placed a finger over Krista's lips.

"Shush. None of that. Not any of that. This is a happy moment, got it?"

Krista nodded back, smile starting to spread across her face; in an instant, she drew herself up to her knees, grabbed Ymir around the head and pulled her into a heavy and ardent kiss. They held it for what must have been half a minute before she pulled away, laying her forehead against Ymir's and whispering,

"What are we gonna tell them… ?"

"We tell them the truth. They'll get it, why we did it and why we didn't tell them. They'll be happy, just like us."

She watched the excitement and happiness bubble up in Krista until the blonde let out a squeal and pulled Ymir down roughly to the bed kissing her near-naked body up and down with ecstatic passion. Ymir laughed and let her, throwing her arms back and letting her eyes drift off to the ceiling, still swimming in shock.

It had been such a decision, yet one that neither of them had expected anything to come from. And now, an event that was going to change the motion of their lives forever had occurred as a result.

And Ymir could not have been more thrilled.

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Staring at the same old city lights, Mikasa fiddled with the old cigarette between her fingers. With the full overcast of clouds that night, the orange lights of the buildings miles off lit up the sky with an ominous yet comforting haze. She sighed.

Resting against the hood of her car, she winced as she flexed her back. She had gotten a rather brutal beating mere hours prior and the pain wasn't going away any time soon; she found herself heavily grateful for the lack of noise. All that could be heard were the far off roars of the cars on the highway traveling where they would.

A gentle buzz against her thigh caused her to draw her phone out and examine the text she had just received.

 **Wrapped up the last of the prep work… was thinking about heading into town for a drink or two, you up?**

She smiled at Annie's offer; normally this was something she would jump at, but right now there was just enough on her mine that she knew she would be shit company.

 **Pretty tired, think I'll hang back, thanks for the offer though.**

She paused before adding,

 **And thanks for knocking out the setup, that'll be a load off everyone's ass tomorrow before we hit the road.**

A reply followed within a minute.

 **Alright, cool. And no prob, know you got enough on your mind without this crap weighing on it. Sleep good.**

Mikasa sent a goodnight message in response before returning her phone to her pocket. She furrowed her brow wondering what exactly Annie meant, though she had a decent idea. She sighed again.

It was probably common knowledge how she had been avoiding Joseph at work and outside of it. She wasn't still mad at him, at least, she didn't think so.

She just couldn't trust herself to be around him. What she had done that day, in the rain, it was…

 _Fucking damn you Joseph._

Because after all she had thought about, the arguing, the kiss, the aftermath, she realized that if time had given her a do-over she couldn't have done anything differently.

She didn't want to have done anything differently.

And she hated herself for it.

Glaring down at the cigarette she was rolling now aggressively through her fingers she threw it to the short grass in front of her. Feeling a billowing frustration course through her veins, she pulled free her Glock 42 and put a bullet through the middle of the white wrapped object. She fired again and again, all seven shots ringing together in a single clap of thunder that shuddered through the night air.

Breathing heavily, she kept the now empty handgun's sights trained on where the cigarette had been; she didn't lower it until her heart rate returned to an acceptable speed. Then, she stowed it, turned briskly and climbed back into her vehicle and started the engine. Peeling away leaving a less-than-visible cloud of dirt, she drove back down the bumpy road back onto the highway, not looking back once.

Where she had been parked, silence took over where the car's engine and the gunshots had once echoed. And adjacent to where the seven shells now rested, the two tears that had fallen from her eyes began to soak into the earth beneath.


	17. Chapter 17

" _ **Anger is useful only to a certain point.**_

 _ **After that, it becomes rage,**_

 _ **and rage will make you careless."**_

― _**Lauren Oliver**_

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The ceiling's darkness had been taunting her for far too long. But no matter how much she wished it, Krista couldn't bring her body to sleep. She was starting to get frustrated at herself, but outside looking in, she couldn't be blamed.

 _I am with child._

Every time she thought the statement, the absurdly short and simple fact, it would send a fresh shiver through her, as though she was just finding out for the first time. She knew she should be happy. And she was.

 _But…_

But there was so much else that plagued her conscious. Had this been a wise decision? If so, should they have told anyone else? Who? Was she ready for this? Were _they_ ready for this? How much longer did they keep up the work before deciding it was time to back off, start a more regular and safe life?

 _This is insane…_

Doing her best to block out the questions, she turned her head to look at Ymir. Her girlfriend had fallen asleep a good while ago and didn't appear to be tormented presently by any of the mental distress that was turning Krista's mind into a battleground. In fact, through the darkness, Krista thought she was able to make out a smile still etched on that beautiful face. Smiling herself, she reached out and stroked the side Ymir's arm, her hand caressing up to her face.

 _Wish I could be that at peace._

She wondered if turning down sex for slumber that night had been a good idea; she certainly wasn't managing much sleep as was, and maybe a good, hot workout on the mattress would have been more conducive to that end. Besides…

 _Who knows how many more nights we'll be able to make love before…_

Absentmindedly, she moved her hand to her stomach. Shaking her head, she laughed quietly; it still wasn't setting in, the craziness of the situation. She pondered whether it ever would.

 _At least she's sleeping fine._

There was certainly solace to be had in that; Ymir had been having far less nightmares as of late and, presently, she looked as though she may never have one again.

It was still baffling to Krista how out of all of them, Ymir had been the most badly affected by what had happened that night. It certainly hadn't been a good night for any of them; Annie for her anger, Ymir for her mind, Sasha for her shock, and Mikasa for… well, whatever demon had come out of her on that street. The temperature in the room hadn't changed, but Krista felt goosebumps crawl up her arm and she pulled the covers up as she looked back to the ceiling.

She loved Mikasa in a way that was unique to her. Ymir was her other half, the one that was worth waiting for. Life without her would be unthinkable and it chilled Krista to even consider the possibility; she loved Ymir more than anything she could remember. The others she held very close as friends; Ilse, Annie, Sasha, and now Joseph had all become people she could rely on, people she could talk to, people she could trust. Growing up, there had been relatively no one who had existed in that way for her and having them now was something she couldn't properly express gratitude for.

Then, on a different spectrum entirely, there was Mikasa. She existed as someone whom Krista accepted orders from, but also as an older sister, and even a mother. Her presence was like that of Ymir's, steady, comforting, and protective. And she had always been able to tell Krista exactly what she needed to hear in times where coping silently wasn't enough. All in all, she was a person that Krista felt was essential to her life.

But that day, all those months ago…

In a drifting haze, she felt her memory take herself to that night; it took her away from frightening thoughts of the future, and instead dragged her mind to an evening where one of her most disturbing remembrances had been born.

 **Fourteen Months Prior**

Turning and swatting in annoyance at Ymir who had just stumbled into her in a slightly tipsy stupor, Krista couldn't help but laugh along with the rest as they departed the restaurant. It wasn't often they were asked to vacate the premises, but when they were, the reason was always humorous. Sasha barely managed to get the words out as she tried to control her own rampant giggling,

"I don't… I don't… why was that the thing to set him off?"

"Maybe he had a meter that was slowly filling all night… then… when Ymir decided to start yelling offensive stuff at those rednecky kids… "

Ilse was also barely keeping it together as Ymir adopted a reproachful expression.

"Yo, but actually what the fuck though. They can yell racist shit at me, but when I retaliate, we're the ones to get the boot?"

"Ymir, you told him that his dad fucked his sister to produce him and that his recessive genes will result in the largest familial population of down-syndrome kids when he finally decides to man up and ask his cousin to fuck."

Sasha and Ilse broke into fresh roars of laughter at the recent recollection as Annie stated it, smiling and stumbling slightly. She leaned into Mikasa for support for what may have been a fraction long enough to be flirty and Krista felt some surprise run through her intoxicated veins. Not so much that the blonde would flirt with Mikasa, but that Annie, stone cold, bored, in-your-face-don't-fuck-about-with-me Annie would flirt at all; it may have just been the booze working its magic, but as Krista watched out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the dark-haired girl hadn't reacted at all. Though she too was smiling broadly at the situation.

Meanwhile, Ymir had decided unsurprisingly to not back down from defending herself.

"Okay, maybe that was a tad savage, but he called me a timber nigger first, I hardly think… "

"No, actually he called you that after you said the previous."

"What? Noooooooo… did I?"

Sasha snorted as Mikasa spoke for the first time since they had departed,

"Yeah, you did actually."

She continued before Ymir could further try and deny being the source of provocation,

"As a matter of fact, you started every single cuss-fest you got into, the one with those kids, the one with that mother, and the one with the bartender."

"Okay, but seriously, that mom was asking for it, trying to tell me my shit when she's sitting in an adult bar with six kids… "

Ilse gave a bark of a laugh,

"What did you tell her when she said you were an irresponsible idiot of a girl… ?"

Krista spoke up before anyone else could answer; for truly, she had found it quite funny as well.

"She said, 'I may have actually considered taking you seriously, but that was before I looked over and saw you were a walking advertisement for birth control.'"

The group had to actually pause a moment in their walking to let Sasha and Ilse recover; Krista found herself having a hard time breathing as well. They had made it onto a bridge towards the backside of the town where few cars and people traveled, allowing them free reign to be as rambunctious as they liked. Through the occasional gulp of air, Ilse was able to comment,

"Why that pissed off the tapster so much, I haven't a clue… "

Mikasa leaned back against the railing that protruded from the edge of the bridge, throwing her jet-black hair out of her face and smiling towards the ground,

"I mean, considering that was his wife and all… "

Ymir straightened and stared her dead in the face as howls of laughter from nearly everyone else cut through the humid night air.

"Like… are you actually serious?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure."

Putting a fist to her mouth, Ymir swore violently and turned, walking several paces away and looking up at the night sky in temporary bewilderment.

"Goddamn dude… I actually feel kind of bad now."

Looking off towards her, Annie smirked,

"No, you're not."

Ymir paused before looking back with a shit-eating grin,

"Yeah, you right."

As the laughter subsided into more acceptable chuckles, the group continued across the bridge and onto the sidewalk, along which several locally owned stores lined the street, selling any variety of products. Some of the signs still flashed silently, painting the street with many different colors. Being that late at night, however, it appeared none were open. At the end of the buildings lay a parking lot that was open to the public; that was where they normally stashed their vehicles whenever they went to hit the town. Past the parking lot, the road led out to where likely several recluses made their homes. The street that way was not lit by anything other than the lights of the cars that drove it; at this time of night it looked as though the road simply drove off into a great black maw, eager to devour any who neared it.

As they passed a particularly lewd and flashy storefront, Ilse lingered a moment before continuing with them, smiling at something she had seen.

"Anyone ever tried a strap-on?"

Sasha let out a massive snort of laughter and Krista was glad that all attention moved in the brunette's direction, for she herself had gone rather red in the face. Not that anyone would have likely been able to see her face in the dark. Out in front and also chuckling at Ilse's sudden question, Ymir suddenly stopped dead, face changing to a much more cautious and curious tone. The rest of the girls followed suit, slowing to a halt behind her. Krista slid up and rubbed up against her friend; in her tired and half-drunk state, her emotions were heightened and the sudden concern she felt was more powerful than it should have been.

"Hey, what's… ?"

"Shh."

Ymir whispered the command sharply and gestured forward with a point. It took a moment to set in that there were voices coming from around the brick wall of the final building. The tone of the dominant voice sounded quieted and harsh, but it was still difficult to make out anything more than random annunciations. Ymir glanced back towards the rest; Sasha shrugged and they began to move forward again, albeit cautiously and quietly. As they moved, words became understandable.

"… you miserable excuse for a child, you can't just do as I fucking say?"

"It was an accident… "

"Everything you do is an accident! And I'm just supposed to accept that."

"It was too heavy… "

"Spineless worm, where did you get your bitching from… "

"Dad… dad, I'm sorry… "

A sharp and piercing slap caused Krista to jump.

"Don't be sorry, fix your goddamn mistake. Ah, who the fuck am I kidding, your excuse is a mistake, should have left you with that dumb bitch… "

"Daddy don't take me back to her, she… she _burned_ me… "

"Oh, she burned you?"

"Ye… yes… I don't want to get burned again… "

"If you can't stop whining for a single damn second… you know what, time to face your fucking fears."

As the group neared the corner, there was a short scuffle and a cry, followed by a click. Through the haze that the rum had brought her, Krista was now feeling a tremendous sense of anxiety.

"Maybe now you'll get it… "

They rounded into the parking lot just as a shrill scream sliced through air like an icicle. Krista's eyes were able to make sense of a scruffy, angry, middle-aged man holding down a boy, who couldn't have been older than eight or nine, and pressing a lit lighter against the skin of his neck. A cardboard box of what appeared to be broken bottles lay on the ground a foot away. The man looked up at them as they came into view of each other, but there was no attempt to mask what he was doing, defend himself, or jump away. He simply uttered a low grunt, barely audible over the screams of the child,

"Look kid, an audience to watch you… "

The small orange flame licked up the boy's neck leaving a dark red trail where it had been. Grinning with a strangely pained expression, he attempted to bring the lighter to bear on the child's cheek. For a moment, it remained there, burning the soft, weak flesh and ushering in new howls of pain. The child struggled desperately underneath, but it was all in vain; he was simply too small do anything more than scream in pain as the man who purportedly was his father dragged the lighter across his cheek towards his eye.

This was as far as the man got before Mikasa was on top of him; seizing the back of his worn jacket, she yanked him off the boy with astonishing speed and hurled him to the ground. He hadn't stopped rolling before she knelt on him, knees holding his shoulders, and began to drive white knuckles over and over into his stunned face.

There was no rhyme or rhythm to the attack, no coordination or sharpness that Krista had seen her friend perform in hand-to-hand before; it was pure unadulterated anger given a body. By now, the boy had managed to right himself, and the confused, hurt child raced to the pair and attempted weakly to pull the attacker off his father. He was crying now, desperately trying to remedy the situation his young mind was likely blaming himself for.

Krista realized then, suddenly and painfully, that none of them were moving. It was just the yelling of the child and the constant steady thuds of the fist falling, over and over and over. Blood had started to coat the pavement and as she drew back to make another strike, Krista saw the face of her black-haired friend… and saw only darkness.

Not darkness in the literal sense, but darkness in all that it implied. There was only anger, hatred, disgust… emotions that only gave off dark connotations, emotions that fed on a person's fears and angers. The eyes burned with a violent, scarlet fire, teeth bared in a primal snarl, her hair a storm of blackness around her face. Having never seen Mikasa lose control in any way before, Krista found herself frightened by what she was witnessing; they had witnessed much before, much that would traumatize a civilized person. A man being burned alive, a dead body stripped of all skin and hung like a curtain, men beating at homeless with bars and sticks and rocks, and through all of these sights, never once had their leader faltered or shown emotion that would grant such anger. But now…how… how could anyone be full of so much rage?

"Ymir, c'mon!"

In a strange blur, she became aware of several alterations to the scene. Sasha moved over quickly to pick up the child, ignoring the teeth that sank into her arm as the pulled him away. Annie pulled Ymir over to help drag the still violently swinging girl off the now-still man, and Ilse seemed only able to take a few steps forward to look at the man's face… if you could even call it that. Annie and Mikasa were now bellowing at each other; Ymir seemed incapable of speech. Seeing Sasha now trying to calm the boy as best she could, Krista moved to help in the only way she believed herself to be able. Trying to drown out the yells and block out the image of what remained of the man's face, she knelt and did all she could to calm the crying of the now fatherless child.

It was then Krista realized tears were spilling down her face; they had been for some time.

 **Present**

Krista shook free of the painful memory that still shook her. Now hating herself for thinking reminiscing had been a good idea, she buried her face in her pillow for a good several seconds before pulling out and looking over again at Ymir. Her girlfriend still lay quietly, breathing in such a way only sleep allowed. Giving a gentle sigh, Krista moved herself against the warmth of her love and tried to push the memories away.

That night had been a reminder that inside her friend, a demon lay waiting. It waited for Mikasa to be at a vulnerable place only she could identify, then forced violent emotions and actions to the forefront. Krista would always remember that night, those few minutes, where she had learned what could actually lay dormant in a person.

And so, Krista had moved on, to accept her leader's actions for what they had been: one-time, spur-of-the-moment, drunken-fueled and angry. She had made sure the boy had been seen to by the proper people; she still would look in on him every once in a while, now in the care of a soft, religious couple in the suburbs of the town. She had followed the lead of everyone else and never mentioned the incident again.

But, she always, deep down, remained slightly frightened of Mikasa. Not because of who she was, but because of who she knew she was capable of being.

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"So what's the deal?"

"Slightly different altercation, the parties will only… "

"Hey, wait hold up where's Joseph?"

"Joseph will join us as soon as he decides to come to work."

"If he does… see if we still forced him to carpool with us and didn't urge him to get that bike off Craigslist… "

"I mean, it was a good deal, he was lucky he found it."

With nothing really to argue, everyone held silence until Ymir delivered her punchline.

"Too bad he couldn't find it this afternoon."

Sasha cackled as Ilse piggybacked on the setup.

"He found Labor Day a day late."

"Yeah he did."

Mikasa smiled at the obvious lightheartedness of her friends; it was good they weren't on edge. It was an afternoon and they were all looking at a good four day break complete with a small, friendly reunion tomorrow night that Armin had set up. Though she wouldn't likely admit it, she was rather looking forward to the gathering; being around people she all already knew probably helped. She continued her short brief as the laughter died down.

"The parties are only going to have two people per side so that'll make things easier."

"Oh nice, so no groups of a dozen guys apiece trying to measure dicks from twenty feet apart."

"God that was a nightmare."

"We know either of the sides?"

"One. Jean, probably with Marco."

"Goddamn it, I was hoping we wouldn't have to see him again for a good long while… "

"And the other?"

"Mystery for at least the time being."

"Ah well… oh shit, can I bring the LMG?"

"Ymir, I hardly think that four people qualifies the carrying of an M249 light… "

She only got this far as the door to the warehouse swung open allowing a black-jacketed Joseph to come sliding in delicately as though he wouldn't be noticed. She immediately quelled the emotions that stirred in her gut when she saw him. Her brow furrowed gently when she noticed he was wearing sunglasses.

"Hey Joseph, ever hear of being on time?"

"No, what's that?"

"It means being on time."

"Hey Ymir, how about you suck my balls?"

Ilse giggled at the juvenile humor and Ymir turned back forward smiling,

"Well, if that's the case, I'll meet you halfway, I'll get on my knees and you just drop your pants and walk over… OW… sorry Krista… "

He moseyed over and looked hard like he was trying to be inconspicuous. Curious, but not intrigued enough to ask, Mikasa turned back to address the group,

"So from here it's just a short drive, then a decent hike out towards… "

"What's with the shades?"

She glanced back to notice Sasha poking at Joseph's new headwear and he swatted her hand away.

"Just trying a new look."

She laughed derisively.

"No, you're not, when have you ever… is that a cut?"

"No, I… "

Obviously not content, she whipped the glasses off to reveal a long cut under his right eye and a dark bruise beneath his left. Pushing away a slight wave of alarm that surged at her gut, Mikasa let Ilse ask the question they were all thinking as Ymir and Sasha hissed at the sight.

"Fuck happened?"

"I uh… I fell out of bed."

Annie, who had yet to speak, rolled her eyes in obvious disbelief.

"Good one."

Ilse laughed at the blonde's dull response before adding,

"No, seriously."

Seeing he wasn't evading the question, he looked down in what could have been embarrassment.

"Got in a fight."

Ilse shook her head in mock annoyance as Krista followed up,

"Jeez, we give you a week to heel that leg up and you go and get yourself half-killed again. My goodness."

"Well, I want to hear all the juicy details on the drive there. We ready?"

Eyes still on Joseph, Mikasa looked sharply towards Sasha, who was looking at her intently.

"Yeah, gear up and let's hit the road."

As her girls broke up to collect their belongings, placing bets on whether or not he had actually won the fight, Mikasa looked up from her phone's clock to see Joseph looking at her. The moment she met his eyes, he looked away awkwardly and moved off towards the vehicle. She felt an unwanted spike of anger, but kicked down the urge to act upon it as she grabbed her handgun from the table.

She didn't know who the anger was even for anyway.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

 **AN: And here we have the chapter I've probably struggled the most to write. Something about the bleakness and disturbance of Krista's memory had me in a writer's block for hours upon hours. But regardless, I've managed to turn it out and am actually quite pleased with the turnout, even found room for a cheeky AH shoutout.**

 **On a separate note, I just wanted to give another big thank you to everyone who's been finding and reading this story and to everyone who has been sticking with me as I keep chugging along through it with these characters. Recently hit the thousand view milestone and while I'm not sure exactly if that means anything relevant, I will treat it as such! It was a healthy reminder to take none of this for granted; you guys are the best!**


	18. Chapter 18

"Where is she?"

.

.

.

"I don't know."

.

.

.

SMACK.

.

.

.

"Where?"

.

.

.

"WHERE?"

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Reading the report for what must've been the tenth time, Hange realized that it wasn't making the situation any better. She stood slowly, letting blood gradually flow back through the body that had been sitting still for so many minutes. Within her dimly lit quarters, she considered hitting the wall.

She then realized that this would be a pointless act; she didn't actually feel angry. More… apprehensive.

The paper that lay on her desk detailed the findings of someone she had sent to check on a dealer of hers who operated in what she had recently believed to be low risk environments. This had quickly been counter-proven as the young man she had sent found her dealer with knives through his wrists, pinning him to the wall, and two bullet holes where his eyes had been.

Now, fortunately, the situation was well under wraps; the dealer's body had been removed and his apartment cleaned. As he was an orphan since birth, and hadn't strived to make good relations with anyone outside of work, his disappearance would be something that wouldn't come to light for a while, and when it did, it was likely none would care.

This wasn't what had Hange concerned however. Stapled to the man's forehead had been a typed note:

 **You have no right to monopolize. Especially not when employing redskins. Stay out of east side. Only warning. Next one suffers.**

Short and to the point. And Hange had no idea who this was coming from.

Leaving her quarters in the hopes a short walk would help her determine a prudent course of action, she walked out of her office and strode quietly down the brightly lit white hallways. Reaching a window, she stopped walking to glance out. Two stories down she saw them exiting the warehouse, well-armed and in seemingly good spirits. As she watched, Sasha pulled Joseph into a quick and violent noogie as Ymir mimed something about getting punched in the face while Ilse and Krista laughed. Annie was shaking her head and Mikasa seemed deaf to the situation; as they approached the van, Ymir attempted a sort of pirouetting leap from a wooden box to piggyback on Ilse who, taken well off guard, staggered as a her weight suddenly became doubled. Hange smiled, then frowned as the word tiptoed back into her thoughts.

 _Redskins._

It was rather curious that within the not-so-subtle threat, the perpetrator hadn't bothered hiding the fact that he or she garnered racist opinions. Ymir and Ilse both held Native American blood in their veins, Ymir more so than Ilse, and beyond them, Hange had several lower level part-Natives employed and working behind the scenes of her "business". She wondered if the threat had meant the comment towards any of them in particular.

As she watched the van back out and speed off towards its destination, she felt a strange burning in her gut that she felt safe classifying as anger. Up in their area of the country it wasn't uncommon to deal with racists, flinging words and threats like snowballs. Ymir and Ilse had been targeted in high school as had been revealed by their own admission, but had never let it bother them past kicking the shit out the occasional loudmouth. To have the prejudice reach such a level here though…

Wandering back towards her office, Hange realized the anger wasn't towards the person who had killed one of her dealers, towards his prejudice, or even racism in general. It was due to the fact that she truly wasn't sure the best way to handle the situation. And that was a helpless anger.

Which, she conceded as she slumped back down behind her desk, may have been the worst kind.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Did you win?"

Krista shifted her gaze to Joseph's half-battered face as Annie asked the question from the front seat. She noticed his surprise which matched hers; the normally cold blonde asking questions about something that didn't concern her was akin to a vegan ordering a steak.

"What would you guess by looking at me?"

Briefly, Annie's eyes flicked up to the mirror for a moment to regard him.

"I wouldn't have a guess, either you won or you didn't. So which was it?"

Ymir glanced sideways, rolling her head uncomfortably close to his in a clear show of pressure while Sasha leaned forward in interest. He glanced quickly at Ymir, who's face remained inches from his, before looking back up and then down at the floor.

"I lost, if you must know."

Despite not having a guess, Annie didn't seem surprised. Question answered, Ymir sat back, turning her head and sighing,

"Did you put up a fight at least?"

"Yes, I'd like to think I did."

Sasha raised an eyebrow,

"What the hell does that mean?"

Ilse laughed as he turned to her in mild frustration,

"It means, Sash, that I believe I put up a fight. Whether he thought I did may be a different story, but at least in my eyes, I think I put up a solid fight."

Seeing she had gotten under his skin, Sasha smirked,

"That makes a lot of sense."

He furrowed his brow in what could have been actual confusion,

"I don't understand what you don't get, I think in my mind that… "

Still smiling, Ilse gave Sasha a shove,

"Alright, let's not pick on the cripple."

Realization now setting in, he narrowed his eyes and leaned back in annoyance. Seeing an opportunity, Krista asked a question she had been wondering herself,

"Do you know who he was?"

Joseph shook his head slowly.

"Fucker came at me with a crowbar and a mask. And probably an extra hundred pounds of muscle."

"That sounds like an exaggeration."

"Your life sounds like an exaggeration."

"Jesus Christ."

With laughs sounding through the packed vehicle, Krista couldn't help but notice that Joseph had looked multiple times on the verge of saying something. And each one of those times, his eyes dropped and he slid gently back in his seat between Ilse and Sasha. She hoped that whatever it was, wasn't important, because he really didn't seem like he was going to spill it.

She also noticed that he and Mikasa hadn't so much as looked at each other. The thought made her angry; had he considered what she told him the previous night?

Before she could dwell on the fact any more, the van went off-road and bounced through thick greens until finally coming to a rest under a large oak tree, bushes all around. They piled out and through the camo sheet over the vehicle, and began to march deeper into the forest towards the meeting point. As they walked, Joseph and Sasha started bickering obnoxiously about whether in fact he had actually landed a hit in his fight and Ilse was quick to break it up before Annie did so in a likely more violent fashion.

"Joseph, Joseph."

"What's up?"

Krista could see her mind chugging furiously to create a distraction.

"Let's play a game."

"Huh?"

"A psychology game. Just to break up the monotony of boringly walking through the woods."

"Monotony, what monotony, I was just telling this dumb bitch how… "

Sasha made a savage swipe at him which he sidestepped. Ilse retraced her steps,

"Okay then to break up the pair of you fighting like children."

"Alright, fine. What's the game?"

"I say a word or words, then you say the first thing that pops into your head."

Krista saw him smile widely in disbelief.

"This is surely a good idea… "

"Okay, first word. Point."

"Forward."

"Deadly."

"Poison."

"Convince."

"Lie."

"Common."

"Bird."

"Short."

"Bus."

Krista had to whack Ymir on the arm as her girlfriend let out a gush of laughter towards the sun that gleamed through the leaves far above. Mikasa turned to shoot the brunette an icy look and Ymir raised a hand in defeat, then quickly put it over her mouth to keep from laughing further. Ilse was smiling widely and Joseph looked like he was trying to not look pleased at his comedic timing.

"Not bad… alright let's continue. Shop."

"Waste."

"Simple."

"Not."

"Show."

"Play."

"Update."

"Game."

"Soul."

"Deep."

Watching the dark-haired girl closely, Krista saw a smile twitch on Ilse's face as she delivered the next word.

"Sasha."

"Dumb skank."

The group was literally brought to a standstill as they waited for Sasha to stop chasing Joseph around a tree while Ymir and Ilse leaned on each other for support through their hysterics. Krista too found it terribly funny and noticed Annie trying very hard not to smile as she shifted her weight to her right leg, tapping the handle of her M4. Mikasa was the only one who seemed thoroughly unamused and when Sasha finally caught up to Joseph and buried his face in the dirt, their mutual leader made it clear that no more psychology games would be played that day.

Several laughs and bruises later, they were back on course, with Annie walking between Sasha and Joseph for obvious reasons. They walked a good twenty minutes further through the trees which decreased in density as they went; it appeared they were gaining in altitude. Finally breaking the tree line, the seven were greeted by a view worthy of a postcard. Mountainous hills rolling along the land, grazing the horizon, a sky filled mostly with thick, white clouds that didn't quite cover the sun, which beamed down with a heavy radiance. After doing a careful look around, Mikasa tossed her hair as she looked back the way they came.

"Fan out. Don't lose sight of each other, meeting should take place by that boulder, ten minutes time."

Krista absently followed Ymir, still taken by the natural beauty they had come across. The pair walked over to the boulder and Ymir leaned against it, sliding down with a sigh. Feeling a tug on her arm, Krista looked down to see a weary smile looking back,

"C'mon, sit down before you fall down."

Complying, she dropped quickly onto the thick grass and ran her fingers through it. For a time, they both sat, Ymir humming something of her own composition. Krista knew they were both thinking about the same thing. Finally, she decided to ask,

"When do we tell them?"

For a moment, she didn't think she would get an answer. Then,

"I don't know… I've been thinking, but… I just don't know when a good time would be… or who… to tell first…"

Sucking up her courage, Krista offered a solution that she knew wouldn't be well received.

"How about… tonight at the get-together?"

Seeing alarm flash across Ymir's face, she pressed her advantage before she was shut down.

"It would be quick and easy, we say it over dinner… everyone's probably had a few drinks by then and all's good… "

"You want us to spill this to _everybody_ … at a _party_ … "

"Hardly a party, just a little over a dozen people."

"Jesus… I was thinking in my head we start with _one_ person, not everyone we fucking know… "

"What and drag this out? We just need to knock this out."

She smiled gently as she watched the apprehension sizzle on Ymir's face.

"Have to do it sometime."

Ymir sighed again and inclined her head slightly, not looking back.

"You're the boss. Not like it's anything to worry about."

Krista's smile turned into a frown at the passive, almost bitter-sounding response. She opened her mouth, but got nowhere as she heard a familiar voice cut through the light air.

"Well, look at all these familiar faces!"

Rising slowly to her feet, Ymir looked ahead, a look of slight discontent on her face.

"Well, let's go say hi to the horse."

Without waiting, she strode off through the grass, which was doing a gradual dance in the breeze. Krista tailed her girlfriend after a moment, trying to rationalize what she had just heard.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Trying with difficulty to stem her vexation, Mikasa put on what was likely a very obvious forced smile as Jean entered the open area. Ignoring his initial comment, she looked past him to Marco, who followed him, with a shy smile playing at his face.

"Hello Marco."

He looked baffled that she had acknowledged him, let alone greet him. It wasn't as though they were strangers; back in high school, Marco had been the brainy, stand-up student that the teachers admired and the other students mocked. A sort of lost lamb, he had taken to following the social and popular Jean around for whatever reason. From time to time, Mikasa would be paired with him in group projects; in a time where slackers were rampant, having a studious worker like him around had been very nice. It was evident he had let his own unpopularity get to him though; now, being greeted by one of the school's more popular girls as well as previous valedictorian, he appeared to blank,

"O… oh, hey… I mean, hi… good to uh… to… "

She felt an actual smile tugging at her mouth; he was cute, in his own, awkward way. Jean sidestepped in front of his stammering companion,

"Yes, yes, I'm sure he's very happy to see you."

He flashed his ever-present winning smile.

"But not half as happy as I am."

She raised an eyebrow.

 _Still trying, after all these years. And still dragging Marco with you. Though I can't imagine what convinced a smart kid like that to get into this business._

The thought froze her momentarily as she wondered what her teachers and former classmates would think if they knew what she did now for a living; perfect, attractive, straight-A, athletic Mikasa, now in an elevated position inside the state's drug trade.

 _Well, fuck them, like they knew what I've had to deal with in my life, as if…_

Her mental rant got no further as from behind Jean, a strong, deep voice grabbed at the air.

"How about this, thought we weren't all getting together until tonight?"

Stepping out into the clearing came a considerable surprise.

"Reiner…?"

Jean's voiced the confusion she was feeling in her head. But there he was; Reiner, jock, chemist, and all-around good guy. He still stood tall and strong, short blonde hair perched atop his thick, muscled form. He stepped forward, laughing and dropping the pack he had had slung over his shoulder to the ground as Sasha and Ilse came forward, equally surprised and happily ready to say hello. It held no surprise to her that Annie, Krista, and Ymir looked rather less thrilled. Jean's surprised stuttering brought Mikasa out of her thoughts; she stepped forward, shaking her head,

"I didn't think we _were_ all getting together until tonight."

She felt another genuine smile playing at her face.

"And yet here you are."

He broke into an even broader smile,

"Mikasa! Still looking fine as ever, three years haven't changed you a bit."

She could hear Jean trying to slip in with some defense on her part, but she found she was still well-used to this behavior. She spoke over him,

"Wasn't expecting to see you here."

His booming voice carried through the field,

"Same! You of all people, I would have assumed you would have wound up at Harvard or some fancy gig on the East Coast… "

Despite herself, she felt aggression raise its head in her gut,

"… but the pay is good, and if you're good at this, who I am I to judge? I'm sitting here doing it, for Pete's sake!"

He laughed again, and Mikasa found it hard not to feel elated. Reiner had a special talent of making someone feel good just by talking, no matter the subject.

Still, she felt unwanted suspicion well inside; who was it that he worked for, and how had they not seen him until now? As kids they had lived in the same neighborhood, if they both now were dealing with this particular business, it made no sense that they hadn't seen each other until now. Mentally kicking herself, she drove the thoughts away,

 _Probably an explanation in there somewhere._

Jean had been swelling like a bullfrog in her peripheral, obviously very putout that he wasn't at the forefront of the conversation. He jutted in when he saw an opening,

"Pardon, but I believe that we were here to deal, regardless of how coincidental our meeting is?"

Reiner clapped his large, powerful hands,

"Ah, but of course you're right Jean. First time, for everything I suppose."

He smiled as Sasha snickered and Jean took on a fresh shade of red. He toed the sack he had been carrying towards Marco,

"You're free to count it, all there. Top quality."

After he didn't move after a few seconds, Jean slapped Marco in the shoulder, who jumped and ran forward a few paces to inspect the product. As he wrapped up and moved forward to pass Reiner a thick envelope, Ilse spoke,

"If we had known it was just gonna be you three, I hardly think we would've needed to be here at all. Just some old high school buddies meeting for business, we were thinking you were gonna be some sketchy, rednecky guy who didn't know what he was doing."

Glancing around at the seven of them, all armed for war, Reiner smiled,

"Yes, it does appear that there was some overpreperation involved here. Oh well, better safe than sorry… "

He tilted his head, looking past Mikasa,

"Good to see you too again! Head doing okay?"

Her mind already connecting the dots, she turned slowly to eye Joseph, whom everyone had collectively spun to look at. He was looking very uncomfortable. Not hearing a response, Reiner egged on,

"You ever want a rematch, just come asking… "

With sudden anger in his eyes, Joseph stomped forward aggressively, and was quickly blocked by Annie,

"Hey anytime you're ready man, anytime you're ready."

Reiner gave yet another booming laugh which only seemed to darken Joseph's mood further. Sasha, on the other hand, looked thrilled. Behind them, Jean cleared his throat loudly,

"Everything seems to be in order here."

With an air of finality, he turned back towards the way they had come, before throwing back,

"See you all tonight."

And he walked off importantly, Marco hauling the sack that seemed too heavy for him. Reiner looked after them, before nodding,

"I suppose I'd better go too. Should be a fun night, heard Eren got his hands on some very impressive, very illegal fireworks…"

Instinctively, Mikasa felt a rush of annoyance towards her old friend.

 _I just will never be able to leave him alone._

She felt herself wave off some generic farewell to Reiner who moved off after Jean and Marco, variating his path slightly. Then they were again alone, with only the breeze, playing its song in the spring afternoon's sky.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Mentally berating herself for looking in the mirror for the umpteenth time, Krista placed the car in park outside Joseph's dorm. She had been much worse about obsessing over her looks in high school but was still shaking the habit now. Glancing at the car's green digital clock, she tapped the steering wheel fervently. It wouldn't do well if they were the last two to arrive.

As if on cue, the door to the building swung open and he exited; glancing around quickly he spotted her car and made his way towards his. Krista put a hand over her mouth when she saw that he was far overdressed; fully decked with a white button down and black suit coat and tie, he looked like he had just walked off the set of Reservoir Dogs. She reached over and through open the shotgun side door and he climbed in, looking around as he did so.

"Just us?"

She did a quick U-ball and drove off towards the suburbs.

"Just us. Ymir drove with Ilse and Sasha."

Looking over at him, she tried politely not to laugh as she watched him messing with his hair.

"You look… dashing."

He looked at her, clearly unsure if she was being sarcastic.

"Didn't know whether it was better to be over or underdressed… "

"Which one did you go with?"

She tucked her lips in a held-back smile as she felt his eyes on her.

"You are just _sassy_ tonight… "

"Well, good night for it."

They made it passed the more middle-class based housing and took a turn up a hill that led to the higher end establishments where Armin's house rested. As they drove up the hillside, the sun began to dip below the horizon. She glanced at him again,

"You nervous?"

The slightly too long pause confirmed his lie,

"Nope."

"Don't worry, just a little regrouping of friends, not something to get worried about."

They pulled up in front of the white beauty that was Armin's residence where several other cars already remained still and dark.

"Just… watch yourself around Eren. He's nice enough, but if he knows what you and Mikasa have been up to… "

He shot her an alarmed look and she laughed.

"On second thought, don't worry about it."

She swung out of the car into the fresh evening air. She breathed in deeply, savoring the moment and trying to ignore the knot that was tugging deep in her gut.

"Let's go say hi."


	19. Chapter 19

" _ **You realize that our mistrust of the future makes it hard to give up the past."**_

― _**Chuck Palahniuk**_

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After sending a wayward glance at the magnificent grandfather clock that stood dauntingly in Armin's living room, Joe was astounded to realize that nearly three hours had passed and he hadn't noticed a single minute tick by. He was surprising himself with how much he was having a good time; never had he been one for heavily social gatherings, especially not with several people he didn't know. Yet here he sat now, swirling a glass of red wine and feeling as though this was an everyday occurrence.

Upon arrival at the house, he and Krista had been greeted by Armin, who was quick to offer him sincere greetings after stammering over Krista for several seconds. A short, thin, young man, Armin had quickly surprised him with a powerful amount of energy for such a small person. Ushering them inside, he quickly began offering all sorts of hospitalities,

"Really glad you both made it, I think we were all getting a little concerned, you can leave jackets there if you like, drinks and food in the kitchen, though you needn't worry about keeping it in there, I'm certainly not partial to a little cleaning if something gets spilled, goodness it would honestly be a welcome change, bathrooms on all three floors though the one down here is a little finicky with the pumps so don't get freaked out if it starts groaning at you, oh before I forget… "

Joe was quickly overwhelmed by the amount of information being hurled at him.

Possibly sensing his discomfort, Krista cut through Armin's ramblings which swayed between how good it was to see all his friends again and how to not get lost between the second and third floor. Thanking him, she took Joe gently by the arm and guided him towards the kitchen where what sounded like some classical music was playing and where he was confronted with a fear that he had been battling since childhood: people.

Granted, he knew many of them, but when a healthy uproar of greeting at the sight of Krista sounded, he very gently attempted to scooch back to the left and disappear into the pantry, but her grip on his arm tripled; she could definitely sense his low-key panic.

Pulling him along like some sort of precautious pet, she began running him through a few introductions: there was Reiner again, who seemed pleased to see him, with a taller dark-haired fellow, Bertholdt, who, while nice enough, seemed to be constantly on edge as though expecting a bomb to drop on the house at any moment. There was the fireball that was Connie, who seemed to be eager to talk, no matter the subject. He officially met Jean and Marco, who both hadn't changed a bit since he had first encountered them; Jean was characteristically swelled and enthusiastic, Marco looking like the son who had been dragged to an all-adult party.

 _Which he very well may be._

Then there was Eren who was every bit what Joe had heard about him through passing conversation. Dark-haired, fierce eyes, and a personality that reeked of confidence. It wasn't a confidence like Jean's though in that it was withheld. Eren could probably look at a piece of bread and it would transform into toast on the spot. Regardless, he was friendly enough, and shook Joe's hand with a vigor that could be equated to a fan meeting their sports hero.

"Finally, you two!"

Sasha exclaimed this as she returned from the restroom, a wine glass tipping dangerously in her hand as she scooted between Mikasa and Eren.

"Was beginning to think you had both ditched!"

Joe immediately shot a frightened glance at Ymir, whose protectiveness had no known match on this earth, as far as he was aware. And the last thing he needed was her thinking he and Krista had had unknown amounts of alone time together. He needn't have worried; the look she gave him was as good as saying "don't worry about it."

Dancing between his houseguests, Armin made it to the stove where he peered into a larger pot that rested nearest to him.

"Mashed potatoes look good if anybody's interested!"

Hearing a rumble in his stomach, Joe's eyes flicked hesitantly to the stove. Mashed taters were a favorite for him and it was with great effort that he restrained himself from lunging at them. After a moment, however, when he was sure everyone had become wrapped in conversation he edged off towards the silverware.

There were several separate talks taking place as he skootched his way towards the goodness that was the potatoes. He heard snatches of Jean telling Reiner, Marco, Connie and Bertholdt in an overly impressive tone how he had been accepted into Duke University and was spending the year saving some money. Joe noticed that no one was bringing up how he got the money, though he was sure there was no need to state the already-known. He also noticed Connie's frequented eye-rolls and expected this was not the first time he had heard this story.

Krista was listening to Ymir, Ilse, and Sasha talk avidly about some new shooting that had taken place somewhere east. Annie was in between the two groups and appeared to be intently focused, though on which conversation he could not be certain. Mikasa, Eren, and Armin were all now sitting at the table talking in low tones about something he could not hear. They looked oddly right in his eyes; as though the three of them had always been together, three friends, nigh inseparable. Reaching the pot, he began helping himself as inconspicuously as he could; he had reached an area where their soft-spoken dialogue was now slightly audible over the din of everyone else. As he ate, he found himself with little else to do, but listen in.

"… it's frankly just nothing to be concerned about, yes, I have options, but right now I have no need to try any of them with the financial state I'm in."

"C'mon surely you've made some good money interning at the law firm."

Joe twitched and furrowed his eyebrows, back to them. So that was her cover up story? He almost felt guilty for her, having to lie to her friends like that.

 _You should be more worried about what you yourself are gonna use as an excuse; one of these days, someone's bound to ask._

Ignoring Dust, Joe kept listening.

"I'm making money, yes. But there's not enough to get started with, I don't want to have any debt issues later in life, and even with what I have now, I can't risk that."

Eren didn't seem to have a reply and Armin cut in,

"What about your father? He works in the film industry right? He's got to have some extra money to help his daughter go to school for Pete's sake."

There was an uncomfortable silence in which Joe could practically feel cold leaking from Mikasa.

"He's… I've bothered him enough."

She jumped on a new topic before her friends could pursue the present one further.

"How about your dad Eren? Is his new practice off the ground yet?"

"Oh… oh yeah, that's going real good for him, better than he expected I think. Where he set up I think he was sort of in the mindset that because of the low population, he was going to have a lack of people, like, utilizing his services, but the thing is, he's really the only doctor around, so everyone goes to see him."

"What is it he said the other day… ?"

"He told me and Armin as we left 'Everyone who comes through that door is a repeat customer.'"

"That's good. And your mom she's… "

"Okay, as far as I can tell, I mean, it's obvious she's still not pleased about the move itself and whatnot, but I think she's come to grasp that it's a reality now."

"That's more than I can say for… "

"HEY JOSEPH."

Nearly spilling his bowl, he spun in surprise, mouth still relatively stuffed as Ymir bellowed his name at his back. She was smirking at him with a knowing look as was Sasha. Ilse and Krista both looked genuinely curious and he found himself wondering what he had gotten himself into this time. She gestured for him to come over and he started in their direction cautiously. He glanced towards the table as he moved and his eyes met Mikasa's. Surprising himself, he didn't look away immediately, and saw her looking at him with something like… hunger? Perhaps envy? It made no sense and he knew he must have interpreted it wrong; he was given no time to dwell as he reached Ymir who wrapped an arm around him in a suspiciously friendly way.

"Ah, Joseph my boy, perhaps you can settle this little debate."

She gestured with her free hand to Sasha who crossed her arms looking confident.

"You're a fan of the punk, metalcore, heavy metal, this and that world, are you not?"

Surprised, he replied honestly,

"Not as much as some people, but yes, I do enjoy that sort of stuff."

Ymir inhaled deeply before asking her main question,

"Which would you say is better; All That Remains or Killswitch Engage?"

He remained there for a moment, arm still around him, before he burst into laughter at the hilarity of their seriousness. Sasha began to twiddle her fingers anxiously; they all clearly interpreted his laughter as that he found it a no-contest. This was far from true and he burst into explanation on one of the few topics he knew much about,

"That's a tough choice, because you could argue that Killswitch is more complex in their writing, both lyrical and instrumental, but personally, I have to give the edge to All That Remains for at least trying to keep a fresh formula even if… "

He didn't doubt that he could have rambled on a bit on the topic, but this was as much as they wanted to hear. Ymir through her hands up and looked around in exasperation, while Sasha gave a whoop of glee and put out a fist for him to bump, which he did in slight bemusement. Krista shrugged and reached over her shoulder for a drink,

"If only I knew even remotely what you guys were talking about."

Done being annoyed, Ymir rubbed the blonde's shoulders vigorously.

"Someday my love… someday you will know the joy of this music."

Krista shrugged again.

"Sounds like a lot of yelling and loud noise to me."

Ymir pretended to grow faint,

"Please, no more of that terrible talk, it wounds me deeply… "

Krista smiled at her girlfriend's melodrama and gave her a shove. Joe smiled at the sight before his stomach dropped as behind him he heard Armin say,

"Glad to see the potatoes were a hit! Should I get some more going?"

He desperately tried to become one with the back wall as Ilse stood up indignantly,

"Yo, except I haven't even gotten any yet."

Armin glanced back at the pot,

"I mean, they're almost all gone."

She looked around,

"So who's all already had some?"

There was nowhere to run too as Joe looked around in what he hoped didn't appear to be too much worry; no one paid him a second's glance, save for Annie who gave him a knowing look and what could have been a small smile. Of course she had seen him, what didn't she see?

Ilse was still looking around indignantly and when no one fessed up, Joe thought maybe he could pass for a guiltless soul until he felt a terrible rumble build in the pit of his stomach which ascended through his body. In a heartbeat, he knew what was about to happen, and he did all he could to prevent it; despite his attempts to stifle it, a sizeable burp issued through his closed mouth that held a spot on the decibel meter for a good couple seconds. Looking down as it finally ended, he felt his face burn and looking back up he saw everyone looking at him. After only a moment, the silence became unbearable and he spoke, blundering over his words as he stammered,

"Yeah, man, who's eatin all them potatoes, can't have someone, you know, taking them all for themselves, like, what kind of asshole… "

Laughter erupted around him, giving him a start. He realized after a moment that no one was angry. Through his surprise, he felt some elation that no one held it against him well up, not counting Ilse, who gave him a dirty look as she went to help Armin.

Now, hours later, he sat in the packed living room, sipping wine and stuffed between Sasha and Ilse as they watched a game of Phase 10 being played between Eren, Jean, Ymir, Krista, and Connie. The game's progression was slow, not due to gradual play, but because every few draws, Eren and Jean would be at each other's throats about the other cheating and would be pulled away by Mikasa and Marco respectively. Despite the hostility between them, they mood was very bright and as Armin offered to refill his glass, he felt for once that he was just… normal.

And he selfishly wished that it could be that way forever.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Looking out towards what was probably the horizon, Mikasa looked off through the cloudy night on Armin's porch, trying to fight the feeling that she had forgotten something. As she racked her brain, the sliding door eased itself open and closed behind her and she caught an earful of at least five people laughing and Eren calling Jean something that would earn him a stern talking-to from his mother. She didn't turn around, but instead waited as Reiner stepped up beside her,

"Had enough of the game?"

She smiled wearily,

"Which one? The cards or the Jean versus Eren?"

He laughed,

"Either."

"I suppose."

He sighed deeply and leaned against the railing alongside her and stared off, skyward. Reaching into his pocket, she heard more than saw him remove a couple items.

"I'd offer you one, but Annie says this isn't your thing anymore."

She looked to see him holding a box of cigarettes. There was a moment of hesitation in her gut, which was quickly overran,

"What's one more."

Pulling one free to a surprised look from Reiner, she bit down on it. Not looking at him, she added,

"Lighting it would be polite thing to do."

She felt his smile as he reached over and did just that. Taking a considerable drag, she heard him light one of his own. Their combined smoke wisped off into the night air. She knew he wanted to ask something, all she had to do was wait. It didn't take long,

"How long you been in the business?"

"Longer than I expected. Was just going to be a brief part of my life, but… '

She shook her head,

"I don't know. Was good at it, and the money was good, and I got to be around people I liked. Not much more to it than that."

She glanced his way,

"You?"

"Probably less time then you have, though you may be surprised. Bert isn't too happy, but he knows I'm not in over my head. Yet."

Another laugh, though it held some reserve she hadn't yet heard. He turned back to look inside as there was a rush of noise and she followed his glance to see Connie on his feet, shouting victoriously as Jean looked as though Christmas had been cancelled.

"Good to see him smile. He doesn't do that enough anymore."

Mikasa knew immediately that he was referring to Bertholdt who was indeed watching the game play out with a smile on his face. Reiner looked back towards the black of night sky,

"Who's your guy friend?"

She looked at him with a speed she knew must have been suspicious,

"Joseph?"

"Yeah."

"Just someone we picked up few months back, Works well with us, for the most part."

Knowing she had held on her "for the most part" for just a touch too long, she felt his eyes burning on her,

"Well, one of you ought to teach him how to fight anyway. He could do it, he just doesn't know how."

Now she rounded on him, letting some annoyance leak into her voice,

"Speaking of, why did you go hammering him? Why did you decide… "

She broke off as suddenly, painfully she remembered exactly what she had been forgetting. Ignoring the look of relief on Reiner's face that he wasn't about to be told off which morphed into concern as she offered something along the lines of "gotta go", she took off down the stairs that ran down the balcony. Vaulting over the railing, she booked it to her car and was off down the road before she knew it.

 _Shit, shit, shit._

Mikasa let her anxiety and consternation hold the front of her mind as she sped down the hillside. For they were much more welcome than the fear of the pain she knew was coming.

She felt the cigarette burning her fingers.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Krista looked around as everyone waited for Armin to bring in the pie that he had been building up all night. It was no secret that Armin made a fantastic pie as had been repeatedly proven by him in high school. Jean and Eren had stopped snarling at each other and were waiting with bated breath.

And in her heart, Krista knew it was now or never.

 _Just do it. Don't think, just get their attention and ease into it. It'll be fine._

Ymir had made zero mention of the possible announcement all night, and Krista had a feeling she was hoping it wouldn't come. But it had to.

"All right, everybody, please take turns, there's enough for everyone. Ymir, Sash, please don't kill each other this time trying to get to it first."

Despite his warning, Krista could tell Armin was pleased by how well his cooking was always received as he returned with the pie and began to send it around. Feeling the knot of anxiety that had been resting in her gut since the beginning of the night, she waited motionless as it came her way. Finally, she felt the plate nudge her arm as Ilse tried to pass it on while trying to eat at the same time. She gave Krista a look and she took it, waiting for a moment, as she watched Reiner reenter the room.

"Hey c'mon don't hold up the line!"

Connie looked practically ravenous as he eyed he pie in her hands and as eyes moved to her, she felt a sudden release in her gut as the words spilled out,

"Hey well, I'm pregnant."

There was a single moment as she felt brutally alone as now all eyes rested upon her. Then, through the haze to her left, Ymir's hand found her's and the fear went. She was ready.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Didn't have too much trouble getting in."

...

"You can put the gun down, I just wanted to talk."

"Talk fast."

"Alright."

"Then I decide if you live."

"I don't think that should be an issue."

"We'll see."

"I assume you got our message?"

"I did."

"Well, my employer just wanted to make sure that you understood it well enough."

"Perhaps I did. Who's your employer?"

"Afraid I can't say. I... "

Click.

"You won't kill me."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm just the messeng... "

BANG.

...

...

...

"Have you not ever heard the phrase 'kill the messenger?'"


	20. Chapter 20

" _ **Hell's where I was born! Hell's where I was raised,**_

 _ **This hell is where I'm from and this hell is where I'll stay.**_

 _ **The hush is all I need to hush the misery;**_

 _ **The hush that belongs to me, like the hush inside a dream**_

 _ **Just be still and pray…**_

 _ **And let the noise just fade away… "**_

 _ **\- Chad Gray**_

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Hange stared blankly over her desk at the now husk of a man that had had the audacity to try and tell her off. He was dead now of course, there certainly wouldn't be any other way that this would have ended.

With a sharp snap, her office door burst open and Mike stepped in with a shotgun already brought to his shoulder,

"Ma'am what happened? I heard the shot… "

"Put that toy away. I need you to carry out this garbage, but empty all his pockets first."

Without any questions asked, Mike did as he was told, pulling free a wallet, phone, and keys; he raised them at her questioningly and she gestured to her desk. He placed the items there and pulled up the limp body.

"Where do you want me to… ?"

"Some empty room in the labs, we may have need for it yet."

"The blood as well, what do you want… ?"

"Have someone clean it after I've left. Thank you Mike."

He nodded hesitantly and pulled the dead man out the office and closed the door. Several minutes passed before Hange leaned forward to look through the man's belongings.

 _Todd Erickson… 25… single…._

Nothing too interesting, so she picked up his phone. Hardly glancing at the lock screen, she reached into her desk and pulled free a small USB sized device and plugged it into the phone's charge port. After only a moment, the lock screen vanished and she had free reign. Going into his messages, she opened the first conversation, and read the last received message,

 **You shouldnt have a problem talking the bitch down. She'll see whos boss. Maybe even mention that if she lays off the trail niggers, the boss might ease up LOL.**

She felt her hand shake for a moment before she regained control. She punched in a message,

 **Hey can you shoot me the HQ address? Cant remember off the top of my head and want to get it in my phone.**

After a moment's thought, she added,

 **Talk went good.**

Then she sat back and waited. There was more than one way to get what she wanted if this method didn't pan out. Hange was never one who was known for a lack of persistence, after all, she wasn't exactly running a book club.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Krista needn't have worried.

There was a terrifying and deafening silence that preluded what could only have been described as an uproar. The response was a combination of gleeful outburst and overwhelming congratulations; there was Armin, Ilse, Connie, and Sasha at the forefront, their words all tumbling together in an excited frenzy,

"Are you really?!"

"That's… that's incredible!"

"How long now?!"

"Jesus, wasn't expecting that!"

Annie was looking at the pair of them with what appeared to be a very real smile. Beside her, Eren and Jean leaned back with blank expressions on their face as Eren murmured,

"Wow, pregnant!"

As though he had never heard of such a thing.

Over her friends' heads, Krista could see Reiner and Bertholdt both looking impressed and pleased; she was glad of Reiner's expression, she had been worried she would see him giving her a perhaps disappointed look. She didn't know if he was still sore about their breakup in high school; it had been rough on both of them, but he had taken it considerably hard, especially when she had gotten with Ymir a couple months later. There was no ill will she could pick out of his expression though, and she allowed herself to believe he was genuine.

She looked around and saw Joseph looking at her; he hadn't moved, but was looking at her with a smile that she identified as one of pleased shock. As she met his eyes, he inclined his head and raised an eyebrow as if to say "really?" and he leaned forward to offer Ymir a mockingly formal handshake which she accepted with matching uprightness.

The din slowly began to die down in which Ilse took the opportunity to offer a shaky,

"How? When?"

Not sure if she would be able to successfully speak with all the butterflies in her stomach, Krista was extremely grateful when Ymir instead launched into an explanation,

"Few months back… we had been talking about if offhand for a while, you know, something that could be a part of our future, but not something we were sure we wanted to take the step towards. But we finally decided to give the IUI a shot and honestly I don't think either of us were expecting it to work."

Krista turned as Sasha hiccupped to her right; the brunette's eyes were shining. Connie gave what sounded to be an almost hysterical laugh.

"And then just recently, she… took a test… and sure enough."

She gave a snap and Ilse followed with what could have been a squeal of excitement.

"That… "

Seeming to regain control, she leaned back, putting a hand over her mouth as her eyes glazed.

"That is the best news I've heard in a while."

Speaking for the first time, Annie said in a tone that held no indignation, though Krista was aware it very well could have.

"Waited long enough to tell us."

Knowing Ymir may very possibly retaliate, Krista took over,

"It was stupid of us, I know. But… it was just one of those things, you know? Why bring it up unless we were certain… "

Annie nodded slowly; she didn't _seem_ upset. Eren leaned forward, now looking fiercely pleased.

"Doesn't matter when you decided to tell us; what matters is it's out now and I don't think… "

He looked around,

"Anyone could be happier."

His tone dared anyone to say otherwise. When no one did, he looked back to Krista with something clearly on the tip of his tongue. Then he stopped. Frowning, he looked back around the room once again and then said, to no one in particular,

"Where's Mikasa?"

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Nearly punching the front of her car through the house's old wooden garage door, Mikasa slammed her foot on the brake and opened the door before the car had even stopped moving. She knew already she was too late, but putting on the appearance that she cared may slightly deter the wrath she knew she was facing.

Though, deep down, she knew it wouldn't.

She rushed quickly to the front door and stopped, hand on the handle. What would this gain her other than a likely-severe beating? Closing her eyes, she realized it didn't matter, this was coming, no matter if she prolonged it. She could handle it.

 _Think of mother…_

Easing the door open, she stepped across the dark threshold, noticing that no lights were on. She paced as quietly as she could across the wooden floor towards the stairs, wondering if he was already in bed. Then, with all the surprise of an air horn, the den light flicked on behind her, throwing her shadow onto the ground.

"Heard you pull up."

His grunt was slurred and angry and Mikasa slowly turned to face him. It was worse than she expected. Her father, although slouched, still towered menacingly in the doorframe, the brute that he was. His narrow, beady eyes glared at her with a newfound hatred she hadn't seen before. His tilted form revealed the intoxication he was surely laboring under.

He said nothing more in what could have been interpreted as a rare show of restraint, but she knew he was waiting for an excuse or an apology. Or both. As she opened her mouth, she chose to be honest,

"I'm sorry I wasn't at the dinner. I… "

 _Say it._

"I have no excuse."

His fist gave a shiver of anger.

"I said… so many times… that you were to be here for this evening."

She lowered her head; she couldn't give less of a shit frankly about his stupid sponsor dinner with his producers. In theory, he was supposed to have the nice stately dinner with his nice dressed-up family before taking a red-eye flight out to California with the producers to talk business. She was terribly grateful her mother had taken a car out to the cabin he had promised she would be able to go to after the dinner, though she was surprised he had kept his promise.

 _She doesn't need to see this._

He raised a meaty finger in her direction.

"And yet… you weren't there."

Attempting to put on what could have passed for a vaguely morose and regretful, she waited nearly impatiently for him to gesture.

"Why is it… you can't follow the simplest of orders."

Biting back a harsh reply, she kept her head lowered as she saw in her peripheral him shake his in disgust.

"Just like your dumb bitch of a mother… nothing penetrates that thick skull."

In her clenched fists, Mikasa could feel her nails digging into her skin. Nearly breaking, she barely held her anger in check as she felt herself cool down ever so slightly.

 _It's fine, it's fine… he's just words, just wait…_

"Honestly… why did you need to inherit any of her traits at all, every single one of them is worthless, just like her… "

"Shut up."

Knowing she had screwed herself further, she realized she didn't care.

"What… did you say?"

"I told you to shut up about mom."

"How insolent you are, after all that I've done for the both of… "

"Yeah, what have you done?"

His shocked and furious expression should have sent fear coursing through her, but she was too mad.

"What exactly have you done for us?"

"You stupid girl, neither you nor your cunt of a mother has ever appreciated… "

"What's there to appreciate?"

"Crossing the line you are."

She couldn't hold it in.

"YOU ARE PATHETIC! JUST BECAUSE YOU FLOAT MONEY DOWN DOESN'T GIVE YOU SHIT TO BE PROUD OF, YOU'VE DONE _NOTHING_ FOR US!"

There was a pause in which he glared darkly at her and she sensed that she ought to prepare herself for a likely more harsh reprimanding than was usual.

"Pole."

Finally, he gestured towards the object of interest and she moved towards it, though not before noting the odd look of contemplation on his large, red face. Doing as was usual, she peeled off her top layers and felt the pole up and down for a comfortable grip. She was moderately surprised when we slouched up behind her and began tying her wrists to the metal band on the far side of the rod. Nearly telling him that it wasn't necessary, she was more than capable of holding still while he beat her, she chose instead to keep quiet; she needn't risk anymore brutality on his end. She was further surprised when he gripped her pants and yanked them down, followed by her underwear.

 _Oh, so it's gonna be like that._

Mikasa hadn't expected him to try and fuck her tonight; that normally came when he was in a good mood, but she prepared herself, waiting to hear him undress.

 _Why would he want to do it out here… ?_

But instead of hearing the unbuckling of a belt, she heard him walk out of the room. Furrowing her brow, she listened intently while testing the tightness of her restraints; despite his drunkenness, they had been done tight.

She heard him reenter and stop a good ways behind her. For what could have been a minute, she waited, not moving and trying to guess at what he was playing at. Still, she heard nothing else.

 _Is he going to…_

There was an odd sound of whistling a split second before a tremendously loud crack resounded and her back exploded with pain. She gasped at the sudden shock as her nerves blasted her brain violently and she straightened sharply. She felt something warm running down the small of her back. Blinking rapidly, she realized she could see his reflection illuminated in the window in front of her and her worst fears were confirmed.

In his meaty grip was an all-too-familiar sight. A long handle with several cords hanging from it, on the end of each was a wickedly spiked barb. The demon that had haunted her.

 _Again… oh fuck… please, I can't do this again…_

Another harsh whistle preluded a second eruption of pain and she bit down on her lip to keep from crying out, feeling the coppery taste of blood enter her mouth as she twisted in agony. Fighting down her fear, she tried to regain control of her mind.

 _Breath. Breath, just try and…_

Another snap and this time she couldn't hold back the scream as it sounded of the walls of the dark house, raw and tortured. It was a hundred times worse than his belt and just as terrible as the last time he had brought out the whip; she could feel each barb drag itself across her skin, tearing it open and scarring her muscle. The blood was running down her thighs by this point and, in the background, she could feel the tension of the ropes against her wrists as she convulsed. He grunted something behind her, but through the haze of pain, she couldn't make it out.

The next hit was close to unbearable, lain straight down her spine and she cried out again, bending backwards as much as her bound position would allow. Her back at this point may as well have been covered in acid and she realized her hands were shaking uncontrollably. At this point, it was an impossibility to try and deflect the pain; it was enough now to simply try and withstand it.

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, please, shit, shit, shit…_

The next hit struck not Mikasa's back, but was aimed at both her thighs and calves; she felt it slice into them and she nearly lost her footing as she spasmed and her feet slipped in her own blood which by now had reached the floor. She had no time to recover as another strike came coming down over her shoulder, ripping over it. Then another clawed into her side; she could practically feel it pull the skin from her ribs.

It was unlike anything she had previously experienced; in his drunken state, he was swinging with far more force than the last time he had unlimbered this weapon. Her screams were now coming out as frequently as her searing lungs could manage them.

He swung again and as it gouged more lacerations across her back, she came very close to screaming for him to stop, to apologize, to do whatever he wanted. But, through the pangs, she felt disgust at herself for even considering that option.

 _C'mon you bitch, that's all he wants, for you to give in, don't, just hold on, just…_

The whip came down again, slashing diagonal from her shoulder to her ass and she half-slid, half-crashed to her knees. At the end of its path, she felt the barbs catch on her skin just above her rear; with a terrible yank, he pulled it free, taking flesh with it.

By now, her throat was hoarse, her wrists burned and she was in more pain than she ever imagined could be pressed upon her. All she could do was beg that her brain would shut down her body and she would pass out before she endured anymore; she howled through gritted teeth as she waited for the next hit.

But it didn't come.

For what could have been minutes or seconds, she rested on her knees as her cries stopped and she panted desperately towards the ground. Finally, when it became too much to bear, she twisted to look behind her, barely managing as fresh pain snarled through her back at the stress exerted by the mere act of turning. She expected to see him towering over her, sneering down and waiting for her to apologize or beg him to stop. But he was not. Her father lay collapsed in a stinking pile on the floor, evidently passed out, his flog resting a few feet away. She staggered to shaky feet, gasping for oxygen; realizing she had only one out, she tugged weakly at the ropes that had become loosened during her struggles. After several minutes of twisting, pulling, and swearing, her raw wrists slipped free and, unprepared for the sudden release, she stumbled back and crashed to the ground.

"FUCK!"

Landing on her back which she knew looked like a mess of tattered flesh, she took shaky, yet deep calming breaths which helped her just enough to roll over.

 _You need to go… NOW._

With a mental shout, she drove her fist into the wooden floor and forced herself up; standing was a difficult process as she fought to use all her muscles save for any in her back. When she reached for what could have passed as upright, she stumbled through her house, past her father, past the whip (which she shot a grudging kick at that nearly toppled her) and more or less threw herself out into the night.

For a moment, she dwelt on how marvelous the cool night air felt, but as fresh blood surged down her back, she realized she wasn't exactly in a way that encouraged dillydallying. Hobbling along the driveway and into her car, she ignored the agonizing stinging her back made when it hit the seat and after sliding her blood covered fingers around the ignition for a moment, she tore back out of the driveway and down the dirt road that led back towards the town.

It wasn't until she reached proper pavement road again that Mikasa realized she had no idea where she was going. As her searing mind toyed with going to a hospital or to Hange's office area where she knew medical supplies waited, a single devastating throb tore through her body and she had no alternative but to swerve off to the side and stop, trying not to sob with pain.

Knowing the now-near impossibility of driving in a straight line as a red haze descended over her eyes, she gritted her teeth in concentration. Knowing she was next to out of alternatives, she scrambled with shaking fingers to pull out her phone, and with what felt like dying energy as the world spun, she thumbed over the first name she saw in her contacts.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ymir sat in the driver's seat of her car, feeling as though she were walking on cloud nine. Nothing was out of place for her as she drove herself and her ( _beautiful, so damn beautiful_ ) girlfriend home. She was hardly aware of the stupid, broad smile on her face; she doubted a tornado siren could have wiped it off.

Other than Mikasa's disappearing act, which Ymir had been very hard-pressed to ignore, the rest of the night had gone very well. It was filled with further questions and congratulations; it had been nearly impossible to leave as the time approached midnight. As they had left, Connie had whispered aside to Ymir,

"Props, I don't think anything has made Jean shut his trap for so long before."

It had been true, Jean had been in utter disbelief ever since Krista's announcement and he had been hilariously content to sit on the couch and stare blankly at the wall; Marco practically had to kick him out of it when it had reached the time to leave.

She looked over at Krista who, for the fourth or fifth time, looked away quickly and bit her lower lip as though trying very hard not to smile. Ymir furrowed her brow,

"What's up?"

Krista glanced back over and then, appearing to lose control, swung out at Ymir with a soft punch,

"Just… look at you! I've never seen you so happy I don't think!"

"Happy? HAPPY? Why you… "

She smashed the hazards on, then pulled off the road sharply and upon stopping, unbuckled and climbed over to a now-cackling and squealing Krista, tickling her up and down.

"Stop… stop it, I MEAN it… Ymir, you… I swear to God, if you don't… "

After which she was prompted into silence as Ymir closed the distance and pressed her lips against Krista's. They both stopped moving for a time, which was altered as Krista's breathing increased deeply and she pulled Ymir's head with her as she leaned back. They laid back together, with only passion to hold a presence in the air.

And it was all… so _perfect_.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

If he had been asked any other day, Joe would have called a car ride alone with Annie a very daunting ordeal. In his head, he could imagine little else that would be as cold and awkward and if there was one thing he simple despised, it was awkward situations, hence his reluctance to attend the dinner party that evening. But now, as he sat in Annie's Lexus, dealing with that very situation, he was having trouble feeling anything other than content.

"So that's what it's like to be normal, huh."

She gave him a very softly amused look and drove for several more seconds before replying,

"You don't get out much do you?"

"Pff, me, get out? Of course I get out, I rock at getting out, no one gets out more than me, I do it all the time, I'm actually the fucking king of… "

He turned to meet a very cold pair of disbelieving eyes and dropped the joke,

"Yeah, no, you're absolutely right."

Annie looked back to the road, seemingly satisfied. They drove another peaceful minute before she surprised him heavily by asking,

"Do you know where Mikasa ran off to tonight?"

He looked at her, startled,

"No, should I?"

Without looking at him, she replied,

"Should you?"

She gave an obviously over-the-top shrug,

"Just thought maybe she would have told you."

"Why would she tell me?"

"I can see a reason."

He narrowed his eyes.

"What exactly are you trying to… "

"I saw you two behind the gas station."

His heart half-stopped.

"Oh."

 _Oh._

He fought the tremendous urge to scratch his head,

"So… you're thinking… "

"What I'm thinking is that you both have a deeper relationship than you've been outward about, whether what happened at the station was all that's physically happened, it's no secret that you two have been acting odd around each other."

"She hasn't spoken to me since that day."

Her reply held what could have been disbelief.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

He stared, hard, at her, trying desperately to see what her cold, indifferent face would reveal. Then, unbelievably, she gave a small smile,

"She'll come around."

Before he could ask what the hell that meant, she added,

"Still, that was… odd of her to take off like that."

Happy at the change of topic, he added his own thoughts,

"Yeah, you'd think one of us would have heard her say something."

"Where did you see her last?"

"She was out on the porch, taking a smoke with Reiner."

Annie's lips tightened a fraction.

"I was under the impression she quit."

Not sure of any story there, Joe didn't allow himself to add anything to that particular branch of the conversation. Fortunately saving him was a fervent buzz that came from her pocket. Pulling out her phone, she gave it a raised eyebrow before answering the call.

"Hey, what's… "

Very quickly, she slammed the brakes and Joe's head nearly hurtled into the dash. Feeling panic replace itself with indignation, he turned to her, with upset verbage on his tongue, before she said,

"On my way, don't move."

She apparently hung up and tapped several things on her phone's screen. Then, she practically dropped it, and spun the car around with a shout from the engine, and shot back the way they came twenty miles an hour faster. He stared at her now set face, trying to not betray the fear in his gut,

"What's up?"

She didn't look at him.

"I don't know."


	21. Chapter 21

" _ **We must learn to regard people**_

 _ **less in the light of what they do or omit to do,**_

 _ **and more in the light of what they suffer."**_

― _**Dietrich Bonhoeffer**_

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

In an attempt to ensure that she and Ilse would not meet an early demise as the result of a car crash, Sasha tried with difficulty to hold in the laughter that had been pouring from her since they left Armin's house. As she snickered almost hysterically into the elbow of her light hoodie. Looking over and almost as giddy as Sasha was, Ilse waited a moment before shooting a hand over and tickling madly wherever she could reach. Shrieking for a moment, the brunette rolled in her seat gasping for breath while Ilse cackled flicking her eyes between her friend and the road.

Now, they were both soaked, but Sasha was over the top; especially after Krista's disclosure, she had taken to happily consuming a good deal of canned alcohol, and was now in a ridiculously fine mood. And without anywhere to necessarily be tomorrow, the pair of them had hit the road, heading the long way towards town, along a stretching, unlit, two-way road, that lent itself to their brand of drunkenness. Still, Ilse was doing well, swerving very minimally and far between.

"Ilse… Ilse… get… the fuck… the fuck OFF."

The girl in question pulled back and returned her eyes to the road, red in the face and breathing heavily. Sasha at her, inhaling just as strongly and feeling some of her giddiness transform into an itch of desire; in a flash of lust, she slid sideways and drove her hand over Ilse's sex. Her friend looked back and after making eye contact, she slipped placed her own hand over Sasha's and started massaging gently, causing the brunette to roll her head back in excitement, a massively juvenile and hungry grin spreading across her face. And for a moment, it seemed that the car was about to be filled with fire.

Then, just as suddenly, police lights flashed behind them.

Sasha cursed violently and retreated to an upright position while Ilse cast an annoyed look into the rear-view mirror,

"Asshole… the fuck you doing out this way? Aren't there college kids in town you could be picking up?"

Regardless, she pulled off to the shoulder and parked it, rolling her eyes and throwing a pissed glance back as the cop rolled up behind them.

"Think he saw you swerving?"

"I wasn't swerving."

"You were swerving a little."

"Ah fuck that."

"Seriously, what if he breathes you?"

"I can fool a breathalyzer easy."

Sasha snorted,

"We'll see."

Ilse rolled down her window and stuck her arm out, waving it dully in the night air. The pair of them sat still for several seconds before she leaned back and looked out the back window. The cop car had not done more then stop behind them, with its lights flashing.

"What the hell is he waiting for?"

As if on cue, the police car's loudspeaker blasted,

" **All occupants please step free of the vehicle.** "

Sasha furrowed her brow in surprise,

"The fuck?"

She then laughed,

"Maybe he wants to see how many people are in here so he can decide if he wants to rape you."

Ilse blew out a noise of disbelief and tapped her side, where Sasha knew a concealed firearm rested,

"Good luck to him."

" **Now, assholes.** "

Sasha raised her eyebrows and felt the corner of her mouth curl up in a smile,

"He's persistent. And pretty sure that there's not just a driver in here."

Shrugging, Ilse unbuckled,

"Well, let's go and appease. I'll just tell him I picked up a prostitute and need to be going before my hour and a half is up."

For that, she received a slug in the shoulder, though Sasha was still smiling as she opened her door,

"If that's the story we're going to go with, we should travel with that lingerie we picked up the other day. Would make this more believable."

"And have him try to jack off while trying to give me a ticket? I think not."

Sasha giggled and the both of them stepped out into the warm, black, summer evening. The lights cast everything in a constantly shifting red and blue glare and Sasha squinted for a moment to let her eyes adjust to the terribly bright lights. They walked around the back and stood side by side and still, no one exited the police car.

" **Raise your hands.** "

Sighing, Sasha followed the order and saw Ilse do the same in her peripheral. This was a bizarre situation to say the least, regardless of the reason he had pulled them over. Finally, the door opened and a man stepped out; he wore a police uniform and looked like every sort of sporty, good-looking college student that Sasha would spend a few seconds eyeing before he would open his mouth and reveal his true ineptitude. He wore an almost smug expression as he sauntered their way. Ilse chose that moment to ask,

"Pardon my asking, but why… "

He pulled free his sidearm and raised it at her in an instant. Instinctually, Sasha stepped in front of her, raising her voice as she did so,

"WHOA, whoa, whoa, what the fuck is this?"

He replied calmly, though there was an undercurrent of excitement,

"Please get out of the way. Only she needs to die tonight."

Mind racing, Sasha began putting together the pieces. This was somewhat difficult as her tipsy state drove the seriousness of the situation against the bouncy surface of the drunken haze; she fought desperately to find a solution to their suddenly deadly situation. Not only were they caught with their hands up, at gunpoint, but they had walked right into it.

 _How the fuck did this happen? Who is this guy, does Ilse know him? Is he even a cop?_

She could tell that he wasn't going to be the most patient of sorts; she felt fear rushing through her gut to her veins, her hands were starting to sweat as she stared him down. She swallowed as her brain ran through absolutely every corner to find a way out. It found none.

He pulled back the hammer.

"I'm not going to ask again."

Ilse put a hand on her shoulder, and Sasha's mind clicked; she knew she had one shot. Putting her hands out at her side, she stepped sideways.

"Okay, okay, Jesus."

She saw the triumph on his face as he repositioned himself in a widespread position. Flicking her gaze, she saw Ilse's mind was working hard as well; the situation had gone from annoying to lethal in a matter of seconds, and there was very little time to change its course. Sasha knew that whatever she was going to do, had to be done now, or her friend was dead.

"Thank you. This is for your own betterment as well as everyone else's… "

While she wanted to ponder his words, Sasha knew there was no time as she saw the sick resolve in his eyes move his finger to the trigger. In a flash, she shoved Ilse hard to the right, while she threw herself left, digging for her sidearm. She heard the officer's gun roar once as her shoulder drove into the pavement sending a wave of pain coursing through her upper body. Ignoring it, she brought her own firearm up as she lay on the ground; she pulled the trigger, praying her sight and accuracy wouldn't fail her and knowing that, if they did, they were both dead.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The car hit another turn at breakneck speed and Joe tightened his grip on the door handle to keep from slamming his head into the window. He looked over and saw Annie's steeled resolve and knew that they weren't slowing until they reached their destination. By now, he knew better than to ask what was going on, and much better than to ask her to slow down.

Despite his complete lack of knowledge on what was happening, it didn't take a genius to figure that something was deadly wrong. They had driven only a few minutes, but he knew they must have traveled a good twenty miles with how fast they had been cooking along longer stretches. It was all he could do to hold on, and do his best to stay calm.

It wasn't working.

Finally, they rounded a bend, and Annie smashed the brakes, throwing Joe's head into the dash. They had been driving so fast, that the car took several seconds to stop completely and he half expected the car to flip forwards.

When it did stop and his head came up, he was able to look out at the supposed reason they were stopped. Fifty feet ahead sat Mikasa's car, silent and still.

 _What…_

In a flash of instinct and concern, he made to exit the car, but was restrained forcefully by Annie, who shoved him down hard in his seat.

"You stay put. Don't get out unless I give you the okay."

He sputtered, trying to form words to relate his indignation, but she gave him a look so icy, that he couldn't even imagine disobeying.

"Yeah, sure."

"Gun out."

He looked back at her with confusion, but slowly drew his 1911 and rested it on his thigh, toying nervously with the safety. By no means was he any less confused, but if she had reason to believe they needed guns, then he knew it would be stupid not to oblige.

"Window down."

Annie gave him the final order as she opened her door and stepped out into the dark, throwing her hair back and raising her own pistol to a ready height. He complied and watched tensely as she moved in front of their vehicle, letting its headlights cascade the area around her. Joe looked back the way they had come; it was late, but by no means did they need anyone stumbling upon them… whatever this was. The road remained desolate, trailing off into an ominous blackness. He turned back forward to see Annie moving around the side of Mikasa's car. His heart pounded heavily in his chest as she reached cautiously for the door and opened it, stepping back, gun raised.

The look she immediately adopted was one of fearful confusion, a look he had never seen her wear. She bent forward, saying something beyond his view and then stood up, stock straight after taking her hands away from something inside. Even at that distance, Joe watched her swallow, her jaw working furiously; she leaned in again, but not before waving him over violently.

He practically kicked the door open and ran over in a haste without closing it; as he neared the car, a voice in the back of his mind warned him that, whatever he was about to see would not be to his liking.

 _What in the hell is…_

As he stepped into view, the voice in his head was proven right; his knees wobbled precariously, and not due to the alcohol he knew was still in his system.

Mikasa was sitting, head forward on the dash of her car, completely naked. Her breath came in sharply and with a shallow feel, her right hand seemed to be shaking uncontrollably on her lap. But all of those oddities came nowhere near to driving the stake of freezing terror into his heart as did the sight of her back. He wished he had the strength to tear out his eyes, but he knew that, even blind, he would see this forever.

It looked as though her back had been carved up with a thick, old knife; from her shoulders to her rear, the skin lay in tatters, the muscle showing beneath, and Joe, though he wished not to believe so, thought he could see the whiteness of bone near where her shoulder blades, ribs, and spine were positioned. The blood was everywhere, up and down her back, on the seat, some down her front and legs. It very well may have been the most disturbing thing he had been privy to witness in his short, fucked-up life.

A hard yank of his lower arm jolted him free of his stupor,

"Let's GO, get low down like this… I'm going to pull her out, slowly, then… "

As he watched Annie, he could have sworn her heard her voice tremble ever so slightly. Regardless, she recovered quickly,

"Then you hold her up by her arm, do NOT touch her back, and we're going to move her to the backseat of the car. Ready? JOSEPH!"

He jumped; his mind was buzzing erratically again,

"Yeah, yeah, ready!"

"On three… "

On her count, they lifted Mikasa between them who gave a half-snarl, half-whimper as her body was stretched. As quickly as they could while maintaining a gentle hold, they guided her to the backseat of the car, where Annie took control of her friend and practically shoved Joe in the car.

"I'm going to lower her onto you now, and you're going to hold her while we drive."

He barely had time to even question in his head where they could be going before the dark-haired girl was eased onto his lap, positioned so that her legs could be lain comfortably on one end and her chest could rest on him, leaving her back untouched. It was almost impossible not to feel nausea for her situation.

 _Who… who the fuck…_

In a near blink, Annie had sprinted back to her friend's car, driven it off-road into the woods, killed the engine and sprinted back. She slid into the driver's seat and gestured at him, not bothering to buckle,

"Arms, hold her arms."

Joe did so, his ears now ringing for some unknown reason. Annie didn't waste any time whatsoever; she tore off back the way they had come and as Mikasa groaned weakly in his lap, Joe finally found the voice to croak out,

"Where… are we going?"

Annie threw a wildly protective look back at her friend before turning back to the black night,

"Only place I can be sure of."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Stretching back on the bed, Ymir popped her toes sharply, causing Krista to jump as she changed clothes. Wriggling into her night shirt, she gave her girlfriend a stink eye and Ymir closed her own, laughing.

"Are you ever going to get used to me doing that?"

"Well, maybe if you announced it before you made that wretched noise… "

"Maybe if you weren't such a wimp… "

Krista huffed and walked towards the bathroom; Ymir noticed with a rush in her gut that the blonde had only changed into a night shirt, nothing lay underneath.

 _In for some fun tonight perhaps?_

She tried unsuccessfully not to get her hopes up as she heard Krista start to brush her teeth. After a moment, she called back,

"Ooo yuu nou ith djophis gowd uh ribe ome?"

Ymir had to wait to stop laughing before responding,

"Once more, with a little less dick in the mouth."

She heard a spit and was once again greeted by a pair of annoyed eyes,

"I asked if you knew whether or not Joseph got a ride home."

Leaning back, she waved her hand dismissively.

"Oh yeah, he got a ride with Annie."

Krista leaned in the doorframe a moment, furrowing her brow while a smile spread across her face; Ymir couldn't help tracing the curves of her bare legs up to her waist, past her slender stomach to the arcs her delicate breasts made against her shirt.

"That's an interesting pair. Think they engaged in any after-party coitus?"

She turned back into the bathroom, swinging her hips in an oh-so appeasing way. Ymir had to mentally shake herself before responding to the humorous question she had just been posed,

"I rather doubt it. Though the thought of that is certainly a fascinating one."

Around the doorframe, she could see Krista leaning in front of the mirror, examining something she thought was amiss,

"Girl, when are you going to listen when I say that at no point do you ever need to look in a mirror? There are no imperfections to be found on you."

Krista exited the bathroom, killing the light and allowing only the dim orange glow of their lamp to coat the room in a comforting glow. She gave an affectionate smile as she closed the distance between them,

"That's sweet. But you're supposed to say that… "

"Does that make it any less true?"

The blonde tilted her head in thought,

"I'm not sure… but how about the belly I'm going to be getting?"

"Well that… "

Ymir grunted as she rolled over and gave Krista's stomach a rub before placing her ear against it,

"Is something entirely beautiful in and of itself."

She remained there for a moment, closing her eyes as Krista moved her hands to cradle her head.

"How long until I can hear a heartbeat?"

"Six to eight weeks I think."

Ymir let another smile spread across her face,

"Not long then."

She gently but firmly pulled Krista over her and onto the bed where, for a moment, they just held each other. Then Krista posed a question that had been gnawing at the back of Ymir's mind for hours,

"Where do you suppose Mika ran off to?"

Ymir pursed her lips before responding slowly, deliberately annunciating each word,

"Not. The slightest. Idea."

That wasn't to say she hadn't been thinking about it almost constantly. This combined with the almost obsessive tracking of their leader's whereabouts after work was certainly something that was doing cartwheels in her mind. She had been known to take off randomly after work without an explanation, but now, during a party? It was dead odd, and Ymir had already decided that she would get to the bottom of this one, no matter what. She knew it was none of her business, but, in a way, she felt it was. It hurt to be so intrusive, but something about it all simply felt very wrong.

A savage knock sounded at the door suddenly causing them both to jump free of their solace.

"Jesus… that was frightening."

"Who do you think… ?"

"Probably we forgot something and someone brought it over. That or Sasha and Ilse want to have some last minute drinks and talks."

She knew the unlikeliness of the two statements even as she said them, but she wasn't sure what else would bring someone to their door at that time. Eyebrows furrowed, Krista swung herself out of bed and to the front door; Ymir leaned back sighing deeply and wondering what in the world her friends would be doing there so late on this dark, dark night.


	22. Chapter 22

_**"There is only one thing that I dread:**_

 _ **not to be worthy of my sufferings."**_

 _ **\- Dostoevsky**_

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Krista couldn't have been sure as she made her way to the door, but she could have sworn that someone was yelling on the other side.

 _I must be really damn tired._

As she reached the door, she stopped, decided to obey her conscience, and pressed her ear against the frame; hearing nothing further, she shrugged and slid back the deadbolt, and swung the door open. She took a moment as it did to scold herself for answering her door wearing only a nightshirt.

She was not given further time to dwell on this as the second the door was open, Annie barreled through the threshold, sweeping past her.

"Hey whoa, whoa, WHOA."

Taking very little time to stare after the blonde in bemusement, Krista snapped free of her stupor and stormed after her, feeling a slight twinge of annoyance as she followed. They reached their bedroom as Krista caught up to her; Annie took a moment to sweep her eyes around the room, around the bathroom door, the closet, the bed, a stunned Ymir and finally gestured sharply.

"Thirty seconds, clear off the bed."

Ymir stared a second longer in disbelief, before letting out a single bark of confused laughter,

"Annie, if you wanted a threesome all you had to do was ask."

No smile was returned; Annie snapped,

"NOW."

She tore back out of the room, sparing Krista a short look,

"I need you to hold the door for Joseph."

Opening and closing her mouth in utter shock, Krista looked after Annie, to an equally perplexed Ymir, and then back out the door. She found herself able to move after a second, and, as a baffled Ymir started following her order, she ran back after Annie grabbing a thong and trying to angrily hop into it as she followed.

"Annie… what the fuck… _exactly_ … are you thinking… "

She found herself cut off as she reached the doorframe; out in their driveway, Annie had run to the end of it, looking up and down furiously as though she had expected to be followed. Her car rested in the driveway and someone was climbing out. And that someone was cradling someone else, lifting them with precise ease and gentleness, out of the car. Something was dripping from the back of the person being carried.

As the carrier moved into the light allowing for a view of the both of them, Krista was able to see that it was a very frightened and pale looking Joseph. And he was carrying an even paler and, for some reason, completely naked Mikasa. Her lean and muscled frame was shaking in his hold, her prominent abs quivering with sharp breathes.

By this point, Krista had zero words and could only stand back and hold the door as she was told as Joseph stepped tenderly into her abode. Annie had caught up to him and was ordering him to the bedroom; as they moved inside, Krista was able to notice that which dripped from Mikasa was blood. She was far less concerned with the red drops now littering her tiled floor and was much rather wanting to know their origin.

"Hey, hey what in the hell is… "

She got only this far as they reached the bedroom; Ymir, who had done what she was told, stepped back, eyes wide at the curious procession.

"On the bed, on her stomach, slow and careful, do NOT touch her back."

At Annie's urging, Joe did as was instructed; Mikasa was rolled onto her stomach and she gasped sharply. Then Krista saw her back and clapped a hand to her mouth, giving a short scream. It was terrible to look at, she felt a wave of nausea slide through her gut as she slumped back into the wall. Ymir was now breathing very heavily and seemed unable to stop muttering,

"Jesus… oh my… holy fucking shit… Christ… how… shit… "

And as always, Annie was in utter control of the situation,

"Joseph, back up, Ymir get the heavy-duty kit, Krista I need your hands here…"

As the initial wave of shock dissipated, Krista moved quickly over to do as she was told as Ymir knocked over a lamp in her haste to get to the closet. In the corner of her eye, Krista saw Joseph back into the wall, red all over his arms and looking as though he was about to simultaneously throw up and die of consternation.

She tried vainly to see this as just an opportunity to practice some medical procedures, but as she looked down at Mikasa, heart heavy with pity, she knew things had to get worse before they got better. Ymir had returned with a large red and white case that she flicked open as she set a large bottle of isopropyl alcohol on the nightstand. Annie reached over and grabbed it, unscrewing it.

"Ymir, do you have any kind of tarp, that sort of thing?"

"No, I don't think so… but it's fine, just a mattress and some bedding."

Annie met her eyes and nodded; she slid momentarily off the bed and went to one knee,

"This is gonna suck. Real fucking bad. But we have to do it."

Mikasa weakly lifted her head and confirmed. Annie climbed back up onto the bed and took the bottle as well as a deep breath,

"Ymir, you grab one leg, Krista the other, just try and keep her from moving as much… "

They did so, gripping as best they could; the blood that ran over most of her legs made slipperiness a fair issue. Ymir met Krista's eyes and the look reassured her enough.

"I'll work as fast I can, then immediately when… "

"Joseph. "

The weak call came from Mikasa who looked unable to turn her head and look at him. Annie stopped talking and turned to look at the young man who was pressed against the darkest wall in the room. He looked terrified. Annie wasn't in the mood to waste time,

"Get over here."

Swallowing with what appeared to be great effort, he did so and hovered by the bedside. A pair of shaking, bloody hands came up and, this time, Annie didn't need to order whatsoever. In an instant, he climbed onto the front of the bed and Krista saw the surging fear and worry in his eyes. Then the fear was covered by steel; he reached out and grasped both her hands tightly, his jaw set with determination. They both squeezed tightly, fingers going white. Annie watched him for what could have been a moment too long.

"Alright, here we go… "

Taking the towel that Ymir had brought in one hand and the bottle in the other, she wasted no time. She began to pour the bottle's contents onto the open wounds, starting from the shoulders. At once, Mikasa screamed, her arms and legs stiffening and shaking violently with pain as the harsh solution washed into her body. She was terribly strong; the difficulty in keeping her as still as possible was a challenge indeed. Krista could feel the leg muscles tense harshly beneath her small hands, but she herself was no weakling. Summoning her strength, she forced the leg low to the mattress and could see Ymir doing the same. Deciding to risk a glance at Joseph, she saw the resolve in his eyes had not dimmed.

It had grown if anything.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"… just found her that way. On the side of the road, head down, hardly moving."

"Holy Christ, if you hadn't found her… "

"Ymir, don't say that."

"Sorry… it's just kind of a miracle, you know?"

The four of them now sat in the living room of Ymir and Krista's living space, with the first down time they had had in a good hour. Mikasa's wounds had been properly cleaned and she had been fed a proper dosage of painkillers that would hopefully knock her out after a bit. Then the stitching process could come.

 _And that there will be the true challenge._

Ymir reminded herself of this dully as she slowly turned her mug of coffee in her hand. Annie seemed to unable to sit; she drank her own beverage standing, constantly shifting her weight. Krista sat in the safe harbor between Ymir's legs. Joseph sat on the couch, staring at the ground. He had said very little, only raising his voice to confirm something said by Annie from time to time. His face was blank, but set.

"What did you do with her car?"

"Stashed it… I'll recover it as soon as able, but the inside will need work, it's a mess."

"She's lost so much blood… will we need to pump some more in her?"

"More than likely, I got ahold of Hange, she's aware of what's going on."

"Is she coming?"

"On her way as of five minutes ago."

Ymir shifted uncomfortably, deciding she was ready to ask the hard question,

"So… guess that mountain fall story was some bullshit huh."

She tried not to pose it as a question and was relieved when Annie didn't get aggressive.

"So it would seem… "

"Any… any idea who did it?"

"None."

"Do you think she'll tell us?"

No one chose to answer. After a painfully long stretch in which everyone sat pondering the motives of what sick person could do something like this, Annie finally said with a finality,

"Alright, we need to get started on stitching, let's move."

The girls set down their drinks and rose, moving towards the bedroom. Ymir noticed that Joseph hadn't moved; he continued to stare at the floor with a frighteningly passive expression. She looked to Annie and then jerked her chin in his direction. Annie shook her head and gave a look as if to say, "Let him be." Complying, Ymir followed them into the bedroom for the painstaking process of stitching and as such, she didn't see Joseph flick his eyes up after them.

Nor did she see him move to the front door and slip out into the waning night.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

He felt somewhat guilty as he drove Annie's car back along the road they had come. Not only had he borrowed her car without permission, but he was also using an application that Hange had installed on his phone that she had told him was for emergencies only.

"This baby will tell you the whereabouts of any person you search… their residence mind you, not their active location. That would be some CIA level shit, though I won't deny I haven't had that sort of thing on my mind."

Hange had happily told him this a couple weeks ago when she had decided he had become trustworthy enough to possess it.

"Fur… Glaive… ah, Dust there you are… yes, yes all looking good, you really have done more than what's been asked haven't you… well I suppose I can start trusting you with a few more responsibilities."

And now here he was, actively using it for his own personal vendetta. Frankly though, he was far too angry to feel guilty. He had run the name Ackerman through the servers and had come up with who could only have been Mikasa's parents. He had knocked the address the application had given him into his GPS and had started to drive. It had taken minutes.

The dark pavement eventually gave way to a turn onto a long dirt road which he followed through some heavily dark woods for a good couple miles until finally coming upon a farmhouse. It appeared in very good upkeep despite being close to in the middle of nowhere and he parked a good distance away before disembarking and moving cautiously towards it. As he neared the house, he saw blood running down from the front door to the driveway. He had to pause a moment to calm his shaking.

The door was cracked and he pushed his way inside as quietly and slowly as he was able. He felt an unbidden remembrance of Poe's _The Telltale Heart_ run through his mind. Creeping carefully through the entrance area across wooden floors, he came to see a wall overcast by a soft, yet powerful blue glow. As he edged around the corner, he saw a desk with a chair on its side, a computer screen still lit atop it. To its left stood a pole that ran from the ground to ceiling. And covering far too much floor was blood.

Stepping forward slowly, he felt his heart skip as his foot came down on something that wasn't floor. As he adjusted his gaze, he found himself looking at a black, vile-looking scourge.

The computer screen read,

 **Mr. Ackerman,**

 **Thank you for making the decision to fly with us. Your first-class reservation has been confirmed and your flight will depart at 4:00 a.m. Please make all necessary arrangements in order to be on-time. Your boarding pass complete with all your flight information may be found below.**

 **Thank you again for choosing Sun Country Airlines!**

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Argh, fuck."

"That's okay, taking it like a champ, over halfway done I'd say."

The stitching was going expediently; Annie's fingers could work magic when it came to necessities like this. Mikasa hadn't gone under from the effects of the painkillers as was expected, but she still was numb enough that she could be worked on without feeling the extreme pain that would otherwise be plaguing her. Her voice was slightly hoarse, but she had mostly recovered her ability to speak; as Ymir sat watching fervently however, the tension in the air was obvious.

They had yet to ask her from where she had sustained her injuries and she had yet to provide any information freely. Ymir knew she could only keep her mouth closed for so long though, sooner or later, the questions would come. For now though, she was just glad to see her friend no longer in such a frenzy of pain; the sight of her like that had shaken her to the core. Ymir had seen Mikasa lose control, get angry, make the very occasional irrational move. But never before had she ever seen her lain so low, be so helpless. There were certain people you felt would always be untouchable; to find them otherwise did a number to one's courage.

Ymir took a deep inhale and Krista winced gently, looked ready for the question to arrive,

"I'm gonna go get Joseph, he'll want to see you now that you're better."

Unbeknownst to the others, Krista heaved a mental sigh of relief as Ymir walked out of the room, placing a hand on Krista's shoulder before doing so, giving it a tender squeeze. Krista noticed Mikasa's eyes flick towards the door.

Annie gave a sharp swear.

"Some of these… are pretty deep, I don't know how to handle them other than letting Hange take a look at them."

Mikasa nodded.

"Thank you."

Krista allowed herself a moment to lean back before she was startled quickly as Ymir burst into the room,

"He's gone. So is your car."

Annie looked back calmly.

"Did he say anything to anyone about going anywhere?"

No replies ensured what they all already knew. Krista looked about to pull free her phone to call him when Ymir's phone buzzed. She pulled it and showed it to them in confusion,

"It's him."

Complying with their gestures, she answered, putting him immediately on speaker,

"What's the big fuckin' deal, you up and just walk out with Annie's car?"

"Is Mikasa there?"

Ymir's annoyance gave way to confusion,

"Yeah, I've got you on speaker, she's here."

There was a pause so long that Krista thought the called had dropped. Then,

"Mikasa, was it your father."

Ymir felt her heart stop as Krista and Annie both froze. She wobbled on her feet as the possibility came crashing down on all of them. For Joseph hadn't posed it as a question. He was waiting for confirmation. They all turned to her; she had pulled herself up as far as she was able and looked, if possible, even more pale then before,

"I don't know why exactly you would... "

"WAS IT YOUR FUCKING FATHER!"

His bellow caused Krista to jump to her feet. Mikasa looked sick,

"I… "

Her head dropped and she suddenly looked very defeated,

"Yes."

A singularly pained sob escaped Krista's throat as Ymir closed her eyes. Annie hadn't moved, but her jaw was working madly. There was another sober pause as Ymir finally built up to ask what they were all thinking. There was an incredible amount of pain in her voice,

"Mikasa… why… why would he… "

She seemed unable to finish. Joe, however, seemed to know the question she was trying to ask.

His voice smoked with hate.

"Oh don't worry Ymir, you can ask him after I've torn out his heart and fed his body to the pigs."

He hung up.

Blinking in a haze, Ymir was able to confirm after a moment,

"He turned off his phone."

In a sudden show of strength, Mikasa forced herself up further, swearing with pain before saying, in a weak, yet panicked tone,

"Annie, he's going to the airport, they both are, I need you to go there and stop Joseph, he's going to try and kill him."

The girl in question looked back with a dangerous amount of apathy on her face,

"I don't see as I'm particularly inclined to stop him."

"Annie please, I can't explain now, but he can't kill him, he _can't_."

Her voice shook and Ymir wasn't sure if that was because of her present condition or otherwise. Annie looked back, eyes seemingly emotionless. She waited a long time before standing straight.

"For you. Not him."

She threw a questioning look to Krista who pointed to the drawer on the top of her dresser. Annie retrieved the car keys, gave Mikasa a horribly disgusted look, and was gone. Ymir slumped to her knees; this was all too much, this wasn't happening, it couldn't be happening…

 _Why the fuck is this happening?_

Krista stumbled over to the bedside and got down to make eye contact with Mikasa. Her eyes shone with tears as she tried to say something; words failed and she began to cry, pressing her forehead against the dark-haired girl's. Ymir watched Mikasa close her eyes and reach out with a grimace. She took the back of Krista's head and held it against her's. Words appeared to fail her too.

Then, Ymir's phone buzzed again; it took a moment to register and she nearly dropped it in her hurry to answer it. She got a brief moment to see that the person calling was Hange before she brought it to her ear. Her own voice sounded terrible,

"Hello?"

"Ymir. I'm halfway there, but you need to hole up NOW, I just got an anonymous tip that you and Ilse are both being targeted for hits tonight, you need to get bunkered down now and… "

This was as far as she got before the all-too-familiar feel of gunmetal pressed against Ymir's temple; she heard Krista gasp. A hand took her phone and threw it across the room. The same hand seized her hair and jerked her head backward and a knee drove itself into her kidney and she couldn't resist yelling in pain as she was forced to ground.

"Alright, you filthy red. Let's have some fun before I decorate the room with your fuckin' brains.


	23. Chapter 23

" _ **There was a time I felt invincible,**_

 _ **In the cradle of youth I felt I owned the world,**_

 _ **Until I held on so tight I felt it slipping away."**_

 _ **\- Parkway Drive**_

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

As the car hit a curb, jolting it as it rounded onto the highway, Joe realized he hadn't a clue what his plan was.

His head seemed to be spinning yet his vision wasn't impaired. He felt explosively angry but his stature was calm. And with his wildly mixed feelings, his driving was still leaving a lot to be desired.

 _If you really are going to do this, you should shape up your driving. Don't want to get pulled over and have that be the reason you…_

"Shut up."

Joe snapped quietly as he felt Dust cackle in his head.

 _So you actually know he did it?_

"Who else could have? The whip was there, the… the blood was there, it was _her_ fucking house!"

 _Hmm._

He could feel Dust's smile and it started to well a fresh anger from inside. He reached the overpass to where the town's small airport lay just beyond and floored it as he saw the time over the dash. There was hardly any time to be spared. As he came over the hill, he could see the tower and the parking lot surrounded by freshly trimmed shrubs and bushes; as small as the airport was, the town couldn't be faulted for trying to make it look nice.

Instead of driving into the lot, he pulled off to the side of the road a good ways from the entrance and killed the engine. He allowed himself a single moment to breath, then checked to make sure he had his gun and exited the car into the darkness.

He became of strange hissings through the ringing in his ears as he crouched towards the lot, shaking it away, he instead allowed them to become full with the distant sounds of planes preparing for takeoff and landing. Hopping the short fence, he did a quick survey of the few cars that were parked in the small lot; he began to panic when he realized that he didn't know what car he would be driving. His heart began to beat a thicker pace, pounding through his torso with a thunderous rhythm. He lowered himself behind a bush, wondering if this was all for not; he waited for a solid couple minutes before gripping his head at the idiocy of his plan.

Then, as if by a miracle, a fresh looking Ford truck pulled into the lot at a curiously frantic speed and parked in the nearest open space and out climbed Mr. Ackerman.

The hulking man looked just as he had in the picture Joe had seen on his driver's license, courtesy of the app; massive, not just heavy, but thick like a tree. He had withering hair, a wildly thick moustache, and a pair of beady eyes that looked around every which way as if he knew that someone was stalking him.

And even from that distance, Joe could see a small splatter of blood on his aging brown pants.

A new and overpowering wave of hatred nearly turned his world upside down; he watched as the man locked his car and started across the near empty lot for the airport entrance with only a briefcase in tow. Joe knew it was now or never. He stood, raising the 1911 to readied height and stared venomously down the sights. His back was to him as he pulled back the hammer; it seemed too good, he didn't deserve such an easy out.

 _But,_ he thought, _an out is what he deserves._

He moved his finger to the trigger and gave a shaky exhale.

"You will never touch her again… "

His focus allowed for little to no attention to his surroundings, which was probably why the sudden hand that gripped the gun barrel and forced it up and the kick that sent him to the ground came as a complete and utter surprise. As he ate dirt, the gun was wrenched from his grip and a knee was driven into his back to keep him from rising. Through the leaves of the bush he could see the brute of a man reach the doorway.

"No, no, no, NO, NO!"

He howled in frustration and denial as the motion-sensing doors swung open to admit him and he entered without a backwards glance. Joe roared and twisted, trying to free himself; as he did, his right arm was forced up and this, combined with the knee in his back, made movement nearly impossible. He ran his face through the dirt to try and see who had prevented him from delivering justice,

"Fuck you, I fuckin' had him! He's getting away, get the fuck OFF, I can still… "

Annie's cold tone sliced through his furious rambling,

"You're not getting anyone. And you're not moving until you're calm."

He managed to finally reach a position where he could turn and regard her with enraged disbelief; maddeningly, her eyes were as cool and indifferent as ever as she stared down at him,

"What?! Annie… you saw what that fucking bastard did! Why would you stop this?!"

Her emotion remained undiscernible.

"We can talk about that when you're calm."

"Calm?! Fuck… calm… you… get… OFF!"

He struggled violently, but he got nowhere. Though he refused to acknowledge it, she was simply not someone he was able to overcome in terms of strength. She held his struggling form down for a solid minute before adding,

"I really don't mind if we have to stay here all night."

"FUCK YOU!"

He heard her exhale with what could have been regret,

"And, by now, he is long gone."

In an excruciating moment of realization, he stared back at the airport entrance with wild eyes before roaring with a final rush of anger into the ground with all the strength in his body. His cry faded quickly into the uncaring night as did his attempts to free himself. He was now content to simply keep his face down and die where he lay. It was what he deserved for failing.

After a short time, Annie asked,

"Are you calm?"

He didn't answer. He didn't have the strength to. Nor the inclination. After waiting a minute longer, Annie quickly and smoothly released him and stood up, letting his arm fall to the ground. He heard her check his gun and stow it, then become silent; he knew she was watching him intently. A plane took off somewhere out of sight behind the airport and for a moment, he allowed the rumble of the massive engines to fill his ears; he felt her nudge him with her toe.

"C'mon man, let's go."

His heart was still smoking, but he knew he was getting nowhere lying facedown in the dirt. He rose slowly and brushed himself off, refusing to look at her. Instead, he turned towards the sky, jaw set in a harsh line exhaled through his nose.

"Why did you stop me?"

Still not looking at her, he heard what sounded like her kicking the ground. She waited a long time.

"I actually don't know."

Turning to regard her with eyes set in a disbelieving furrow, he saw her staring off towards the departing lights of the plane as they faded into the sky.

"I mean, you should know, you did it for a fucking reason."

She met his eyes and shrugged,

"She asked me."

"She asked you."

Annie nodded and looked back towards the sky again. They spent a moment together regarding the black sky, Joe half-defeated and half-seething; she finally stepped forward and took him by the arm. He was surprised at the gentleness of her touch.

"Let's go."

Not feeling enough anger to resist, he let her turn him and they walked side by side out of the lot.

And, as they walked, Joe couldn't help notice Annie's hands as they clenched into fists, shaking silently at her side.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

For the first time in anyone's recent memory, Ymir screamed in pain. Not that it was unjustified; her arms were being in held in place by one perpetrator, while another knelt on her stomach, working with a huge knife. As he finished his incision, he looked up at her, his likely gleeful face hidden behind a ski mask.

"You might want to squirm less, it'll make this go a little faster."

"GO TO HELL YOU FUCKIN'… "

She screamed through clenched teeth as he dug the knife back down into her chest.

"Well, now, that's not a very kind attitude even for a… "

He slapped her face with fresh venom.

"… filthy animal like yourself."

"STOP, STOP, JUST PLEASE STOP, WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"

"You shut your SLUTTY MOUTH UP! YOU'RE LUCKY YOU'RE NOT DEAD!"

Mikasa and Krista were both on their knees where a third man was holding an SMG to their heads and had been having a shouting match with Krista for a good minute. Ymir was grateful that Mikasa had her hand on her girlfriend's upper arm; if she didn't, she had a feeling the blonde would have attacked in a frenzy and likely got herself hurt. Regardless, she was still making decisions that were likely not in her own best interests.

And Krista's best interests were the only ones Ymir cared about.

"YOU FUCKING PIGS, JUST STOP, STOP HURTING HER!"

"I SAID SHUT UP!"

Through her pain, Ymir could tell their guard was getting angry; she couldn't have him hurting the already battered Mikasa or her…

 _God help them if they lay a fucking finger on her._

"You kneel back down right the fuck now, RIGHT FUCKING NOW!"

Krista had wormed free of Mikasa's grip and was staring down the barrel of his gun as he bellowed at her; there was a fury in her eyes that Ymir knew wouldn't let her drop back down. Despite the cold, yet searing pain, she found the strength to belt out,

"KRISTA!"

She spun away and locked eyes with Ymir, utterly ignoring the gun pressed against her temple. Her angry eyes shone with tears. For a moment, their tormentors stopped to watch them; sweating, hurting, and feeling blood running down her sides, Ymir managed to force a smile as she raised a hand at her girlfriend.

"It's okay… it's okay."

In a single horrifying instant, it looked like she wouldn't back down. Then, Mikasa's hand found her's, urging her gently down. With her face crumbling away into defeat, Krista burst into silent tears and collapsed; Mikasa caught her, and held her close, giving Ymir a reassuring look. She returned it before she jammed her eyes shut and threw her head back, yelling as the man on her stomach resumed his excruciating work; as he cut, he leaned in close,

"You really love her don't you?"

She spit in his face.

"Haha, won't pretend I didn't see that coming."

He slammed her head against the ground and she saw stars for a moment and she became glad for the momentary numb of the pain. As her sight returned, she heard,

"Tagner, c'mon, just do what we came here to do."

Tagner grabbed Ymir by the back of the head and pulled her up so he could smash his elbow into her nose.

"Fuck you man, I took this job to fuck up reds and I'm here fucking up reds."

The man who had interjected looked at man guarding Mikasa and Krista,

"Walker… "

"Shut up and let him have his fun. We'll be done after not too long."

Lowering his head, Walker continued to hold Ymir in place, falling silent. She looked at him through tears of pain, wishing she could see his face. Seemingly pleased with the work on her chest, Tagner sat up, breathing heavily. Then he leaned back down, grinning maliciously,

"So bitch, think you've suffered enough."

Ymir refused to answer, simply staring at the ceiling, regaining control of her breathing. Apparently dissatisfied, he prodded her nipple with his knife and she inhaled sharply.

"Maybe? Maybe not?"

Peeling her eyes from the ceiling, she locked gazes with him and put on the most shit-eating grin she could muster,

"Eat my ass, you fucking sack of shit."

Clearly not expecting this resistance, he held a look of disbelief in his eyes, before hatred returned to them. Ymir groaned through her teeth as he drew blood.

Four very dull thuds sounded, echoing throughout the room and Ymir was greeted to a fresh splatter of blood as it shot over her face followed by the collapse of Tagner's body as he slumped over her. She felt the knife slide against ribs as two thicker thuds signaled the collapse of the other two men. Cursing through her pain, she shoved the body off of her and looked around quickly.

Mikasa had pulled Krista around, shielding her, her savaged back daring the world to throw any more pain at it. All three of the men lie dead and unmoving, collapsed near where their last moments of life had found them. In the doorway stood Sasha and Ilse, both holding silenced pistols. They both held looks of combined fear and determination; Ymir locked eyes with Ilse and felt a rush of relief. She stood up, her shirt falling back over her body from where it had been hoisted up, covering her wounds. By that time, Ilse had crossed the room and flung her arms around Ymir who returned the embrace with equal enthusiasm.

"Jesus… you could have been dead."

"Me? How the fuck about you?"

They came apart as three more sets of footsteps came sprinting into view almost barreling Sasha over: Annie, Joseph, and Hange, guns out and readied. Ymir turned to look at them and was genuinely surprised as Sasha and Joseph met eyes and he practically collapsed into her arms. Annie moved quickly in, dropping to one knee beside Mikasa, ensuring she was fine as Krista wobbled to her feet and ran to Ymir, who caught her and held her, with no intent on letting go. Hange immediately began inspecting the bodies of the men, pulling off masks and digging for ID's after sweeping the room and ensuring that no one was too seriously injured.

Krista began gently lifting Ymir's shirt, running her delicate hands over her skin and reaching the job that had been done over her chest. There, amidst other cuts and bruises and sliced into her body read a single word, dripping with blood,

 **Redskin**

Krista slowly looked up to meet Ymir's eyes who gave her another smile,

"And proud of it."

The blonde burst into fresh tears and practically bear-hugged Ymir, who responded in kind. She looked over her girlfriend's hair at Mikasa, thanking her silently with a nod. It was returned and Ymir gestured with a finger over towards her dresser which remained open and full of clothes. Another nod was received and Mikasa crossed over to it, pulling out a plain black shirt; as she passed Hange, the woman looked up from the corpse she was inspecting as if to ask a question. She caught sight of the girl's back and opened and closed her mouth, blinking rapidly. She looked to Annie who shook her head.

And as Ymir stood in her room, holding her crying girlfriend, surrounded by her friends, blood and dead bodies, she thought to herself,

 _Why?_

She hugged Krista whose stomach held what would be their child and felt unbidden tears well in her eyes.

 _Why?_

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

As he pulled apart from Sasha, Joe stared into the chaos that had one been a bedroom. From the blood spreading over Ymir's shirt, to the dead bodies, to Mikasa's back, he found a strange overwhelming and suffocating weight strike him and he shook once, toppling to one knee. His breathing heightened and he felt light-headed; almost immediately, Sasha had his back, pulling him back up,

"Hey… c'mon, over here… "

She guided him into the living room which was miraculously free of any disturbing anomalies and he practically collapsed onto the couch. Sasha sat swiftly beside him and took his head in both her hands, forcing him to make eye contact as his breath came in sharp, shallow rasps.

"Look at me. Look at me. You're fine, everything's fine, it's over… "

"Ymir… Mikasa… they… she… she… "

"She'll be fine, they'll both be fine."

He gulped, nodding deeply. Then, an uncontrollable wave of realization came slamming into him and he began to shake and cry. He wasn't sobbing, but his breath came in like such, rattling his whole body. Sasha wrapped her arms around him and held him, pulling him tightly against her breast. He felt the memory of Mikasa holding him strike a chord in his gut and he started to cry harder. She rocked him, like a child, shushing him quietly; after his breathing began to come in slightly steadier, she began to sing. It surprised him; it was not a pleasant tune, more haunting then anything, but it was very calming. It sounded oddly familiar. She sang no words, but it didn't seem to need words; after a moment, he allowed it to lull him into a calm.

It took several minutes before Joe was back in proper control of his faculties; when he finally felt ready, he straightened, taking a deep, steadying breath. She kept a hand on his shoulder, watching him closely.

"You okay?"

"I… I am, thanks. I don't know what… what that was. That wasn't me, I don't break down like that, at least not any more, I don't know… "

Sasha nodded glumly.

"It happens. Sometimes… it just hits really hard."

 _It does._

Breathing heavily, he threw himself back against the couch; she followed suit and they sat there for several moments simply… existing. Then he turned and asked,

"Hange mentioned the two hits when she called Annie on our way back… what happened with you two?"

Her eyes glazed over as she narrowed them at the floor.

"Cop. Pulled us over and tried shooting Ilse. I got her out the way and shot him."

She sighed.

"It was way too close."

He nodded and returned to silence. She broke it shortly thereafter; he noticed her feet fidgeting.

"Can… can you come with me for a second?"

There was an odd catch in her voice, like she was trying to hide something. He frowned at her for a moment, before agreeing,

"Yeah sure, what's up?"

Sasha said nothing more, but rose and walked towards the front door, sparing a glance back towards the bedroom. He did the same and felt a wave of nausea hit him; he quickly followed her out front and down the stairs to the driveway where an assortment of cars now sat. He felt some confusion,

"What is this?"

She bit her lower lip as they approached Ilse's car.

"Ilse got knocked out when I pushed her aside… she woke up just as we were pulling onto this street."

He raise his eyebrows, not feeling his question answered. Sasha met his eyes nervously, but there was a strong undercurrent of excitement in her voice.

"I told you, Hange, and Ilse that I shot the officer."

She popped the trunk.

"I never said I killed him."

A strange buzzing entered Joe's ears as he stared into the depths of the car. He felt his breathing sharpen again, but this time it felt good; he could feel Dust crowing with his own excitement. And, there, as he looked down at a bloody and terrified looking police officer, wrapped in duct tape like a present, he felt the first smile in what felt like an eternity crawl onto his face.


	24. Chapter 24

"… so we went ahead and pulled over, and he ordered us to step out. I guess we should have been more suspicious, but being a little toasted probably didn't help… anyway we got out and he pointed his gun at me and told Sasha to move. From there, she shoved me sideways and that's when I got knocked out, but apparently she put a bullet in him and I woke up almost here."

"The police car?"

"She hid it until we can get rid of it. Busted its transmission, ranged radio, and anything that could lead anyone to find it."

"Well, we don't even know if he was an officer."

"True, but if he wasn't, we've got some enemies in high places; it takes some big favors to get an off-the-books police car."

It had taken a good bit of time to restore the bedroom to a temporarily acceptable state, but now, at near four in the morning, Hange, Ymir, Mikasa, Krista, Annie, and Ilse sat around the living room, falling into heavy discussion about the nights turn of events. Joseph and Sasha had stepped out, and no one really bothered to pay them too much mind; there were matters that could not be delayed in discussion.

Ymir was lying back, wincing occasionally as Krista dabbed at her wounds. The cuts had been painful if not deep, and frankly, that was a fair trade; better they hurt than be serious. Since they had all arrived, Ymir had tried making jokes about the derogatory word now scarred into her chest, but there was no chance at completely derailing the tension. There was very real and powerful anger circulating through the room as a result of the two attempted hits; and they hadn't even brought up Mikasa's wounds.

Annie leaned forward from her seat next to Mikasa; she hadn't left her side since returning, evoking a very strong impression of a guard dog.

"Hange, you said the tip mentioned specifically that Ymir and Ilse were the targets."

The woman in question had been rocking in an armchair since they sat down; at the question, she turned and inclined her head, not saying a word. Mikasa spoke for the first time in several minutes.

"So there really isn't a question, this was an attempt at damage to our business, but it was also racist in kind."

Krista was practically shaking in anger, her lips drawn tightly together and brows furrowed; despite the absurdity of thinking of such a thing at such a time, Ymir couldn't help noticing how unbelievably cute she looked when she was mad. At Mikasa's statement, the blonde looked over from Ymir's chest in partial annoyance,

"Well of course! Two natives, the policeman actually saying Ilse was the target… "

She gestured towards the cuts in front of her, looking unable to describe them,

"This! What else could it have been?!"

Annie, never one to shy from bluntness, added,

"We have to be sure. This could have been a diversion for some ulterior goal or motive… "

Krista swelled with indignation; her anger seemed to double her size,

"They order these hits, clearly knew where everyone was, timed it almost perfectly, and almost got away with both of them! How can there be any… "

As Annie's mouth opened, Ymir worried a fight was about to break; then, Hange, who had been uncharacteristically quiet, cut through them,

"Actually… there is something I hadn't got the chance to tell you… "

She proceeded to tell them all of the worker who had apparently been left as a warning, the entire details of the threat she had received, and the following man who came directly to her office to try and bully compliance out of her. Ymir felt herself growing steadily more upset with every word; not so much over the occurrences, but because they had been hidden for so long. She could see her own anger reflected in the eyes of everyone else; Ilse looked gently betrayed, Annie had her eyes narrowed. Krista, however, seemed beside herself with rage; she seemed quite unable to speak, eyes wide, mouth opening and closing. Hange finished talking looking as though she was fully prepared to receive all of their wraths combined. She might have gotten Krista's had she been able to form words; Ymir reached over to grip her shaking hand. Finally, Mikasa, who had been staring at the ground for the longest time, looked up, eyes hurt and curious,

"Hange… this all happened… a good while ago. And you didn't think that… maybe it was a good idea to tell us?"

She quickly received an answer,

"I don't expect any of you to understand or forgive me. And that's fine. I honestly can't tell you why I hid it… maybe I thought it was empty past the first hit… maybe I was too proud to admit that this business could be compromised.

She shrugged as she was looked at all around by several judging pairs of eyes,

"I fucked up. That's obvious. Beyond this though, no more. Starting tonight, we find these fuckers."

There were some soft nods. Then, coming around the corner, Sasha slunk around, like a cat with something it was very excited about sharing. Joe was in tow, looking both guilty and ravenously hungry.

"Well… I… we may have something to help with that."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Through the next several minutes of heated discussion, Hange finally make her point that it would be most prudent for her to return the captive officer to their main building, where he would be both more secure and safer from the furious wrath of Joseph and Krista who both seemed to desperately want to tear out the man's spine.

"What, he just gets a free pass?"

"Just let me talk to him for a second… "

The violence in Joseph was something that had been seen before, but it was rare to see Krista in such a state of fury. With Ymir by her side though, she was reined in and it took only a firm word from Mikasa to keep Joseph in place.

After some closing arguments, the decision was made.

Hange retreated to their respective workplace with their prisoner in tow. Sasha brought Ilse home with her for the night, to air on the side of caution. Krista and Ymir chose to sleep in their living room for the night, away from any windows where eyes or guns could poke through. Annie drove off into the night without another word, towards the forested suburbs. Mikasa offered Joe a ride home and he accepted with perhaps a little more gusto than he should have made apparent. As she drove him back to his dorm, he asked for the umpteenth time,

"Are you sure your back is okay?"

She tossed him a look that clearly said "don't ask again", but there was a soft tone to it as though she appreciated his concern, but would never actually admit to it.

Joe looked back forward, rocking a little in place. He was sure that she knew he wanted to ask something else, but he wasn't sure he had the courage to ask himself.

 _It's none of your business._

As the minutes ticked closer to the rising of the sun, he looked out to see that some of the stars had indeed poked their way through the black clouds that had since completely obscured the night sky. He was grateful for them; they seemed to almost serve as a beacon to tell him that this long night was nearing a close. Feeling a rush of invigoration, he opened his mouth,

"Listen, you probably aren't wanting to talk about… "

"Don't."

He looked over. Her eyes were still ahead, clearly trying to focus on anything other than the night's events and he immediately felt a tremendous rush of self-loathing for his lack of respect and thought.

"Sorry."

He sidled back in the seat, trying to make himself invisible and cursing himself silently,

 _Stupid Joe, idiot, the fuck's wrong with you, she just went through all that and now you're trying to make her hear your shit…_

"He made me a promise."

His neck hurt with how quickly he snapped it over to look at her. Mikasa closed her eyes for the briefest instant as though contemplating making this step, then continued speaking,

"Home has always been hell for me and my mother. Ever since I was young, he's been that way, violent, abusive, rude, and self-centered. I remember thinking in high school that I just couldn't wait to leave home and move on."

Joe remained as still as possible, wanting to act only as a receptor; he wondered if she had told anyone what she was telling him now.

"So I did. And being stupid, selfish girl that I was, I completely paid no mind to the fact that with me gone, my mother would be the only one there to receive his lack of mercy."

Her grip tightened for a moment on the steering wheel,

"I knew after I moved out the mistake I had made; I couldn't leave them together with me running off to do whatever I wanted. I ignored what felt like hundreds of college offers and stayed put, working here and there where I could find good pay. Everyone from school thought I was wasting my talent away."

They were nearing his building now, the parking lot being just another couple blocks,

"One day, two very large changes happened. I met Hange, who started me working in the business I've been working ever since, and I found the courage to go home and face my parents."

An odd look was playing at her face.

"It was worse than I had been fearing. My mom was nothing more than a quiet, shivering wreck and he was… no more pleasant than I had remembered. He didn't hit me though. At least not immediately."

She drove up alongside his building and parked the car; he felt no desire to exit the vehicle though,

"He told me that he had three and half years left in his contract with his film agency. And then he was planning on leaving the country and moving to somewhere in Europe. As long as I did everything he asked, he would ensure my mom would retain ownership of the house and their joint savings account."

As Mikasa sat there, she appeared unable to meet his eyes,

"So I've been taking it. Everything he's dished out. I figure that's the least I could do to make sure my mother gets what she deserves: a life without the fear of waking up to a fist."

She finished bitterly, then glanced over at him, offering a weak smile as she patted her back.

"That's what this was. Drunk and angry. And it didn't help that I riled him up nice and good before."

Shrugging, she looked back forward, falling silent. He swallowed and did the same, wondering what on earth to say in response. She had spilled it all to him. He finally opened his mouth, his voice sounding like a weak rasp,

"Why? Why hide it?"

"I guess I was ashamed. Didn't want anyone knowing. And… "

Breaking off, he half-expected her not to finish what she had started.

"… and I guess in a fucked up sort of way, I guess I felt I deserved it. For leaving her with him for all those months, only thinking about how happy I was to be free of him."

"You didn't."

Joe blurted out the words before he even had time to think about them. She turned and met his eyes, saying nothing, but looking as though she wanted him to explain.

"You… lived under that sort of oppression for so long, you can't be mad at yourself for trying to be free of it. And even if you did leave her there, you still came back, to fix that mistake. But… "

He gestured shakily at her,

"You never deserved that. Nothing close."

Mikasa stared back at him, eyes boring into his soul; he knew she was trying to pick at his words and see if he had actually meant them. Then, with an air of finality, she inhaled and leaned back,

"Well, try and get what sleep you can. Not too many school weeks left, right?'

He looked forward before responding quietly,

"Just a couple, then finals."

She nodded in his peripheral,

"Alright. Well, someone will be in touch."

He nodded in turn and opened the door, climbing out into the waning darkness. As he did, he could feel a drastic urge to say something else, anything else. He couldn't leave like this. She surprised him by getting out herself; walking around to his side, she gestured at the bricks near the window of his room.

"Tomorrow, I'm going to have someone come by late and knock out a couple of those bricks. Just as a precaution, I think you ought to hide at least one gun behind them, in case… well, in case of anything."

He nodded in agreement, and she put a hand on his shoulder, and said in a low and sincere tone,

"Thank you."

There was much hidden under the two words and he felt a surge of affection in his gut. She turned and walked back towards the car.

 _SAY SOMETHING._

"Mikasa!"

She stopped, but didn't look back. He kept talking, feeling the words come rushing out as though freed from a dam,

"You're strong. Stronger than any of us, and stronger than anyone I think I've ever met. But… don't let things overwhelm you, you're not alone."

There was a stretch of time as he finished where the only noise in the air was that of a soft warm breeze, tickling the trees as it made its pass. Then, she half turned,

"I know I'm not alone. I have my friends."

The smallest of smiles crept onto her face,

"And I have you."

With that, she had left without another word. Joe had walked quietly back inside, heart pounding as he quietly entered his room and climbed into bed. He lay there for a long time, watching as the darkness outside gave way to a pale morning. He felt such strong rushes of pity, anger, confusion. Knowing that sleep, would not come to him, he rose and prepared to head to his classes. When the time came, he left his dorm with his backpack and stepped into the warm morning air. He kept quiet in all his classes, not trusting himself to talk. He ate alone, as he didn't imagine he would be decent company, with the raging feelings inside him. He worked studiously as the afternoon came around, wanting to finish his work as quickly as possible.

And he never, for a second, stopped hating Mikasa's father.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Letting him cook was the fun part.

Hange spent several hours sipping coffee and watching the security feed, spinning daintily in her chair. And as much fun as it was to simply watch him sit there in the seeming darkness, she knew that at some point here, they would need to go have a chat. She wanted one of her girls to be there, but only one; they would at least start with a good-cop, bad-cop routine and if he played dumb, they would… escalate from there. Hange had no problem turning Krista or Joseph loose on him if he chose not to cooperate.

Finally, she settled on calling in Sasha and Ilse; she decided as perhaps a show of… restraint? Trust? Something like that… As a show of something, she decided that sitting out the first talk would be a good idea. They had both been eager to comply, agreeing on the time she asked them to be there and assuring her they would get what they needed.

A sharp knock on her door brought Hange up from her elbows.

 _Speak of the devil._

She swept over to the door and opened it to find herself nose to nose with Sasha.

"Where's he at?"

Hange laughed at the obvious eagerness.

"Down in the old storage closet. Ilse here?"

"Yeah, I said I'd come up and see where the man was and then go get her."

"Alright, well off you go."

Sasha gave the devilishly cute smile she was renowned for and twirled, heading back the way she had come. As she did, Hange called after,

"Sash?"

The brunette stopped and looked back, eyes wide with mock innocence,

"Don't bust him up too badly. If he doesn't cooperate there will be plenty of time for that."

She received a curt nod and in a moment, Sasha was around the corner and out of sight. Stretching, Hange moved to her fridge and pulled free some cheese curds, eager for the show to begin. On the camera, the man still sat, mostly unmoving. He may have been asleep.

A harsh bang echoed over the speakers as the door swung open. The man jumped and started yelling gibberish from behind his duct tape. In walked Sasha and Ilse, who quickly closed the door behind them. The man, breathing heavily, continued to mumble, pleading desperately with his eyes. Hange felt a smile slip over her face.

Jerking a thumb, Sasha pointed at Ilse,

"You recognize her?"

A fervent nod and further desperate mumbling,

"You recognize me?"

Movements and noises were repeated.

"Good. So here's how this goes."

She took a step towards him.

"I'm your friend. You tell me what I want to know and everything is okay."

Sasha spread her legs and climbed onto the man's lap. Though she couldn't see her face, Hange knew the man was getting the girly eyes,

"And you wouldn't want to make me unhappy would you?"

Through his fear and exhaustion, Hange saw the smallest inkling of excitement alight on the man's face as he nodded hurriedly.

"Excellent. But if you're lying… "

Sasha stood and moved back as Ilse grabbed a fistful of the man's hair; as she jerked his head back, she drove her fist into his privates. It took a good half-minute for the man to stop howling after which Sasha tore the tape off his mouth. His blubbering turned to panicked words,

"Why?! You didn't even ask me anything yet?!"

Sasha gave him a look.

"Just making sure we understand each other."

"What do you want to know?!"

"Name."

"Harrison Walker."

"The hits."

"All I know is we got our orders a good twenty-four hours before we were supposed to hit. I was given a target and so were some other guys. No one was with me since I was given the cop car."

"Where'd you get the car?"

"Don't know."

Ilse made a violent movement towards him and he flinched,

"I swear! I don't know!"

"Who do you work for?"

"Small group of guys, me, my brother, two of my cousins and a bunch of our friends."

"Why'd you take the hit out on two of us?"

"We got contacted by some other group. Lot bigger. More manpower. But they were asking if we wanted a job given our outlook on natives…. "

Again, Ilse moved at him,

"The others! The others! My brother is crazy racist! I'm not, but we took the job because the money was real good."

"The group who ordered the hit."

"Don't know nothin' about them, all we got was the name of one of their honchos."

"That name being?"

"Levi, I think."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

 **AN: Haven't widely addressed my audience in a while so thought I'd take this chance as long as I'm pumping through these chapters while on vacation.**

 **As much as I really have enjoyed putting this story to paper (figuratively), I realized recently that this really wouldn't be half as great without knowing I've got an audience who's been giving it the time of day. Going through the PM's and the reviews, I realize what a travesty it would be to take the feedback I've received for granted. To that end, another huge thank you to everyone who's stopped to read, especially to those who've reached out to me through whatever means necessary. From the couple sentences to the paragraphs of feedback I've gotten, it's been a crazy experience so far to share this with you, and even more to see what you've shared in return.**

 **Thanks again so much, and hope to see you next chapter!**


	25. Chapter 25

Pain searing though him, Joe crashed hard onto the matted floor for the fifth time in the last minute. Standing over him, Annie stared down, looking fairly bored.

"Props for trying something else, but that was pretty weak."

Growling, he forced himself to all fours.

"I though you said that you'd be teaching me how to fight; all I've learned so far is that you can slam my ass seven hundred different ways."

She turned away as he stood, looking mildly annoyed,

"Again."

Flattening his lips in anger, he launched himself forward.

 _Just get ahold of her, she's not as big as you, use that…_

He reached out and tried to grab at her after swinging wildly towards her head. As though he had telegraphed his move, she sidestepped and, placing a hand on his chest, smashed a kick into his ankles and slammed him to the ground. Stepping away, she tilted her head,

"Again."

Barely getting on his feet, he was met with a ferocious hit to his gut, followed by a kick that felt like it shattered his pelvis. He rolled to the ground, gasping.

"Again."

When he remained mostly immobile on the ground, her hand found the back of this neck and he was pulled to his feet. He had a split second to turn and meet her eyes before a swipe of her leg staggered him and a fist to his left cheek sent him down again. Annie gave what could have been a sigh as she repeated herself,

"Again."

Desperately, he scrambled up, trying to both speak and haul in breath at the same time,

"If I could just have a fucking second, how am I supposed to… "

It barely seemed she moved; in an instant, she closed the distance between them and tackled him. His back once again hit the mat and Joe found her face extremely close to his. There was a dark frustration behind her eyes though she spoke coolly,

"Anyone who wants you dead is not going to give you 'a fucking second'. So neither will I."

Slipping swiftly off him, she stepped away, twisting her arm,

"Though I think we can go ahead and take another step."

She looked back to him and gestured as he came wobbling to his feet,

"Show me what you learned."

He had only a second to look confused and sputter out some meaningless gibberish before she came at him, swinging a wild fist towards his head. Getting as far as remembering how she had caught his wrist and sent him to the ground when he had tried the same move, he found himself no quicker than that as she walloped him in the temple. Somehow, he managed not to fall and instead used the momentum of her hit to slip away. Through his ringing ear, he heard her say,

"Fairly certain that's not what I did."

Shaking his head angrily and knowing now what she expected, he straightened and readied himself. Giving him the same limited time, she moved swiftly at him feigning a right hook and then throwing a sharp punch at his kidney. He recognized his own move, but found himself only able to counter not block; her hit met its mark painfully and as he growled in pain, he caught her arm and swept a kick at her legs. Feeling elation as he met his mark, the happiness quickly morphed to dull disappointment as her legs didn't budge. Wasting no time, she drove her elbow into his chest, putting him back on the ground. Not looking remotely fazed, she walked away,

"Kick wasn't nearly low enough… though you at least tried replicating that time."

Managing to roll into a crouch, he looked up at her; she was looking back the way a mother looked at a child who was trying to jam a circle block into the triangle hole.

"Though I assume now you can figure out what I was trying to do."

He nodded while swallowing his pain the best he could,

"Make me watch your moves. Replicate by experience rather than a straight visual."

Leaning against a table, she crossed her arms,

"Right. You attacked me with a fairly aggressive and predictable set of moves that you'd expect from any inexperienced thug off the street."

Joe managed a wheezy chuckle,

"You calling me a thug?"

"I'm calling you inexperienced."

Closing his eyes, he shrugged,

"Fair enough."

He winced as he rotated his shoulder, feeling a stab of pain. As though she had teleported, Annie was quickly behind him, holding his upper arm and his shoulder, moving them around,

"How'd finals go?"

Surprised at her sudden show of interest, he replied without thinking,

"Well enough, I'd say, though there's really no way of knowing until… "

She wrenched at his arm swiftly and he howled as he felt a searing pop and then a strange evaporation of his pain. As she released him, he gasped and moved his arm; feeling no pain, he glanced at her in amazement,

"Thanks… I think."

"I always tell her she still has a job as a chiropractor."

They both looked to the door to see Mikasa leaning against the doorframe, looking gently amused. Annie gave a mild snort,

"God, would that be boring."

Grimacing, Joe made it quickly to his feet,

"Did you see… ?"

For a moment, a soft smile played at her face. Then, the familiar hard look returned,

"Just finished talking to Hange."

Straightening, he looked attentively at her as Annie shifted her weight. Roughly a week had passed since their prisoner had given the name of the man who had ordered the hits against Ymir and Ilse. And since that day, Joe had known of the likely heavy discussions that had taken place regarding the next best course of action. Krista had half-hysterically demanded they find this Levi's compound and wreck the place, but Hange insisted they needed some time to debate a proper course of action. Now, it appeared one had arrived.

Eagerly, he stepped forward,

"What's the plan?"

Slowly, she walked in, and sat on the table, lacing her fingers,

"She didn't get to think of one. Apparently Levi himself reached out and asked if we would entertain the idea of a meeting."

He blinked before sputtering with outrage,

"Does he think we're that stupid?! We wander into his goddamn lair and he cuts us to pieces?!"

Mikasa raised a hand, cutting him off,

"Firstly, he hasn't a clue we know what we know. We took all the bodies; there was no reason to suspect we left any alive. You simply don't try and take prisoners when you're the sudden victim of a hit."

He very slightly relaxed,

"Secondly, meetings between businesses aren't unheard of, though they're fairly uncommon. I've… "

She gestured to Annie,

"We've been to two. We set up the pretense of a high school reunion or an office party or some such bullshit. So if there's some out-of-the-blue intrusion, we have a cover so there's no one getting suspicious. Then we have the meeting through whatever facade we've decided on."

"What are the meetings for?"

"Disputes over territory, customers, that sort of thing."

"What's our setup for this one then?"

"Well… we've been requested to a high-end dinner to discuss another deal over the border."

Joe's mind worked furiously for a moment.

"Wait… this is the guy that got us setup for the deal… "

"… where you idiotically ran out and almost got yourself killed, yes."

"Okay, not letting me live that down… "

Mikasa turned to leave,

"I should hope I don't. Hange wants to talk in the meeting room in twenty."

As she walked out of the room, Annie called after her,

"Mika."

She stopped, though she didn't turn and Joe felt a rush of déjà vu.

"They were the ones to setup that deal… you think they were the ones that rang the cops on us?"

Silence rang for several seconds before she got a response,

"Let's make sure we find out."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Lying haphazardly on the long wooden table, Ymir looked up as the door swung open and Mikasa strode through.

"There's one. Did you find our boxing buddies?"

She received only a nod in return though she was pleased at the curtness. The injuries to Mikasa's had rendered her partly inactive for a few days, but her recovery had been swift. Her old sharp and no-nonsense self being back was all the more a sign she was doing better.

Ymir's gaze returned to the door as it opened again and Annie and Joe walked through, the latter of them looking considerably worn. From her seat, Krista smiled at them as they entered as Ilse whistled,

"I must know who that handsome devil is."

Joe gave her a finger as he stumped by; Sasha tried to trip him and half-succeeded as he nearly fell into Ymir, who caught him by the chest and pushed him heavily into a seat,

"Slow down there, you're gonna hurt somebody."

Krista looked disapprovingly at Annie,

"I thought you said you were going to go easy on him."

The blonde shrugged in return, cold eyes looking forward,

"I did."

Ilse laughed and leaned forward to swat Joe on the shoulder and he winced, saying nothing,

"First day with Annie's always the hardest."

He frowned at her,

"That was my fourth."

She turned back forward, smiling,

"Pretend then."

He opened his mouth, looking ready to snap something, when Hange fairly kicked the door open as she swept in, her old look of excitement notably present.

"Alright, sit, sit, good, good… Ymir, off the table, we have got a good bit to talk about."

Doing as ordered, Ymir slid into a seat next to Krista where she lay her head on her girlfriend's shoulder.

"By now, I assume word of our requested meeting has traveled far enough that I don't have to introduce the subject."

Receiving nods, Hange quickly continued as Krista opened her mouth angrily.

"The motive behind his request is intriguing to say the least. Motive aside, however, I think this is an opportunity we need to take."

Taking a seat of her own, she looked around seriously, though there was no hiding the furor she clearly was holding in,

"The meeting, I've been informed will be held under the screen of a high-class dinner slash reception sort of thing at one of the penthouse floors in that five star hotel on third street.. Very fancy, very good food, and all expenses paid by our dear friend Levi."

"Yeah, so we're more inclined to waltz in and get blown to smithereens."

Ymir tossed a glance to Joseph who looked annoyed and angry and therefore unable to contain his outburst. After he finished speaking, however, he looked embarrassed and fixed his gaze on the ground. Hange looked at him with appreciation,

"Joseph makes an excellent point. While we don't know the real reason Levi is wanting to talk face-to-face, whether it be to warn us personally of his wishes, actually conduct a business deal, or, as you suggest, blow us to smithereens, we would have to assume that open hostility is likely."

She leaned back,

"Now while requesting a no guns meeting or an arbitrating party would certainly raise some eyebrows on his end, I've ensured that we will both be meeting with fifteen people on either side. And everyone I include besides ourselves will be fully warned that it will be a meeting where much could go wrong."

Popping her knuckles, she waved a hand in a dismissive fashion,

"I've also ensured that the morning before the meeting, three people from each of our respective sides will go and scope the place before it's set up for the dinner to ensure no foul play is done behind the scenes."

She paused, looking around to let the information sink in. Ymir looked to Krista who didn't look like she now had anything to add or interject with, but there was still an angry glow behind her eyes. When no one spoke, Hange sighed,

"Now, all this aside, I haven't accepted his offer."

Ymir's eyes snapped forward and she furrowed her brow in confusion. Clearly sensing the bewilderment in the room, their boss quickly corrected herself,

"Yet."

Drumming her fingers on the table, she said with what could have been a tinge of regret,

"This isn't my decision to make. This will likely be dangerous, we can't know what he's planning and… "

She cut herself off, looking down,

"I'd say I've put you all in well enough danger."

An uncomfortable silence followed as everyone took her words in, though, deep down, Ymir found herself wondering if she had meant them. Finally, Ilse inhaled deeply,

"Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but I think there's some figuring out to be done, and this seems the way to do it."

Ymir quickly shook herself free of her thoughts as she sat up,

"Same. Whether it's us talking or… "

She put up a finger gun and snapped it up,

"I think I may have to go with the second option regardless."

Smiling, she felt Krista tense up as the blonde nodded aggressively. Sasha looked over,

"I'd be a bit of a shithead if I let my friends go into that and I hung back."

Ilse nodded,

"Super shithead."

Mikasa and Annie met eyes and they both looked forward, the consent clear in their eyes. Looking around at all of them, a smile began growing on Hange's face; looking past Sasha, she asked,

"Joseph? You still look like you're convinced we're walking into a death trap."

Looking behind her, Ymir saw Joseph now sitting forward with his forearms resting on his knees, still staring at the ground. As he heard his name, he glanced up, looking faintly perplexed, but there was a fierce energy in his eyes,

"I mean, I think we are. The whole thing stinks. But… "

He sighed heavily and relaxed his whole body, sitting back,

"I'll be damned if I'm not walking into it with the rest of you."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Walking down the hall, Mikasa felt a strange bubbling in her gut she identified as anxiety. Joseph had been right; this was almost surely some sort of trap.

 _But…_

She looked around at her six friends as they walked alongside her, chatting avidly about the new information that had just been imparted upon them.

 _There isn't anyone else I'd rather face it with._

"Fancy… better dig into the closet then."

Sasha looked half-giddy with the prospect of going through her clothes,

"If someone is going to try and put a bullet in me, I need to make sure I look _stunning_ when they do."

Ymir snorted,

"Real glad you'll be using this opportunity to play dress up. Wasting all day prepping for high school dances, right Ilse?"

Giving her friend a punch, Ymir looked over when she wasn't met with instant agreement. She then rolled her eyes as she saw Ilse looking uncomfortably away,

"Fuck me I forgot, you liked getting in monkey suits too."

"Shut up."

Throwing an arm around her distressed looking friend, Ymir smiled,

"Don't worry, we're all allowed guilty pleasures. Hey Annie!"

From the front of the group, the blonde didn't look back, which was the surest sign she was listening,

"You like getting all nice and pretty too, don't you?"

In a cold tone, she responded,

"Can't see how that matters."

Ymir's smile grew,

"No, I don't imagine you can. Well, you, Sash, Krista, and Ilse can spend all day and all day posing in front of a mirror and me, Joseph, and Mika will go see a movie or some such shit."

She adopted a thoughtful look,

"Speaking of… Joseph!"

From the back, he looked up quickly,

"What?"

"You got some nice clothes?"

He looked back down,

"I don't know what that means."

Ymir laughed as Ilse looked back,

"Like nice clothes jackass. Stuff you'd wear to a wedding or something similar."

"Ohhhhh, yea okay."

There was a pause as she looked at him with raised eyebrows,

"Well?"

"Well what?"

Ymir was joined by Sasha in laughing as Ilse turned back forward,

"Jesus fuck… "

As he replied, Joseph smiled, though Mikasa thought it looked very half-hearted,

"Don't worry, I'll find something acceptable."

"Acceptable, shit. Sash, we should take him out to get some clothes."

The brunette smirked at the look of displeasure that crossed Joseph's face,

"I'm game."

The group stepped out of the building and into the humid summer air. To the west, blue skies could be seen, but over them now hovered thick grey clouds that threatened rain at any given moment. Offering words of farewell, they all started moving off towards their separate vehicles. As she unlocked her own, Mikasa felt, more than saw, Annie come up beside her,

"You're still coming over right?"

"Yep."

"Good."

The blonde looked like she very much wanted to say something else, but instead turned abruptly and walked back to her car. Looking around, Mikasa saw Joseph looking down at his phone as his hand rested on his motorcycle. In a flash decision, she walked over to him. He turned as she came up and looked mildly surprised. Sliding his phone into his pocket, he gave the same half-hearted smile she had just seen,

"Don't worry, I can manage finding something to where."

She smiled at his defensiveness,

"I'm sure you can."

Feeling hesitation at what she wanted to say, she heard them come out regardless,

"You don't have to come."

He looked back at her as the roar of Sasha's engine faded down the dirt road. There was now a tinge of aggression behind his eyes,

"Why do you say that?"

"It's obvious you think this is a bad idea. If you want to hang back… "

"You don't think I'm able?"

"I didn't say that."

Looking her up and down, he turned slowly away,

"Appreciate your concern, but I really don't think you need to be worried about me."

She could feel him putting up walls and she spoke quickly before her chance was lost,

"I do worry about you."

Surprised by the corniness of her own words, it still had the desired effect; he looked back to her, eyes softening as rain began to lightly fall.

"Thanks."

She put a hand on his upper arm,

"Don't go because you feel it's your responsibility. Go because... it's what you want."

Eyes going to the ground, he spoke softly,

"Well... I do want it."

Nodding slowly, she tossed her hair habitually,

"Okay."

Looking back to her, he smiled sheepishly,

"I'd better go, you… "

It looked as though he almost wouldn't have the guts to say it; really, it was cute in a bumbling sort of way,

".. you remember what happened the last time we were alone in the rain."

She raised an eyebrow.

 _As if I'll ever forget._

"Sure do."

Turning, she walked away, laughing inwardly at the look of disappointment that shone on his face. As she reached her car door, he called after her,

"Do you regret it?"

She looked back to meet his gaze. He was watching her intently, an almost desperate look in his eyes; she found no reason to lie.

"I don't think so."

As his eyes widened and a smile played at the edges of his mouth, she climbed into her car, smiling herself.

 _Clearly he doesn't._


	26. Chapter 26

" _ **We live in a world where unfortunately the distinction**_

 _ **between true and false appears to become increasingly blurred**_

 _ **by manipulation of facts, by exploitation of uncritical minds, and by the pollution of the language."**_

― _**Arne Tiselius**_

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Doing an incredibly poor job of trying to hold a miasma of anxiety at bay, Joe went through his inventory again; he had checked it a dozen times by this point, but it gave him something to do. He needed to leave in about five minutes to be on time, but his bad habit of speeding would ensure he would have time to spare.

 _Unless it's my lucky day to get pulled over._

His mind was ablaze with worries; he had long since found ways to cope with the nearly overwhelming anxiety that had taken over his life during the past few months, but now there was simply so much. Other than the obvious looming meeting that he was about to leave for, he had to contend with thoughts of what his final grades would look like, whether or not he would obey his parent's wishes and return home for the summer, and, of course, her.

 _Her… can't even remember her name?_

He cursed at Dust and slid his .45 back into its concealed holster within his suit coat.

"I don't need your crap right now."

 _I almost believe you._

Putting his wallet back into his pocket, he paced in front of his mirror and straightened his tie. He hated getting dressed up, but when he did, he wanted nothing to be imperfect. He rotated his shoulder and looked over it to see the now empty space across the room. For a moment, the anxious thoughts swirling through his head were blocked out, replaced by a tumultuous sense of melancholy.

 _You killed him._

Had it been right?

 _Snapped his neck right and proper._

"Shut UP!"

He stared at the lonely wooden frame and mattress.

Had it even been necessary?

With an unpleasantly urgent ring, his phone's alarm blared at him, noting him of a date to keep that he was already well aware of. Silencing it with a swipe of his finger, he looked in the mirror one last time and strode quickly out, trying not to look back.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Is it all going as expected?"

"Yes, both sides will all be here within the hour."

"Now don't fuck this up on your end. Remember, your only job at this point is to watch it unfold."

"I know."

"You better. There is a lot riding on this."

"Don't worry, there will be plenty of fireworks."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

As Sasha practically skipped by, clearly very pleased with how she looked in red, Ymir couldn't help swinging an open hand around and slapping the brunette hard in the ass.

"OW!"

She turned after jumping with surprise, looking alarmed then almost immediately huffy; Ymir smirked as she leaned back against the car.

"C'mon, like you don't love that shit."

Adopting a look that was hilariously snobby, Sasha tilted her chin back,

"You're simply jealous. Though I don't blame you."

Ilse laughed, coming around the other side of the car, as Ymir took a mockingly aggressive step forward,

"Of what exactly?"

She was more than about to receive a likely lengthy response when the building's back door swung open and the rest of their troop exited the building. Hange was going over something in her head, counting off on her fingers as she nearly tripped over her forest green getup; it was obvious she hadn't taken the time to size herself properly. Annie was hiking down her own laced dress, likely over a thigh holster; the light blue color of it seemed unlike her, but it complimented her icy eyes brilliantly. Finally, Krista came out, accompanied by Mikasa who was assuring her in no uncertain terms, that she looked gorgeous.

"It was this or the flounce, honestly, I think it could have worked either way, but I'm sort of regretting it now, I think this strappy flashes a little too much, I mean… "

"Krista, you put all of us to shame, there's no reason to fret."

The blonde stopped playing with her straight, worked hair and froze as though she had just come to a stunning realization. Then she gave a weak laugh,

"Look at me… we're about to walk right into enemy lines and I'm freaking about how I look."

Mikasa smiled and rested a hand on the blonde's shoulder before walking after Hange, a question obvious. She looked stunning herself in a black, open-shouldered romper that flowed beautifully with her hair. Ymir smiled inwardly.

 _Joseph won't be able to keep his eyes off her._

And he could all he wanted. Because Krista…

 _Ho-lee shit._

Once again, Ymir reflected on how lucky she was as Krista walked towards her in her beige outfit; it seemed to be a part pf her, tight enough to highlight her incredible body while maintaining a reserved feel, baring her arms and legs just enough to drive Ymir crazy. The blonde smiled nervously and the brunette shook her head,

"Why?"

Krista frowned in concern,

"Why what?"

She stood and walked forward to meet her girlfriend halfway.

"Why… do you ever… EVER… worry about how you look?"

Blushing, Krista looked away,

"I… old habits I guess."

She shook her head again, smiling,

 _When a bitch like me can get away with being with someone like her… really anything is possible, isn't it._

Krista reached out and tugged at Ymir's sleeves.

"You look good too!"

Ymir rolled her eyes and looked away,

"It's just a fuckin' t-back, and besides no one's gonna be looking at me."

She poked Krista in the nose,

"They're all gonna be looking at YOU."

Smirking at the blush she received, she turned as the familiar hum of Joseph's bike rumbled into audibleness. She couldn't help laughing as she saw him pull into the lot on a rather old motorcycle and decked in a very respectable suit and tie; he could have been something out a Bond movie. He dismounted quickly and walked quickly over, his clothes allowing for less movement than he clearly wanted.

"Sorry, if I'm a little late, I forgot about the construction on Main Street and didn't want to risk going around… "

Hange spared him a quick look,

"You're fine, at this rate we should be right on time."

She glanced at her phone,

"Though we ought not take any chances… "

Clapping sharply, she gesticulated for them all to gather up; Ymir didn't fail to notice Joseph's eyes wandering between all of them, looking impressed, speechless, and stunned at the same time.

 _Guess he hasn't been to a lot of dances and or weddings._

As they rounded around the front of the black SUV, Hange wasted no time,

"Now I'm sure you all remember what we're here to do, so I won't reiterate too much, but… play it very cool, there's no need to add more tension to this. All our other people are already there and it sounds like everything is going smoothly so far."

She looked around seriously, her normally upbeat aura held impressively in check,

"I know you're all angry. Perhaps hungry for a little revenge. But, at least for now, this is a nonviolent meeting and I'd like to keep it that way. You're all far too valuable to risk for vengeance's sake."

She was met with hard nods all around and her familiar smile returned,

"Well then, let's do it."

Wordlessly, they all piled into the two cars, their numbers split evenly. Ymir slid into the driver's seat of the rear vehicle, joined by Krista too her right. Behind her, Joseph and Sasha climbed in; Sasha appeared in fiercely excited spirits in quite the contrast to Joseph who rather looked as if he was going to both a funeral and the world's tallest rollercoaster. As they pulled out of the lot, Ymir looked at him through the rear-view mirror, eyebrows raised,

"You don't have to look so dead to the world. Remember, this is a farce, so you need to play the part."

Though she said it half-jokingly, he seemed to take her words to heart; taking a deep breath, he straightened up and adopted a politely interested expression that was promptly wiped away as Sasha kicked off her shoes and through her feet onto his lap.

"Massage please."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Their informant's hadn't lied; the venue was very high-tier if not overly flashy. The bass of whatever music was playing thudded from inside the building as Mikasa stepped out into the twilight air. Behind her, everyone clambered out of their vehicles and walked up, eying the building as well. Ilse blew out a sight,

"Alright so, go in, don't kill anybody and try and have a good time."

Sasha brushed past her for the door,

"So let's get it on already."

Mikasa followed as they all moved quietly into the building. After passing through a dim hallway that was guarded by both people she recognized from their own business and those she didn't, they entered the main room. It was a low-lit, yet high energy setting; people were dancing on a moderately sized dance floor and a long bar overlooked a large table where others were sampling a great many different assortments of food. As they walked deeper in, she noticed Hange's aid, Mike, chatting avidly with Eld, one of the men whom they had dealt with in the forest; they both were talking with what didn't seem to be a care in the world. Not entirely sure if she wanted to sit or stand, Mikasa followed Annie and Ilse to the bar, as the group split apart.

"Well hello there, young misses."

The bartender was a thick, mustached man who, for all his size, seemed hardly imposing, though she fought a shiver as his uncanny resemblance to her father gave her a slight rattle. Annie through up her thumb and the two fingers closest to it,

"Three of whatever's quick."

He nodded and turned away; the three of them followed suit, looking out at the room. It wasn't a small place, but it seemed relatively crowded regardless, which seemed curious considering how many of them were supposed to be there. Ilse laughed and Mikasa followed her gaze to where Ymir and Krista were already on the dance floor, moving as though they had been practicing their whole lives. Ilse shook her head,

"Ymir spends her whole life talking about how she thinks dancing is stupid, but once Krista grabs her arm… "

Annie grabbed one of the drinks as the bartender returned, eyes still locked on the two,

"You'd almost think it wasn't by choice."

She nearly spilled as Sasha half-collided with her, a familiar redhead in tow,

"Guys, you all remember Petra?"

They all nodded and Ilse extended a hand which Petra took before speaking,

"Good to see you all again, I had a feeling we'd be dealing again soon, you guys seemed to really know your stuff."

"Hey misssssster."

Sasha drawled as she nearly jumped over the bar grabbing at the bartender for two more drinks as some eighties love song came; the lights slowed in their flashing to hold on a thick red coloring that bathed the whole room in a calming manner. Annie's eyes flicked to Petra,

"Only wish it was under better circumstances."

Looking honestly confused, the redhead furrowed her brow,

"What do you mean?"

Annie locked eyes with Mikasa who gave her head a quick shake.

 _She doesn't know… ?_

Annie was quick to correct course,

"I mean what with the border locking down around the areas where dealing is most convenient."

Petra's confusion gave way to an understanding look as she took a glass from Sasha, giving her an appreciative smile,

"Of course. The one deal we had was enough of a fright, the incredible profit we made aside."

She took a healthy swing and looked to Mikasa approvingly,

"It was quick thinking to send your friend to pull that diversion, I had an idea or two at the time, but that worked exceptionally well."

Mikasa was forced to adopt a painful smile as the lied through her teeth,

"He did what he had to and he did it well."

 _And fuck him for it._

Petra nodded slowly, eyes moving to the dance floor. She smiled as she saw Krista and Ymir close together, holding one another tight and rotating slowly in place,

"They really are so cute together. The rest of us ought to take notes."

A loud male voice called out her name and she twirled to locate the source; doing so, she looked apologetically at Sasha,

"I'd better go say hi."

She jabbed the brunette in the shoulder,

"You seem fairly spry this evening; I'll want a dance."

Sasha broke into a wide smile,

"I'll remember you said that."

As the redhead walked quickly off, Ilse glanced over,

"You two seem pretty chummy."

Shrugging, Sasha leaned against the bar,

"Seen her at the gym a few times and she seems pretty nice. Though… "

Her smile faded,

"Does she really not know about why we're really here?"

Mikasa glanced towards the floor, feeling the same wonderment. It was entirely possible that Levi wouldn't have told all of his associates of the hits he had ordered, but of all the people who would have known, Petra should have been one of them,

"Hange said she was one of his more trusted people. But he may just be trying to play it as below the radar as possible."

Ilse nodded,

"I'd rather not believe she had anything to do with the hits."

Collectively, they looked after where Petra had walked too, where she was presently being talked up by a very loud and very pressing young man who looked like he could have been captain of both the college football and sumo teams. She appeared to be trying her best to shake him, but was having little success; looking over she waved weakly as the man threw a hand around her shoulder. Sasha giggled,

"God that looks funny. But I suppose I better go try and save her."

She skipped off, her red dress being played well by the lights. For a moment, the three of them remained there, sipping at their drinks. Then, Ilse smiled gesturing with her glass,

"I knew he'd be a blast.

Mikasa followed her gaze to see Joseph sitting reclusively in a corner well shrouded and well out of the way. He would sit there, deep back in his seat, drumming his fingers on the table and occasionally looking around nervously if someone laughed or shouted loudly. He looked very much like he was waiting for someone to walk up and shoot him dead.

"Maybe I oughta go shake him up a bit, get him a drink. He needs to realize that no one here really wants spilled blood, at least not tonight."

Annie looked at Ilse with a gently raised eyebrow,

"Let him be. If he wants to rot in a corner, let him."

The dark-haired girl looked disapprovingly at the blonde,

"That's not looking out for his best interests."

"Who's to say what his best interests are?"

Ilse huffed,

"You are so rude."

Mikasa heard their conversation, though she was half-ignoring it. She looked at Joseph who didn't notice her gaze; she wanted to walk over and…

… _and what? Talk to him? Ask him how he's doing? Get real._

But she couldn't shake the feeling of wanting to walk over. She was roused from her thoughts as the music shifted drastically and the lights once again began to pick up pace. Ilse tilted her head back,

"Fuck, I don't think I'll ever get tired of this song."

Not recognizing it by the first instrumental strums, Mikasa waited until the vocals came,

" _Oh don't you dare look back,_

 _Keep your eyes on me… "_

She couldn't help smiling as the realization came; in her peripheral, she saw Sasha dragging Ilse from the presence of the much larger man, both of them laughing heavily as they leaped onto the dance floor, and instantly, Mikasa knew what she wanted.

Not saying a word, she placed her empty glass onto the bar top and walked over to Joseph. He didn't register her, until she was right next to him, and he looked up with a jump.

"Shit, don't spook me like that."

She said nothing, but reached out a hand. He stared at it, eyebrows furrowed. It didn't take him long to figure her meaning,

"Oh no, no, no, sorry I don't… I can't, I really can't."

She didn't move. He looked up at her with a nervous laugh,

"Seriously, I'm total trash out on the floor, you don't want… "

Not wasting any more time, she took him under the arm and, ignoring his low, frantic "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait", she pulled him out onto the dance floor. Over several people's shoulders, she caught Ymir's eyes and she received a knowing wink. Taking Joseph's hand and putting the other on his shoulder, she watched him look around, looking almost panicked,

"This seriously isn't a good idea, you shouldn't… "

She took her own hand away briefly to put his hand on her waist; smiling inwardly at the silence that claimed him as she did so, she mouthed the lyrics of the song, before sweeping him away,

"Shut up and dance with me."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"He just arrived."

"He's inside?"

"No, but he will be any second."

"Alright, sit tight. Where's Richard?"

"Right next to me. We're tucked away in the back."

"Good. Stay put until the shit hits the fan. Then you know the plan."

"Sure thing."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Collapsing into a seat, sweating and breathing heavily, Joseph looked over smiling open-mouthed as Sasha cackled at the sight of him, Ilse clapping slow and deliberately,

"Look. At. YOU! I had no idea you could move like that!"

He wiped his brow, muttering quietly,

"Makes two of us."

His smile grew as fresh laughter brewed; looking around, he saw Mikasa with Hange, who had pulled her away to meet some man who she had been talking with since they had arrived. The three looked deep in conversation about something outside of his knowing, but he was having trouble caring; he felt more elated than he could ever remember being. While being slightly embarrassed, he was having trouble keeping a stupid grin off his face which Sasha took full advantage of, reaching over and pinching his cheek,

"You look so adorable when you're happy like that."

Growling, he batted her hand away before standing abruptly,

"I need the bathroom."

Ilse smirked, wiping sweat off her own face as she poured a healthy glass of wine,

"Around and to the left I believe."

Standing and adjusting his suit, he ignored the laughter coming from behind him and strode off. As he walked through her field of vision, he met Mikasa's gaze briefly from across the crowded room. She didn't return his smile, but she didn't need to; her eyes said plenty. Trying not to skip he crossed to the other side and went for the hall he assumed the bathrooms were in. The hall held three doors all of which held no labels and held an "employee-only" vibe. Turning and grinding his teeth, he saw two men sat in a table distant from the partying with their backs to him. He made his way towards them, hoping they may be able to give him a direction. As he neared the table, he heard the shorter of the two speak,

"So how many do you think are dead?"

Joseph stopped, mouth opened, just behind them. By some instinctual reasoning, he didn't speak, only listened. They didn't notice him and continued speaking,

"Hopefully all, though that's unlikely."

"I bet I can take out six of them in six seconds when the shooting starts."

"That isn't the plan, both sides start shooting and we are out of here, that's the plan."

"How long do you think?"

"Just looked outside and saw Levi's car. So probably not too long. I hear he's PISSED."

"And Hange's people… I bet they're none too happy neither."

"Won't matter how they feel when they're dead."

Hardly aware he was moving, Joseph backed away as quietly as he could and tried not to sprint for the hallway. He practically slammed into the first door that he saw and it opened, miraculously revealing two more doors clearly marked as restrooms. Staggering into the men's, he leaned over the sink breathing heavily. In the previous few minutes of dancing, he had completely forgotten the reason they were there in the first place, and now, with what those two had said…

 _What does it mean? Who are they? Who are they working for? They plan on both sides opening fire… then getting away, they mustn't be on either side._

Breathing heavily, he haphazardly splashed cold water on his face.

 _This… what do I do?_

For a few seconds, he paced the small area, racking his buzzing brain, willing it to find a solution.

 _You can't do anything by yourself… Mikasa… tell her… tell Hange… tell SOMEBODY._

Shaking his head, he swung the door open and was met with the butt of a pistol. Light flashing before him, he scrambled at the wall, trying to not to go down and two hands grabbed him by the upper arms and began to force him along.

"Got him, let's go."

As his vision returned, he struggled violently as he was dragged through a different door and up a staircase. His swearing echoed up and down the stairwell thought it only earned him a second strike that almost knocked him out. His thought process returned as a final door swung open and he was shoved out onto a rooftop as a hand felt within his coat and relieved him of his two pistols. The cool night air felt oddly refreshing as he was shoved pushed hard away from his assaulters. Turning, he was able to face them and see that they were indeed the two who had been at the table not seconds ago. The taller had a gun trained on him while the shorter addressed him without looking at him, instead eyes examining his gun,

"I assume you heard all that."

He looked up patiently. Seeing no reason to lie, Joseph nodded. The man looked back down,

"Well, I suppose then you know why this has to happen."

Not wanting to waste time, Joseph quickly asked,

"Who do you work for?"

He was met with two arrogant smiles that ensured he was about to be blabbed to,

"As you are about to wind up very dead, I suppose I can tell you that much. We have been working under the supervision of Mr. Blaire as he calls himself, to put your two groups against each other. We've done that much and tonight you will both spill each other's blood, leaving both sides defenseless to stop his operation from becoming the prime one in this area."

Joe opened his mouth again, but was cut off,

"Ah, ah, ah, no more. That was your one question."

For a split second, the three glanced to the left as a massive ventilation fan kicked on to high gear; they shorter man had to nearly shout to be heard,

"Have some fun Richard, but don't be too long."

With that, he walked back through the door and closed it behind him. Left staring down the barrel of a gun, Joe was surprised to see it tossed aside. Richard proceeded to pull of his upper layers to reveal a thick and muscled frame that even Reiner may have been jealous of. The man gave a disheartening grin,

"You gonna go down fighting at least?"

Trying desperately to figure a solution to his predicament, Joe's mind came up empty. He steeled himself; he knew he would have to move this man to save the brewing disaster down below, but as he stared at the huge man in front of him, he felt his resolve start melting.

"I'll do my best."

A short, guttural chuckle proceeded an impossibly fast fist that rocketed towards his face, blasting him nearly to oblivion. He hit the ground hard and heard more laughter through his ringing ears.

"It can't be that easy!"

As he rose shakily up, another hit lifted him off his feet and to the ground again and again he tried to stand; it appeared pointless as a heavy kick sent him flying back into the barrier around the roof, where he dropped to one knee. Staring at the ground, he felt his fist clench,

 _If this keeps up… I might get mad._

And he stood, thinking of those beneath his feet.

 _Think of her._

The thought gave him strength.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Krista tried desperately not to giggle as Ymir's fingers tickled her side harshly. She had been practically chasing her around the dance floor with her fingers after the blonde had accidently trod on Ymir's toes. It was hardly a big deal, but, for Ymir, that was all the more reason to make it one.

"STOP!"

Ymir backed off, smiling, hands raised in mock surrender,

"Sorry, no need to get so worked up."

Red in the face, Krista stomped a foot angrily,

"You are so… UNBEARABLE sometimes!"

And with that she stormed off, towards a surprised looking Ilse and Sasha. Ymir laughed, throwing her head back; deciding to make amends as quickly as possible, she worked her way towards the bar. Seeing a group of men who looked thick in both a physical and mental standpoint, she eased herself to the left of the seats, next to a short, dark-haired man. She glanced at him briefly as she sat, looking around for the bartender and inhaling deeply. The man behind the bar came over quickly as she waved at him,

"What can I do for you miss?"

She laughed,

"Miss? Nicest thing I've ever been called… two glasses of Grey Goose."

He nodded and walked purposefully away. Ymir leaned back and placed both hands on the counter; she found herself surprised as the man suddenly spoke without looking at her. His voice was steady and low, with a possible line of menace beneath,

"You're Ymir."

She looked at him, eyebrows raised.

"Well, that's the rumor."

He nodded, taking a sip from his own glass, not looking at her. Waiting only a few seconds, she found herself impatient,

"Though I must confess, I don't think I know you."

The man sighed,

"I suppose you wouldn't."

He looked at her, with naturally narrow eyes that rivaled Annie's in terms of the raw cold they gave off.

"Levi. And I imagine we'll be learning a good deal about each other this evening."


	27. Chapter 27

" _ **The truth will set you free,**_

 _ **but first it will piss you off."**_

― _**Joe Klaas**_

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

It wasn't so much that he hadn't been paying attention while Annie had been teaching him. It wasn't so much that there was a considerable size difference between them. It wasn't even so much that Richard was a better fighter than him. It wasn't until he felt a cut on his forehead begin to bleed into his eye that Joe finally realized what the problem was.

That for whatever reason, his heart just wasn't in the fight.

In a strange sense, it was almost baffling to him; when it came to conflict thrust at him, he had always been readily able to respond in a normally aggressive fashion. Throughout high school, he had dodged detention and suspension for fights that he hardly ever instigated, but nearly always started. There had always been a part of him that wanted nothing more than to settle differences in a simple, raw debate using only the physical weapons they had been granted by birth.

 _But now…_

He backpedaled as he both blocked and took a wide swing from his opponent; Richard, quite the inverse to him, was having no difficulty whatsoever giving his all in the exchange,

"What's the matter? Scared to fight back?"

The mocking questions had been flung as attacks themselves, but Joe found himself seriously considering them.

 _Why aren't you fighting? He could kill you any second._

He twisted away from an uppercut and landed a half-hearted jab to the temple.

 _There are no reasons to hold back, look at what these two have threatened._

Richard responded quickly with a lunging kick that sent Joe staggering into the enormous ventilation system, saved only by the massive metal fencing that covered it. As he regained his footing, he felt a familiar and hateful voice,

 _Are you fucking serious?_

Wiping the corner of his mouth, he growled in annoyance,

"Shut up."

Moving towards him, Richard hesitated in confusion, if only for a moment,

"What?"

 _You could be drilling this punk into the ground, I feel that anger. Where is it?_

Joe countered another kick as he replied,

"It's… I don't need it."

His opponent, through his anger, held a growing bewilderment,

"What the hell are you talking about?"

 _You're letting him throw you up and down this roof… why would you… ?_

Dust figured it out very quickly,

 _You don't want to win._

Joe took a hit and responded with a hook that was dodged,

"Maybe I don't."

 _You don't? You actually want to die by this fucking grunt?_

"What's it to you?"

 _Well, I sort of need you to exist._

"Wow, I care."

He was surprised at his own apathy; Richard, in the meantime, seemed to have had enough,

"Alright, fuck this."

Bending quickly, he picked up a loose brick and lobbed it; though he attempted to avoid the incoming projectile, Joe still felt a burst of pain as it collided with his temple and sent him to the ground. As his ears ceased ringing and the red cloud cleared, footsteps moved past his peripheral and he heard a gunshot, followed by a wrenching of metal. There was a clatter and then the footsteps returned to seize him by the back of his clothes and haul him roughly to his feet.

"See how much you give a shit about this."

As his had cleared at last, Joe became aware of an ever present roar that was becoming ever closer. Lifting his gaze, he realized that he was being dragged towards the massive fan; its cover now lay abandoned to their right. A real tug of his survival instinct sent fear rushing into his gut and he dug his feet into the ground, beginning to struggle. His journey was promptly put on hold as Richard paused to pummel him in the kidney, sending fresh waves of pain through his body that drove him into submission. Then, his body was dragged further, the roar of the fan now thunderous. A palm took the back of his head and drove it towards the black swirling hole; the darkness made it impossible to tell where the fan blades were spinning, but Joe reckoned there wasn't much distance in between them and his face.

He attempted vainly to withhold himself from certain death, but still, deep in his mind, remained a part of him that had given up completely.

And that one small part was dragging the rest of him down.

 _So this is it… all that you've done, it ends now._

Joe spoke though he knew he couldn't be heard over the thudding of the fan,

"Appears so."

There was a brief pause in which Dust quieted and Joe believed that he too had given up. Then,

 _I suppose I can see how you hold no value for your life._

The consent found Joe's struggles weakening further,

 _But I'm surprised you've forgotten…_

A pause as death came ever closer,

"What?"

In his mind, all he could see was Dust's gaping and smug grin.

 _Oh, just that she's just a floor or two beneath us. Possibly about to die in a very large gunfight._

There was a reaming pulse of adrenaline that coursed through his bones,

"Mikasa… "

 _Yes, very good. Not to mention the only real friends I think you have left._

How could he have been so selfish?

 _Pretty weak of you to just leave them to this lie like that._

Joe realized what he had been about to do; surrender to the void and leave them to very possibly die. Their will, his included had been taken and twisted to the will of others, but his had been the victim of only himself.

And, mind against mind, he decided to take it back.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

There was a great many things that Ymir realized she wanted to do; laughing at, spitting at, cursing at, and swinging at Levi all seemed like perfectly acceptable options. But for the first time in a long time, she felt numb to movement. He stared back, emotionless and dry. For a moment, they simply stared at each other; then Levi, turned away, looking rather disappointed.

"Shame. Let's cut the bullshit."

Sliding away from the bar, he pulled free a handgun; Ymir found herself freed from her stupor and she took an instinctual step forward. He pointed the gun skyward and fired a single shot that cut through the air with the effect he had clearly intended. Very quickly, the music silenced, the lights ceased their flashing and all eyes turned towards him. Ymir, heart starting to race, slipped around the side of the crowd of people to slip her hand into Krista's for a moment, giving it a reassuring squeeze as she reached her hand delicately into her own pocket. Levi looked around, seeming bored,

"I see no reason to continue to pretend that everything is okay."

From a different side of the room, Hange stepped free of the line of people, looking both curious and challenging,

"What exactly do you mean?"

Slowly and quietly, battle lines were drawn as people moseyed to stand beside their own people; Ymir saw Sasha and Petra meeting eyes. The brunette looked intense and Petra, poor girl, looked positively bewildered and terrified as she moved to Levi's side. His eyes didn't leave Hange's.

"I suppose we both know the real meaning behind this meeting."

Ymir watched triumph appear on Hange's face and she felt it echoed on hers' as they all tensed. He was about to admit to putting out the hits and hopefully reveal the true reason behind the attacks.

"One week ago, two of my men were killed."

Ymir felt her brow furrowed as slightly behind her she heard Ilse hiss,

"What?"

Hange too looked surprised and confused; on either side of her, Mikasa and Annie had sidled up, the latter looking scornful,

"And?"

Levi didn't miss a beat.

"And after both of their deaths, which were remarkably close together I might add, I had several of my people track down witnesses."

He tilted his head ever so slightly,

"They both reported seeing a native looking young woman and a shorter, strikingly beautiful blonde pulling the triggers."

Gesturing towards Ymir and Krista, he narrowed his eyes,

"I believe I've found both those perpetrators."

At that point, with all eyes turning towards them, Ymir stormed free of their group, pulling angrily free of Krista's restraining grip. Jabbing with an accusing finger, she heard herself shout,

"That's your cover story?! You send two hit men to kill me and her… "

She pointed at Ilse,

"… in an obviously racist hit, and then come to our fucking faces and say that we killed YOUR people?!"

He looked back at her with an unreadable expression and waited a good while before responding,

"If I felt that warranted a proper response, I would give one. But as it happens… that might be one of the most imbecilic things I've ever had the misfortune of hearing."

As Ymir felt a rush of rage build in her gut, he continued,

"You kill two of my people and now try and deflect that by accusing me of attempting to kill two of you?"

He looked to Hange,

"I must admit, I expected your asses to at least own what you did, not try and hide behind false words."

Alongside her, Ymir felt Sasha, Ilse, and Krista step forward, fueled by similar anger. Hange's other people were looking around quickly and, seeing aggression obvious, they too stepped forward, hands moving gently towards their own weapons. On the other side, Levi's people also looked ready for a fight, an exception being Petra who looked as though she wanted to cry, run, or both, Hange's expression had changed to one of caution, but her words held an undercurrent of fury,

"Two of my girls were almost killed and you come here saying that we are the guilty ones."

She shook her head slowly,

"Who exactly do you think you are?"

The smallest look of derision appeared on Levi's face,

"Obviously, this gets us nowhere."

The gun in his hand twitched ever so slightly and Ymir felt herself shaking with anger.

 _You miserable little piece of shit, you die first, get it._

Mikasa had stepped in front of Hange,

"You're willing to commit to the deaths of likely many of us just because you can't admit to your own wrongdoing?"

Levi shook his head,

"I'm not playing this game."

Beside him, a tear was sliding down Petra's face,

"Levi… Levi… this isn't right… we can't do this.

"Petra, Oluo is dead because of them. If you want to leave, so be it. But some of us place a fair bit of value on the heads of our comrades."

For a moment, she looked stunned at his brutality. Then, a change washed over her face, taking the fear and replacing it with fierce determination. She looked towards Ymir, tears still glistening in her eyes, but now, anger held them at bay. To her right, Ymir saw Hange move forward and place her hands on Mikasa's shoulders and whisper something. Whatever it was, it convinced the raven-haired girl to adopt a fierce expression and back away to Hange's side. Then she slowly pulled free her sidearm and the room was suddenly full of the familiar sound of pistols leaving holsters. Levi looked toward them, a fearless finality clear on his face,

"I should have known there was something up with you people when the police almost fucked us on the Canadian border."

Any restraint holding Mikasa at bay withered; Annie was the only thing to hold her back as her face contorted angrily,

"One of our people almost died saving yours!"

Through her thundering anger, Ymir could feel both fear and disbelief,

 _Is this really about to happen? How many of us are about to die?_

She realized with a rush of self-disgust that she hadn't once thought of the consequences to this; her mind flicked to Krista and her child.

Ahead of them, Levi shook his head again,

"Whatever you want to tell yourself."

Silence claimed the air and Ymir felt an overpowering rush of adrenaline course through her and she sidestepped to shield Krista; everyone knew exactly what was about to happen.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Mikasa waited furiously as she waited for someone to make the first move; it wouldn't be her, but she had her eyes on Levi. If he moved, she knew she wouldn't be the only one aiming at his head. For a moment, everyone's collective heartbeat sounded. Then, she saw one of Levi's men twitch and she couldn't stop herself from bringing up her gun and, all around, dozens did the same. Her finger moved to the trigger,

"STOP!"

A hoarse voice, shouted with all the effort it sounded able to muster, cut between the two factions and all eyes turned to face the door from where the voice had sounded. There, stumbling into the room and completely covered in blood, a young man practically tumbled between the two groups, hands up in a sign of peace.

"Stop, stop, stop! This is what they want, they want this to happen, no one killed or attacked anybody, at least not here!"

And then, with a stab of terror at her gut, Mikasa realized who was talking. Next to her, she saw Ilse take several steps forward, gun tumbling from her hand to clatter to the floor, eyes wide with disbelief and concern. Sasha caught her and held her still as Levi eyed Joseph with cautious disgust.

"I don't know who you are, but your nonsense is interfering with our present affair."

Joseph spun weakly to look at Levi,

"It's a trick! Someone set all of us up, they killed your people and attacked ours, then arranged it so that you would take each other out!"

His legs wobbled and he fell to one knee, the anger in his voice lost to desperation,

"Believe me, this isn't what any of you want! Both sides take huge hits and someone else comes in to pick up the pieces!"

Levi's gun arm didn't waver.

"You have anything to back that up?"

Joseph's silence revealed his answer; he turned and looked wildly back towards Mikasa and as he met her eyes she couldn't help stepping towards him herself. He was a complete mess, eyes wild with emotion, upper body soaked in a dark red, and there looked to be little control in his movements. His eyes traveled over all of them, looking for support and suddenly they froze on something; slowly, he shook to his feet. Then a truly frightening smile climbed onto his face, the whiteness of his teeth and eyes practically glowing against the deep scarlet that wrapped his form; he raised a single finger,

"Just ask him."

Mikasa turned with the majority to look at a man who was standing a ways back. As eyes moved to him, he looked to run a gambit of emotions, humoring disbelief, then fear, then closure. Joseph's finger shook,

"Him… and his fucking people are the reason this is happening. Why your people are dead and why we almost dealt with the same loss."

Keeping her eyes looking back and forth between the two, Mikasa waited for the man to laugh and call the claims ridiculous. But, for whatever reason, he did no such thing. He simply looked to Joseph with an odd look,

"Shouldn't have trusted Richard with you, it seems."

There was a moment of absolute silence. Then the man yanked up his two Glocks which revealed their nature of being fully automatic as he sprayed around wildly; several people fell, obviously hit, Annie and Hange among them as cries exploded. Bullets slapped into the tables and sent shattered glass flying through the air. As Mikasa spun away to cover, she could hear Joseph howling,

"HIM! IT'S HIM!"

Through the man's sporadic shooting, a single heavy bang cut through as Levi put a bullet through the man's shoulder. As he spun away, cursing in pain, he looked to Joseph again an angry look in his eyes. He said something that couldn't be heard over the din and fired a final burst towards him; Mikasa yelled herself as Joseph went down and she charged towards him, firing one-handed at the now fleeing man. He was hit again and he stumbled, before throwing himself through the exit.

Chaos reigned as Mikasa slid to her knees beside Joseph; Sasha and Ymir barreled past her accompanied by several others from both sides as they chased after the fleeing individual. The specified medics from each faction were scrambling through the carnage looking to assist those who had been hit. Through all of it, Levi was walking calmly through the clusterfuck, giving clear orders as he surveyed the room.

Mikasa lifted Joseph's head up and rested him against her as she looked down at him fearfully. In her peripheral, she saw Hange working on a violently swearing Annie's leg; neither she nor the older woman appeared to have had taken too bad a hit. Him on the other hand…

She struggled for a moment to find where he had been shot; being so thoroughly covered with blood already, it took longer than it should have. There was a hole in his shoulder and one in his lower waist, and he seemed dreary as she looked down at him.

"Hey, hey, look at me. Look at me."

Fighting down her own fears, she took on as calm a tone as she could,

"You're okay. You're okay, everything's fine."

"I… don't feel too okay… "

"It's just pain."

With a shaking hand, he reached up and brushed her face.

"You… you're cut."

She ignored this and took his hand.

"It's nothing, probably just some glass."

He squinted,

"You know… you really are beautiful. Have I ever… have I ever said that?"

Her heart throbbed,

"I… I don't know."

Looking down, he furrowed his brow,

"That's something I probably should have said more."

He gave a guttural cough, red appearing on his lips and her heart missed a beat; he looked up at her squinting further,

"Do… do you know what happened to the man who got… everything he ever wanted?"

She held him tighter as her fear resurfaced; she tried not to let her voice shake,

"What happened to him?"

He gave a wet chuckle as his eyes slipped out of focus,

"He lived happily ever after."

And his eyes shut.

 _No._

She felt for his breath in a panic; it was shallow and weak. She looked around quickly for someone with medical supplies and found herself surprised as Levi practically materialized next to her. Kneeling, he felt for a pulse and pulled free a syringe and a good deal of gauze. He then looked at her in annoyance,

"Do you mind?"

She realized she was holding him the way a homeless man clutches a bottle of booze. Reluctantly, she relinquished her hold and backed up only a foot or so. He looked down to Joseph, calmly sticking him with the syringe,

"You're going to not want to block my light if I'm going to save your boyfriend."

"He's not… he… I'm not… we aren't… "

Levi gave her a strange look. She tightened her lips,

"Please just do what you can for him."

He nodded as he spun out some gauze,

"Wouldn't dream of doing otherwise."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ymir cursed as they sprinted into a hallway with a fork; glancing back swiftly, she barked an order,

"You three head left, Sash and I will take right. You hit a dead end, you come back here and wait."

The men nodded, looking slightly perturbed at being ordered around, but smart enough to know this wasn't the time to bitch about such shit. They took off down the opposite way and the pair of them did the same.

"Who was he?"

Sash, of course, picking the worst time to ask questions,

"Feel free to ask when we take down his ass."

They reached a door and Ymir felt her heart race jump as she saw the bullet hole where the lock had been. She heard a clatter from behind the door and she took a healthy step back. Leveling her gun, she breathed out, steadying herself as Sasha put a hand on her shoulder,

"I got you."

Ymir nodded and, without any second thoughts, marched up and kicked the door open.


	28. Chapter 28

" _ **We get into the biggest fights with the people we care most about**_

 _ **because those are the relationships worth fighting for."**_

― _**Dell Shannon**_

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ymir wasn't surprised that the man hadn't been immediately behind the door, but as she eased into the room, surrounded by ancient looking technology that didn't appear to have been touched in years, she realized that he didn't have anywhere to go. Lowering herself into a light crouch, she tilted her head back,

"He's in here."

Her whisper reached Sasha, whose eyes scanned the area like a hawk as she nodded. Ymir felt a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth,

"Maybe you shouldn't have chased him with me."

She was met with a quick, confused look,

"Why?"

"You sort of look like a giant red target."

Sasha shook her head as she smiled in response, glancing down at her striking red dress; the two were instantly roused from their brief bout of humor as a voice called off from somewhere close,

"It wasn't supposed to go down like this."

Ymir slid behind a concrete wall as her friend rolled swiftly into cover, hiding behind a boiler; Ymir gladly took the bait,

"Yeah? How exactly had you seen this playing out?"

As he replied, she realized that she couldn't pinpoint from where exactly his voice was coming from.

"Simple: you idiots all took the bait and killed each other and me and my boss slide into power as the state's foremost drug trade. It was so simple."

He was close.

"But that motherFUCKER!"

She could practically feel the man's anger and frustration,

"He overheard and we caught him, then I leave him with Richard who should have just shot him a few times and been done with it. But no, that idiot screws up and we have a classic whistleblower case."

To her right, Ymir saw Sasha gently ease up her dress to pull free her phone from a thigh case and she gestured, her motive very obvious.

 _Keep him talking._

"So you guys fucked up. Have to give you credit, we all bought your bullshit, hook, line, sinker."

A half-crazed laugh followed,

"Of course you did! It was so perfect! You walked right into it and it was so CLOSE!"

Sasha looked up from where she had been intently staring at her phone and gave a disbelieving shrug and Ymir knew the echolocator app hadn't worked. Unsurprising, so many of Hange's special computer dabblings had plenty of kinks to be worked out. Ymir decided to try one other option,

"So what now? Wanna come out and talk about it? Hell, maybe we won't kill you, maybe… "

He laughed again, but there was now an obvious acceptance to it,

"We both know that's not going to happen. At this point… "

And suddenly it came crashing down on Ymir as she spun hard to her left; he slid out from behind a cranny just ahead of her next to a giant control panel, gun raised,

"All I can do is hope that I take as many of you cunts down with me as possible."

From behind her, Sasha roared and whipped her own gun around, blasting three rounds above Ymir's head; one met its mark somewhere on the man's torso and he yelled in pain, his own shot slapping the ground just to the right of Ymir. She lunged back in a panic and tried to bring her own gun up as the man returned fire towards Sasha who was forced to duck out of sight.

"You bitch!"

Ymir was forced to roll out of the way and fall to her back as she lifted her own gun up; the man stumbled from behind cover and fired at her again, bullet hitting the ground far too close to her head. And as she brought up her own gun, fear and adrenaline took a costly toll and she missed herself, her shot ricocheting wildly and somehow hitting no one within the small space.

"Fuck!"

Then there was another shot and he was hit from the back; lurching forward, he spun again, cursing to reveal Krista standing in the doorway, her own gun up and her eyes wide. Flailing his gun around in a state of pain and fear, he put a bullet just over the blonde's shoulder. A fervent tremor rushed through Ymir's bones and she fired again, her shot sounding in unison with Sasha's, who leapt from behind cover, firing once. The two shots punched through the man's head and his body gave a great shake before collapsing, motionless.

Sasha stepped slowly from cover, and took a step towards the man as the echoes of the deafening shots faded away,

"Holy shit… that was… too close."

Ymir had other things on her mind, however. She scrambled frantically to her feet and rushed towards Krista; the blonde had only a moment to smile weakly before the look was wiped away as Ymir grabbed her shoulders roughly.

"What were you thinking?! Following us like that!"

"Ymir, what… "

"How could you think of doing that?!"

She shook her, feeling nothing but anger as her voice rose,

"YOU HAVE A CHILD IN YOUR STOMACH FOR CHRIST'S SAKE AND YOU FOLLOW A MAN WITH A GUN WHO WANTS TO KILL US?!"

Krista's eyes were now brimming with tears,

"I… I just… "

"Don't you EVER! Do something like that again! You understand?!"

In a distant place in her mind, she realized she had the same words from Mikasa after she had struck Joseph in the station; and, right now, Ymir knew exactly how she had felt.

"YOU UNDERSTAND?!"

There was nothing but fear and tears in Krista's eyes as she seemed unable to speak; from behind her, Ymir felt a hand come down on her shoulder,

"Hey, enough!"

She turned back to see Sasha looking at her with a protective and angry fire,

"What?!"

"I said enough! You're out of fucking control!"

"Out of… SHE COULD HAVE DIED!"

"AND WE COULD HAVE TOO! SHE'S NOT A CHILD, SHE DOESN'T NEED YOU TREATING HER LIKE ONE!"

The sound of gunshots had been fully replaced by shouting at this point; though the words being flung hurt more than the bullets likely would have,

"STOP PRETENDING LIKE THIS IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP!"

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! DON'T DEFLECT THE OBVIOUS!"

"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!"

"RIGHT NOW, SOMEONE WHO SEEMS TO GIVE MORE OF A SHIT ABOUT KRISTA THAN YOU DO!"

Ymir snapped as words could no longer do justice to her feelings; she lashed out with a fist that threw Sasha against the wall. Ignoring Krista's cries, she grabbed the brunette by the shoulder and forced her up; she was then met by a punishing strike to her kidney. As she bent in pain, she was grabbed by the shoulder herself and spun around to slam into the wall,

"Ymir this isn't what I want!"

She roared and threw up her arms, freeing herself and then smashed Sasha across the face with her elbow. She went down and Ymir climbed on top of her, swinging another fist that sent Sasha's head against the ground. In her peripheral, she could see Krista looking frozen with fear,

"You think you understand this?!"

She hit again.

"YOU THINK YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THIS FEELS LIKE?!"

She hit again.

"Who do you have huh?!"

She hit again.

"WHO DO YOU HAVE?!"

And as she brought her fist up again, she stopped. Sasha wasn't trying to fight anymore; she was now lying on her back, eyes glistening with tears and her face now held a share of cuts and bruises.

And she smiled,

"I have my friends Ymir."

Breathing heavily, Ymir felt her fist unclench ever so slightly.

"I have you. I have Krista. I have everyone out there who had no fear of standing together. To die."

She swallowed.

"Maybe I don't have someone the way you have Krista. And maybe I never will. But I have more than enough in all of you."

For a moment, Ymir couldn't do more than breathe and stare. Then, suddenly, an overpowering wave of regret and despair struck her and batted down her anger like it was nothing.

It _was_ nothing.

Sliding off Sasha's lap, she felt her back hit the wall and she put her head in her hands.

"Christ… oh Christ, I am so sorry Sash… what… what the fuck is wrong with me… "

Hands that had so recently gripped her with violence now slid comfortingly around her shoulders as the brunette said quietly,

"I'm not the one you need to apologize to."

And Ymir looked up at Krista who hadn't moved. They looked at each other and Ymir desperately dug for the words she so desperately needed to say. Then, they just came,

"Krista, I don't think I'll ever conquer my flaw of being overprotective. I don't know if I can… "

She looked down at her hand; it was shaking,

"But please… _please_ , try and understand that everything I do, no matter how fucking despicable it is… all I want is what's best for you."

Ymir looked up again at Krista; there were tears on her cheeks.

"So if you can't forgive me, which wouldn't be surprising, just please try and understand that."

She felt a horrifically painful tug at her heart as her voice cracked,

"I… I can't lose you."

And she dropped her head, feeling an overwhelming weight force it down.

 _What am I?_

Then, a hand lifted her chin and she looked up into the face of an angel. The angel smiled.

"And I can't lose you."

And they kissed, and through the pain and the fear and the regret, Ymir felt something so much more powerful slice through the storm surrounding her heart.

 _I can't lose her._

A fierce rush flowed through her and she gripped the back of Krista's head tightly,

 _I WON'T lose her._

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Levi insisted that cleanup be left for people that he would send along later; for now, it was more important they all leave the area as quickly as they were able.

"I'm not taking any chances and you shouldn't either. We don't know who or how many people have it in for us, but for now, we need to regroup. I'll be in touch."

And he had left without another word, his people in tow. Hange ordered Mike to round up everyone beside her girls that had been present and send them home while arranging proper transport for anyone who had been injured. By some miracle, not one of them had been met with death or too serious an injury and there had been no need to rush anyone away for further medical attention.

Ymir, Sasha, and Krista had returned to report the man who had fled had been killed; Levi had seemed annoyed,

"Well, better him than any of us I suppose… "

Now, Hange sat at the bar, back to it, looking out to the now quiet nightclub. Ymir and Krista had gotten her okay to leave and had quickly departed. Annie was sitting beside her, leg properly bound. The bullet had fortunately only grazed her leg and she would only suffer a temporary limp as a result. Hange herself had received a cut to her face that she wasn't sure had come from glass or a bullet, but she counted herself lucky regardless.

Turning, she saw Joseph, Ilse, and Mikasa walking over; Joseph was easily the one in the worst shape, Hange was surprised that he was walking. Having taken two bullets and a good array of hits from the man on the roof, Levi had done a damn good patch up job on him.

"I think we're ready to go, got all our stuff in order."

Joseph nodded in consent with Ilse, flinching as he turned slightly,

"Yeah, I think I'll sleep pretty well tonight."

Hange sipped an untouched drink from the bar without looking at him,

"You're not driving out of here."

He frowned,

"Pardon?"

"I said you're not driving out of here. No way am I trusting you to make a twenty minute drive back."

"But I had Mike bring my bike just so I could… "

"Yeah that was before you were beat up and shot to shit. Only reason you're standing is all the shit Levi pumped you up with."

He frowned further and she smiled at him,

"Anyone want to give him… "

Mikasa spoke up almost immediately,

"He can crash at my place. It's closer and I can keep an eye on him, make sure he's good."

By some incredible effort, Hange didn't break into a shit-eating grin the size of the Great Wall of China. She nodded,

"Fair enough."

She looked over at Joseph and once again had to try desperately not to smile at the look on his face,

"That work with you?"

"I… yeah, me, that works great, fine."

Hange nodded again with finality,

"Alright well, keep eyes on phones, no telling what's in store for us now."

Mikasa nodded briskly and took Joseph by the arm and escorted him out of the building. As the door swung shut behind them, Ilse's face opened into the same smile Hange had been trying to hide.

"Goddamn, those two."

Hange looked over,

"Think she's into him?"

Ilse looked over with a disbelieving look,

"Fuck, is it not super obvious?"

She looked back towards the door,

"Not that she'd ever admit it."

As she spoke, Hange could see a very subtly sad look on Annie's face,

"Yeah right, you could walk in on them fucking and she'd find a way to play it off."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The majority of the drive was spent in silence. It wasn't until they neared Mikasa's apartment, that she looked over to him,

"The man who got everything he ever wanted?"

Joe looked at her in surprise,

"Excuse me?"

"You said that just before you passed out. About the man who got everything he ever wanted."

He smiled softly,

"Did I?"

"You did."

Sighing, he leaned back; he had always loved that quote.

"Yeah, that's from the candyman Willy Wonka himself."

She looked back to the road.

"It was a nice quote."

He nodded slowly.

"It's a very nice quote."

They pulled into the drive and she killed the car; for a moment, they sat in silence. Not wanting to do something he may regret, Joe unbuckled and she snapped out of whatever stupor she had been in.

"Don't move."

Her curt order caused him to throw his hands up in surrender,

"Sheesh sorry, what's up?"

Saying nothing more, she climbed out of the car and walked to his side. Opening the door, she slid his arm over her shoulder,

"Be careful, standing up could be hard."

"Ah, don't worry, this won't be an issue, I just… "

As he stood, a terrifically harsh stab of pain dug into his waist; howling, he lost balance and fell. She caught him easily,

"Looks like the drugs are wearing off."

Before he could say a word, she put her other hand under his knees and lifted him without any apparent effort,

"And no way in hell you're making it up any stairs."

She carried him up the stairs to her apartment and only then did he finally manage to convince her that he was able to walk. With a stupendous amount of effort, he was able to wobble across the threshold of her living space. It was very modest from what he was able to tell, she clearly lived with only what was necessary. He noticed an old, red scarf on a hook by the front closet that seemed oddly out of place.

"You can take the bed."

She walked past him as she spoke, throwing her jacket over a chair. He felt a strange rush of indignation,

"Hey no way, this is your place, I'll take the couch. Not like we can both take the bed anyway."

 _That was fucking smooth you goddamn idiot._

Wincing at his stupid comment, he realized he shouldn't be talking while so tired. Quickly trying to put the mistake behind him, he added,

"Besides, I'll probably get blood all over it."

She replied quietly without looking at him,

"I don't mind."

He shook his head,

"Mikasa, look, I really appreciate that, but I can't just… "

She turned to him,

"Take the bed."

It wasn't said aggressively, but Joe realized he couldn't refuse.

"Alright. Thank you."

She nodded and gestured with her chin toward the bedroom.

"Get to sleep quick. I don't imagine we'll have a ton of time to sleep in tomorrow."

With that, she moved to the couch and began preparing it for use as a bed. Joe walked to the bedroom quietly; it was just as modest, though he couldn't help noticed that it was indeed a bed that could comfortably fit two people. He gave a quiet grunt of pain as he slung his jacket over the bedpost. Other than the bed, there was only a dresser, nightstand, TV, and beneath the TV…

He felt himself chuckle as he saw an Xbox; there was something he could relate to.

Mindlessly, he walked to the door and looked out,

"Hey, I see… "

His mouth stopped working as he saw her; she had stripped down to underwear and a bra and the single lamp next to the couch threw light onto her back. He realized he hadn't seen it since… since that night, and so far, time hadn't done it much help. White, jagged lines traveled up and down her frame, looking terribly prominent in the light, and he felt a growing feeling of pity and anger within him. She looked back.

"You see?"

Somehow, he managed to realign his train of thought,

"I see you got an Xbox."

Mikasa smiled gently.

"Yeah, haven't touched it in a while, but I used to play a good bit with the girls."

She watched him a moment,

"Is that all?"

Joe realized he had been nodding constantly like an idiot,

"Yeah, yeah that was all."

She looked away,

"Just a heads up, it can get kind of warm these nights."

Angrily, he stopped himself from nodding,

"Alright, thanks."

And before he could say or do anything else stupid, he slipped back into the room. Cursing himself constantly as he undressed, he slipped as gently as he could beneath the covers.

 _You really do suck at that._

He growled as he flicked off the light,

"Yeah I know."

Sleep claimed him quickly.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

A short, pained shout woke MIkasa quickly and she rolled quickly off the couch; old habits dictated that she broke free of her slumber immediately. Scrambling, she hoisted her gun that she had slid beneath the piece of furniture and rose to her feet, close to the wall. There were no more noises to be heard.

 _What the fuck?_

As the default possibility that she had simply dreamt the noise entered her head, a strange sort of whimpering came from her bedroom. Lowering her gun slightly she moved to the door and peered inside, allowing her eyes a moment to adjust.

On her bed, Joseph was lying in a contorted position, occasionally twitching or rolling his head to the side, making a pained noise. She sighed as she lowered her gun; he was clearly in the fits of some bad dream.

 _Not surprising after what he went through._

Her mind immediately suggested she return to bed, but she remained standing in the doorway looking down at his gently struggling form. Then her heart rejected the option and she quietly walked around the side of the bed. Hesitating a moment, she then slid into the bed next to him and reached out a cautious hand. His body shook tremendously as she made contact and she jerked away.

 _What are you doing?_

She half climbed out of bed before she saw his shaking hand. For what felt like minutes, she stared at it. Then, slowly and gently, she slid her hand over and took his. And, somehow, after several seconds, his shaking began to subside and his rest became mellower. Mikasa jammed her eyes shut in anger.

 _What the FUCK are you doing?_

She came very close to pulling her hand sharply away when his grip tightened on her hand ever so slightly and her heart collapsed. Ignoring the voice of reason in her head, she slid over to press against him and rested her head on the same pillow as his, nestling his head under her chin. He murmured something she couldn't quite catch and took his head in her other hand, hugging it softly.

 _Please…_

She took her hand away for a moment to cover them both up before returning to cradle his head and she realized he had been sweating coldly. She took a blanket to delicately wipe it away.

 _Why are you doing this?_

His grip tightened again and she squeezed back on instinct.

 _Why?_

 _Why?_


	29. Chapter 29

" _ **Have you ever been in love?**_

 _ **Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable.**_

 _ **It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and**_

 _ **it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up."**_

― _**Neil Gaiman**_

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"That was a complete disaster."

"We weren't found out."

"Only a matter of time, they have the idiots' phones and wallets."

"We… we could… "

"No. Now we do nothing. If they find us out and come for us, then we will need time to be ready."

"What about… a… "

"I said we will do nothing. I have a contingency plan if we need to buy time. A time in the near future may come when we need to find out what they know. In that scenario, we will deal with it appropriately, but for now, we've overplayed our hand."

"Do you think Richard's dead as well? I mean, no one saw him… "

"You said yourself that the fucking guy came stumbling in covered completely in blood. Do you think he would have been able to move if it had been his own?"

"I suppose not."

"What do you want me to tell everyone in the meantime? While we… wait?"

"To keep doing what they've been doing. Deal infrequently and under the radar. We cannot afford to draw attention to ourselves."

. . . . .

"Was there something else?"

"Some… some of the men are demanding retribution."

"Inform them that if any seek to get even without my own given consent, I will personally disembowel them and burn their families alive."

"… yes sir… "

. . . . .

"You were one of the 'men', weren't you?"

"He… he was my brother, sir… "

"Yes, and that was the only reason I kept him around was because you asked me. Pardon my saying so, but you are the only Carven worth keeping around."

"… thank you sir. Any word from the big man?"

"None. But in his case, no news is good news. And it's probably better he doesn't hear about this."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Joe awoke in a sea of pain.

He should have expected it; Levi had juiced him considerably the night previous as so he wouldn't feel the stunning pain that would come from the two bullet holes in his torso. But painkillers wore off, and that was something Joe became distinctly aware of as he opened his eyes and attempted movement… any movement.

Each pull of any muscle connected to his wounded shoulder sent fire coursing through his veins. The pain in his midsection too erupted if he only twitched his thighs. The only positive he was able to manage was to turn a howl of pain into a desperate gasp of breath as he blinked, one of the few movements that didn't place him in agony.

 _You deserve this._

He was surprised to hear Dust and became just as annoyed.

"The hell you mean?"

All he received in turn was a laugh and then the entity departed to the ungraspable reaches of his conscious. He remained as immobile as he could, trying to fathom what the three words had meant.

He was able to tilt his head ever so slightly to the right and saw sunlight streaming through the blinds and a clock that informed him it was nearing the late hours of the morning. His gaze focused on the nightstand by the bed where his phone had been placed and was surprised to see it charging. Knowing he hadn't plugged it in the night before, he smiled as his mind came to the only conclusion of how it had gotten there. Then worry took place as he saw the flashing green light above the black screen.

 _Shit… I promised I'd call this weekend._

He knew his mother was surely wondering where he had gone and why he hadn't called as he promised and while he had no intention of revealing any truths of the previous night, he still owed her an excuse, even if it was a lie. He reached for it blankly and immediately cursed himself as he jammed his eyes shut in pain.

"Alright, I know last night was rough, but you do need to wake up at some point."

Opening his eyes and tilting his head slightly, he saw his benefactress standing in the doorway. She was wearing a simple t-shirt and short shorts and had clearly been awake much longer than he had. When she saw him look up, her mouth twitched at the corners,

"Good. When you're up to it, I've got breakfast out here."

As she turned to leave, he felt words spill out of him,

"I can't move."

She stopped and looked back, eyebrows slightly raised,

"You can't."

"Not… well. Like mostly by my waist and shoulder. I mean, like, I can move, it just hurts a shit ton and… "

He felt an immediate rush of self-hatred.

 _Who the fuck are you to talk about hurt._

If she noticed his words, she hid it well as she walked over to him. Looking down a moment, she reached and grabbed his forearm. He had time only to open his mouth before she pulled up. She dropped his arm and waited until he was done yelling in pain before offering a low, yet sincere,

"Sorry."

"Maybe… maybe if I just take it slow… "

So began the tormenting and arduous process of dragging himself out of bed; the process to go from laying to sitting to standing took a good ten minutes. Mikasa stood by his side, offering help where she could, but ultimately left him to his own devices for which he was grateful. By the end of it, he was able to move much better, but the pain still screamed through his body with nearly every movement and ensured he went nowhere fast.

"You good?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"You sure?"

"Pretty sure."

"I'm right here if you feel like you're going to fall… "

Easing him out of the bedroom, she helped him into a chair in the kitchen, where he sat down wincing. She kept flicking her eyes to him as though she was waiting for him to sprout wings as she moved quickly into the kitchen. Dishing him up some comestibles, she returned and slid the plate in front of him, watching intently. He looked up to her briefly and offered his thanks before preparing to try and feed himself.

It took him a moment to realize how completely helpless he was without his right arm; desperate to be successful however, he grasped his fork with his left hand like some sort of barbarian and began sloppily and pitifully helping himself. He could feel her eyes on him the whole time and he attempted very hard to not go red in the face; when he finally could no longer prevent himself, he looked up at her again and was genuinely surprised to see her looking as though she was barely holding back laughter.

"Are… are you… ?"

She tightened her lips and shook her head, waving,

"No, just… I'm fine."

He watched her a moment longer suspiciously, before returning to his task. After several more seconds, he saw, in his peripheral, Mikasa bring her hand up to her mouth, and he turned back, feeling a strangely mounting feeling of indignation.

"Are you quite alright?"

She nodded, lowering her hand, a smile vanishing from her face,

"Are you?"

"Yeah, you just… "

He turned and looked behind him, deciding to play with her right back,

"You see something funny behind me."

A ghost of her previous smile returned, barely noticeable.

"No, I was just remembering something."

"Okay, just wanted to make sure… "

His very flustered left hand slipped and the fork missed the food, clattering against the plate, and Mikasa was forced to look away from keeping herself from laughing. Feeling real annoyance spawn, he raised his eyebrows,

"You know, this is plenty difficult without the mocking."

Her expression morphed from humored to almost hurt and he felt anger towards himself again for ( _being so goddamn rude_ ) as her tone lowered,

"I wasn't mocking."

Not trusting himself to reply, he looked down and continued his attempt. Several painfully silent seconds passed before she asked quietly,

"You want help?"

Joe looked up, fully ready to assert his independence and self-reliance when he saw the look in her eyes.

And he couldn't do anything other than be truthful as he lowered his own voice,

"Yes."

She broke his gaze and pulled the plate towards her where she cut his food up evenly and swiftly. He expected her to return it to him then, but she didn't; she jabbed one bite with the fork and moved it towards his face. For a brief moment, he felt bemused; then, he opened his mouth. And for the next several minutes, she essentially spoon-fed him in silence.

 _How insane must this look._

The text tone of her phone caused him to jump at its suddenness; looking at it, she swiped with her free hand, glancing back to him briefly to slide one of the last bites into his mouth.

"Hange. She's wanting us to meet at her office in two hours."

She looked up and stood.

"You can have the first shower; if you check in the closet across the hall, I think Eren left some clothes from the last time he kipped here that he probably wouldn't' mind you using."

He nodded and stood, inhaling sharply as the pain hit again. She watched him waiting for him to prove he was functional on his feet. He gave her a nod and she returned it, taking his plate to the sink. And as Joe hobbled off, he smiled inwardly as an incredibly cocky thought came to his mind,

"I may need some help in the shower as well."

And suddenly, with a freezing rush of terror, he realized he had said the thought out loud. He looked slowly back towards the kitchen, praying against all odds that, somehow, some way, she had gone temporarily dead and hadn't heard him. But of course, she had. He met her eyes with cold fear gripping his gut; she looked back with a near emotionless expression.

Then, unbelievably, she smiled.

"Don't think you're getting that lucky."

He felt a wave of relief wash over him and he smiled back and hobbled away before his brain came up with something else bat-shit crazy for him to say.

Though, as he pulled a spare towel free from the closet, he couldn't help but noticed she had hesitated after opening her mouth.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Krista sat in the protective and comforting arms of Ymir as they waited in silence for the last two people necessary. Normally, the time before a meeting would be fraught with joking and small talk, but two factors upon that day rendered that unlikely.

The first was the rush everyone was surely still feeling from the previous night; having come so close to being shot multiple times and the fact that they had been superbly set-up was all weighing very heavily on them all.

 _Though maybe more for some than others._

The second factor was the presence of Levi and Petra who Krista wasn't sure if they had been invited or if they had set it up themselves. Regardless, the toweringly imposing aura of Levi left them all rather quieted.

 _Though she may be being quiet for other reasons._

Krista took Ymir's hand in hers and pressed it to her lips; she felt a reassuring squeeze as she did. Her girlfriend had been beating herself up hard since they had left the club last night. She had said next to nothing all the way to bed and, upon waking up on a whim, Krista had found herself alone in bed. Wandering out of the room she had found Ymir sitting on the back deck, holding a belt and a syringe. After quickly relieving her unprotesting girlfriend of the drugs, Krista remembered shouting in an angry frenzy.

"What the fuck is this?!"

Ymir hadn't even bothered to look at her and Krista had grabbed her chin and forced eye contact,

"Answer! Where did this come from?!"

The reply had been infuriatingly uncaring,

"Swiped em' from the last shipment we delivered."

"Why?! You said you would never touch this stuff again!"

"I wasn't going to use it."

Krista had let out a disbelieving and partially manic laugh,

"Oh sure! Sure!"

After a moment more of Ymir looking out towards nothing in particular with no emotion obvious, Krista had seized her by the shoulders and had shook the same way she had been shaken not hours prior,

"You can't do this anymore! I'm pregnant for fuck's sake and you can't be going around stealing… "

And she had stopped talking as she saw tears shimmering in those beautiful hazel eyes.

"Ymir… ?"

She couldn't recall the last time she had seen her girlfriend cry; she later realized she couldn't ever remember such an occurrence at all. And so she had sat down on their porch next to Ymir and held her silently as they became shrouded in the darkness and the sounds of nature as they looked towards the black forest behind their abode. The brunette had never actually cried, but her unshed tears faded into words,

"Krista… I lost control. I lost control so bad, that's never happened before."

She had replied from the sanctuary of Ymir's shoulder,

"A lot was happening. You had just been in a gunfight."

Krista had received a slow shake of the head in reply,

"I… I yelled at you. I shook you. And when Sash tried to stop me, I hit her. Christ, I didn't just hit her, I hammered the hell out of her. My friend. Someone who was looking out for both of us."

For this, Krista had had no response. She honestly didn't know what to say. Then, after a minute, Ymir had took her hand and looked at her, eyes now dry.

"I won't ever let that happen again. Not that or… "

She gestured to the drugs that Krista had flung to the ground.

"Or this. You're right. I… I could be a mother soon and… I have to be ready."

Her voice had gone quiet.

"I have to deserve something that incredible."

Krista had held her head and whispered back,

"You do deserve it."

And Ymir had took her hand and held it against her face,

"Not yet I don't."

No more words had been exchanged and after sitting outside a while longer, Krista had helped her up and they had both returned to bed. Now, they sat together waiting on Joseph and Mikasa, listening to the drumming of Hange's fingers against the desk. The air was ripe for jokes about the two of them, but Sasha and Ilse had held their tongues. Krista also noticed gratefully that no one had asked how Sasha had gotten so much punishment to her face in a gunfight.

The door swung open at long last, and Mikasa strode briskly in followed after a few seconds by a feeble looking Joseph.

"Sorry we're late."

She made no excuse but walked to join them; Hange gave her a smile then looked to Joseph,

"How are you feeling?"

He looked back, his face very gently contorted in pain,

"I've been better."

Levi then looked to him and spoke for the first time since he had entered the room.

"Oh good you did come. I never finished with you."

Krista felt her own confusion stem out and mingle in the air with Joseph's; he looked back in befuddlement.

"Finished?"

Instead of immediately replying, Levi opened the briefcase and began pulling free medical supplies. He spoke as he prepared a sinister looking pair of large tweezers,

"With your injuries. The shot to you abdomen was fine enough, passed through and didn't hit any arteries and could be patched easily."

He pulled out a bottle of clear liquid and pointed,

"Your shoulder on the other hand was a different story. The bullet didn't travel through all the way and I found it protruding slightly. I chose not to remove it considering the state you were in."

Meeting Joseph's gaze with his cold, flat eyes, he concluded,

"Don't need to waste any more time though."

His patient stared back eyes looking almost depressed. Joseph waited several seconds before saying,

"So there's a bullet… in my back."

A nod.

"And you want to take it out."

Another nod.

"Right now."

One more. Joseph sighed,

"I just, like, woke up man."

Sasha and Ilse laughed, the latter adding,

"Well then, your dreariness will ease the pain."

Levi gestured to an unused desk.

"Lie on your stomach over that."

Joseph did as he was told, flipping the bird as he received a good deal of inappropriate noises as he bent over the desk. Levi ignored them and turned to Hange,

"You don't mind?"

Mikasa had taken a tense step forward, clearly not wanting this to proceed, but Hange looked positively excited,

"By all means."

Levi turned to walk over to his subject, pulling up the shirt and ripping off the bandage to a sharp yelp.

"Petra can you lay that small towel in the case over here… "

The redhead did as she was told and then backed away quickly as though Levi was about to defuse a bomb. Krista noticed that she wasn't the only one who was tense; the blonde herself had quickly gone to the edge of her seat and she could see Ilse matching the look she knew she was wearing. Levi shook up the bottle with one hand and gripped the large tweezers in the other.

"I'm going to splash the wound with alcohol, then pull out the bullet."

"That sounds like it's gonna suck."

"It probably will. I'll stick you with painkillers a few minutes after it's out."

"Great, just so I… "

Levi moved so quickly it was as though he had wet the wound, grabbed the bullet and yanked it out all at the same time. Krista heard herself gasp and heard a short, impressed laugh from Ymir. Joseph's face had erupted in agony; he lay there on the desk as Levi quickly dabbed the wound and reapplied bandages. With eyes wide and mouth agape, Joseph pressed his forehead against the wood of the desk as Levi wandered off, examining the bullet, saying offhandedly,

"Try not to bump it."

The only response was a tortured scream that finally escaped Joseph's lungs as his body slumped free of the desk and to the ground. Lying there on his stomach, he panted and waved away the help as Mikasa, Ilse and Annie collectively moved towards him,

"I'm fine, fine… I think I'll just lie here and… "

He winced as he closed his eyes,

"Cry like a man for the next forty-five minutes."

Ilse and Annie relaxed, but Mikasa remained half-at attention, still looking very much like she wanted to run to his side. Krista felt Ymir's hand tighten on her shoulder and she knew she was looking at the raven-haired girl as well. Krista fought down a smile. Hange, looking as though she had had her fun, clapped her hands.

"Well, onto the reason we are all here."

Her face went from excited to serious very quickly,

"Someone played us. They played us very well. We need to find out who."

She turned to Levi who was calmly wiping his hands,

"You went through the phone records of both men?"

"Yes. No specific mention of name or names other than a Mr. Blaire."

Joseph twitched from his place on the floor,

"The guy with the two Glocks, he said something about a Mr. Blaire on the roof."

Levi nodded.

"We can only assume this name is an alias, as the only Blaires in the area we were able to come up with are a seventy-eight year old female janitor and a family of seven that just moved into the country in the past four months."

Ilse snorted,

"Trump hasn't gotten his wall up yet it seems."

A few soft chuckles at her joke were silenced as Levi continued,

"We're trying to hack the phones' GPSs presently; if successful we can determine locations of where the two had been."

Hanged nodded and opened her mouth to add something; as she did the door flew open and Mike strode in. He too opened his mouth, but stopped to stare at Joseph on the floor who gave him a weak, yet cheerful wave,

"Hey dude."

Mike seemed bemused until Hange snapped at him,

"What?"

He turned to look at her,

"Ma'am one of the new hires wants to speak with you."

She gave him a very 'why-do-I-give-a-shit?' look.

"Okay? I'm kind of busy."

"She says… she says she knows who's responsible. For everything."


	30. Chapter 30

" _ **I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,**_

 _ **in secret,**_

 _ **between the shadow and the soul."**_

― _**Pablo Neruda**_

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Looking huffily at his television screen, Joe sifted through his games library and saw nothing that particularly enticed him.

 _Though how can I think about anything else?_

His mind drifted back to his the only memory he had before waking up alone in his college room. After Hange demanded swiftly that the young woman be brought in, Mike had complied, escorting in an extremely nervous and frightened looking young woman who identified herself only as Hannah when asked. Levi had beaten the rest of them to the punch,

"I'm afraid no pleasantries are to be had here; what do you know?"

It had taken Hannah a moment to start talking; she was shaking a great deal and looking considerably nervous to be in the presence of them all,

"My… my boyfriend works for them. I'm trying to get him to stop, they work him so hard, we honestly wouldn't be working in this business if we didn't need the money so bad… "

She caught a look from Levi and swallowed; her talking became much more stable as she continued,

"I found him after work the other night looking hurt real bad, he wouldn't say what had happened, but he had mentioned earlier that he had screwed up a deal and I don't know how else he could have gotten hurt like that… then, last night at the club, I recognized the man with the two guns. Franz, my boyfriend, has gotten drinks with him before, they work together."

Tearing up again, she quickly finished as her voice started shaking again,

"I didn't know what else to do, I had to say something, but I don't want Franz to get hurt again… "

She lost the ability to speak and her whole body began quaking; Krista had walked quickly over and put an arm around her, shushing her and talking in a quiet soothing tone. After a moment, her calming abilities worked their magic and Hannah regained control of her faculties as the questions started coming, first from Annie, whose low, flat tone probably helped,

"Who are they? Who's in charge?"

Hannah shook her head feverishly,

"I honestly don't know names, Franz isn't supposed to say."

From the ground, still looking absurd, Joseph had followed up,

"But you know where to find them?"

She jumped, clearly only now noticing him; after her surprise faded, she nodded,

"I know of where their main, I guess sort of headquarters is. Building like this sort of, where all the main stuff goes down. I don't know who their manufacturers are or where that all takes place or where they get their product but… "

Hange had put up a hand,

"That's fine, that's fine. Can you give us an address?"

She had, which was quickly scribbled down on a piece of paper. Hange had then said,

"Hannah, thank you very much. Go home and talk to Franz, you're right, he should get out of there. Tell him he has a job here if he wants one."

The girl's eyes had filled with tears as she mumbled out desperate thanks and, after receiving a telling look, Mike had escorted her out and closed the door. There was a moment of silence as everyone contemplated what had just been revealed. Then Ilse glanced at the paper,

"So that's where they are."

Hange had nodded slowly as Annie tossed her hair before adding,

"I know that area, lot of green still around, just a few small businesses and whatnot."

From his spot on the floor, Joe had then asked,

"Well, shit, what are we waiting for?"

And he had sprung up only to howl in pain and stumble back into the wall; Mikasa had stepped towards him, ignoring his hand waving her away and had wrapped his able arm around her to support him. He had continued regardless of the now throbbing that coursed through his shoulder,

"Let's get over there and see what's what!"

Smiling, Hange had nodded in agreement,

"Yes, you're right, we need to get a fix on this location as soon as possible."

Joe had remembered smiling triumphantly as she looked around,

"My people, prep and be ready to leave in ten minutes."

As the girls had stood, stretching excitedly, she had pointed at Joe.

"Except for you."

Ignoring his sputtering outrage, she had turned to Levi,

"Hope you don't mind if we take this one, we'll send all the details your way when it comes."

He had agreed without a word and collected his briefcase, gesturing sharply at Petra. Joe was then able to get his two cents in, stumping forward and grateful for the support he now had to lean on,

"Pardon me, but what do you mean 'except for you'?"

Hange looked at him in amusement as she collected her papers,

"Precisely what I meant."

Sensing that he was about to continue in anger, she elaborated before he could,

"You are in no condition to go on a recon trip right now. You're honestly lucky you weren't hurt worse, but, even on painkillers, you would be a detriment."

"But it was my idea!"

She had joined Sasha laughing at his childish remark,

"Give yourself a few days to get used to the pain; then we can talk about having you running with your team again."

He had been in disbelief,

"But… but this is happening now, I need to be a part of this now!"

She had given him a look very similar to that a parent gives a child begging for candy in the checkout lane. He had opened his mouth angrily again, but Mikasa wrapped her free hand around his wrist in such a way that his mouth stopped working.

"Joseph… just sit this one out. It won't be dangerous, we're just getting a lay of the land, you'll be better plenty of time ahead of… of whatever happens next."

He turned to look at her, anger still fuming in his veins, but now he felt a throb of emotion at the look in her eyes. It wasn't pleading or anything close, but it was a look that told him she clearly knew better for him then he did. Still, he couldn't help but angrily add,

"I still don't get what… "

And there had been a sharp pain in his neck and the world had gone black. He had awoke back in his own room, in his own dorm with no memory of how he had gotten there. Scrambling around, he had found a new message from Mikasa on his phone,

 **Sorry, but Levi more or less knocked you out with painkillers. Said he hadn't been planning on dosing you that bad, but you were wasting too much time being unreasonable. By the time you see this, we'll probably be already well on our way to scout out the place, so don't try and come after us. I'll text you when we're done.**

And Joe had waited and waited. Time seemed to pass at a much slower rate; he glanced at the clock at one point to find that only four minutes had passed when it had indeed felt like at least an hour. So he had sat in front of his TV and scrolled through the channels and then through his Xbox game list; he had nearly given up on trying to distract himself when a firm and sharp rap on his door caused him to flip out of his chair. Scrambling to the door and pressing his eye to the peephole he was surprised to see Armin and Eren standing outside his room, the former bouncing on his heels and the latter hardly moving, arms crossed. Almost not realizing it, he opened up,

"Hey guys."

Armin put on a large smile as he spoke; slightly behind him, Eren's facial expression didn't change from looking deadly serious.

"I hope we didn't catch you at a bad time, but we figured you'd be least busy on a weekend."

"No, yeah, I got nothing going on. What's up?"

He started bouncing on his heels again,

"Well, it's sort of something that… well, we can't exactly… "

Eren spoke up,

"It's a touchy subject."

Armin looked relieved,

"Yes! Is it okay if we come in a moment?"

Though he normally didn't like anyone coming into the sanctity of his room, Joe couldn't turn down Armin's beaming face. He stepped back and motioned,

"Yeah, sure."

They both did so, standing respectfully and not touching anything. Eren gestured to the empty bedframe on the right side of the room,

"You're by yourself, but this is a double room. You don't have a roommate?"

Joe wasn't mad that he noticed, but it still sent an icy spear poking at his heart. He had grown very good at ignoring the emptiness across the room when it wasn't directly pointed out. Regardless, he still had no desire to discuss it,

"Used to."

Eren took the hint and didn't further pursue the line of questioning. Eager to move past it, Joe gestured again,

"Sit anywhere, desk chair, TV chair, sorry, not a lot of room… "

Armin dropped himself in the bag chair under Joe's lofted bed and Eren eased into the chair by the desk. Joe remained standing and when neither of them seemed ready to speak, he gently pushed,

"So… haven't seen you guys since the party! What can I do you for?"

The two exchanged looks and Eren away and down to stare at his fingernails, looking as though he was trying very hard to not say something. Armin pursed his lips and then spoke,

"It's nothing super serious, but Eren was… I mean, we were both… well, a little worried about… your, I guess relationship… with, uh… "

Joe watched him carefully, eyes unmoving. Whatever Armin wanted to say, it wasn't coming easy; Eren saved him the trouble by speaking, looking up to aggressively meet Joe's eyes,

"We came to talk about your relation with Mikasa."

 _Fuck me._

He should have seen it coming over the horizon, but of course he hadn't. Too much had been on his mind. But now her two best friends from childhood show up wanting to talk, what else could have been up? He shifted his balance, deciding to try and play it as cool and innocent as he could,

"What relation do you mean?"

Eren shook his head,

"We know. At least, we know enough. We've heard hearsay from Sash, Ilse, Ymir and we know the two of you have been getting close. And just the other night you stayed at her place."

 _How… ?_

Sensing his shock, Eren explained,

"She told me when I asked this morning if she wanted to meet for breakfast."

He inhaled and continued to penetrate Joe with his aggressive and near-volatile glare,

"I don't know what's happening between the two of you, but you should know that if you hurt her in any way… "

"Hurt her."

"Betray her trust, abandon her, anything that hurts her."

Despite the torching glare he was receiving, Joe felt a burning of his own start to flare in his gut,

"And you are expecting this?"

"I've no idea what to expect."

"So you come here to preach to me how to conduct a relationship that may or may not be happening?"

Eren was on his feet,

"I won't see her hurt again."

"Again?"

Suddenly, a fair amount of the fight went out of Eren's face; he looked pained,

"She hasn't… had an easy childhood. Has she told you anything… ?"

"I know about her father."

 _Oh, do I know about her father._

Looking relieved he wouldn't have to explain anything in that area, Eren continued,

"Through middle and onto high school, Armin would spend a lot of time at my house. His only family was his grandfather, who was nice enough, but was gone a good bit and wasn't the most responsible guardian. So Armin was over at my house plenty."

As Eren talked, Joe flicked his eyes to Armin who was on the edge of his seat, looking very tense.

"I had met Mikasa back in elementary school; she was quiet, but nice. Very smart, very athletic, very… well, just good at everything. But outside of school, she never wanted to hang out. Said she was busy. She was always busy."

He swallowed and Joe knew something heavy was coming.

"One evening in… I think it was November, we were all in fifth grade. Me and Armin were walking home from Connie's house, it was a Friday night. As we walked past the playground we saw her sitting on a swing, not moving much. We figured we oughta go over and say hi. She… she had a bad black eye, two cigarette burns on her arm, and she was having trouble sitting. She was sort of in shock, we couldn't get anything much out of her. We were able to walk her back to my house where she finally cracked and started crying; I went to get my dad and she begged me not to, said she would get hurt worse if anyone knew. She was shivering and I took the scarf my mother had given me and wrapped it around her, she calmed down after that."

Joe thought to the tattered red scarf he had seen in her apartment.

"After that day, she spent many nights over at my place, just the three of us. I wanted to do something for so long, but I didn't know what to do."

He stared at the ground for a while before looking back up, the fierceness present in his eyes again.

"So I guess what I'm saying is that she has dealt with enough shit in her life and she doesn't deserve anymore… "

 _I know Eren, oh God, do I know._

"… and I can't make you do what I want. But please… "

He had to look away,

"… all I want is what's best for her. She's… been through enough."

Joe chose to wait a good while and let silence reign before choosing to answer, which he did deliberately and calmly; he sensed there was more, but had the decency not to pry,

"You two are good friends. Looking out for her in any way you can. But… I probably don't need to tell you this, but she is strong. So strong. Every day, I learn more and more to respect what she's capable of. She can handle hell twelve times over."

As he saw Eren open his mouth, he continued quickly, knowing that he was about to hear that even though she could handle it, she didn't deserve it. He completely agreed.

"And know this Eren. If you believe any words that come out of my mouth, believe these."

He leaned forward for emphasis,

"I would send myself screaming to hell in the most painful way possible before I would knowingly harm her."

Having said his peace, he waited for a reply. Eren stared back at him intensely and Joe thought that maybe he hadn't said enough. But then, very quietly, the brown-haired young man spoke,

"Thank you."

Joe nodded and a strangely awkward silence took hold. Then, from the bag chair, Armin asked hesitantly,

"Is that Halo Reach?"

Surprised, Joe looked over and nodded,

"Yeah it is. Backwards compatible on the One now."

"Wow… I haven't played that in so long… "

Eren sprung forward,

"Yeah, because I always beat you!"

Armin laughed,

"Yeah, don't remember that."

They looked at each other competitively, and Joe realized what the polite thing to do would be,

"You guys want to play?"

He ignored their prompt polite refusals and set up a three-way game and in no time, they were all playing, laughing, shouting, and enjoying themselves well into the afternoon hours. It was starting to become dark when Eren and Armin finally agreed that it was time to go, and he waved them off the property, feeling quite elated.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Staring with narrowed eyes at the supposed building in which their collective enemy currently resided, Mikasa shifted her position to keep her legs from falling asleep. She was surrounded by a good deal of bushes and greens that very well hid her placement.

The building from this side appeared to be somewhat similar to their own base of operations; three floors, few windows and even fewer entry points. Its dark brown coloring matched the neighboring buildings and ensured it didn't draw much attention from any passerby. Yet this was the place.

She felt oddly fidgety as she waited for her girls to regroup after snapping the necessary photos and noting anything of relevance. While she knew that the chances were a million to one that she would be spotted, hidden as she was, something was making her feel uneasy and she couldn't pick it out.

 _He isn't here._

She ignored the voice as she always did.

A minute or so had passed when Annie came pushing gently through the growth and moved quietly to crouch by her side.

"Place is boarded up tight, not anything we can really see from here. What windows are there are tinted and there hasn't been any action by the doors."

"Vehicles?"

"I sent Sasha and Ymir to loop behind the lot to record all of them. Tried to send Krista, but Ymir is being… "

"Ymir."

"Yes."

There was a beat before Annie changed the subject,

"It doesn't feel right, her being out here."

"Ymir?"

"Krista."

Mikasa smiled, before replying half-jokingly in a dry tone,

"Since when do you pay mind to anybody else?"

She felt unamused eyes on the side of her head,

"I'm serious. She's pregnant, she shouldn't be out here."

"I know."

"You know what?"

"Look, it's her choice. And you think Ymir hasn't been up and down the block with her about that?"

"It just doesn't feel right, that's all I'm saying."

"You sound like you want me to do something about it."

"Talk to her."

"And say what? She's small, not weak; if her mind's made up, it's made up."

"She respects you more than anyone. You're like a mother to her, or an older sister."

Mikasa tilted her head skyward,

"I won't make any promises on trying to convince her of anything, but I will talk to her."

"Okay."

"If only because you asked me."

 _And because I'm also worried._

"Thank you."

Quiet returned to the shaded area, the sun beaming through the large leaves above. Glancing at her phone for a look at the time, she knew the others would be back soon.

"How's… "

The hesitation in Annie's voice surprised her,

"How's your back?"

She winced just thinking about it.

"It's doing alright."

Alright was putting it in a positive light. If not for the painkillers she was constantly shooting into her system every several hours, she had no doubt she would be in a near paralyzing amount of pain. Hange had nearly insisted that she take time off to recover.

"I don't need you going out and getting more hurt because of how hurt you already are."

Mikasa had politely refused the time off; if there was one thing she hated more than being constantly in pain, it was being useless. After several minutes of persuading, she had convinced Hange to let her continue work, though the older woman had insisted on paying for her painkillers. And so, she had been taking them in a timely manner for the past week. Her back seemed to be always either numb or buzzing, but it was better than being agonizingly burning. She would wake some nights in a near overwhelming haze of pain if she didn't juice herself properly before bed.

Truthfully, she didn't know if the pain would ever go away for good; she wasn't waiting to find out.

Her hand slipped dangerously close to her sidearm on instinct as the green next to her rustled; it was of course, only Sasha, followed by the rest. When the headcount reached six, they quietly moved away to where they had stashed their vehicles, where, only then did they break into conversation. Ilse shook her head,

"Way too quiet. If it is a supply facility, they must only ship and receive at night because there was no action for the hours we've been watching."

"Or maybe they're just really bad at what they do."

Ymir rolled her eyes at Sasha's comment,

"Maybe you should go ask them if they need some friendly advice."

Mikasa cut through the banter, wanting to get on the road as soon as possible,

"What they're doing now isn't important. We got what we came for."

She looked to Annie,

"You good bringing Hange the info?"

She received a nod and looked around with an air of finality,

"Good work then. Be at the building a little earlier than normal tomorrow, I get the feeling we'll need to be."

Dispersing and falling into different topics of conversation, they broke apart and climbed into their respective vehicles; Mikasa waited until all the others had departed before reaching for the ignition herself. Then she stopped. Her mind had started to race and she began to wonder if what she had decided she was about to do was the right thing.

 _Is this really what you want?_

Ignoring the voice of reason, she pulled out her phone and started punching out a new message.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

She had said she would text him, but Joe still was surprised when his phone buzzed. Not because he didn't expect her to keep her word, but because he didn't think he was worth the time; there were much more important matters to worry about then keeping him in the loop. Nonetheless, he sat upright from the video he had been watching at his desk to seize his phone,

 **Trip was uneventful, we got everything we needed.**

He breathed a sigh of relief out his nose. Of course the chances of something happening on a scouting trip like that were low, but not being there himself still left him nervous. He couldn't recall the last time he had been left out.

 **Thanks, nothing much happened around here either.**

He decided against telling her about Eren and Armin's visit, she would surely want to know the reason for it, and he had a feeling the two of them would rather he keep it quiet. Turning back to his computer screen, his phone vibrated again,

 **Mind if I come over for a bit?**

His heart stopped a moment.

 _What?_

She wanted to come over to his place? Now? Why? As he replied, everything suddenly seemed vastly unimportant when compared to the message he had just received.

 **Yeah, sure. I'll unlock the door.**

He bit his lip as he set his phone down. Suddenly, he became quite unable to sit still as he closed his laptop. Pacing like a caged beast, he thumbed the lock of the door and began to ponder what the meaning of the visit would be.

 _Why? Does she want to talk about something? Is there… something else? Did I forget something at the building? Maybe she's dropping off a copy of the info they picked up. Maybe…_

A knock on his door caused him to jump; spinning and staring at his phone, he realized fifteen minutes had passed. Despite his throat, which had gone terribly dry in the past several seconds, he managed to call out,

"You're good."

Light from the hallway flooded the room as Mikasa stepped in, her silhouette casting an almost eerie shadow across the floor.

"Dark in here."

He blinked and realized he hadn't bothered to turn the lights on,

"Sorry, was watching a video and I normally keep the lights off… "

"Don't worry about it, dark's nice."

She closed the door and the room returned to its former blackened state. Joe found himself talking as she walked across the room to look out the window,

"I'm surprised, you normally would just slide through the vents or materialize through the wall or however the hell you always get in here."

He liked to think she was smiling.

"I got tired of the same old thing."

She still hadn't looked at him; staring out a moment longer, she pulled a chair from the desk on the other side of the room and sat in it. Still looking out, she gave a sigh and said nothing. Joe's mind was buzzing frantically; should he sit next to her? Would that seem forward? Would it be intrusive? Should he stay where he was?

"Full moon tonight."

Blinking at her statement, he took it as an excuse to grab the chair from his side of the room and sit next to her. Looking out, he realized she was right; the moon sat high in the night sky, a beaming and almost blindingly bright orb. It really was beautiful and he couldn't help smiling at it,

"Pretty darn pretty."

 _Just like you._

The corny words echoed in his head and he became tremendously grateful that they hadn't been vocalized. She leaned back slightly,

"If I could be anything, I think I would have to get into astronomy. So beautiful, so strange, so far away. Need the brain for that though."

He looked at her; gaze fixed on the night sky, he couldn't meet her eyes.

"It sounds like you did."

She didn't reply so he kept talking while he had the courage to do so,

"Almost perfect grades, valedictorian, sounds like you could get into whatever you wanted."

"Maybe."

"Not like getting into an art college, but I bet you could have pulled if off."

"You have that kind of faith in me?"

He snorted,

"You're one of the most determined people I know. If anyone was going to do it, my money would have been on you."

They grew quiet, but the silence that came wasn't awkward. To Joe, it was very calming, being in her presence and ignoring everything felt astonishingly peaceful. He closed his eyes and savored every second of it.

"I am so sorry."

His eyes opened so quickly it was actually painful. Mikasa still wasn't looking at him but he sensed a vast change in her emotion. He replied quietly,

"For what?"

"For everything."

He opened his mouth, but he didn't know what to say. He didn't know where this was coming from. She rubbed her arm gently,

"It wasn't fair, to drag you into all of this."

Some confusion drifted into his veins and he frowned,

"I dragged myself into it."

"And we should have just let you go, live on with your life."

"I chose this, you have nothing to be sorry for."

"It's my fault."

"No it… how is it your fault? I was the one… "

"I elected to keep you in our group. I made the decision and I… "

She cut herself off sharply. Wondering what she had been about to say, he followed up cautiously,

"Look, I can tell you like to blame yourself for things that aren't your fault. I do the same thing. But you can't go… "

She cut him off and changed the subject again with frightening speed,

"Hange's going to want to strike the guy's headquarters. Start trouble maybe kill some of his people."

He shifted his position slightly.

"Well that makes sense. They attack us, trick us, and try and kill us, maybe we should hit back."

"It'll be dangerous. People will probably die."

"I'm not worried about that, these guys seem like a bunch of racist snakes, they'll get what's coming. And we'll be fine as long as we keep our element of surprise. It'll be brutal, but in our favor."

"We'll all be risking our lives."

"Yeah, well I've done that quite enough to where I think I'm used to it."

"Joseph… "

Her voice sounded weak as she turned her head very slightly, eyes now angled downward,

"Stay out of this."

Joe was now truly at a loss for words. He blinked rapidly and tried to think of a response. She continued before he could think up one,

"I'm selfish. And because of that, I'll do whatever I can to get what I want."

The words played out of his mouth,

"And… what do you want?"

For almost a minute, he watched her in silence. Then, finally, when he had nearly given up on receiving an answer, she gave him one,

"I can't lose you."

The four words dug into his heart with warm claws that felt so good and so terrible at the same time. Still appearing unable to meet his eyes, she reached over and almost put a hand on his thigh; she pulled back, looking almost worried.

"I thought for years, even after I started working this job, that I really didn't have anything to live for. Sure, I wanted to keep my friends and protect my mom, but I just felt terrible all the time. Every day was misery with the smallest interludes of happiness."

She finally looked up and he saw the moonlight reflected in her eyes.

"Until I met you."

His heart and gut had numbed his brain; he no longer felt able to formulate words or even coherent thoughts. He almost felt scared.

"I thought maybe… maybe you just taught me how to feel happy again, that maybe you were a wakeup call to the goodness I was missing in life. I didn't know what I felt towards you and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. But recently, I understood."

Involuntarily, insanely, impossibly, he watched his hand move up slowly to brush against her back; he could feel the scars through her shirt. Despite the weight of her words, she spoke steadily,

"You _were_ the goodness I was looking for."

He felt, more than saw, the two of them move closer together,

"This world… is cruel. So cruel. But it's also beautiful."

They were so close.

"You're proof of that."

The side of his face stroked against hers; his heart seemed to be tearing through his chest as she whispered,

"And… I think I love you."

And suddenly, it all went away. His fear, his stress, his confusion. He felt calm, stable.

Happy even.

He found he could speak again,

"That's funny."

She backed away from him a moment, looking confused and possibly hurt,

"What's funny?"

He smiled the most genuine smile he had ever worn.

"I was just thinking the same thing."

They looked at each other. Then, she lunged for him, pressing her lips hard against his. Her hands wrapped around his head, caressing it as she climbed onto his lap. His own hands traveled over her waist and shoulders; they seemed to have developed minds of their own. His own mind worked madly as he contemplated what this meant.

 _She's strong… so strong. Stronger than I'll ever be. Physically and mentally._

She drove herself against him, her heart pounding against his.

 _But I'll protect her. I'll be there for her. I'll live for her._

And in the bright light of the full moon, Joe became whole again.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ymir hated lying to Krista.

"I'll just hit Albertson's for groceries then stop at hardware on the way home. Shouldn't be long."

That was the falsehood that she had offered tonight, and Krista, sweet, gorgeous angel that she was, hadn't stopped to question it for a moment.

"Alright, don't be too long, I'll get dinner going once you're on the way back."

And so Ymir had left her home and driven not to either of the respective stores, but instead returned to the building she had been patrolling hours prior. She had parked well enough away and made the ten minute walk through the dark woods to camp where she assumed the main entrance was. The full moon bathed the earth in light and Ymir breathed a long sigh to calm herself.

She didn't really know what she was doing. Not really. There was an idea, a conception, but that could change as quickly as the wind.

 _Just go home. Don't do anything stupid._

She never listened to the voice that made the most sense. Only the one that would grant her what she wanted.

Resting back against the dirt and grass that mounded behind her, it didn't take long for something to happen. The door swung open, positioned just beneath a dim orange light; other than the moon, it was all that cast light against the large building and very lightly illuminated the edge of the parking lot, the cars bathed in darkness.

"Do you need me in early tomorrow?"

"No, we got most of our inventory done today, all that's left for tomorrow is arranging distributions, that never takes long."

Ymir edged forward on her stomach to catch the words being spoken; she was far away and could only make out silhouettes, but the noise carried very well through the near-silent night.

"Even with the current state of things?"

"You worry too much."

"You don't worry enough."

"I worry when I need to. Right now I don't need to."

"Because I'm doing it for you."

"Goodnight Carven."

"Goodnight boss."

The woman walked out of the door by herself which closed behind her. She walked into the darkness of the lot and after unlocking her car, started it up and pulled away into the night. Ymir waited until long after the sound of the vehicle's engine faded completely before moving. Almost unconsciously, she began thinking,

 _No security cameras on this side, one on the wall to the left, and three on the wall to the right. Still no need to risk it though._

She stood and sprinted back to her car to pull free her sidearm free of the glovebox and slide it into her pants. It felt almost too light in her grip, her emotions running at an all-time high probably the cause, she decided. She then ran back to where she had listened to the conversation and stopped.

 _What do you want out of this?_

"Shut up."

Pulling her hands free of her pockets, she threw up the hood of her grey jacket and stood. For a moment, logic almost got the better of her. Then, inhaling quickly, she left the cover of the trees and bushes and crossed across the paved ground to the door. It was fortuitously unlocked, she didn't know what her plan would have been if it had been locked from the outside.

 _Face it, you probably would have shot the lock._

She found herself in a very well-lit hallway and felt curiously naked; to compensate, she quietly pulled free her gun and pressed against the wall. As she started walking through, turning when instinct told her to and retracing at dead ends, Ymir became aware of the eerie silence that was maintained in the hallways; it was as though the building itself was dead.

Just as she began cursing herself for this stupid idea, she almost rounded a corner just as a door on the end started swinging open. Rolling back on her heel, she drove her back against the wall and listened, thumb toying with the safety. She heard the door fully open then close, then a sigh from someone around the corner. Then a pair of footsteps approached from further off,

"How's the boss?"

"Way too carefree. Does he not get that we're in a shit situation?"

"He probably knows something we don't."

"Feel free to go in and ask him."

"Fuck that, he gave me the go ahead to bounce. I'm out of here."

"Right behind you."

Ymir tensed as she prepared to run, but they didn't come her way; rather, they walked back the way the footsteps had come and faded away. Within a moment, the silence had returned. Only one thing had registered with Ymir out of the exchange.

 _He's in there._

She stepped around the corner and pulled her hood down as she stared at the windowless door. Walking quietly to it, she pressed her ear to it, listening closely. Hearing nothing, she put a hand on the handle and began to turn it, extremely slowly. It took her a good minute to reach the peak of the turn and, closing her eyes briefly, she opened it.

The room was like Hange's office: dimly lit, spacious, and with only the bare needs. A file cabinet and a desk were the room's only pieces of furniture as far as she could tell. Bent over the desk with his back to her, a tall man with scraggly, straight hair and a small fedora-looking hat observed something closely she couldn't see. Nerves throbbing and excitement threatening to make her lose control, she pulled free her gun and pulled back the hammer, raising it to shoulder height.

For a moment, he didn't move and she wondered if he really hadn't noticed the sharp click of her priming her gun in the silent office. Then, he raised his head slightly and turned. He had a face that could have once been handsome, but now she could only describe it as… unpredictable. As though he could start screaming and raging one moment, and conduct an intelligent, boring conversation the next. He stared at her for what felt like forever. Then, he broke into a monstrous, toothy grin,

"I knew one of you would come."

She said nothing.

"I suppose I was just curious which one of you I would get to meet first."

Still she said nothing, only held him in her sights. He leaned back against the desk,

"You must be Ymir."

He turned to the wall,

"Look everyone! It's Ymir! Finally get to meet her face to face!"

Keeping a poker face by some miracle, she felt shaken that he was able to recognize her and name her. Ignoring the worry, she finally replied,

"That's me."

She started wishing that he would stop smiling; it really was unsettling.

"Ah Ymir. One of the magnificent seven who have been such a thorn in my side."

He walked along the side of his desk, dragging his hand along the edge of it before wagging a finger at her like a disapproving grade teacher,

"Two of you are supposed to be dead you know."

She felt a rush of what felt like pride,

"Yeah, you sort of fucked up a good few times. Your policeman fucked up, the hitmen you sent to my house fucked up, and just a couple nights ago, your people fucked up when they let slip to the wrong person that the meeting was a gunfight setup."

He nodded impressively,

"Yes, yes, I seem to have a poor habit of hiring incompetents, don't I?"

"Indeed you do, Mr. Blaire."

He laughed heartily, the noise oddly loud in Ymir's ears,

"Of course, my alias. I assume if you've found this place, then you know that's not really my name."

"I know. And you must know that I came here for some old-fashioned comeuppance."

Continuing to look entirely unafraid, he titled his head back,

"Whatever for?"

Ymir felt anger truly start to bubble and take control of her system.

"Fuck off. You've hurt my friends, broke into my home, threatened my girlfriend."

If it was even possible, the grin grew wider,

"Ah yes, and how is the beautiful Krista Reiss doing?"

"DON'T… don't say her name."

He cackled,

"Whatever you say, you're the one with the gun!"

Ymir growled.

"Before I shoot your sick goddamn head off, I'll ask this."

Her hand tightened on the grip of her gun,

"What do I call you?"

He sighed,

"Well considering I appear to be on the edge of hell as we speak, I suppose there's no harm in telling you."

There was a wicked twinkle in his eyes,

"Folks call me Kenny."

She waited and then he delivered his bombshell,

"Kenny Ackerman."

A strange lump took hold in Ymir's throat,

"Bullshit."

"Real shit."

"BULLSHIT."

He took a step forward,

"What's so hard to believe about me being related to your darling friend Mikasa?"

She grasped for a response, but could pull up none.

"We're both pretty fucked in the head, we're both excellent at what we do, and we both have pretty bleak outlooks on the human race as a whole."

"She's… she's nothing like you."

"No?"

Another step,

"I suppose you could identify the gender and age difference."

He looked off towards the ceiling in what appeared to be deep contemplation; then he sighed,

"But whatever. My brother tells me she screams real pretty when you beat the hell out of her with a whip."

Ymir felt the anger in her gut jump free of any restraint she had,

"You know what? Fuck you."

Her finger found the trigger,

"Catch you around hell, Mr. Blaire."

She pulled the trigger.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

 **AN: 100,000 words? That's a pretty cool landmark right? Well, I'll treat at as such if only to promote my ego. Regardless, this chapter is pretty lengthy, so I apologize if that catches anyone off guard, but there was a lot in this chapter that needed to happen. So as we pass this milestone, I just want to give a huge thanks to everybody that's walked with our characters this far: I appreciate it more than you probably realize.**


	31. Chapter 31

She had been ready to pull the trigger more than once; in her current state, Ymir would have been more than happy to empty her entire magazine into Kenny's face and then stomp on his corpse until her foot broke. As such, she was surprised when she pulled the trigger and the only noise the gun made was a loud click as the hammer came forward on nothing.

Ymir blinked and stared; Kenny remained a few paces from her, smiling silently.

 _What the hell?_

Snapping free of her confusion, she pulled back the hammer and squeezed the trigger again to the same result. Feeling a fresh lump in her throat, she pulled back the slide and stared into an empty magazine.

"No, no, no, NO, NO!"

Still grinning maddeningly, Kenny took another step,

"Now, did you really think you had come here this evening unnoticed? We saw you all earlier today, but decided not to make a fuss about it, who knows what might've happened?"

Speechless, she dropped her arms to her side.

"I had one of my less incompetent workers go to your car when you left to spy on us. His original orders were to blow it up, but when he found the gun in the glovebox, I decided we'd have some fun instead."

Anger split her shock, and as the door opened behind her, she flung her empty gun at Kenny who tilted his head as it went whizzing by. Ymir felt hands and arms wrap around her own, pinning her in place as feet kicked out her legs and she was forced to the ground. Still not one to give up, she struggled the whole way, kicking, elbowing and biting where she could.

"Hold still bitch, hold still, you… "

She cut the man holding her right arm off by whipping her head back into his nose. She felt him reel away then immediately was punished with a punch to her kidney as they pulled her down. Ahead, a manic look broke out on Kenny's face as he rushed forward; stopping just above her, he began stomping on whatever was open; her face, her stomach, her chest all while howling madly,

"You thought you could assassinate me?! ME?! You dumb stupid idiot! Who the holy shit do you think you are?!"

He let up after what felt like forever; gasping, Ymir coughed as she felt blood from her nose slide its way down to her lips. It tasted raw and metallic as she spat it out,

"It seemed like a good idea at the time."

Staring down at her, he shook his head; the crazy look had faded, he now looked simply bemused.

"How could you be so foolish… ?"

She looked up at him and allowed an obnoxiously cocky smile to break over her face,

"Foolish? I'm not the one biting off more than they can chew."

For several more seconds, he stared down upon her as she breathed heavily, the hands of his henchmen holding her very still. Then, he stepped forward and sat slowly on her lap.

"Biting off more than they can chew… "

Unable to stop him, she watched his spiderlike fingers pull up her shirt. They then traveled past her bra to gently touch the name that had been carved into her skin. A smile began to grow on his face again,

"They didn't hold back, did they?"

She spit at him and he spit back.

"You are too fiery to waste."

He sprung back off and looked hungrily at her.

"Knock her out and put her in holding. We're going for a drive."

Ymir was dragged up and she was able to throw an elbow into the gut of the man on her right who grabbed her hair and smashed her head into the doorframe. Kenny wasn't looking at her anymore, he appeared to have returned to his papers,

"But first… I need to make a call."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Waking from his dream in a confused haze, Joe blinked rapidly as he saw the brilliant sun gleaming through the window and onto the ceiling. Feeling almost too content, he allowed himself a moment to simply lie there and relax. Then the previous night's events came crashing down and he snapped his neck to the left.

No one there.

There was a tremendous tug of worry as his mind began to work.

 _That couldn't have all been a dream, no way, it can't have…_

And in a singularly stupid decision, he twisted in a panic and rolled out of bed for the third time in his memory. The ground was no softer this time then it had been the last two; eyes jammed shut, he cursed himself as he waited for the agony in his shoulder to die away.

"That looked painful."

Eyes flicking immediately open, he was greeted by possibly the most welcome sight he had seen in a long time. Mikasa was sitting at his desk, cross legged and wearing only underwear and her shirt. Her hand rested on the touchpad for his laptop and she looked beautiful as ever as she stared at him with an air of both concern and amusement. In fact, maybe she looked more beautiful. He closed his eyes again and felt unbidden tears force their way from his eyes; he heard her shift in the chair,

"Are… you crying?"

He sighed and waved his hand in a way of indicating nothing was wrong,

"No worries… just… really glad I didn't imagine everything from last night."

Smiling, she looked back forward,

"Well… I don't assume you normally sleep in the buff so that could have been a giveaway."

He realized he was naked as he wobbled to his feet; feeling a quick tug of embarrassment, it was quickly overtaken by the almost overwhelming feeling of happiness that was coursing through him. Ignoring his current state of dress, he walked over to her,

"You seem to be on my computer."

"Yes, that's a… brilliant deduction."

"I mean… I just assumed maybe you'd ask before doing something like that."

She replied as she typed something quickly,

"I assumed that because we're now together, we now share each other's belongings to a certain extent."

His indignation notwithstanding, he bent, resting his shin on her shoulder,

"That's fair I suppose. Though may I ask for what purpose you needed it?"

"Just some emails."

"Ah."

She twisted her head and kissed him, once again blowing his mind into a state of ecstasy. Against his lips, she murmured,

"Don't worry, I won't hurt it."

"Don't worry, I won't mind."

They smiled for a moment before she turned back; lifting his left leg, he gently eased her forward so he could sit behind her on the chair, wrapping his arms around her waist. Resting his head gently against her back, he listened to her type away before saying,

"I had the strangest dream last night."

"Hmm?"

"Yeah, it was bizarre. I was sitting at a coffee shop, I think it was Starbucks, and you were there, but at a different table."

He paused a moment, staring out at the sun gleaming through the trees.

"Then Sash came in and went and sat with you and you both kissed, I guess you guys had hooked up. Then the manager yelled at me for some reason and I left; you guys came with me and we went back to Sash's place."

"So… this is your not-so-subtle way of suggesting we have a three way with Sasha?"

He laughed.

"No, that wasn't even the weird part."

"Oh great."

"So that whole scene fades and I'm sitting in a completely black room. Like, it's weird, because it's really bright where I'm sitting but nowhere else and I can't see anything. Then, I stand up and walk forward a bit and I suddenly know I'm right on the edge of something. I get this bizarre feeling that I'm saying goodbye and then I step off and fall into a desert. I walk through a while and right when the sun comes up over a sand dune, I woke up."

For a second, she said nothing, simply finished what she typing. When she finished, she looked at it a moment, then sighed, reaching behind her and caressed his head.

"That's odd."

"I thought so. I wonder what it meant."

It was her turn to laugh.

"I think it meant that I didn't work you hard enough last night."

He straightened, feeling an amused twinge of indignation,

"Excuse me? I worked plenty hard."

"As I recall, I did most of the work."

"What are you talking about, I was the… "

Glancing back with a knowing look twinkling in her dark eyes, he felt his poor offense shatter,

"Yeah, you right, I didn't do jack."

With a gentle, triumphant smile, she turned back forward.

"Not that I'm complaining. With all the macho bullshit I had to deal with from high school on, it was nice to have a boy that was okay being controlled."

Now he became very indignant.

"Now, just one second, do not think for a second that you were in complete control, I let you… "

"Yeah? You let me ride you till you couldn't take it anymore?"

"I couldn't take it anymore?! You are assuming an awful lot… "

In a slick, clean fashion, Mikasa stood while spinning, catching his weight by the shoulder and under the thigh and threw him to the ground. Before he could say "not fair", she was on top of him. Pinning his arms to the ground, she looked at him expectantly while she slowly grinded her midsection against his; her underwear against his body started playing an ecstatic song that he tried desperately to ignore.

"I'm assuming?"

"Uh… ah… "

She leaned in closer,

"What exactly am I assuming?"

He waited a moment before replying,

 _I am never going to be able to win an argument against her, am I?_

"You're assuming that you're absolutely right, and you are very right to assume that, there is no reason to doubt your intuition."

"What are you saying?"

Joe could feel his face starting to grow warm as a rush of excitement rushed through his privates.

"You win! Christ, you win, you take gold, you got a knockout, what do you want?"

Straightening, she smiled and stood, toeing his sex with her foot as she went in an uncharacteristically playful manner,

"What do I want… ?

She pretended to act thoughtful.

"Question for another time."

Standing himself, he looked at her with passion humming in his veins. Before he lost control, he turned and grabbed his towel off its hook.

"I think I'll go and shower."

She sat back down, throwing her hair.

"You do that."

He reached for the door handle when an absurdly juvenile thought snatched in his head; he said it before his common sense could say otherwise.

"Care to join me?"

Wincing at his own comment, he watched her fearfully. She only stared back at him with an unreadable expression. Then, to his great relief, she smiled.

"In your dreams, maybe."

"Am I not already in one?"

"Have a nice shower Joseph."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

…

"Look at this."

…

"He caught one of them would you believe it."

…

"And she looks mighty familiar."

…

"Shall I interfere?"

…

"No, I think I'll let this one play out."

…

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Despite the chilling information she knew they were all about to discuss, Mikasa couldn't help feeling genuinely good as she and Joseph walked into Hange's library.

The "library", as it had been so mockingly termed, was a large assortment of file cabinets, all chock full of documents, maps, personal information and who knew what else. It was a miracle if anyone other than Hange could come in and find what they were looking for. As the two of them entered, Ilse looked up from the desk she was sitting on looking genuinely relieved.

"Thank God. You would not believe how long I've been sitting in here, she will not give it a rest… "

Hange practically materialized from behind a shelf, looking politely intrigued.

"Who won't give what a rest?"

Ilse gritted her teeth, but was saved from answering as Annie walked over from one of the smaller cabinets and handed the older woman a folder.

"Everything on the building. Hardly anything there, but it's all we have."

She looked over at Mikasa,

"I stopped by your place last night, but no one was home."

Her face gave away that she already knew the answer to her implied question; before Mikasa could reply, Sasha more or less kicked open the door behind them and marched in. Striding over, she slammed a box onto the desk and straightened, huffing angrily,

"There! Everything printed that isn't in the records, though I'll be damned if I'm putting any of it away!"

She turned and, upon seeing the two of them, broke into a smile,

"Two more, two to go. How you guys doing?"

Joseph offered something along the lines of "not bad"; Hange then nearly beaned him in the head with a manila envelope already mostly full.

"Here, while we wait on the last two, can you stuff this in the geo-personnel cabinet."

He looked at the envelope a minute, looking perplexed, before saying slowly,

"See, I've never been real good with the Dewey-decimal system and while I certainly am not opposed… "

"Around the corner, on the left."

Looking pleased, he turned to do as instructed; sensing nothing to do other than wait, Mikasa leaned against the desk alongside Ilse, sighing and looking up distantly.

"Hey Mika?"

She looked down to see Sasha looking at her intently.

"What's up?"

"Are you alright? You look… really… pleased about something."

 _Was it that obvious?_

She couldn't help smiling at the ground before replying offhandedly,

"Well Sash, Joseph wants to have a threesome."

Ilse gave a shout of laughter as Joseph's eyes swelled to the size of dinner plates; Sasha recoiled, smiling herself. She turned to look at him,

"Is that so?"

He gave Mikasa a frustrated look before turning and wandering off to complete his task,

"Hilarious, but I never said that."

Sasha looked put out,

"Aw, you mean you don't?"

Ilse laughed again and Mikasa shook her head, still smiling,

"No, not really, he had an interesting dream last night and I was just messing with him."

"Dream? Did he tell you?"

"Yeah this morning before we left."

"Before 'we' left?"

"I was at his place."

"But… you… "

Then, with an obvious realization hitting her like an anvil, Sasha gasped and threw her hands to either side of her face,

"YOU DIDN'T!"

Receiving no reply more than a smile, she gave a triumphant shriek of laughter and leapt around the room like a deer stung by a horsefly. Ilse reached over and put a hand on Mikasa's shoulder, looking both tired and pleased,

"About. Fuckin. Time."

Annie was smiling towards the ground, though she looked to be trying not to. Sasha came to a stop in front of them looking as though her birthday had come early,

"You stayed the night there?"

"Yeah."

"Just the two of you."

"Yeah."

"Did you… "

Mikasa nodded.

Yelling happily again, the brunette bounced back on her toes before leaning forward, looking serious,

"How was it?"

Looking back and making no attempt to quiet her voice, Mikasa replied,

"He moans like a bitch."

"YO!"

Joseph's angry yell from behind the cabinet was drowned out by Ilse and Sasha howling with laughter; he came back into view, looking properly put out. As he opened his mouth to say something, he stubbed his foot on a table leg and swore violently to the continued laughter of his friends. Hopping the rest of the way, he raised a finger,

"I did no such thing and I would rather you not spread such rumors!"

She could only look back, smiling wider than she could ever remember smiling; Sasha leaned against the wall and began moaning mockingly,

"Oh, fuck yeah Mikasa! Harder! Oh yeah, ride me! Don't stop!"

Ilse had to slump to the ground to avoid passing out from laughing and Annie too seemed to be shaking quietly with mirth. Joseph looked like a tick about to pop, though before he could say anything, Hange reappeared from the depths of her papers,

"Joseph come here a second, I need a hand."

Swallowing his frustration with clear effort, he drew himself up and marched her way; as he passed, Mikasa took his hand and squeezed a moment and felt a rush of happiness as the anger faded from his eyes. And as he walked away, passed the laughter of their friends, Mikasa realized she hadn't once that day thought of her father.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Heart in her throat, Krista gripped the steering wheel tightly as she came up the mountainside. The dirt road tossed the car from side to side, but she didn't once lift her foot from the gas. All she could think about was the text she had received not forty minutes prior.

 **We have your girl. Meet at the following in an hour and she doesn't get hurt anymore. Don't, and we'll send you a hand.**

She had spent the entire night worrying about Ymir; it wasn't unheard of for her to spend the night at Sasha's or Ilse's, but she would always let Krista know of her plans prior. So, upon hearing nothing, Krista had been up all night and all morning in almost a state of panic. She had received no reply to texts or calls and, just when she had been ready to call Mikasa, she had gotten the text.

And so she had driven to the location indicated on the bottom of the message, heart pounding and head throbbing. She had no idea how this had happened, but right now, Ymir was in trouble, and that was all that was important.

Reaching the top of the hill that sloped into a mountain gorge, she saw a long black car with several figures standing outside it. Slamming on the brakes, she took a moment to catch her breath and calm down.

 _If they wanted to kill her, they would have already._

Steeling herself, she killed the engine and stepped out. It was close to silent, the breeze dragging across the grass making the only noise. Pacing reservedly in the direction of the figures, she saw one was on its knees, a bag over their head.

Krista's lower lip trembled.

"There she is, right on time!"

She jumped at the words of the man who shouted them loudly as she approached. He was tall and looked almost like a hyena given human form. On either side of him were two masked individuals, one of whom had a hand on the bagged figure's shoulder. As she came within several paces of them, the tall man swept of his hat and gave an absurd bow.

"Krista Reiss, a true honor."

He straightened, grinning excitedly.

"Kenny Ackerman, pleased to meet ya."

She frowned as she heard his name; he saw the confusion on her face,

"Yes, yes I know hard to believe. But, worry not. That's not at all what this is about."

He sidestepped to the person bound on their knees. Krista took a step forward and one of the men tensed, hand moving towards his holster. Kenny made a disapproving sound and waved at the man,

"Don't worry, don't worry. She won't cause any trouble."

And he whipped off the bag and Krista couldn't keep from crying out,

"Ymir!"

Her girlfriend's face was bloodied and battered but still held a defiant look as she stared blinking at the bright sun. As her eyes focused she saw Krista and fear appeared on her face,

"Get out… "

Kenny kicked her to the ground and stomped on her back,

"She has been just a handful, she has."

Anger billowed through Krista's veins and she glared at the man,

"What did you do to her?!"

He looked reproachful as though she had just suggested something inconceivably rude.

"What did I… more like what did she do to me! She breaks into my offices in the dead of night and attempts to kill me! Kill me!"

Looking down, he dug his heel into her back and Ymir groaned into the ground,

"But as for what's been done in return… nothing time won't heal."

He took on a formal look.

"Now, since you're both here, I may as well clear some air. The drug trade is a fairly large business out here in these mountainous areas, and I've been trying to make a name for my own business."

Taking his foot off Ymir, he began pacing,

"I won't deny I've tried a few tactics that some may consider underhanded, but it was only ever in my own self-interest. But that is done; starting today, I'm now in a position to take what I want without having to rely on lies and manipulation."

He drew himself up,

"Through some connections, I've been appointed the chief of police for this town!"

Krista balled her hands into fists as he flashed a badge,

"I'd say that gives me a fair bit of leverage now doesn't it? So now here is what's going to happen: I'm going to send you both out of here and you are going to spread the word."

He spread his arms,

"Now, don't get the idea that I'm going to completely take over the business, no siree, I need other chains to the trade."

There was a flash of menace in his eyes,

"But now, I'm in charge."

Krista's mind raced as he finished talking. It was all happening too fast, this couldn't be happening.

 _How? How can he be police chief? Who does he know? How is related to Mikasa? Is he telling the truth?_

She was jerked from her thoughts as Kenny opened his mouth again.

"The last thing here that remains to be done… is sending a little message."

Slowly, he pulled free a thick handgun from a back holster.

"I would rather not do this, but as she did try and kill me already… "

He pulled back the hammer and moved the barrel towards Ymir and Krista took another furious step forward.

"STOP!"

Kenny looked at her, surprised by the magnitude of her command; she followed up quickly as to not lose momentum,

"She tried to kill you because of me. I told her to."

"Krista, what the fuck… !"

Kenny brought his boot down on Ymir's head, quieting her instantly. It hurt Krista to see, but she continued her lie before Ymir could speak up again.

"I figured it would be good to take out the head of snake as quickly as we could, we were the only two who knew."

He looked intrigued.

"It's not her fault, she does what I tell her to."

She gestured,

"Besides, she takes pain no problem, shooting her would just inconvenience her thick head."

Ymir was unable to speak with her mouth in the dirt, but was mumbling as loudly as she could in protest; Kenny ignored her. He looked down then back to Krista, then down again. Eyes narrowed, he slowly looked back to Krista,

"You know something Miss Reiss? You might be right."

And he turned the gun to face her and fired.


	32. Chapter 32

" _ **Sex without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without sex."**_

― _**Hunter S. Thompson**_

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

 **One of them will be there. Be ready.**

…

 **How do I recognize him?**

…

 **He'll come to you.**

…

 **What do I do?**

…

 **Play into his or her hand.**

…

 **Don't fuck up or you know what's coming.**

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ymir screamed into the dirt as Kenny's gun roared; Krista was hit in her midsection and gave a cry of pain before toppling to her knees and then to the ground. She remained there, occasionally twitching and clearly still conscious. Fury was all that dwelled in Ymir's gut until she saw Kenny point the gun at her girlfriend's head; he chuckled,

"Oops, missed."

He closed one eye, mockingly pretending to concentrate very hard; despite being bound, Ymir twisted to look up at him,

"STOP, STOP, PLEASE DON'T!"

She was surprised by the desperation and pleading she heard in her own voice and it appeared to stall Kenny as well. He looked at her,

"Well I can't just leave her like a wounded dog, gotta put those poor things down!"

The joke was obvious in his voice as his face gave way to fake concern and Ymir's hatred drove red into her sight. But she could only think of Krista and getting her safely off the mountain. But she had no idea what she could say to stop it and she felt tears of frustration well in her eyes.

"Don't… just don't, please don't… "

Her desperate mutterings were all she could offer and she looked down in disgust; after only a few seconds, she felt his rough hand ease under her chin and lift it. She stared venomously at him, trying with every ounce of her will to not cry. His eyes were cold and calculating, his smile emotionless.

"You know what Ymir? I think I will let her live. And you know why?"

Glancing at the now shuddering blonde, his eyes narrowed slightly,

"Not because I have a heart. Not because I care. But because you… "

He jabbed his gun at her forehead,

"… because you have just shown me what real leverage I have over you."

A huge smile split over his face,

"Kiss my foot."

She glared.

He raised his gun,

"Kiss it, or I swear I will kill her."

Disgusted, hating herself, Ymir complied; Kenny shook his head. Barking quickly at his two men, he looked back at her as his men scrambled away and started the car; he forced her head back into the dirt and cut her restraints.

"I think I'll choose to keep that advantage instead of killing off one of you kids."

And with that, he straightened, tipped his hat, and drove off. Before the car had even started moving, she scrambled up and rushed towards Krista as quickly as her wobbling legs would carry her. As she reached her girlfriend's side, she crashed over and took Krista's head,

"Baby c'mon, it's fine, I got you… "

The blond opened her eyes and Ymir realized she was sobbing. Looking down as fear wracked her, she saw the gun wound was causing not nearly enough bleeding to possibly cause death by blood loss; a surge of relief hit her.

"It's okay, look, it's not that bad, we'll get you over to Hange's and it'll be fine… "

Krista let out a wail and Ymir half-recoiled in shock and worry. She put her other arm around the blonde's waist.

"I know it hurts, but it'll be okay, let's just… "

"Ymir… "

Krista was only able to moan this before breaking out in fresh sobs; Ymir was feeling panic coming on. She had no idea why Krista was reacting so badly; of course it hurt, but her girlfriend was strong. Much stronger than breaking down so pitifully like this.

"Girl, what's wrong, what's… "

Her eyes landed on Krista's legs which were shaking with the rest of her. Past the short skirt she had been wearing, Ymir could see her beautiful quivering thighs. Blood was running down them.

 _Wait, why is there blood there, she was only shot…_

The realization hit her harder than anything she had ever been punished by before.

She picked up Krista and ran with her back to the car, trying, trying so hard, not to accept what the blood meant.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Considering our two love birds… "

Hange glanced up with a knowing smile at Joseph and Mikasa.

"… our other two love birds, I should say, have decided to come in a little later than I had hoped, I'll just relay what I want you all to get done today."

Her jibe caused Joseph to growl and Mikasa to slip her hand around his arm; he clearly wasn't a fan of being the center of attention. All of them looked forward intently though when she finished her statement. Hange knew it, they all wanted to get their hands dirty. She didn't keep them waiting.

"My sources have returned with some promising info and it is info we need to act on quickly. Firstly, you know of that bar down near the more unenlightened part of the suburbs?"

They all nodded.

"Apparently, one of our friend Mr. Blaire's cronies spends most of his down nights there, shooting the shit and getting drunk as a skunk."

She glanced at her phone as it buzzed briefly and she put it to the side; it could wait a moment.

"That is where he will be tonight."

She pointed at Joseph,

"I want you to find him there. Buy him a drink, get him talking, lie about whatever you have to get him to spill some beans. Make a pass at his phone or his wallet. Check his car."

He nodded with each opportunity, smile growing. Hange turned to Sasha and Ilse.

"I need you two to head to the Boneyards. Wait until late afternoon, then go looking for this man."

A picture was slid across the table.

"That's one of Mr. Blaire's lead setups for trafficking. He doesn't sell directly but he arranges. Find out what they dabble in. If we can get ahold of that information, we can drop prices on the same product, force them into a corner."

Finally, she looked to Mikasa and Annie,

"You two I want to drive out to this location."

She pushed them a location printed on a map. Annie, always in the know on general locale, frowned,

"What's this? It's in the middle of damn nowhere."

"This is where I need you to stash a good deal of guns and some comms sets."

The pair of them both nodded in realization, but Joseph didn't,

"Wait, what is this for?"

Hange sighed reluctantly,

"Emergency rendezvous spot."

He looked at her cautiously,

"What for?"

"In case something goes wrong."

"Like what?"

"Like anything."

"Are you expecting something?"

"I don't know what to expect."

He appeared as though he wanted more clarification, but she cut him off; they had wasted enough time.

"You all have your jobs. Get em' done."

Nodding confirmation, they all turned and walked towards the door; Hange watched Mikasa pull Joseph into an adorable little kiss before waving him goodbye and they went their separate paths. She also noticed Annie watching them with a strange look on her face. As the door closed, Hange threw herself into the chair at her desk, breathing a huge sigh and smiling under her massive collection of files.

It was one of the most beautiful things to see Mikasa happy again; she was without a doubt one of the strongest, toughest, and smartest individuals the older woman had ever known. She had also been one the most secretly depressed. Now it appeared she had found a proper reason to be happy, even if that reason was an individual who definitely had his own share of problems.

Hange rose from her desk and walked out and down the hall, stopping in front of the window to watch her five children depart. Sasha and Joseph seemed to be arguing aggressively about whether or not he would need his bat as he slid it into the rack on his bike. Ilse was laughing and Mikasa and Annie were already in their vehicle and ready to go. She watched as the three vehicles sped away in three different directions. The sedan towards downtown, the motorcycle for the suburbs and the SUV for the flats. She didn't like splitting them up, but in some cases like this, too much needed to be done and there was no one else she trusted enough to get it done.

Jumping as she remembered her promise to keep Levi in the loop, she pulled her phone free and remembered the buzz from earlier. It was from Ymir:

 **On our way, have medical ready.**

Hange frowned; just then, Krista's vehicle came speeding into the lot. As she watched, Ymir leaped from the car before it had even stopped moving and flung the door open to pull out Krista. Hange saw the blood and after barking a sharp order into her intercom, she sprinted for the stairs.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The bar that Joe found himself in was exactly the one he imagined himself in years from now. It wasn't high end, full of upper class individuals nor was it low end, dirty and full of undesirables. It looked to him like a refuge for working class people to escape work to, where they could talk with others like them, shoot the shit, and drink away their worries.

Still not quite of age, he was relying on the fake I.D. Hange had made for him to pass for acceptable. It would get him drinks and convince anyone that he was of age, but should police get ahold of it, it wouldn't take long for them to find it a fake. So Joe was playing it cool, moseying around the pool tables with a wheat beer and trying to remain generally unnoticed.

He had spotted his target almost immediately upon entering, but was waiting for a good moment to slide over and make his presence known. Mr. Wilburn was sitting at a table, already well into the drink and talking to whoever would listen. Right now, he was holding a truck driver hostage with some story; Joe was waiting for the bearded motorist to move on. This needed to be between the two of them, in case anything should happen.

 _Don't lose your calm now. Just try not to forget how these people have tried to kill you, hurt your friends, and steal your business._

Joe couldn't help chuckling at Dust's bullshit. He leaned against a far wall by the payphones as to not be heard,

"I haven't forgotten what they've done. But I won't let that get the best of me."

 _You won't? I would…_

Seeing the truck driver depart with a relieved farewell, Joe shook his head and walked that way, ignoring both Dust and his nerves. Sliding into the booth across from Wilburn, he saw glazed eyes turn his way. He saw the confusion in them and pushed his advantage,

"Hey Wilburn."

The man looked back dumbly.

"I know you friend?"

Joe put on a look of sudden realization,

"Ah shit, yea, you probably don't know me. I just started with ya'll few days ago."

Wilburn looked more comfortable, but there was still an ounce of suspicion in his tone,

"Oh yeah?"

Quickly pulling some names from his memory, Joe continued,

"Yeah I was a friend of Richard and Blaire pulled me on after… you know."

He pretended to look slightly uncomfortable. The man gave him no sympathy, but the suspicion was gone as he spoke.

"Ah gotcha, gotcha."

Taking a sip of his near empty beer, he looked back as though Joe was one of his oldest friends.

"Blaire, huh?"

Feeling a twinge of worry, Joe caught himself,

"Yeah, I haven't got his real name yet, but then again, I haven't even met him yet."

"Oh, don't worry, Ackerman's got no problem giving you his name once you're in."

Joe's heart decided to stop for a moment.

 _Ackerman?_

"Ackerman?"

"Yeah, Kenny Ackerman, big man on campus."

Through his shock, Joe didn't forget his mission as he waved over more drinks from a passing employee. Wilburn looked at him oddly,

"You alright? Look spooked."

He shook his head and talked through his surprise,

"Yeah, I'm good. Just think I've heard that name before."

Wilburn gave him a knowing look,

"That Zoe woman's best operant has the same name."

Joe faked coming to a realization.

"That must be it."

The man's head started nodding like a broken record player.

"Yeah, yeah. That bitch man… she and her other girls been giving us crazy trouble."

He laughed,

"Though I wonder what she would think if she knew her uncle ran the other side of the street!"

 _Uncle…_

Forcing a smile, Joe felt his stomach churning; the beer he had been drinking wasn't sitting well, though he knew the issue wasn't a physical one. He forced himself to pay attention as Wilburn started rambling,

"It's been a rough few months, but you joined up right on time."

He leaned forward conspiratorially,

"Ackerman just got put on as chief of police."

A large smile broke over his face,

"That'll give us some room to breathe!"

Joe did his best to look excited and interested as his stomach churned,

"Mind you, that won't give us total free reign over the streets. It just means we can have a few strings pulled when we need them. Plus, some guys on the force are apparently already suspicious. One of the deputy chiefs, Smith I think his name is, has apparently been watching the boss pretty closely. Guy's a straight cop, so of course that could be annoying."

Starting to feel genuinely sick, Joe fired off the first question that he knew would be prudent,

"When we gonna start hitting back?"

Wilburn nodded at him smiling,

"Oh yeah, well for now, we're playing it pretty safe, at least until things have cooled down a bit. Then the top priority is getting rid of Zoe."

He growled.

"Damn head of the snake, isn't she? Smart and with some tough little ladies under her thumb. Get rid of her… "

He snapped.

"And there we have it."

Joe had then stood abruptly, thanked the man for welcoming him onboard, dropped him a twenty and ran out of the bar. Collapsing over the side of his bike, he paused a moment, then vomited.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Mikasa looked down as the stepped on a decrepit piece of wood that splintered as her foot touched it. It was an apt representation of the entire area she found; an abandoned construction site that had been deemed worthless twenty years prior. And as it was with most things abandoned out this far, it simply sat here and rotted.

She glanced over to Annie who exited a rickety trapdoor, waving dust from her face,

"Weapons stashed?"

"Yeah."

"I have the motion trackers just by the lower entrances, we have 'em too close to the road and they could pick up the occasional car."

"Sounds good."

With the comms bank set up, they could embark on the two hour drive home; the place certainly was out of the way.

Mikasa caught Annie looking at her with a strange look; upon meeting her gaze, the blonde looked away and pretended to start checking one of the backpacks they had brought. Mikasa wasn't fooled though she wondered if she wanted to pursue this. Her mouth made up her mind for her,

"Hey, what's up?"

A quick, blank glance.

"Nothing."

"You gave me a look."

"I… no, I didn't."

Well, that was it. If Annie tripped over her words, something was definitely up.

"C'mon spill it."

The blonde straightened and looked past her, towards the sun dipping low towards the horizon.

"Spill it."

"Yes. Something's up with you."

"Funny, you'd think I would have picked up on that if it was something wrong with me."

"Annie, please. When have we ever hid things from each other?"

She set the bait perfectly and Annie walked right into it.

"Last time, rather recently, you've been fucking Joseph without mentioning it to anyone."

The argument was weak, but Mikasa knew there was more behind it, so she played along.

"I mean, it just happened and we came out with it the next day."

Annie snorted and walked past her to lean against a large steel girder that protruded from the hard dirt. Staring after the sun, she muttered,

"Give me a break. You've wanted him for months now."

Mikasa turned to look at her, but didn't advance forward. She suddenly knew where this was going.

"Maybe I wasn't ready."

"Didn't think you would ever be."

Anger rose.

"So what? I'm not supposed to be questioning whether or not I want him? I just go for it?"

Annie said nothing. MIkasa didn't relent,

"This isn't about him is it?!"

No response.

"IS IT?!"

And the blonde turned, fury in her eyes,

"OF COURSE NOT!"

She turned back to look away and Mikasa knew what this was about.

 _Annie… why…_

What she could do about it though, she didn't know. She stared at the back of her friend's head.

 _How long have you felt this way about me?_

She dug her fingernails into her palms, feeling helpless. She decided that it may have been better to leave it alone; this may have been better left untouched. She started walking. Then she stopped. A strange feeling had come over her and she felt a rush of emotion that she couldn't pinpoint. Turning, she quietly walked up behind Annie and, after waiting a moment, wrapped her arms gently around the shorter girl. Annie initially gave a jolt of surprise,

"What are you… "

Mikasa's hands traveled up and down Annie's body, over the edges, the muscles, the curves. And it wasn't lost on her that she was getting very little intransigence.

"Is this what you want?"

"What? No, I… "

The blonde was silenced as the raven-haired girl pulled up her hoodie and shirt. Rubbing her lips gently along the back of her neck, she pulled down the bra.

"Mikasa, what the fuck… "

"Shhh… "

Her fingers began playing with the nipples, rubbing around and pinching gently. She felt Annie move against her, but it was not in resistance. It was in submission.

"Mika… stop… "

The request was pathetically half-hearted.

"This is what you want right?"

And she spun the blonde around and pushed her against the girder. Annie's face was red as the sunset. Mikasa went to her knees and cupped one of her breasts and took the other in her mouth. She felt a shiver through her friend's body.

"Don't… "

Again, pathetic.

Mikasa was no stranger to pleasing the same sex; on more wild nights, she had entertained the company of Sasha or Ilse to a pleasurable degree. She played with the nipple, letting her tongue work all over. Hearing a stifled moan, she looked up to see Annie reach behind her head and grab the steel, gripping it as though her life depended on it.

"This is what you want."

The blonde was biting down on her lower lip and didn't reply. Working her tongue faster, she prefaced the foreplay with a demand,

"Tell me."

Breathing heavily, Annie looked down and swallowed. MIkasa stood up and moved one of her hands to slip down the front of the blonde's pants. As she heard a pleasurable gasp, she pressed her forehead against her friend's, staring into those cold eyes that now were ripe with lust.

"Tell me!"

Annie arched her back and looked back, whispering back a reply in the midst of her bliss.

"Tell you what… "

"Tell me you want this."

"I… I don't… "

She moved her head and began kissing Annie's neck while working her fingers at an increased pace.

"Tell me."

Annie was squirming against her.

"Mika… please… "

Feeling a rush of anger, she shouted the demand,

"TELL ME!"

"IT'S NOT!"

The surprise holding her in place for a moment, Mikasa was shoved backwards by her friend. She watched as Annie repositioned her clothes and straightened, taking deep breathes. They stared daggers at each other. Then, she saw the blonde's eyes soften, just slightly. She turned away, the sunset catching her blonde hair.

"I want you to be happy."

Bending, she picked up the backpack and walked back towards their car. As she did, she stopped, shoulder to shoulder.

"With or without me."

And she continued, her footsteps fading behind Mikasa as she walked away.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''


	33. Chapter 33

"How is she?"

"She'll live. But she needs to go to an actual hospital."

"How soon?"

"As soon as possible. Tell them she was shot in a drive-by or something. And that you didn't find her for a while or she somehow made it home. Just as long as you have an excuse as to why she didn't go immediately to the hospital."

"Thank you. Got get Mike and tell him to bring the car around."

Hange watched as her medical advisor nodded briskly and walked down the hallway and out of sight. She had gotten her hands bloody too, but she trusted his opinion more than her own. That was what she paid him a hundred grand a year for.

Turning back to the doorway, she gripped the handle. She closed her eyes.

 _You have to find out._

Easing the door open gently, she stepped in. The room consisted purely of a bed, medical supplies, and everything she had access to for treating injuries. Krista was lying in the bed, eyes closed, well knocked out by this point. The anesthesia would be faded enough to be undetectable by the time they reached the nearest hospital. Ymir was sitting in a chair, elbows on her knees, head resting on her knuckles. She didn't seem to acknowledge that Hange had entered, but as she closed the door and stepped forward, she spoke quietly.

"What time is it?"

Hange glanced at her phone.

"Close to nine."

She only nodded in response.

"We need to take her out of here, where someone can treat her better."

"Okay."

They both waited, letting the beep of machines and rumblings in far off vents hold the air. Then Hange couldn't wait any longer.

"Ymir, can you step out a moment?"

She turned and they made eye contact for the first time. Hange was relieved to see that her eyes were much calmer; upon arriving with her injured girlfriend, she had been half hysterical, not seeming to acknowledge what was going on and having trouble answering questions. Now there was only defeat and worry in her eyes.

"Why?"

"We need to talk."

 _Please don't fight me on this._

Ymir swallowed, then stood. She looked to Krista a moment and took her hand. After several seconds, she released her grip and left the room, seeming very unwilling to make eye contact now. When they were both in the hallway with the door closed, Hange looked at her as she stared at her feet, her arms, the walls, anything but the older woman.

"Ymir. What happened."

She didn't pose it as a question. Ymir swallowed again.

"I… she was there, she shouldn't have been there… but she was. It wasn't what I wanted, I thought… maybe I could fix everything by just… but I couldn't, they were ready, he was ready… "

Hange cut through her ramblings and took her shoulders. She looked into traumatized eyes.

"What. Happened."

Ymir shuddered a moment, then, silent tears began streaming down her face. She threw herself forward and Hange didn't hesitate to catch her, holding her as a mother holds a child, stroking her back and whispering occasional words of comfort. And as she cried into Hange's shoulder, Ymir talked, words flowing out like a stream,

"It was so stupid, I wanted to get rid of their head man right away, I drove to their place late last night, looked around, then snuck in. I found him and tried to kill him, but they… they played me, they had unloaded my gun while I didn't have it, they got me then. Their boss said… his name was Ackerman! He said his name was Ackerman, I didn't believe him… they knocked me out and I woke up driving. They took me up a mountain I guess and when they took the bad off my head, Krista was there, they must have told her they had me… he said he was going to take over the trafficking, since he's head of the police now. He told us we were going to spread the message… then he said he had to teach us a lesson. He turned his gun on me, then Krista… Krista told him that he would get nowhere punishing me and… then he shot her. He turned me loose and left, and I ran over and she was crying and bleeding and between her legs… "

She gave a heaving sob.

"Hange, please tell me, PLEASE tell me the kid will make it, please… "

And her legs gave way, and Hange went to the ground with her, holding her tight while she cried and her mind working quickly to decipher what she had heard.

She knew she couldn't be upset at Ymir, though deep down she was. But what had passed, had passed. She had fucked up majorly, but she had more than payed for it. The head of police comment was also worrying; she made a mental note to immediately get ahold of her police contacts as soon as she was able. But one thing stood out above the rest.

 _Ackerman…_

Since that painful night, when Mikasa had been whipped within an inch of her life, Hange had kept careful tabs on her father. But not in any of her research had she come across another relative, one who lived in the same county and dealt in the same business. For now though, there were more pressing matters.

Helping Ymir to her feet, she spoke as calmly as she was able,

"Take her to the hospital. I'll stay here for now, I have some things to take care of. I'll be along after a bit."

Ymir quickly recovered from her brief moment of emotional outpouring. She nodded and took a deep breath; they both turned as Mike came down the hallway, nodding in confirmation that the car was ready. Hange put a hand on her shoulder, then turned for her office. As she started walking, Ymir called after her,

"Hange."

She stopped and looked back.

"Yes."

"Don't… don't tell anyone. Not yet."

"They're her friends too. I would think they would have a right to know."

"I know… just… until she's in the hospital."

There was a pleading in her eyes that Hange had never seen before and she then knew that Ymir was scared. She wanted just an hour or two to think about what she would say to her friends, what she would say since she had gotten Krista shot.

What she could say to make it better.

And as Hange nodded and turned to leave, she realized that she didn't know if there were any words that could be said to translate the hell that Ymir was feeling.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Drumming her fingers on the dash, Ilse watched the sun dip below the horizon as darkness began to set over the Boneyards and the shadows of the abandoned city started to fade into the coming darkness. She looked over to her friend,

"Should we get going?"

Sasha looked up from her phone and glanced outside.

"Yeah, let's do it."

With a burst of energy, she hopped out and stretched. Ilse followed, shaking her head. They started walking along the dirt and gravel covered ground towards the looming towers of steel.

The Boneyards were the name given to a massive ditched project to build a grouping of business buildings and a tower for a law firm. Years prior, and halfway through construction, the corporation that had commissioned the buildings was slammed with a tremendous lawsuit regarding sexual harassment in the workplace against an entire department within the corporation. The company managed to escape without going bankrupt, but was left with no money to continue construction, Unwilling to take out loans, the project was scrapped, and the entire square mile zoned off. Since its abandonment, it had become a refuge and feeding ground for all the most undesirables of the city. Drug dealers, gangs, homeless, prostitutes, drifters, and rebellious kids would flock to the enormous steel frames and huddle by the fires lit in garbage cans. Anyone of lower-middle class or higher would be asked about the area and become immediately disgusted and city officials would often deny its existence.

And, for whatever reason, Sasha loved the place.

Ilse couldn't figure it out; it was nasty, depressing and overall, deplorable. Yet, as they walked, Sasha was beaming like a kid in a candy shop. As the hill sloped down and they walked into the shadow of the half built tower, Sasha stopped Ilse and pointed. When she saw what she was supposed to see, Ilse groaned,

"Sash, c'mon, leave him alone… "

But the brunette had already started skipping over to where a man who could have twenty-five or fifty-five sat, propped against a steel beam. Trevor was an informant that Sasha had under her thumb. She would tease him for information or, if he was in a tight mood, force it out of him. As far as Ilse knew, she had never done him any actual physical favors; even Sasha, who got around as much as she did, did have standards it seemed.

"Hiya Trevor!"

He looked up, surprised to hear his name and immediately looked apprehensive as they approached him.

"What do you want?"

Sasha adopted an immediately pouty look.

"That's not very nice. How about 'Hi Sash, nice to see you again!' That would at least be polite."

He looked anxious.

"Look, I really don't have time to talk tonight, i… "

"Yeah? What do you have to do other than sit here and listen to gossip?"

Ilse noticed he hadn't met Sasha's eyes once.

"Okay, I would love to talk, but… "

She walked up to him and whipped her leg around like a stripper and got on his lap; Ilse leaned against the steel framing, amused.

"Trevor… didn't you say you would always be willing to help me?"

As expected, his face went utterly blank and he looked like he was starting to sweat. Girls of Sasha's caliber never came down these dismal ways, so as she straddled his lap, he surely was thinking of the stories he could tell around the garbage fires this night.

"I… of course, it's just… "

She dragged her fingers through his greasy, grimy hair.

"And no matter what, you would always tell me the truth?"

He looked politely eager,

"Yea sure, sure."

Sasha took his hand and dragged it to her breast; his face lit up and Ilse tried not to laugh.

"You haven't thought about going back on your word have you?"

His fingers worked at her gently as he spoke,

"No, no way… "

She smiled at him.

"So why… "

Suddenly, she yanked his hand away and smashed it against the steel above his head, bending his fingers. She spoke over him as he howled,

"… are you hiding something right now?"

Trevor gasped through his pain,

"What the hell are you talking about?!"

"I mean how you are very clearly hiding something, you don't want to talk to us, and you didn't look excited when we came by."

She brought her face in close.

"And you're always excited to see me."

"You're crazy, of course I'm excited… "

She bent his fingers further and his legs kicked as he shrieked in pain,

"Okay, okay! Some dealer he's new I think, said that I wasn't supposed to talk to you! Said that if I did, he would tell the Mendez gang I stole their twenty-eight ounces of crack! And I didn't!"

Ilse walked over and crouched next to him.

"Who is he?"

"I don't know, I don't… "

Sasha pushed further and there was a sickening pop; he howled again,

"I swear, I don't know! All I know is that he hangs out down by the big group that always gathers by the second building!"

"What does he look like?"

"Biker jacket, black greasy hair, kind of an annoying voice!"

Standing up and releasing him sharply, Sasha stepped away from him as he gasped in relief and rolled to the ground, clutching his hand. She looked at him with amused disdain before tossing him a twenty.

"Go get something to eat you skinny piece of shit."

She jerked her head at Ilse who gave the panting Trevor a mildly sympathetic look before they continued on their way. As they wandered towards the thicker part of the project, she looked at Sasha.

"Why do you have to torture him every time we come down here?"

She received an innocent look in response,

"What do you mean?"

Ilse rolled her eyes,

"Get his dick hard, bend some bones and then leave."

Sasha shrugged,

"It's funny."

They both chuckled as they came under the massive shadow of the second building. This was where most of the dealers would come and hang out as well as the large groups of drifters and kids with nothing better to do than look for trouble. As they walked through, past garbage fires and makeshift tents, Ilse felt numerous pairs of eyes on them; it was likely that the regulars may have recognized them, but for anyone new, they probably looked like angels walking through Sodom. She leaned left,

"There's a good number of people here, how are we supposed to find our guy?"

Sasha pointed.

"We get lucky."

Ahead of them, the man they were looking for sat on a pipe a ways off from the large fire where a large group of teens were standing around, talking loudly and swapping cigarettes. Ilse smiled.

"Is that… ?"

"I think so."

It was the same man who had been in the forest the day that Joseph had killed for the first time, the same greasehead who spoke so cockily to them and was first to panic when the gunfight became unavoidable.

"Well, he'll certainly recognize us. How do we… "

"I got this."

Out of the peripheral of the man, Sasha wandered towards the group of teens and slipped within their circle. Ilse sighed and stepped back into the dark as to not be seen herself. After a minute, Sasha returned and walked up beside her; from the group, a taller male walked up to the greasehead and struck up a conversation. Looking at her with a question obvious in her eyes, Ilse waited for Sasha to explain,

"Told him I'd pay if he went over and found out what the guy dealt in, told him to be very thorough, find out everything he can."

Ilse giggled,

"What'd you promise, money or a blowjob?"

Sasha gave her a look,

"I do have standards you know."

"Yeah? What standards are those?"

"Restricted to people I know… "

"So your father for instance… "

"… who I'm not related to by blood."

Nodding, Ilse leaned back and watched the teen questioning the man very intensely. After what must've been fifteen minutes, he departed the man's company and headed their way and joined them under the shadow of the building. Sasha looked at him,

"So?"

"He said he can get his hands on about anything, but he can give best prices on ecstasy and crack. Says they've got plenty of it."

She smiled.

"Well, that's all we needed to know."

Handing him a hundred dollar bill, she turned and pulled Ilse with her. Ilse gave the man a look as they left, his eyes looking confused.

"That's it?"

"That's it."

And they left the area, walking back towards the car, the lights of the fires fading behind them.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''

Before he even reached her apartment, Joe had decided that he wouldn't bring up any of what he had found out that night to Mikasa. He desperately wanted to ask her several questions, but he was tired and apprehensive and just wanted the day to be over.

He had spent a good hour or so just driving around and cooling off; he hadn't trusted himself to immediately return and not start shouting questions. So as he pulled up alongside her complex, he took a deep breath and made his way up the stairs. He knocked gently and he heard her call from inside for him to enter. Stepping in, he hung his coat up and closed the door quietly behind him.

"Where you at?"

"In here."

She was sitting at her bedside, a half empty bottle of cheap bourbon beside her on the nightstand. As she looked up at him, he realized she was drunk. Eyes bleary and motions slightly slow, she smiled at him nonetheless and he returned the look, though he was honestly concerned. He walked to her side and picked up the bottle, corking it and moving it out of her reach.

"Looks like you've had plenty."

Not protesting, she turned her eyes to the floor. Chewing the inside of his mouth nervously, he sat down next to her.

"Are you okay?"

Mikasa nodded, though her eyes said otherwise. He didn't let it slide.

"I had hoped we wouldn't hide things from each other."

She still wouldn't look at him,

"It's nothing."

Joe sat next to her in silence a moment, feeling hurt. Then, realizing she would probably remain stubborn, he shrugged and stood,

"Whatever. I need to shower."

He was too tired to worry about whether or not she wanted to be secretive right now; as he made to get up though, she grabbed his arm. Turning to her, she looked calm, but her voice had an undercurrent of sadness.

"Don't leave."

Saying nothing, he sat back down and remained quiet. He could practically see her mind working on how she would say what she wanted to say. For a minute, they sat side by side, him with his hands clasped, waiting patiently, she sitting perfectly still. Finally, when he thought she wouldn't say anything, she spoke, sounding guilty.

"Today… when Annie and I went out to the drop point… she said some stuff and so did I and… "

His heart sank and he pinched the bridge of his nose as he leaned forward.

"Oh my God, you guys fucked didn't you."

"No, we… "

"Goddamn, I didn't think I'd last long, but one fucking day, holy shit, that must be a record."

She furrowed her brow at him, but he didn't care.

"Joseph… "

"You know what, it's fine, fuck who you want."

"We didn't fuck!"

"Sure."

He got up again, but she grabbed him and forced him back down; she clearly wasn't tipsy enough to be strong as hell.

"Would you listen?!"

He glared at her.

"Listening."

Swallowing, she took his hand and squeezed it while glaring back at him,

"I don't know what happened, but it was only foreplay, she was mad about something and I thought it was because she wanted me. I tried to force her to admit it, but she didn't and… that was it."

The anger faded from her eyes.

"I love her, but not the way I love you."

And he couldn't help himself as his anger faded too.

"Please believe me."

Closing his eyes, he sighed through his nose.

"I do. I'm sorry, that was shitty of me, I just had a long afternoon… "

He cursed himself for bringing it up, but she fortunately didn't pursue it.

"We don't have to talk about that."

Smiling at her gratefully, he nodded.

"That would be for the better, I think."

They sat there a moment, holding hands like middle schoolers. Then, she leaned towards him, pressing against his side.

"So… what _do_ you want to talk about?"

He gave her a short kiss, tasting the alcohol.

"I don't know… what do you want to talk about?"

With a violent show of strength, she slammed him to the mattress and before he could react much, she was on top of him, smiling at him fondly. Kissing his neck a few times, she asked,

"I asked you first."

He ran one hand through her gorgeous black hair and moved the other hesitantly towards her breasts. She leaned into it and his hand met her front, feeling his face grow red. Pushing herself hard against him, he felt her heart pounding as he played with her through her clothes.

"I don't have an answer though."

She pulled him up into a sitting position and pulled off her top as she remained on his lap. Taking his head and pulling him to her, she whispered,

"I think you do."

He gladly let her hold him there as he worked on her with all the content of a child. She stroked his head while moaning gently in his ear; she was much better at controlling her emotions during sex, but she knew that moaning turned him on like crazy. As her nipples hardened in his mouth, she murmured in his ear.

"You damn sure do."

Pushing him back down onto his back, she slid down his body, relieving him of his pants. He felt his throat go thick with excitement; she looked up at him as she pulled his sex out. Brushing her face against it, she smiled as his body shuddered. He looked at her expectantly, but as always, she was in total control.

"Are you really gonna tease me right now?"

Smiling at him, she held him gently, rubbing the tip with her thumb.

"You really gonna ask?"

"I feel like I had to, especially if… "

She took him in her mouth unexpectedly and he fell back, sucking in air. While she worked him, he stared off at the ceiling trying to control himself. His fingers dug into the mattress as sweat started to form on his brow, her tongue working a symphony of ecstasy. Then, it was over.

He looked up in confusion and saw her pulling away her own clothes. Excitement rushed through his veins again as she spread her legs above him. He waited, but she simply stood there, beautiful body silhouetted in the dark.

"Are uh… you going to… "

"Ask me for it."

 _Huh?_

"Wait, what?"

"Ask me."

Despite the darkness, he could tell she was smiling.

"Ask you."

"Yes."

Staring bemusedly at her, they remained in the darkness together for a moment.

 _C'mon you wimp, afraid to ask? Who's ever gonna know?_

He mentally cursed Dust before sucking in air.

"Please take me."

And she did.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Mikasa rolled over in bed as her phone rang from her bedside, rousing her aggressively from her sleep. Next to her, Joseph groaned and wrapped his arm around her waist,

"Who in the hell is calling at two in the morning… ?"

She shifted and grabbed it, staring at the screen. Then she sat up straight, blinking aggressively at what she saw. Joseph ran his fingers over her back.

"Hey what's up?"

Punching out a quick response, she sprang out of bed.

"Get dressed."

He groggily made it to his knees, looking concerned.

"What's wrong?"

"Hospital. Krista's been shot."


	34. Chapter 34

" _ **Forgiveness must be immediate,**_

 _ **whether or not a person asks for it.**_

 _ **Trust must be rebuilt over time."**_

― _**Rick Warren**_

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The warm night breeze gave way to stale, conditioned air as Mikasa made her way swiftly though the automatic doors of the hospital. Half-running to the front desk, she waited impatiently for the woman behind the desk to put down her phone; when she did, she looked at Mikasa with an obnoxiously condescending stare.

"Something I can do for you?"

 _Is there… ? Yeah, oddly enough, there is._

Despite her annoyance, it was vastly outweighed by her fear.

"Krista Reiss."

"Down the hallway on the left, room 133. But you can't… "

Very unconcerned with what she couldn't do, Mikasa ran in the direction indicated. She looked hurriedly at the room numbers as she rushed by, skidding to a halt when she found the room. With no mind to what she was about to see, she burst through the door.

Krista was lying on a bed, machines beeping softly beside her. Her eyes were closed, she looked very content. Ymir was sitting in a chair, arms resting on her knees; Annie was beside her, leaning against the wall. Hange was pacing as best as she was able in the small space. They all looked up as she entered, and Ymir got jerkily to her feet. They looked at each other briefly.

"Hey Mika."

"Hey Ymir."

And Mikasa crossed the room and wrapped her arms around her friend who responded vigorously. As they held each other, she said quietly,

"I'm so sorry."

Ymir didn't respond to this other than squeezing her tighter. When they pulled free of their embrace, Mikasa turned to Hange.

"How is she?"

The older woman shrugged,

"They haven't told us anything other than that she's stable. We don't know if there will be any… "

She glanced fretfully at Ymir,

"Lasting damage."

The door opened behind them and the woman from behind the desk looked in angrily,

"I told you that you can't… "

Mikasa clenched a fist aggressively and Hange intervened before things got out of hand,

"It's fine, she's with us."

She scowled at Mikasa, but turned to leave; though as she did, she was half-barreled over by Sasha and Ilse who rounded the corner sharply. Paying no mind to the woman she had almost turned into roadkill, Sasha put a hand over her mouth and walked in much more reverently, Ilse tailing her, lips tight. The latter looked worriedly to Ymir,

"Is… is she.. ?"

"We don't know."

Ilse closed her eyes and lowered her head. Behind her, the woman straightened, now looking well past her breaking point.

"Excuse me! I cannot allow… "

Annie gave her a single, deadly look; her mouth closed, she gulped and left them. As the door closed, Ilse walked over and gripped Ymir's shoulder tightly.

"What do we know?"

"Only that they've done what they're able. They're going over what they've found and then will be in to talk."

Sasha practically fell into an empty chair, dropping her head into her hands.

"Jesus… Jesus… "

Despite all of them being there, it grew quiet again and Mikasa waited. She knew the question she wanted answered, but didn't want to be the one to ask. Fortunately, after a minute of listening to machines beep, Annie had no problem asking what they were all wondering.

"What happened Ymir?"

It became obvious almost immediately that Ymir didn't want to explain. She sat up slowly, driving her knuckles into her knees. She sucked in a deep breath.

"Before I say anything, just… "

She was cut off as shouting and distant thumping became audible from outside. Frowning, Hange walked to the door and looked out left and right. She smiled gently,

"Mika, did you leave Joseph with security?"

Mikasa jumped to the door and looked down to see Joseph attempting to make his way down the hall while being restrained simultaneously by three parking lot guards.

"Oh shit… "

Hange walked behind Mikasa as she sprinted to the area of the scuffle. With his head forced down, Joseph looked up with a grunt,

"Get these barbarians off me… !"

She very easily could have, but she didn't want to make more of a mess. Instead, she looked to the guard closest to her,

"What's the problem?"

Through gritted teeth as he rammed Joseph up against a wall, the man growled,

"Found him trying to park in a red line zone, he refused to move the car and then stormed into the place!"

From beneath the three men, Joseph snarled,

"There was nowhere to fucking park! I looked, I did, but I'm not wasting anymore time!"

Knowing she had to defuse the situation quickly, she dropped to one knee and took his face in her hands. His eyes were full of anger and panic.

"Look at me. Look at me! She's fine okay? She's going to be fine."

He relaxed ever so slightly, the panic flushing from his eyes. She stood and looked to the guards who looked surprised at his sudden cease in resistance.

"I'm real sorry about this, but we got a call that our friend was in critical. That's no excuse for him to park out of place and cause a rucus."

 _Actually, it is._

She didn't say this of course.

"I apologize, but can you please just let it slide?"

They still looked unconvinced, but Hange stepped up beside her.

"I'll go move the car."

That seemed to be the tipping point for the men who looked far too tired to be dealing with this guy. Releasing him roughly, they wandered off, grumbling quietly; the head guard looked back and gestured with an angry finger,

"Don't let me catch him screwing around again."

 _Cheap threat._

She gave him a fake grateful smile and waited for them to walk off before turning to Joseph who was straightening and wincing.

"You okay?"

He rubbed his shoulder grudgingly,

"Should be. Thank God for painkillers."

She took his hand.

"I hear you."

Giving Hange a brief word of thanks as they walked in opposite directions, she guided Joseph back down the hall where they walked into the room. He ignored all of them, eyes settling on Krista and walked very slowly towards her. Mikasa remained in the doorway, letting him go; he stepped very gently towards the bed and looked down on her. For a minute, he just stood and stared. Then, he put his face in his hand.

"Oh man… "

Closing his eyes, he clenched his fist.

"No way is this happening."

There was no response to his statement, no one had one. Then, a small hand reached up and grabbed his wrist.

"Yeah… well, it is… "

Krista's weak voice caused all heads to snap forward; Mikasa stood respectfully back with the rest of them, letting relief rush through her veins as Ymir knocked her chair over standing up and rushing over. Joseph remained there, his wrist remaining in her grip while Ymir buried her face in her shoulder. And Mikasa couldn't have been sure, but it sounded as though she was mumbling desperate apologies. Krista murmured something back and then looked around at all of them; when Mikasa met her eyes, she asked quietly,

"You feeling okay?"

A pained smile.

"Well… I've felt better… stomach hurts… "

Mikasa felt a stab of sorrow in her gut.

"… but I guess things could be worse."

A minute or so passed in which Krista and Ymir whispered to each other; she finally released Joseph's wrist and he slid quietly over next to Mikasa. After a short agreement was apparently reached, Ymir stood back up and looked at them.

"Can I talk to you all outside?"

Knowing she wasn't the only one who was feeling surprised, Mikasa looked around and saw more than one confused look that matched her own. Regardless, there was a silent consensus and they all turned to the door. As they went though, Krista said quietly from her bed.

"Mika, hold up one sec."

She stopped and looked back. Seeing the look, she closed the door as everyone filed out, leaving the two of them alone. Staying standing, she watched the sickly looking blonde look back at her, eyes tired and pondering. Then,

"Do you want to have kids?"

The question threw Mikasa wildly off; where had that come from?

"I… don't know. Haven't really thought about it."

"Gut feeling. Yes or no?"

 _Oh Christ._

It took her a moment.

"With the right person, I think I can say yes."

Krista smiled; even injured and half asleep, she looked beautiful.

"Joseph?"

Sensing a challenge, she didn't back down.

"Probably."

Sighing, the blonde closed her eyes and rested back; for a split second, Mikasa wondered if that had been all.

"Mika, Ymir is going to tell the truth out there. And I imagine at least a few of you are going to be mad at her. And it makes sense. What she did wasn't super smart."

Confused and worried, Mikasa didn't break eye contact or say a word.

"Just promise me… that whatever happens, just remember that she did what she did for us."

Eyes soft, she added,

"Like Joseph did."

Looking away to the ground, Mikasa muttered,

"You'll recall that I wasn't exactly happy with him for what he did."

Krista was still smiling.

"Because you loved him."

As they made eye contact again, she made to say something else, but fell into a short fit of coughing. Mikasa strode to the bed, but Krista waved her off.

"I'm… I'm fine."

"You just rest, don't worry about anything right now."

"Don't judge her too much… she's hurting enough already, especially since I've probably lost… "

She swallowed, looking unable to finish her sentence.

"Hey, hey, come on, we don't know anything yet."

"It's… there's… oh God, Mika I felt it. There's no way… "

Placing a finger on her lips, Mikasa knelt next to her; she was incredibly worried as well, but right now, Krista didn't need to know that.

"Shh. Sleep. Everything will be okay."

For a moment, they looked at each other. Then the blonde burst into tears and wrapped her arms around Mikasa's neck, pulling her into a tight hug. Without hesitation, she responded in kind, pulling Krista up from the bed to hold her tightly.

 _Of all people… you don't deserve this._

Then, she let go and smiled.

"I promise I won't get mad. Though I'm probably not the one who will need the restraint."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"You did WHAT?!"

Joe jumped at Ilse's sharp outburst; they were standing in the hallway listening to Ymir quietly explain why they were in a hospital with Krista in a bed. Up until then, they had been listening silently, though he could feel the tension between all of them. From the deadpan stare from Annie, to Mikasa, who was very interested in her feet, to Sasha who kept swallowing like she'd never be able to again, he knew the emotions were high among all of them, himself included.

Ymir looked painfully at Ilse,

"Let me finish please."

"How could… you went and… "

Sasha grabbed her friend's arm; she looked over, still clearly with more to say, but quieted herself. Ymir continued for another minute, speaking low and clear. She finished by saying,

"I still don't know what came over me that I thought doing it was a good idea. And I know I deserve whatever anger you guys have for me. And I'm ready."

She looked up, standing straight despite the defeat in her eyes. Joe slouched back against the wall; he had nothing to say. While she had been talking, he had put himself in her shoes and realized that nothing that happened now could possibly make her feel any worse. The smallest part of him was angry at her, but far more than that, he felt sorry for her.

Ilse still looked ready to shout in anger, but no words came. Sasha simply stared sadly. Annie was the one to break the silence.

"It baffles me… how you could have ever thought to do this in the first place. How you could put yourself in danger like that."

Ymir met her gaze, uncharacteristically giving no rebuttal. Annie walked slowly past them to the door where she glanced through to where Joe knew her eyes were on Krista.

"And now, because of your ineptitude, she's in there, facing more consequences than you ever… "

"Annie."

It took him several seconds to realize that it had been him who had spoken. He could feel eyes on him, but he couldn't look up; he felt sick.

"Just… stop."

He could feel her cold eyes against his head.

"What? You think she doesn't deserve to… "

Words came spilling out of him.

"The love of her life is lying in a hospital bed with a bullethole in her, she has a potential kid that might die, her friends all think she can't be trusted, and it's all her fault. And she knows that. So… "

Looking up, he felt anger spill over; angry tears formed in his eyes and he felt the heat of embarrassment rush to his cheeks. He didn't care though.

"… what the hell… are you trying to prove? That… you're some hardass who doesn't take shit? We all know that. Put yourself in her shoes for one fucking second and ask yourself if she hasn't been punished enough."

His voice cracked and he looked down, not trusting himself to continue. Expecting an immediate response, he was surprised instead to hear Hange's voice,

"Alright, that'll do."

He looked up to see the older woman standing behind the rest of them. Behind her was a doctor. He looked around at them; the tension evaporated and was replaced with apprehension. Joe straightened, eyes focusing; the doctor looked around with tired eyes before turning to Hange.

"These are all… "

"Close friends, yes."

He pinched the bridge of his nose; his complete lack of emotion was almost infuriating. Despite his tiredness, Joe felt all the muscles in his body clenched, his fingers growing numb as he waited.

"Well, the bullet missed any major arteries or organs. There was a slight graze to the large intestine which will require minor surgery."

 _Yes, yes, that's all fine and well, but you know what we're waiting to hear, you asshole._

The doctor glanced around once again; Ymir looked only seconds away from vomiting.

"By some miracle, the fetus was not struck. The child will be fine."

Feeling a wave of lightheadedness, Joe loosed a moan of relief as he slumped back against the wall, falling to the ground. Dropping his head into his hands, he heard other exhales of alleviation; looking up, he saw Sasha and Ilse hugging, Annie with her eyes closed, and Mikasa smiling. Ymir had a single tear sliding down her cheek,

"Are… are you sure?"

He raised his eyebrows as though offended.

"Yes, quite sure."

Ymir bolted from the hallway and into the room where brief words, a short scream, and crying could be heard moments later. The doctor looked around at them as if he couldn't believe their emotional outpouring. Turning, he muttered some low words to Hange and handed her a folder. She thanked him and he left them without another word.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

It was well into the early morning hours, but the good news had put fresh energy into everyone. They had gathered in Krista's room and after several minutes of relieved words and the occasional tear, they knew that certain things had to be addressed. Krista's hand was holding Ymir's tightly; she didn't want to let go. They were listening to Joseph tell all that he had heard from the man at the bar.

"He says they're playing it safe for now, but that you're the next target Hange. Head of the snake, he said."

She didn't look the least bit concerned; rather she could have passed for excited.

"Let them try. Did you get a name?"

Joseph immediately looked shocked as though he had forgotten something, then worried. He turned to look at her.

"You know, don't you?"

"Ymir mentioned. I just want to make sure the stories sync up."

With a quick wave of worry, Krista was able to see in Ymir's face that she had only told them about her incident, not anything about the identity of the man who had shot her. Sasha, along with the rest, was flicking her gaze around, confused,

"What's his name?"

He was reluctant to look at any of them, particularly Mikasa who was right next to him.

 _And I can see why…_

After a moment, he said through a dry throat,

"Ackerman. Name was Ackerman."

Hange nodded slowly as Ilse stood up,

"Wait. Ackerman?"

She pointed at Mikasa.

"Her Ackerman?"

Sasha's mouth was agape as Hange nodded. Annie's eyes were slits.

"I did some looking around while we were waiting for the doc. I was able to confirm that he was promoted to head of police… "

She waved down Sasha who began sputtering in shock,

"… but hardly anything else."

Frowning, she shook her head.

"He doesn't seem to exist on any of the databases I have access to. Any information on him is very well hidden."

Ilse had started pacing and was rubbing her head; Annie spoke up,

"How do we know they're even related?"

Krista replied, tightening her grip on Ymir's hand,

"He knew plenty. He knew that… "

She looked at Mikasa in concern, whose facial expression hadn't changed.

"… that your father had whipped the hell out of you. He said… "

Swallowing, she delivered the bombshell,

"… he called himself your uncle."

All eyes went to the raven-haired girl, who was watching the floor, deep in thought. When she did finally speak, it was cool and collected.

"I didn't know I had an uncle. I didn't know I had any relatives either."

Ymir looked at her, eyes watching closely,

"Well, he seems to think you guys are."

There was a pregnant pause as everyone absorbed the information. Sasha then sat forward.

"So… someone shot Krista, who happens to be our current largest rival in the market, chief of police, and Mikasa's uncle."

She laughed half-hysterically,

"Actually, what the fuck is going on?"

Hange rose from her seat by the wall,

"I think this is a lot of information to process and I think it's safe to say we're all pretty tired. Tomorrow, we'll deal with this. Tonight, we rest."

Everyone looked relatively pleased with this decision; Ymir whispered in Krista's ear,

"I'll be damned if I'm going anywhere other than this room."

Smiling, Krista pulled her girlfriend's head in for a kiss; over her shoulder, she saw Mikasa leaving the room very quickly.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Hey, hold up."

 _Fuck._

Mikasa had hoped to make it out without landing any attention, but it was stupid of her to think that Joseph would have just let her run off into the night.

"Where you running off to in such a hurry?'

She couldn't bring herself to turn around; she had to be strong. There was nothing she wanted more than for him to come, but it would only complicate matters.

"Joseph… I have something I have to go do."

Hearing his footsteps stop, she could practically see his face growing confused,

"Yeah… okay."

"You can't come with."

"Well, I'd like to know what it is I'm being excluded from."

Finally, she turned to face him. Seeing him did exactly what she expected; her gut flipped with affection and she could already hear herself agreeing to let him come along,

"If I told you, you wouldn't let me go alone."

He made a face.

"Okay, well just saying that makes me want to let you go alone even less than if you just told me."

They looked at each other for a moment. Then she slowly walked up to him and took his hand. Under the dim hospital hall light, he looked worried and determined. Smiling, she stroked his face before kissing him; against his lips she murmured,

"Promise you'll stay behind."

"I… I don't think in good conscience I can say I can promise that."

"Promise."

She looked into his eyes and watched him break.

"I… promise."

Hugging him as though it was the last time, she turned quickly and walked away before she changed her mind; as she did, she spoke, surprised by the calmness of her own voice,

"I need to see my father."


	35. Chapter 35

" _ **Always be careful of where you run to.**_

 _ **When the going gets tough,**_

 _ **take it easy and slow down,**_

 _ **else you venture into the den of lions."**_

― _**Michael Bassey Johnson**_

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

 _You just let her go._

 _I had to._

 _Do you remember what happened last time she was alone with him?_

 _Fuck off._

 _He could kill her this time._

 _No… he… he won't._

 _You seem very sure. He came rather close last time._

 _He won't._

 _You just let her go._

 _She made me promise._

 _Weak. That's worth more than her safety?_

Joe ground his teeth furiously as he jammed his eyes shut, head in his hands. Dust was right, but he had to keep his word. He had promised.

 _But what if he hurts her?_

He dug his fingernails into his skin.

 _You're the only one who can protect her now._

"Shut UP!"

"Excuse me?"

Jerked free of his mental torment, he looked sharply to his right. Annie had exited the hospital and had sat down to next to him on the front steps without him noticing. She was looking at him now with very mild annoyance; he immediately paled, before laughing and trying to play if off,

"Sorry, just talking to myself."

She gave him a look and then turned her gaze forward towards the starry sky. It took him a moment to bring himself out of his subconscious and he realized that she was probably here looking to settle differences.

 _Or chew my ass out._

Joe wouldn't have blamed her; he had spoken fairly rudely to her at the time, but he still would stand by what he said. He doubted he would have been able to listen to Ymir getting verbally ripped to pieces without getting sick. Regardless,

 _I should probably apologize._

He turned as neutrally as he could towards her; her eyes were still fixed on the horizon, slightly glazed over and he wondered what she was thinking about.

"Hey Annie, listen, I'm sorry for getting rude with you in there, I just… "

"You were right to."

Her statement stunned him into silence; she was still staring forward coldly, but he thought he could see some sadness in her eyes. She shook her head and sighed.

"I was mad. I couldn't believe that Ymir would have gone and done something so… "

He watched her clench a fist on her knee.

"… so stupid. But you were right. She's more than suffered enough."

Not wanting to debate it further, he chose to nod gratefully. He then turned back forward and stared at the blinking lights in the sky alongside her. And for several minutes, they simple watched. Of course, she wouldn't let him relax long.

"Where'd Mikasa run off to?"

His stomach did a flip.

"I… I don't know, she was gone by the time I got here."

"Really."

He didn't trust himself to confirm it; there was no way she was buying it anyway.

"Joseph, you're a pretty bad liar."

Groaning, he dropped his head.

"I know."

Looking at her again, he saw her penetrating eyes tearing through his defenses.

"I'm not supposed to tell. She barely told me."

Begging with his eyes not to force him, he held her gaze. For a moment, he thought she was going to force it out of him. Then, she looked forward.

"She's going to her father, isn't she."

He blinked, speechless. Seeing his stunned look, she shrugged,

"Wasn't hard to figure out, I was just curious if you would tell me or not."

"She wouldn't have wanted me to! I have to think… "

Annie waved him down.

"Relax, I'm glad you didn't say anything."

Her eyes grew chillingly cold again as she looked away.

"She needs someone in her life who she can trust."

She stood.

"She needs you."

Jamming her hands into the pockets of her hoodie, she began to walk towards the parking lot. He watched her stride away into the dark and realized why she had asked him. Without thinking about it, he launched himself to his feet.

"Annie!"

Stopping, she turned back.

"What?"

For the briefest instant, he debated not asking. But he had to.

"Do you love her?"

Not moving, her eyes turned to the ground.

"Yeah."

And she continued her walk and vanished around the side of the hospital. Joe remained standing and staring for what could have been minutes. Then, he collapsed and grabbed at his hair.

 _What the fuck am I doing?_

Dust was there immediately.

 _What the fuck_ are _you doing?_

"Not now… "

 _Why not? You're clearly lost._

Sighing, he gave in.

"She loves her. Mikasa may have loved her back."

 _So?_

"I got in the way. I showed up and just got in the middle of all their lives and… "

Dust gave a harsh laugh, cutting him off.

 _So fucking what?_

Joe opened his mouth angrily, but his acquaintance wasn't done speaking.

 _You're here now. You know all of them now._

He felt a wave of emotion thunder through him as Dust continued,

 _And she chose you. She loves you. She slept with you. And she trusts you._

In his mind, Joe could see his massive smile.

 _Isn't that good enough?_

And he was gone.

Joe stood on the side of the street for a long time. He finally glanced into his open hand. In it, he imagined his pessimism, his worry, his guilt.

He made a fist and crushed them.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Besides the gentleman who had very much wanted to discuss both their life stories in the span of two hours, Mikasa's flight was near uneventful.

 _Though maybe I should have been grateful for the distraction._

When she stepped out of the airport, she bared her teeth briefly as her senses were promptly assaulted; the heat was next to crippling, the sky was blue-gray as a result of the smog, and there were…

 _... too many damn people._

She was annoyed with herself for not expecting this from California; as quickly as she could, she snagged a taxi, sat in a cab that reeked of cigarette smoke for thirty minutes, and was dropped off at a cheap motel. It was somewhat dirty and rundown, but as long as it gave her somewhere to stay for a night, it would work.

 _Just one night._

As she sat back on the creaky bed listening to the endless dull roar of traffic, her mind drifted to the time in high school she had road tripped over spring break with Eren and Armin. It hadn't been particularly exciting, but, at the time, it had been one of the greatest experiences she had ever had. The freedom of escaping the real world and just living out of a rundown van Eren had bought with a loan from his father was something that had an appeal far beyond luxury. It also had marked the date of her first kiss when Eren had made a move on her one starry night when Armin had been asleep.

That had also been the moment she had known that they weren't meant for each other; she would always love Eren for all he had done for her, but they could never be together like that. He had accepted that with a surprising amount of humility for which she was very grateful.

The blast of a car alarm from outside jerked her free from her memories and she took a deep breath, digging her fingers into the bed as she brought her mind back to the present. Sighing, she dug her laptop out of her backpack and got to work.

 _This isn't a big deal… it'll be fine._

Pushing away her fears, she read through her father's schedule. He was here in California for the next week and a half, but this conversation couldn't wait. And a phone call would not suffice. Hacking his email had been simple enough; this evening, he was in a rented out a venue in a classy reception hall with fellow producers, benefactors, and directors. Her plan was to arrive a half-hour into the festivities and approach him, find out what he knew, and leave as quickly as she was able. She was hoping that with him being in a public place, surrounded by people he needed to impress, he would at least pretend to be caring of his own daughter. It would at least serve as a bit of protection to her in a physical sense.

All that remained now was to wait and distract herself. She looked out the window at the distant skyscrapers and haze that dominated the sky.

With a tug at her gut, she realized she already missed Joseph.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ymir tapped her foot impatiently as she waited for the vending machine to dispense her energy drink.

Currently in one of the few moments that she had left Krista's bedside, she could think of nothing more than being back there. Since the sun had risen, she had seen visits from a good portion of friends. Eren and Armin had come by just as Ymir had been drifting off around six, Armin crying more than any of them put together. Jean had arrived shortly after, a nervous Marco in tow. He had seemed sincere enough, but it was hard for him to show emotion; after some awkward apologies, he too had left. Ymir learned from him that Connie would be there in the afternoon.

Gingerly popping the can, she took a generous sip before walking briskly back down the hall; rounding a corner, she nearly ran into the receptionist. She looked at Ymir, cranky as ever.

"You have another visitor."

It wasn't lost on Ymir how much emphasis she put on the word "another".

"Who?"

The receptionist looked insulted by the question.

"I don't know."

And she marched past and out of sight. Baffled momentarily by her rudeness, Ymir paused before making a very rude gesture in the direction she had come from. Turning forward, she continued her short walk.

 _What a bitch… does she seriously have a problem with people coming to see their friend who's been shot? Grow up, just because you hate your job doesn't give you the damn right to…_

She was jolted free of her musings as she rounded the last corner and was brought to a complete halt. Standing in front of Krista's door was Reiner. Ymir spoke sharply before she even knew what she way saying,

"What are you doing here?"

He snapped his head quickly to the left. Seeing her, he looked nervous, but confident as well.

"I'm here to see Krista."

Ymir started forward again.

"Why?"

Reiner frowned.

"Because, despite what you seem to think, she's still my friend."

She laughed.

"You guys probably haven't spoken since the party at Armin's, give me a break."

"Yes, and I've done that out of respect for the two of you."

"What do you know about respect?"

Straightening, he crossed his arms.

"What have I done that is so wrong to you Ymir?"

Sneering, she turned away.

"Oh, here you go… "

For a moment, he looked as though he might snap back. Then, his arms dropped and he spoke with no aggression.

"We dated for a few months in high school. That was all. She decided we weren't compatible and I agreed; we both moved on. Now she is with you, she loves you, and she's having a child to be raised with you."

He shrugged.

"You clearly won a long time ago. Why are you still holding it against me?"

Ymir wanted to snarl something, but found she couldn't. He continued.

"I've never held ill will against either of you. For a few days, I was hurt that Krista waited so long to tell me she wasn't happy with me. That was all."

He looked at her with pained eyes.

"Am I not allowed to care about her?"

And, in an instant, Ymir felt the fight vanish. Sighing, she slumped against the wall; he was right. She was selfish and defensive and because of that, she hadn't been willing to accept a person like him, someone who had been with Krista before she had.

"You're… you're right Reiner. I'm sorry."

It was painful to apologize, and she was grateful that he pursued it no further than nodding graciously. He turned back to the window and Ymir walked up beside him to look inside.

"She's been sleeping for a while now."

"That's good I suppose. I just wanted to make sure she was fine."

Ymir looked at her goddess, secured by slumber.

"She is. The kid will be fine. She'll be fine."

Nodding with an air of relief, he turned slowly.

"I'll leave you be."

As he walked away, large shoulders slumped, Ymir felt a wave of guilt slam into her.

"Hey Reiner."

He stopped and looked back.

"Stop back later today. She'll probably be awake by then, doesn't go into surgery until late tonight."

For the first time in her memory, he smiled at her.

"Thank you."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

It was exactly the sort of thick, cramped, and lit-up building she would have expected her father and his creepy group of producers to rent out for a night. Leaving the torturous sounds of Los Angeles at night behind her, Mikasa stepped through the grand front doors. The lobby was dimly lit with a fountain inside; there were no other people, simply a balcony and an elevator on the left. As she made her way towards it, she momentarily wondered if she should have bothered picking up some half decent clothes; it was a moderately formal event as she had been led to believe.

The ride up to the twenty-second floor seemed to take forever and gave plenty of time for doubt and anxiety to start bullying her. At the ding however, she pushed them aside and stepped confidently out.

"Somewhere you need to be, little missy?"

Immediately, she walked into a man who couldn't have been anything other than a bouncer. She understood why he was suspicious; dressed as street casually as she was, she definitely didn't look like she belonged. Behind him, she could see plenty of people, looking to be all men, wandering around with glasses of wine; some gave her a strange look as they passed.

"My father is in here, I need to speak with him."

He stared at her. Holding her ground, she added,

"It's urgent."

Grunting, he narrowed his eyes.

"What's your name?"

"Ackerman."

Without saying anything further, he grabbed her by the upper arm and started dragging her through the reception hall. Mikasa was strong, stronger than most people, but it was like being pulled along by an aircraft carrier. More partygoers stopped to stare as they went by.

As they reached the far side of the massive room where an enormous window overlooked the lights of the city, a large group of men were huddled about talking, joking, and occasionally swearing. Mikasa's escort called out, rather rudely.

"Mr. Ackerman, you got a daughter who looks like this?"

Most of the men turned to look and she saw him. Fear and hatred rushed through her veins as his tiny black eyes narrowed at her. Even dressed up in a suit, he still appeared the drunk fool that she knew he was; she suspected the empty wine glass in his hand was not his first.

"Yeah, she's mine."

The large man gave her a look than disappeared back into the wall of people that were standing around, gossiping and drinking. She found she was quite unwilling to move as they stared at each other; the men around her father were chuckling awkwardly as they witnessed the moment. Then, a hand reached out and pulled her father in close and a quieted discussion broke out between him and six or seven others. She chose to wait patiently until they were done; she needed him as willing to talk as possible and interrupting would likely not be prudent. The conversation was brief, though it looked as though there was some serious anger being thrown around. Finally, he shook hands with one of them and left the group; walking up to her, he jerked his head.

"Over here."

She followed him, trying not to grow nauseus at his smell. He pushed open a side door that led into a hallway lit only by a light at the far end. The door closed behind them, the noise of the people and music becoming immediately muffled. For several seconds, he stood with his back to her before turning, eyes impatient and drunk.

"What do you want?"

 _An apology for almost whipping me to death, for you to drop dead so mother can have your money, to squeeze your throat until…_

She calmed her conscious, remembering her purpose for being there.

"I had to ask you something important. It couldn't wait and it needed to be face to face. I'm sorry for interrupting you, but… "

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is it?"

Steeling herself, she asked steadily,

"Who's my uncle?"

If it was even possible, his eyes narrowed further.

"What uncle?"

"Kenny Ackerman, your brother."

For a moment, she thought that he would continue to deny it.

"My brother… how did you find him?"

"Showed up in town, new chief of police."

"Ah yeah, that might do it."

His eyes snapped to hers,

"You in trouble with the law?"

 _Getting closer every day, though so are you with your sick-ass movies, you fucking…_

"No, I read about him in the paper."

He grunted.

"Kenny wasn't a family man, ran away from home before he was done with high school. Went to college with some stolen money from Pa and got himself a gig at the CIA for a bit somehow. He disappeared for a bit after that, think he might've joined the army or some shit."

"Well, now he's in town as a law-enforcer."

"Whatever. I'm pretty sure he killed Pa. Doesn't matter no more."

He looked at her intensely.

"But you stay away from him."

Mikasa blinked.

"Why?'

"Just stay away. He's trouble."

"Did he ever marry?"

"No. Dated a woman named Carven or some shit for a while. No kids far as I know."

"Why did you say he killed your father?"

"Kenny loved knives. Played with them as long as I remember. Two years after he ran off, Pa's throat was slit. No proof, but he probably did it."

Quiet grew between them, and her mind worked furiously.

 _Carven… can track her down, maybe she's with him again. That's leverage. Dig up what we can from his army time if any of that's true. Hell, try and get him arrested for killing his own father. That'd be a joke._

Her father then muttered quietly.

"Fifteen months and I'm leaving."

She swallowed.

"I know."

"You remember our deal?"

"Yes."

He nodded slowly, gaze turning down.

"Good… good… "

She smiled sickly.

"What, you want me to suck you off right here?"

 _Bet you do, you stupid, shitty pile of…_

"No. Not quite."

The door opened behind her and before she could even look, there was a sting in her neck. Cursing, she felt a needle withdraw itself from her and hands seized at her arms. Yelling, she tightened into a crouch, throwing one of her would-be assailants over her shoulder and smashing another one in the gut. As she did, she felt a strange euphoric and dazing rush.

 _Heroin…_

It was easy to recognize; the man who she had tossed righted himself and launched at her knees, bringing her down. At least four sets of hands held her down as her wrists were bound by what could've been zip ties. The world started to swim as she looked up at her father.

"Just no lasting damage, huh?"

"Yeah, sure, sure."

"And you'll sign the agreement."

"Soon as we're done."

"Fine. I have more guests to bribe."

With a laugh, her father wandered off out the door and Mikasa was left being held in place by the four men. She was dragged up; she struggled as best she could, landing elbows and kicks, but the drug was doing its job. Hot breath washed over her neck.

"You ever taken it Greek before?"

His hands ran up and down her body as she was dragged further down the hall.

"Try to at least have fun. This'll take a while."

And one man, with a terrible smile on his face, ran ahead to open the door at the end of the hallway which led to only darkness beyond.


	36. Chapter 36

" _ **A best friend should love**_

 _ **you like a mother, protect**_

 _ **you like a father, talk to**_

 _ **you like a sister and**_

 _ **fight with you like a**_

 _ **brother."**_

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Sash, this is such a bad idea."

"Shut the fuck up."

"I'm serious, we have no proof to justify… "

"I saw him. I saw it."

"That's your proof?"

"Damn straight."

"And if he really has nothing to do with anything?"

"He does."

"If he doesn't?"

"Then we apologize and leave."

"God… you stubborn bitch… "

"Shut up. I'm doing this, with or without you."

"This is a bad idea."

"You've mentioned."

"But I'm not letting you do it alone."

"Fine."

"Love you bitch."

"Love you more bitch."

…

…

…

"There. Let's go."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Krista's eyes opened blearily, the world swimming slowly into focus. No windows meant she was only guessing at what the time of day would be, and she quickly remembered that her last recollection had been going into surgery. Her gaze settled on Ymir, who was sitting in a corner, eyes closed as some thrash metal played through her earbuds. Knowing she wouldn't have much of a chance getting her attention verbally, Krista reached to the tray on her right; grabbing the plastic spoon, she chucked it with all the strength she could muster.

Ymir jerked free of her relaxed state with a start as the utensil collided with her forehead. It took her a moment to realize the cause and perpetrator, and she killed her iPod and jumped up, smiling.

"Hey! How you feeling?"

Krista blinked dazedly,

"Good… I think… how'd it go?"

Dragging her chair over, Ymir sat down, looking reenergized.

"Great, as far as they'll tell me. Patched up fine, no need for a follow-up. I think you're good to go."

Sighing, Krista rested her head back on her pillow.

"Thank God. Sooner I'm out of here the better."

Her girlfriend shifted.

"Well, let's not get too carried away, let's make sure you're good to go before we take you out of here."

She sat up angrily,

"I'm not doing anyone any good sitting in here, doing nothing!"

"Girl, you're doing everyone a fuckload of good just recovering. No one wants anything more than to see you get better."

Krista leaned back reluctantly.

"I'd rather be doing something… anything."

Ymir took her hand.

"You are. Resting. Getting better."

Sighing, the blonde silently consented and squeezed back. For a good while, they remained there, listening to the machines and the hum of the fan.

"Ymir, I've been thinking."

"Yeah?"

The brunette pulled her hand closer and kissed it as she leaned forward.

"What about?"

"About our kid."

"Oh jeez, you already have names picked out?"

Krista laughed.

"No, nothing like that yet… it was just… I was thinking… "

Ymir stared back intently.

"Thinking what?"

She took a deep breath.

"I want Joseph to be godfather."

For a moment, Ymir blinked.

"Wait, what?"

"I want him to be godfather."

Ymir leaned back in her chair, looking perplexed.

"Oh."

She frowned.

"Oh."

Krista sat up nervously.

"You don't?"

"No, no, no, I do, it's just… "

She gave a short laugh.

"I just hadn't thought about that."

For a moment, she sat there quietly. Then,

"Yeah, yeah, no that's a great idea."

She nodded, almost aggressively.

"I just thought… "

The door swung open with alarming swiftness; Ymir rose and stood in front of the bed before seeing it was Hange.

"Christ, don't do that to me, you almost stopped my fucking heart… "

Krista saw the look of reserved panic on the woman's face and she sat up yet again.

"Hange, what's wrong?"

"Did Mikasa tell either of you anything about where she left to last night?"

The two exchanged glances before looking back, Ymir saying,

"No, I would have assumed she would have left with Joseph."

Hange crossed into the room, looking around as though expecting Mikasa to be hiding in one of the corners.

"He hasn't seen her. I called and asked, and he doesn't have a clue."

Ymir stood nervously, rubbing her arms.

"Ask Annie, those two are pretty tight."

Turning Hange, gave her a worried look.

"I would. Except she's missing too."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The darkness of the room only contributed to the confusion and dullness that pounded through Mikasa's head as the drugs slogged through her veins. Her hands were fastened behind her back tightly, serving her not as she was flung to the floor; muffled voices could be heard.

"Fuck man, is she hot… "

"Don't bust your load yet, we got plenty of time with her."

"Ackerman's daughter… ha! He'd do anything to fix a contract."

She could hear belts being unfastened and a pair of hands tugged her head up sharply and what she assumed was a tie was wrapped around her as a blindfold. There was further rustling of clothes and she was suddenly jerked up.

"Let's see what we have here… "

Unable to do anything but struggle as best she could, Mikasa felt the clothes ripped from her body; she was dropped again to the floor when she was reduced to her bra and underwear.

"Fuck… what happened to her back?"

"Who gives a shit?"

Someone bent down very close to her and she heard a sharp slide of metal.

"Listen here. You bite, you scratch, you resist in anyway, and I'm popping off a fingernail. If that doesn't teach you a lesson, I'll take a whole finger."

Something warm hit her in the cheek.

"Now open up, let's go."

She didn't and he grabbed her by the jaw.

"I said… "

He forced himself into her mouth.

"… OPEN."

Taking her head, he began to thrust; she tried not to gag as he hardened in her throat. Another man fell onto her, pulling her bra down and violently began sucking and biting at her nipples. After several seconds of this, he was pulled violently off.

"Get out of the way. I'll handle this."

She felt her underwear pulled aside and his sex began prodding against her own. Clearly with very little self-control, he entered her and began driving himself hard and fast. As her body rocked from the forced intercourse, she choked on her other tormentor, eyes watering. She felt another member begin sliding over her breasts, rubbing and poking.

This hell continued for minutes until the second man pulled out of her, grunting and climaxing.

"Ha, you lightweight. Check this out."

Mikasa was grabbed under her thighs and her legs were lifted; as her position was forcibly changed, the first man fell out of her mouth and she gasped, choking, trying to regain air. She was given little time to recover as a fourth sex prodded at her rear; with little warning, he drove himself slowly in, struggling to fit and stretching her excruciatingly. She yelled in pain as he pushed further in and began thrusting hard.

"Oh, what's wrong, that hurt?"

She bit her lower lip, thankful she was blindfolded.

"Having you anal cherry popped, that wasn't something you wanted?"

Tears of pain were flowing freely now, and she retreated into her mind. That was the only safe place she could turn to in times like this, it had been her only sanctum for years of being abused by her father. It could take her anywhere she wanted if she tried hard enough, relive any recollection. This time, she found herself being recalled to the recent memory of driving from Joseph's dorm to work. She remembered him asking,

"Alright, serious question."

"Shoot."

"Are you as reliant on coffee as the rest of your demographic?"

She had given him a look.

"Joseph, that's stereotyping."

"Yeah… but I'm right, aren't I?"

She had laughed.

"Probably. To answer your question, I drink it when I need to stay awake or am having a very early morning. But I don't particularly like it.

He had breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank goodness for that."

"Why?"

He had chuckled.

"Just wouldn't like to have to wake up to that nasty smell every morning I wake up with you."

"Don't like the smell?"

"No. Smells like AIDs."

She had shaken her head in mock disbelief.

"You know what AIDs smells like?"

"Yeah, I do actually."

"What do they smell like?"

"Coffee."

And they had both laughed much harder than they should have.

 _Joseph… I'm sorry… I'm so sorry… I love you so much… please… don't hate me for this…_

She tried as hard as she could to ignore the sickening laughs, the waves of pain, and tears that streamed from her eyes. All she could do was hope that the drug would have her pass out before they finished with her.

Then, she was given a cascade of warm liquid that splashed over her stomach and flowed down her sides. For a moment, she wondered if he had just finished before realizing he was still inside her. At the same time, she heard a gargle followed by panicked shouts. There were audible scuffles of feet, grunts and yells of pain, and finally, the sound of bodies hitting the floor.

Mikasa felt the man slide out of her and she clenched her muscles in pain, panting, sweating, and still very unable to see. Another needle stuck into her neck and withdrew; in moments, she was asleep.

…

…

…

…

…

Her eyes sprang open at the touch of sunlight. She sat up quickly, wincing as pain coursed through her midsection. The bed she had been asleep upon was the one from her cheap hotel that she had rented not twenty four hours prior. She was clothed in a pair of underwear and shorts and a shirt that was a size too small; it gripped at her curves, but wasn't inherently uncomfortable.

"Sorry, but they messed up your clothes, so I just put you in some of mine."

Annie sat at her bedside, eyes gazing out towards the morning sun, which sat low in the sky. Her own eyes adjusting to the sunlight, Mikasa took deep breaths as her mind slowed in its racing.

"Annie, you… how… "

"Followed you after you got to the airport. Same flight time, different airline. Wasn't hard to follow you. Just getting into the venue was rough, took some back ways. Found you as quick as I could."

Swallowing, trying to take in what had happened, she stared at the blonde,

"The contract… the deal they promised to sign… "

Waving her hand, Annie kept her eyes on the horizon.

"Kept one alive, forced him to sign it, and then paid off a bouncer to take it to your father."

Mikasa found there was nothing she could say; she was speechless. She sat up, knees under the covers, watching Annie whose gaze remained fixated in the outside. It was minutes before she spoke.

"Mika… do you have any idea… how fucking stupid this was… "

Normally always ready to defend herself, Mikasa knew she couldn't. There was nothing she could say that excused what she had done; in hindsight, it had been such a mistake. She lowered her head.

"I know."

"Why… why did you do it… "

She couldn't reply.

"You forced Joseph not to come, you didn't tell anyone where you were going."

"I know."

"Do you have any idea what this is going to do to him?"

Gritting her teeth, Mikasa lowered her head; she could feel Annie turn towards her.

"He's going to blame himself for this. All of this."

"I KNOW."

Closing her eyes, she leaned back.

"I'll just have to… when I tell him, I'll… "

"He knows."

"He… what?"

"I called Hange while you were asleep. She told Joseph."

Anger and shock flooding through her veins, Mikasa found herself on her feet. Annie looked at her dully as she towered over her, fists clenched.

"You WHAT?"

"Don't get pissed off at me, this isn't what I want."

"You had… NO right to tell him… "

"Him?"

Mikasa swore and turned to the wall, bringing her hands to the back of her head. Behind her, Annie continued,

"And I had every right. He's my friend, you know."

She turned, disbelief spreading across her face.

"Oh, he's your friend?"

She stepped forward; Annie didn't move.

"And what is he to me? Again? I forget."

"Don't make this about just you."

"I should have been the one to tell him."

"Should you have been? Would you have told him ever?"

By now, Mikasa's knuckles were white.

"Yes. I would have."

Annie was on her feet now.

"Boy, that's weird. Considering how much you love hiding things, I would have doubted that would even have been an option."

"I would have told him."

"Yeah, and how would that have gone down? 'Hey Joseph, remember when I had you stay back so I could go talk to my father by myself? Well, turns out he more or less sold me to some sleazebag work friends for a night and I got raped up and down. Nothing to worry about though. Tomorrow I plan to walk around the Boneyards naked and high off my ass, swearing at anyone who looks at me funny. But don't worry, you don't need to come, I'll be fine.'"

"Annie… you need to shut up."

"What is he to you anyway? Someone you can fuck and scare senseless anytime you go out on your own?"

"I love him Annie."

Unbelievably, the blonde laughed.

"Love, huh? I bet he really appreciates your 'love'."

And she turned away, walking towards the bathroom. By that point, Mikasa couldn't see a way she could have stopped the fist from swinging. It flew towards Annie's head, but of course, she had anticipated it. Knowing she couldn't block a swing of that magnitude, she ducked under it and jabbed with her own fist. Mikasa caught it and twisted, half-tossing the blonde into the dresser.

The following fight was brief, but savage. The two were both well-versed in the arts of hand-to-hand combat; just as many blows that made their marks were blocked or dodged. Neither gave ground, swinging, deflecting, and dodging in a whirlwind of muscle and aggression.

The end came when Annie's size betrayed her; as she jabbed with a kick, the distance between her foot and Mikasa's gut was not short enough for the hit to land with much force. It allowed the taller girl to grab her friend's ankle and pull and twist simultaneously. Annie went to the ground on her stomach; just as soon as she did, she was already scrambling up and away. Not willing to let her, the raven-haired girl launched herself on top; accepting a painful jab to her kidney from an elbow, she grabbed one of Annie's arms and jerked it up while grabbing the back of the blonde's head with the other. For a time, Annie struggled then ceased moving. They both remained there, breathing heavily. Then, Mikasa lowered her head to Annie's ear.

"Don't you ever… question my feelings toward him. You understand?"

Annie spat blood.

"Sure."

Mikasa stood, regaining control of her breath.

"Let's go home."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Hange hadn't recalled feeling this concerned in a good while. On one hand, she had found out where Mikasa and Annie had run off to, the conditions of their travel notwithstanding. She had stationed several people to watch the hospital for Ymir and Krista's sake and now, Sasha and Ilse had vanished. And while dealing with all of this, she was currently privy to the company of a very furious, very panicked, and very possibly unstable Joseph. She stared cautiously at him as he paced around her office frantically. His face appeared calm, but he couldn't stop moving. After a minute of this, he began speaking in low tones,

"My fault, it's my fault, this happened because of me, I could have prevented this, I let her go without me, it's my fault."

She wanted to ask him why he hadn't told her where his girlfriend had gone, but she knew the answer; Mikasa would of course have asked him not to tell.

"You are so goddamn worthless, you miserable piece of shit, how could you let this happen, you let her just walk away… "

"You couldn't have known what was waiting for her."

"No, I couldn't have! But that doesn't matter! I let her walk off to do it by herself and now… now… "

"You respected her wishes."

"And now she's been RAPED!"

He gave a short burst of manic laughter.

"RAPED! AND I COULD HAVE STOPPED IT!"

Hange didn't reply. She realized that nothing she could say now was going to change anything, calm him down, or otherwise be of comfort. All she could really do was watch him and make sure he didn't do anything drastic. She watched him resume pacing as he dug his fingernails into his scalp.

"Oh man… how the fuck could I have let this happen… you could have been there, you could have protected her… "

A sharp knock at the door stole their attention.

"Come in."

Mike poked his head in, looking nervously at Joseph; it was likely he had heard the brief shouting.

"Hey boss, someone here to see you."

"Is it urgent? I'm rather… preoccupied."

"He says it is."

She sighed.

"Send him in."

Mike retreated and to replace him came a tall, thick and hurt looking young man. He jumped as the door closed behind him, and looked forward, swallowing.

"Thank.., thank you for seeing me."

She merely nodded, looking sideways at Joseph; he had thankfully stopped pacing and talking to himself and was now simply standing off to the side, breathing heavily, his mind clearly racing. Returning her attention to her guest, she spoke calmly and quickly,

"You said it was urgent."

He swallowed again and looked down.

"I'll get to the point. I can tell you're busy."

"Thank you."

Nervously, he shifted his footing.

"Couple days back, my girlfriend came in to give you info on my employer."

She straightened, her interest piqued.

"You're Franz."

"Yes. Now, I don't know how it happened but… "

Hange realized he was shaking.

"They… they found out. They grabbed her last night while she was walking home. They beat her, raped her and left her for dead. Some homeless guy found her and had someone call the police. She's in the hospital now, but… they don't know how she'll turn out."

He had started to cry.

"She may have trouble walking. She may not be able to have kids. She'll need a lot of surgery."

He stopped speaking and Hange watched him closely as his tears splashed to the ground; in her peripheral, she saw that Joseph had stopped punishing himself and had taken notice. She let silence hold the air for several seconds before speaking carefully,

"I'm very sorry to hear that. Hannah did a good thing, I'm sorry she had to suffer for it."

Franz nodded shakily.

"I came here… I… I was hoping you could help me."

She narrowed her eyes a fraction.

"How so?"

He looked up and she saw anger in his eyes.

"Justice."

She tapped her desk.

"Justice."

"Justice."

Hange massaged her temples. She wanted to help, she genuinely did, but this was something that right now they couldn't be caught up in. This deep into their war with Kenny and with her girls so far spread, two missing, it was far too risky.

"I'm sorry Franz, but we are locked in conflict with your boss right now. Presently, it's too much of a risk to start pursuing 'justice' against his men."

The look of defeat he gave her almost changed her mind. Almost.

"I can understand where you're coming from. I can even sympathize with it. But, right now, I can't afford to risk my people."

She waited for him to argue. To fight. To offer reasons for it. To beg. But he didn't. He respectfully nodded, bowed his head and spoke quietly.

"Thank you for your time."

And he left. Hange stared after him, ignoring Joseph's gaze looking at her judgmentally. Then, Mike's head stuck back in.

"Boss, we need you in the library, someone knocked over a file cabinet."

He flinched and jumped back as she rose to her feet, cursing angrily.

"Of all the stupid… "

She swept past him to get to her library, and as such, in her ire, she didn't notice Joseph slip out of her office, and down the hallway in the opposite direction, looking very much like he didn't want to be followed.


	37. Chapter 37

Ymir bent to one knee, hand over her mouth, before vomiting once into the toilet. She remained there, panting heavily and making sure that no further residue would come forth from her stomach. Straightening, she put a hand on the wall of the stall before swearing under her breath.

 _What the hell do they put in this fucking food?_

Laughing slightly in amusement and disbelief, she exited the women's room and walked casually back down the hall. The doctor had put the time for Krista's discharge at about a week in time, as the surgery had gone perfectly. The more rest she got, the faster that date could approach and she had made it very clear she didn't want to be there any longer than possible. And so she was asleep now, and Ymir, keeping true to her promise to not leave her side, was wasting time wandering the hospital's vast corridors and sampling food that did not agree with her digestive track. She strode by a peculiar sculpture of a bear with a short man sitting near its back and gave it a look. Artistic persuasion aside, she had no idea what the significance of the man-bear combo was.

"Got a second?"

"Jesus FUCK!"

Ymir jumped as the man sitting at the bear's side spoke; stepping into the light, he revealed himself to be Levi. Taking a deep breath, she shook her head.

"Fuck man… don't do me like that."

He didn't apologize. She didn't expect him to.

"So uh… what's up?"

With a jerk of his head, she joined him at a bench by a window that looked out towards the setting sun. They remained there a moment, Ymir idly waving her feet, Levi sitting stock still.

"Have any of you ever had any trouble with the Klan?"

 _Huh?_

The question caught her off guard.

"Like… Ku Klux?"

He gave her a look that said 'Who else?' She shifted; she hadn't thought about this in a long time.

"Yeah, we had a run in with them over a year ago."

"Care to elaborate?"

She gave him a glance.

"That necessary?"

"Yes."

She snorted; as always, he was playing no games. The information she was about to divulge was fairly personal and hadn't been discussed between any of them since it had happened. But Ymir would always remember. And despite how cold and mysterious Levi was, she found herself having trouble trying to think of a reason not to tell him.

"We uh… got screwed by some kids on a deal. Found out they were members of the Klan and one night we followed them to their encampment. Plan was to find them, drag them off to the side, and strongarm them a bit. Make them scared. We found the place just like you might imagine, tents, fires, loud redneck assholes all about. We knew it'd be hard to find the guys we were looking for, so we dodged into a tent to make a new plan. Inside… well there was this older guy. Probably about forty, He had two kids with him, boy and a girl, eight or nine both. He was… doing stuff to them."

"Molestation?"

Ymir swallowed.

"Yeah. Anyway, the boy starts struggling a bit, and the man says something like, 'Don't resist me now boy, or I'll have to hurt momma again'. And the kid stopped."

She scratched the back of her head.

"I think we were all probably a little mad. But Mikasa… she… she went crazy. Ran in, threw him off the kids and started pounding away at him. Krista grabbed the kids and pulled them out and she just kept hitting him. Wouldn't stop. Hit him till you couldn't recognize his face anymore. Took three of us to drag her out of there while Ilse made an anonymous call to the police saying that if they came to this place, they'd find two abused children and a lot of drunk rednecks. We never saw any Klan after that, but we read the stories in the papers the next day."

Shifting her position, she looked and saw Levi still staring out the window. For a solid minute, she thought she was going to have to ask him if he had slipped into a coma. Then,

"The Klan knows."

"Huh?"

He finally turned to look at her.

"They've apparently been tracking you guys for a while. It seems they had security cameras around their compound. Caught you guys running off."

In her chest, Ymir felt an icy hand grasp her heart.

"Now, like you said, they're not particularly smart. Took them this long to find you all. Now, through some low connections, they've gone to Kenny and tried paying him for some hits."

"How… how do you… "

"Gunther. His cousin is a member, but works for us as an insider."

Ymir sat back, stunned; Levi rose beside her.

"I don't know what correlation that has between the hits that have already been launched on you guys, but the Klan apparently isn't happy. Gunther says that it won't be long before they come looking for revenge themselves."

He adjusted his coat.

"Tell Hange. Tell her we can aid where we can if manpower is needed."

With that, he turned and began to walk off. Through Ymir's spinning head, she found the voice to call out after him.

"Levi!"

He stopped.

"What."

"You called him Kenny."

He said nothing,

"We just found out his name recently and Hange says she hasn't been to you with that information yet."

Silence.

"How do you know his name?"

He stood there for a long time. Then, he glanced back and spoke just three words before leaving her even more stunned then before.

"He's my father."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

When the mess had finally been cleared and she had trusted herself to stop swearing unnecessarily, Hange returned to her office where she heaved a huge sigh. Glancing at her computer screen, she realized that hours had passed since she had received word that Annie and Mikasa were at the airport; by now, that meant they were probably home or at least close. She had given strict instructions that they were to see her as soon as they arrived, not to berate them for lack of communication, but mostly to see with her own two eyes that they were okay.

It took her a moment to realize that Joseph was gone; she considered getting ahold of him to let him know that the subject of his agony and self-loathing would be arriving soon, but decided against it. Right now, it was probably best to leave him be. Right now, she had other things on her plate.

 _Sasha… Ilse… you two had better just be fucking each other in the back of a pickup, if something's happened to either of you.._

She wanted not to think about where they could have gone, but she had a few ideas, each as unappealing as the last. They could have gone off to extract some well-earned, but ill-advised revenge. They could have gone off snooping and got themselves into more than they were looking for. Or they could literally have just been grabbed and…

 _Nope. Don't say that._

Her office door swung open and she spun in her chair to reprimand Mike for barging in, but was instead greeted with the sight of Annie and Mikasa. The anger vanished from her eyes as she sprung to her feet.

"Mika… "

"Hey Hange."

If she hadn't already known what Mikasa had been through the previous night, Hange wouldn't have known anything was wrong. But as it was, the dark-haired girl was quite possibly the most skillful person on the planet when it came to hiding pain.

"You're… okay?"

Mikasa cocked her head.

"Been through worse."

Hange could tell she did not want to pursue the topic further and she obliged. Sighing and sitting as though it was just another day at the office, she asked,

"Did you learn anything pertinent?"

From the side, Annie gave an antagonizing snort.

"Not enough to be worth getting raped."

The sudden bitterness and tension she sensed between them was surprising; Hange made a mental note of it as Mikasa ignored Annie and revealed all she had found out. When she had finished, Hange leaned back, bobbing her head in thought.

"Our friend Kenny seems to be quite the Renaissance man. May have better luck digging up his past with a knowledge of his prior jobs… "

She smiled.

"Carven though… that could be what could give us an edge."

Mikasa frowned, crossing her arms,

"We don't know that for sure. My father said they knew each other before we went off the grid for a few years."

Hange's smile grew as she looked up.

"And Ymir said that Kenny said that very name to a woman who left his compound seconds before she entered."

A glimmer of a chance was shining and she was very ready to grab it.

 _But first…_

She stood purposefully.

"That is all very good, but we have a matter to attend to first."

Annie gave her a look.

"That being?"

Hange gave her a grim look.

"You weren't the only two to vanish off the radar."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ilse released the man's head an instant before Sasha swung; her fist smashed their victim across the face throwing it to the right for what felt like the umpteenth time. Taking a deep breath, Sasha stepped back, taking the roll of quarters from her fist to shake her hand out.

"We can sit here for a good while friend. This ends faster if you just spill it."

The bruised and bloody man looked up from the chair he was tied to.

"And what end is that?"

Sasha shrugged.

"You wanna find out?"

He shook his head and lowered it weakly.

"Go fuck yourself, whore."

Responding to the head jerk from her friend, Ilse pulled the man's head up and let go as another blow sent his head snapping to the left. As he coughed, blood dripping from his mouth, Sasha paced in front of him.

"If masturbating counts as fucking myself, I promise that will come in time. But for now… "

Positioning herself, she slammed a foot into his privates; he howled, his voice echoing off the walls of his house.

"… for now, I got no problem taking as long as I need to get you to talk."

Gasping as he finished his cries, the man blinked rapidly.

"What do you want?! What do you want to know?!"

Sasha lost her patience.

"What do I… ?"

Stomping over, she bent in front of him, lifting his bloody jaw and waving her fist in front of him. Ilse, while certainly concerned about her friend's behavior, was far more interested in what he had to say.

"You were at the hospital! I watched you drive in, pull out a gun, and just sit in your car. Waiting."

His dignity regained, he smiled back at her.

"Waiting for what?"

Shouting a curse, Sasha straightened and belted him again, his head swaying like a branch in the breeze. She stepped back and began pacing to calm herself. As she did, Ilse bent low to the man's ear.

"You know, it would probably be better for everybody if you just tell her what she wants to know. She doesn't normally get this mad."

She watched another smile crawl onto his face as he watched her friend pace.

"Bitch like her would get that worked up."

Sasha spun to glare at him with a newfound hatred; she took a step forward as if to hit him again, then stopped. Looking over his shoulder she stomped past both of them and, drawing her sidearm, smashed the nearest window to pieces. The man tried to twist behind him to see what was happening behind him, but Ilse forced his head forward. Sasha bent for several seconds, then returned to stand in front of him, several shards of glass in her hand.

"Last chance. What were you doing at the hospital?"

He looked unsure of what to say and unsure of what she was going to use the glass for. Regardless, he managed a halfhearted,

"Eat my ass."

Sasha looked to Ilse, smiling.

"Salad tossing… haven't been privileged to that myself in a while."

Then, she reached forward and thumbed him in the eye. He cried out in pain and, as he did, she took the chance to jam the glass into his mouth; forcefully closing it, she punched him again in the jaw. He gave a muffled scream and she hit him again. And again. She then tilted his head up to look him in the eyes as tears started to stream down his face. Raising her fist, she smirked as he pleaded something incoherent.

"Sorry, couldn't catch that."

She stepped back and he gasped, blood spilling from his mouth; he was able to form very fragile words.

"I… I don't know what you're talking about, I was just… "

Sasha grabbed him by the bottom jaw.

"I can hit you until glass juts through your cheeks; won't be pleasant I promise."

He stared back at her for several seconds before dropping his head in defeat.

"Please… just take the glass out. I'll tell you everything."

Ilse met her friend's eyes, who looked extremely suspicious, and shrugged.

 _Why the hell not? If he gives another smartass response, I assume she'll stick the glass up his ass instead._

Sasha plucked out the shards and gave the man a moment to cough blood over his floor.

"What were you doing there?"

He didn't look up as he replied.

"I was supposed to look for an opportunity to carry out a hit on Hange Zoe."

Ilse exchanged glances with her friend.

"I sat there for a good while, but more of you started showing up, then she called in some people to watch the place and I bounced."

Sasha knelt in front of him.

"You work for Kenny?"

He looked back.

"Yes."

She stood and walked slowly to the side of the room. Remaining there for a good minute, she then drove her foot into a cabinet with a smashing splinter of wood. Spinning, the looked furiously at him.

"I have to ask… what exactly did we do to you fuckers that makes your boss so goddamn inclined to rub us out?"

She slapped him.

"Huh? What did we do that was so wrong?"

Then, oddly enough, he smiled.

"You can ask him yourself."

Not taking his cryptic sass for a moment, Ilse grabbed him by the hair.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

He looked back at her, the forwards to Sasha, then back to her; he started chuckling. It started low then increased in pitch as he spoke.

"You… you seriously don't think I just let you walk into my house so you could torture me for information? You seriously don't think I wanted to lay on my doormat when you tripped my motion sensor alarm and gun you to pieces with an AA-12? You seriously don't think I reconsidered and have been buying time with you two while waiting for the backup I called in to arrive?"

Just then, a heavy thud sounded on the front door. Sasha dropped into a roll and flattened herself against the wall, drawing her gun again and looked out towards the darkening sky. She looked at Ilse, her eyes ripe with conserved panic; Ilse grabbed the man from the chair and threw him to the ground, placing a knife against his throat.

"You fuckin' cocksucker… "

He coughed blood and laughed.

"Whatever you say… "

Then he pounded the ground with his feet and fists, howling at the top of his lungs like a child,

"IN HERE! I'M IN HERE WITH TWO OF EM'! IN HERE! IN… "

Ilse threw his forward to the ground, leaping on top.

"Shut the fuck up… ! You wanna fucking die?!"

He smiled back at her.

"My life doesn't matter. I managed to use my life to get my boss's hands on two of Zoe's best operators. These guys don't care if I die in the process of taking you."

He struggled briefly to reposition himself more comfortably.

"What you two skanks should be thinking about is how much they're gonna hurt you… they're gonna break so many of your fuckin' bones, they'll rape you with fuckin' kitchen knives, they'll make you eat your own goddamn shit, you fuckin' dumbass…"

Having heard enough, Ilse slammed his head to the ground, silencing him. She rolled away next to her friend as another heavy thud sounded from the front door.

"Well… what's the plan?"

Sasha chewed the inside of her mouth, eyes blank as her mind worked furiously; she finally shook her head.

"Get as deep into the house as we can… hide out… try and play around them, sneak out when we get a chance."

"Sounds pretty up in the air, Sash."

She shrugged.

"It is."

After a few more moments, there was another bang; Sasha closed her eyes.

"Ilse… I'm sorry. I didn't want it to go down like this."

She sighed and leaned back against the wall.

"I thought it was a good lead."

Ilse grabbed her arm.

"It was. We… just didn't take the precautions we should have. Just do me a favor."

Sasha looked to her.

"I won't be leverage for Kenny to get at Hange and the rest. If it comes to it… "

She laid a hand on the top of Sasha's gun.

"… don't let them take me."

For a moment, Sasha looked dumbfounded. Then, a fierce will appeared in her eyes.

"Won't happen. You're getting out of here."

"Sash, we're gonna try, but… "

A hand clapped over her mouth.

"No buts. You're getting out of here."

She pulled back the slide on her gun.

"Even if it's without me."

They met eyes and Ilse felt a rush of affection as the front door exploded in on itself.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The sun had fully dipped beneath the horizon as the three men were forcefully ejected from the bar. Not that they cared; they were in such fine spirits that being asked to leave by complaint of noise did nothing to their morale.

They talked as they walked, bragging about who had made the girl scream more, who had hurt her the most, who Kenny was the most pleased with. He had given them all the night off, and they were doing well by way of enjoying themselves; the town was their oyster.

Diverting into an alley that led to some lesser lit streets, one of them suggested they walk over towards the Boneyards where they could pick up a cheap high. There was enthusiastic consent and they turned left onto the road that led to the dark steel towers beyond. They loomed in the distant like a dark impenetrable fortress that awaited their attempt at conquering. One of them made a Lord of the Rings joke that was met with heavy laughter.

The man in the back was least intoxicated, but his special awareness was still not particularly keen. With the dark settling on the area, he would have been hard pressed to find a reason to look down one particular alley as they walked by. As such, he never saw the swing of the bat that ended his life.

The two out front turned in mild surprise and the dull thud that sounded. They got only so far as turning to face the toppling body of their companion before that same bat whipped around and smashed into the head of the one on the right. He screamed as his eye socket splintered, collapsing in on itself and spraying blood all over the sidewalk. The final man, stared in bewilderment before deciding that perhaps it would be a good idea to draw his gun. His pistol never stopped pointing at the ground before the bat came down on his wrist, breaking it immediately. He had a chance to fall backward, screeching in pain before the bat came down again, caving in his skull.

The next two minutes consisted of thuds and whacks as the bat came up and down with absurd frequency. The wielder payed no mind to the flashing traffic lights as they changed color, nor the moon as it dipped over the mountains, nor his phone as it buzzed in his pocket. His sole focus as his crazed eyes pummeled the bodies of the three men into deformed, bloody husks, was trying to imagine each and every one of them raping the girl who now lay in the hospital.

At long last, he ceased his swinging, sweat dripping from his brow as he panted for breath. He stood there looking around at them for a good several minutes, before walking calmly back to his motorcycle. And without a look back at the bodies, Joe sped off into the night, trying to ignore the fact that the girl he had imagined them raping had been his own love, not Franz's.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

 **AN: Winding down the remainder of this story; still a good few chapters to go, but we are nearing the final act. I won't deny I haven't already started thinking about a sequel, but we'll see how this one ends up. Hell, even I don't even know how this one's going to end at this point.**


	38. Chapter 38

" _ **I was on my own.**_

 _ **The emptiness left when you exercised my haunted soul.**_

 _ **I will never stray from the only constant I've ever known.**_

…

 _ **I am grateful to be here with you.**_

 _ **You set me free. You set me free."**_

 _ **-Erra**_

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Staring intently down the sights of her weapon, Ilse's ear twitched as Sasha stepped on a creaky floorboard and swore quietly.

The two of them were slowly backing deeper into the house, guns out and primed. With the destruction of the front door, it was safe to say by this point that their enemy was in the house with them. And deep down, Ilse knew that neither of them was confident about the outcome of this inevitable face-off.

Sasha was trying very hard to appear sure of herself, but Ilse knew it was for her sake and wasn't sure if her friend even believed herself. It was a bad situation. Maybe even an irreparable situation. But they both knew they would go down fighting.

Ilse twitched as Sasha's lips brushed her ear.

"Basement to the right."

A flare of possibility rushed through her mind. They could board up in the basement and hold off for as long as they could; with no cell coverage, it would be their only option. Call the police and they would still get a short end of the stick if they survived the encounter for breaking and entering with lethal intent. But holding the basement presented the eventual possibility of getting gassed or smoked out. At this juncture though, it bought them the most time. She nodded.

Suddenly, from behind her, she heard a short scuffle and a muffled yelp from her friend. Heart rate jumping, she spun and crouched, gun raised to a ready position. In a shaft of moonlight passing through the window, she saw a small hand tight over Sasha's mouth.

"Ease up you two, we're out of here."

Ilse had never been gladder to hear Annie's icy tone as she released a relieved Sasha; with no further words passing between them, they followed her back to the window she had apparently crawled from and leapt out after her. The men who had supposedly been keeping the perimeter on that side of the house all lay on the black ground, unmoving and slumped. The three of them hit the ground softly, crouching or tucking into rolls to protect the ankles. They straightened and looked around at the fallen men.

"Annie… how in the hell did you… "

Sasha was cut off as a call came from the other side of the house.

"Adams! Come here a sec!"

All three of them ducked and drew their guns; a bobbing light approached from around the corner.

"Hey Adams!"

As he rounded the corner, he brought his light up. It was impossible to tell what he was thinking as his eyes bulged, staring at the three young women with guns drawn and the bodies of his companions lying still around them. He got as far as opening his mouth before an arm wrapped around his throat and a foot kicked him to the ground. A sharp jab to his wrist dropped his gun and he thrashed silently as his assailant choked him into darkness. He had stopped moving for a good ten seconds before Mikasa rose and glanced at them.

"Move."

She joined them at the front as they moved as quickly and quietly as they could towards the tree-line. As they passed into the brush, there was a roar behind them and Ilse glanced back to see a small explosion rock the lower level of the house through the windows; she was torn away as Annie took her arm and yanked her forward. They wandered a good ten minutes before the black shape of a car appeared in front of them, sitting silently on the road. Mikasa slid into shotgun while the rest piled into the back; in the blackness and utter silence that suddenly took hold, Ilse was aware of someone sitting in the driver's seat. When Hange spoke, it was with a frightening amount of restrained anger.

"Now… now that I have the four of you here, I want to make something very plain."

Knowing Sasha was experiencing the same, Ilse felt a childlike rush of guilt.

"I understand how strong all of you are. I understand your confidence in your decisions because of that. But… we CANNOT continue running off on our own and diving into fresh piles of shit."

Ilse felt, more than saw, Hange's grip tighten on the wheel.

"Krista is in the hospital, bullethole in her stomach. Mikasa just got back from getting raped… "

 _What?_

"… and now I have you two, gallivanting off and almost getting gangbanged by twenty men with guns."

She took in a deep breath.

"You are all the children I never had. I can't lose any of you. I will not lose any of you."

Quiet held the car still for a solid minute, as Ilse allowed herself some time to be angry at herself. She could feel Sasha shaking next to her. After a time, Hange started the car, speaking with a tone that clearly said nothing further needed to be mentioned.

"So. I assume you learned something from your outing."

Sasha swallowed and spoke up as they pulled out onto the road.

"Our… our car was… "

"Mike came with me, he took it back to the office."

"Oh."

She didn't seem capable of saying anything else; Ilse filled their boss in.

"Sash saw a guy hanging out with a gun at the hospital. We followed him back here and talked to him. He uh… "

Shifting uncomfortably, she looked out the window at the now-speeding darkness which was all she trusted herself to look at.

"He said he was there to take you out Hange."

"I assumed as much."

Ilse glanced up, confused.

"You… assumed?"

"I saw the same man and had someone tag him to his place. That same someone told me he saw you two breaking in, that's how we knew to come."

She rapped the steering wheel, clearly now deep in thought.

"When Joseph talked to Wilburn at the bar, he mentioned they had planned on hitting me next, but were planning on playing it low for a while."

In the mirror, Ilse could see her smiling.

"I imagine they caught onto Joseph and told him that so he could pass it on and lure us into a false sense of security. And with Krista in the hospital… "

The car began to swerve slightly, and Mikasa reached over to pull it back straight; Hange seemed entirely unaware.

"… they would have a perfect chance to knock at us while we're distracted."

She continued driving, eyes narrowed in thought before shaking her head and sighing.

"I already told Ymir, but be at the office early tomorrow. We… have a lot we need to talk about."

Ilse sat forward with a newfound interest, but realized how unbelievably tired she was. They continued to drive for fifteen minutes as Hange drove them to each of their respective dwellings. Ilse was the second last to depart and was only able to get into her apartment, shower, and collapse onto her bed before she was sleeping like a rock, her last thought being of the disappointment she had heard in Hange's voice.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

As they eased up in front of her apartment, Hange glanced to Mikasa.

"He in there?"

She shrugged.

"I assume so. It's the weekend and he normally crashes here on those nights."

She wasn't afraid to ask.

"You think he'll be here now that he knows where you've been?"

"I don't know."

Mikasa barely spoke above a whisper.

"I hope so."

Hange rapped on the steering wheel; this, she was afraid to say.

"If he is there… tell him not to come in tomorrow."

She received a confused glance that she knew was coming.

"Why?"

"You'll see. It'll make sense tomorrow."

She sensed no recess of Mikasa's confusion, but, unbelievably, the shitty excuse worked.

"Okay."

She felt a rush of relief.

"Alright well… goodnight."

"Night Hange."

She climbed smoothly out of the car and glanced at her apartment a moment, as though scared to approach it. Then, she gave a short wave, walked up to the door, and disappeared inside. Hange sat in the car a long time before pulling away. She was furious at herself. Not because of what she had hidden from all of them, but how she had hidden it directly after reprimanding them for hiding things themselves.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

He was there.

Mikasa felt her relief almost immediately washed away by a wave of anxiety.

 _He knows._

So what? He would be relieved to see her safe and alive, right? He wouldn't care that she had forced his hand as long as she was there now, right?

She didn't buy a word of her own bullshit as she walked cautiously towards her room.

Joseph was sitting on the floor, back against the bed, almost perfectly still. If he hadn't tilted his head slightly towards the door as she entered, he could have passed for asleep.

 _Say something._

She wanted him to stand up and look at her with relief. She wanted him to walk to her, to hold her. She wanted him to say how thankful he was that she was alive.

"You're here."

That was all he managed from his place on the floor. He didn't even turn to look at her; she wanted to feel angry, but couldn't muster it.

"Yes."

He sighed.

"You're doing okay, I assume, if you're here."

She crossed her arms.

"I'll live."

His head tipped forward into his hands.

"Well… glad Annie at least had the decency to keep an eye on you, unlike some useless fucks I know."

It hit Mikasa then that he wasn't mad at her.

 _He can't blame himself._

As though he read her mind, he turned slightly; he still wasn't looking at her, though she could see half of his shadowed face. He looked very destroyed.

"It is my fault, you know. I could have come along. He told me too."

 _He?_

"But I didn't. I didn't protect you. Because I… "

Suddenly, he pitched forward, offering a low moan.

"Why… why, why, WHY… did you tell me to stay?"

She found she couldn't move.

"I thought it would be for the best."

It was a mistake as soon as she said it; he vaulted to his feet, his face now a despondent and angry mess.

"Why would you do that to me?"

"I… I… "

"You knew what... what that MONSTER was capable of! And you went ALONE!"

He spun away towards the wall.

"And worthless excuse for a person I am, I just LET you go!"

"Joseph… "

"And now look what's HAPPENED!"

Through her own self-hatred and sadness at his state, she felt anger rise up.

"Stop blaming yourself."

He turned and looked at her in disbelief.

"Why? It's my fault!"

"No. It isn't."

"I essentially let you walk into a lion's den, didn't go with you, didn't tell anyone. How is that not my fault?"

"And I was the one who forced that on you."

He howled and drove his fist into the wall.

"I listened! I obeyed! And now… "

She was at his side in an instant; she took his shoulders and forced him to look at her. The agony in his eyes almost broke her voice.

"You respected what I wanted. And I made a stupid decision. But you know what?"

He looked back, saying nothing; she brushed a thumb against his cheek.

"If I could go back two days, I wouldn't change a thing if I thought it would put you in danger too."

For a moment, he looked back at her as she offered him a gentle smile. Then, his mask broke and he fell into silent tears, burying his face in her shoulder and wrapping her into a tight hug. His embrace felt better than anything she had ever experienced and she responded just as strongly, shushing him quietly as he shook in her arms.

"I… I don't think… I've ever been more scared."

"Shh… its okay, I'm okay… "

"Please don't… don't ever do that again… "

He continued to mutter desperate pleas to her as she eased him onto the bed. She lay there with him for some time, holding him tightly until he lapsed into a deep sleep, breath coming in large swells. Sitting up, she put her hand under his shirt, dragging her fingers along his back. He shifted in his sleep, loosing a deep sigh and she dragged the covers over him. Several minutes passed before she rose to shower.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Did you see what he did?"

…

"I can't believe he did that."

…

"Her, of all people."

…

"I should teach him a lesson for this."

…

"Maybe I will."

…

"But I'll be patient."

…

"There's still quite the fight to be had."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

As she rose and dressed as quietly as she could, Mikasa couldn't keep her mind away from why Hange had requested her to not bring Joseph.

 _Makes no sense… everyone will be there… except Krista, but she's in the hospital for Christ's sake…_

With a sting, she remembered that days prior, she had promised to take him running with her in the morning. It was something she did rather frequently, and, while he admitted to being on his high school's running team, he had long since fallen out of the sport since leaving for college. So she had told him, one of these mornings, they would both go. She remembered him talking in a mockingly arrogant voice,

"I'll go slow so you can keep up, never fear."

"Thank goodness, I was hoping I wouldn't have to ask."

"Oh, I always know what's on your mind, no use keeping secrets from me."

"Yeah?"

She had given him a raised eyebrow.

"What am I thinking about right now?"

He had looked at her with a flash of confusion, before resuming his braggart pose.

"Let's see… well, it's obvious isn't it? You're wondering how I'm so awesome."

The childlike remark had made her laugh before she replied.

"No, actually, I was wondering when we were having Sasha over for that three-way."

His attitude vanished into one of incredible annoyance.

"Can you stooooooooop?!"

Laughing, she had walked to the car, leaving him to follow, demanding why she refused to drop that stupid idea when he hadn't even come up with it in the first place.

 _Oh Joseph… if you weren't so easily annoyed, it'd be a lot less enjoyable to make fun of you._

As she pulled on her shoes, she happened to glance at him again. He looked ridiculously content, dreaming who knew what deep dreams. Sliding her knife into its sheath, she walked delicately over. Being careful not to wake him, she knelt silently and pressed her lips to his forehead. Holding for a few seconds, she pulled away, then mentally cursed herself as his eyes drifted blearily open.

 _Mikasa, you idiot._

"Wuzzgoinon?"

"Shh… nothing, nothing, Hange just needs to see me real fast."

He reached out and grabbed her hand.

"Whywithowme?"

She smiled at his garbled words.

"Don't worry."

She kissed his hand.

"I'll probably be back before you're even up."

"Promise?"

"Yeah. I promise. We can go on that run I promised…"

"Yeah… yeah, lesrun… "

Giving a great sniff, he exhaled and snuggled back under the covers, closing his eyes again. Not wanting to further bother him, Mikasa scooted out the door and to the car, still asking herself why he wasn't supposed to come with.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ymir stared intently at Hange as the older woman processed what she had just said. She had just related what Levi had informed her of the previous day at the hospital, save for the part about Kenny…

… _being his goddamn father, Levi, what the fuck…_

Sasha, Ilse, Mikasa and Annie were all present and were listening just as closely. It took several seconds for Hange to stop spinning madly in her chair, before sighing.

"Klan. Just what we need."

Ymir risked a glance at Mikasa, whose arms were crossed so tightly, they could have passed for steel beams. It was no secret what she had done that night and while Ymir hadn't brought it up, she was sure everyone was thinking about it.

"Well, it's good Levi has a source he's willing to share. Though, why, I can't imagine… "

Rapping the desk sharply, she stood.

"Ymir, thank you for bringing that to my attention. Now, for the reason I asked you all here this morning… "

Hange looked at the clock for the seven hundredth time in the last minute and Ymir shifted weight uncomfortably; she was very tense being away from Krista, but her boss had made it clear that this was of serious importance. Eyes still on the clock, Hange tapped her knuckles.

"Any second now… "

Seconds ticked by.

"Aaaaaaaany second now… "

Sasha and Ilse exchanged glances and Mikasa's eyes narrowed.

"Hange, what exactly are we waiting for?"

Ymir noticed then that the older woman looked nervous, but was trying very much to hide it.

"We uh… we have someone who wants… "

The door opened a crack and an equally nervous Mike poked his head in.

"Boss, he's… he's here."

Hange took a deep breath.

"Send him in."

Mike nodded and retreated; she looked around seriously at all of them.

"No matter what, don't lose your calm… "

The door banged open and Kenny Ackerman strolled in, followed by a sputtering Mike.

"You can't just barge in… "

A spidery hand went up.

"Now, now, my good man, I was welcome, was I not?"

Ymir felt a strange numbness in her bones as Hange waved her aid back.

"It's fine Mike, thank you."

He swallowed and closed the door. Kenny beamed around at all of them as though they were his long lost children. Annie had taken a step in front of Mikasa, though the subject of her protection looked very much like she would like to pull the man's head off then and there. Ilse was looking reserved though a muscle was working madly in her jaw; Sasha was making no such attempt to hide he emotions, eyes wide with anger and shock.

"Now, where is my little niece… "

His eyes came to rest on Mikasa.

"There she is! Come give Uncle Kenny a hug!"

She didn't move; Kenny didn't seem to take offense. Hange spoke from her desk; her own knuckles were rather white.

"You called this meeting. Start it."

He looked around in disbelief.

"I am starting it… !"

When he realized he was getting no-bullshit glares from everyone in the room, he rolled his eyes.

"Party poopers."

He yanked over a chair, bumping Sasha's leg in the process; he gave her a fake apologetic wink.

"Sorry love."

She swelled angrily, but said nothing. He dropped into the chair and kicked his legs onto Hange's desk, clearing his throat.

"So here's the thing ya'll."

He inclined his head.

"This is not at all what I wanted when I got into drug trafficking."

Whatever dam holding Ymir in place collapsed and she felt her anger spill from her mouth.

"Yeah? What exactly did you have in mind other than shooting pregnant women, taking hits out on people who have yet to wrong you, and trying to force sides to shoot each other to pieces?"

Kenny looked at her with wide eyes.

"She was pregnant? Oh my, that's so sad though. I feel just awful."

She held his mocking gaze until it faded and his toothy grin returned. He winked,

"Just kidding. It was your fault you know."

Ymir found her rage rendering her speechless again. Laughing in her face, he returned his attention forward.

"I'll admit I have been far too pushy. You were here first, finders keepers. Sure. Okay."

He leaned back, completely at ease.

"We've killed people on both sides. But this hit last night… that was low, even for our conflict."

Hange looked at him coldly.

"What are you talking about."

He snorted.

"Oh please."

Pulling free a tablet from his long jacket, he punched the screen several times and tossed it onto her desk.

"Don't pretend that's not one of your peeps bashing in the heads of my men."

Ymir leaned forward with the rest to watch; three men were striding down a street, darkness falling, when a figure stepped out of an alley, swinging a bat. Within seconds he had subdued them, and proceeded to pound their bodies into bloody masses. Feeling a queasy rush in her stomach, Ymir had only to look at Mikasa's paled face to know that was indeed Joseph. Kenny pulled back his tablet and stowed it.

"One of yours, yes?"

She met his gaze unflinching.

"That was not an ordered hit. He acted on his own accord for reasons I don't know."

Hange leaned forward, ignoring the furious look shot to her by Mikasa.

"May have had something to do with the fact they raped and beat a girl who is now in a hospital."

Ymir felt a rush of confusion along with her fury. Kenny grinned.

"Can you prove that?"

Gaining no response, his smile widened.

"But here I can prove that he bashed their brains in."

Still nothing.

"Sooooo… you gave no order to hit them."

"None."

"Just a loose gun then, is what you're saying."

She didn't reply. As though she had agreed with him, he leaned back, nodding and stroking his chin.

"Hmm… hmm… "

He remained in an obviously thoughtful state for only a few seconds before sitting up and clapping his hands.

"Okay, well look. I'd like to propose a deal. One where we can put our little war behind us."

Hange didn't move other than to reply.

"We're listening."

"So here's my end. I back off. Retreat to territory that you guys don't have on lock already. No more hits and I'll even do what I can to leash the Klan boys who are trying to get at you. Though no promises there. As police chief, I'll kill the charges against Sasha and Ilse for breaking and entering my employee's home."

Ymir's fists clenched and unclenched furiously as he spoke.

"We take domain over our prospective areas and we never have to see each other again."

He smiled broadly as though he had just revealed himself to be Santa Claus. Hange drummed her fingers together.

"So that's your end."

"Yup."

"And I assume you want something in return."

"You'd be correct."

"What is it you want."

He sighed.

"Very easy for you all, that what I want. Very simple and hopefully, relatively painless."

His grin reached a peak in size.

"Kill Joseph. Then we're square."


	39. Chapter 39

Ymir would have guessed that she would have been the one that would need restraining in a meeting with Kenny; with what he had done, paired with his unbearable attitude, would have had her assuming she would have attempted to kill him long before anyone else in the room. She, however, was merely stunned into silence at what he said as Mikasa threw herself forward. Annie spun and wrapped her arms around her friend's waist, digging her heels into the ground to stop her. Kenny turned to look,

"My goodness, perhaps that's a taller demand than I had thought."

Mikasa snarled as Annie forced her up against the wall.

"You disgusting piece of… !"

Hange stood very quickly.

"You've made your point. We'll deliberate and get back to you."

She spoke with an obvious haste; Kenny rose, looking around with a slight air of confusion and amusement. His eyes locked onto Mikasa as he stepped towards the door. A look of realization dawned on his face.

"Oh, don't tell me you two are humpin', are you?"

When her only response was to spit at him, he gave a brief, shriek of laughter.

"Oh they're humpin', they are!"

And with another savage bark of laughter, he was out the door and gone.

A solid minute passed before Annie deemed it safe to release Mikasa and Ymir felt feeling returning to her fingers. As deep breaths were taken, Ilse looked to Hange, withholding anger.

"Hange… what exactly was that?"

Mikasa had no problem hiding her anger as she stomped to the front of the desk.

"That's why you didn't have him show, isn't it?"

Her fist came down on the desktop.

"ISN'T IT?"

"Mikasa, listen to me… "

"Have him hang back so he doesn't get to hear that all that… "

She jabbed an aggressive finger at the door.

"… that FUCKER wants is him dead?!"

She gave an empty laugh as she spun away.

"Real fuckin' classy. Real… just real goddamn upstanding."

When she looked as though she could get words in, Hange spoke low and calm.

"When he requested this meeting, he asked that Joseph not be here. I did not know the reason."

Mikasa looked disbelieving, but said nothing back, simply stared at the wall, looking furious. Sasha rapped her knuckles on her knees.

"What… what do we do?"

She immediately balked at the sight of the seething look Mikasa shot her and raised her hands.

"I'm not suggesting we… we do what he wants! But… we have to do something! Tell him something, hit him back with something!"

Ilse nodded, still looking like she was still coming to terms with what had just happened.

"Let's bring in Joseph… Levi, maybe as well. Let them know what's happened, as soon as… "

"No."

Ymir heard herself speak for the first time in minutes; eyes turned to her and she met all of them.

"Joseph… he can never know what just transpired in here."

Mikasa took a step forward.

"What?"

Ymir shrugged as though her point was obvious.

"We can't tell him."

Despite the obvious menace on her friend's face, she didn't feel afraid.

"Say that again."

"We can't."

She stared back into Mikasa's raging eyes; she felt surprise at how calmly she spoke.

"C'mon Mika, you know him better than any of us."

Gesturing around, she laughed humorlessly.

"None of us are good people. We've killed, we've stolen, we've broken the law. He's no exception. But… "

She swallowed.

"I think he has the most heart out of any of us. More than once, he's risked everything for our sake. Jumped between Krista and I and a gunman. Broke his roommate's neck when he thought he could rat us out. Even fucking took the attention of twenty armed policemen to let us get away. I… "

Cursing herself for her weakness, she couldn't help herself from looking down.

"I don't doubt that if he knew that him being dead would give us a chance, A CHANCE, for peace with that sick fuck, I don't… I don't think he would hesitate to… "

"Stop."

Mikasa's eyes had closed as she silently accepted the truth of Ymir's words; smiling, the latter spoke.

"Hell Mika, he'd chop off his own hand if he thought it would get you a good night's sleep."

"I know… I know… "

Silence descended on the group as Ymir's words sank in. For a time, they all just thought, did what they could to soothe their racing minds. It didn't take long for a lone, cold voice from the doorway to halt that process.

"So let him."

Ymir spun with the rest to see Levi, leaning against the doorway and looking annoyed. When he saw he had their attention, he stalked into the room.

"Why not let him. Give him the chance to be a martyr. To give himself up to ensure that… "

He only got a few steps into the room and a few words out before Mikasa had thrown him against the leftmost wall; he didn't look surprised as she snarled at him.

"Shut your fucking mouth."

Blinking boringly up at her, he had no trouble keeping her gaze.

"I didn't come to fight."

They stared at each other for several seconds before she released him and stepped back, still eying him with lethal intent. He ignored her and straightened his clothes.

"As far as I see it, two things come about if you tell him. A, he does nothing, out of either cowardice or something else. He then spends the rest of his life feeling guilty and blaming himself if even the slightest negative thing happens to any of you."

He dragged a chair over and dropped into it lazily.

"B, he commits suicide to call off Kenny. He certainly seems the type to do so."

Looking around at the angry glares that met him, he shrugged.

"Or you kill him and that's that."

Mikasa didn't move, but tensed and Annie took her by the lower arm. After a moment, Hange leaned forward slowly, exhaling as she did.

"Not a one of those options is appealing. Every one winds up with a sour ending, no matter how you slice it. But know this… "

Her eyes narrowed.

"No one lays a finger on any of my kids without answering to me. Or… "

She glanced around.

"… frankly, any one of them may handle revenge for me."

He stared back dully for several seconds. Then, unbelievably, he smiled.

"I assumed you'd say that. So I brought a different plan."

Reaching into his jacket, he pulled free a folded piece of paper and threw it onto her desk. Hange picked it up and, unfolding it, gave it a long look-over. She glanced up then, looking suspicious.

"What is this?"

He sat back, still unveiling no emotion, the smile gone from his face.

"Those are the plans of the building where we found to be Kenny's primary manufacturing facility for ecstasy and crack."

The tension in the room altered drastically; Ymir felt her heart rate double as Ilse stepped forward.

"That's… that's where he makes all of his… "

"Perhaps not all, but we've been watching the building for days. Pounds of drugs a day, and they leave just as frequently as they are made."

Sasha now looked like she was trying not to smile.

"What exactly are you giving us this for?"

He stood.

"Gave you what? You found this on your own. You were just now showing it to me."

He slid the chair out of his way and politely stepped towards the door. Without looking back, he said curtly,

"The building is disguised as a power plant and thusly would be very susceptible to explosives. Lot of walls, not a lot of windows. Tomorrow night, they will have one of the two most quiet shift groups, least resistance."

He looked to deliberate something.

"Good luck."

And he was gone.

Ymir felt an excited pulse racing through her chest as she looked around; she could see the same hungry look in the eyes of her friends that she knew was reflected in her own. When no one broke the silence, she did herself.

"So our options are: kill Joseph, do nothing, or blow the hell out of that fucker's supply building."

Snorting quietly, Ilse muttered,

"I only heard one option there."

Sasha's knuckles popped sharply.

"Yeah, me too."

Hange was smiling.

"Meet back here in three hours. I'm going to start working on a plan. No mistakes are going to be made if we go through with this."

Her tone made it obvious that there was nothing to deliberate. As they made to leave, Hange called after.

"Mika."

Ymir stopped in the hallway to listen.

"I'll leave the decision to tell him about this meeting up to you; whether you want to keep it a secret, tell him part of it, or all of it."

Imaging what she thought Mikasa's response would be, Ymir walked swiftly down to her car. She pondered what she would do had she been given the option, and then thought of if Kenny had called for Krista to die. Then, the decision stopped being a decision altogether.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Mind still racing as she pulled back into the driveway of her residence, Mikasa shook herself free of her stupor and walked quickly up the front steps. Deep in the back of her mind, she could still hear Kenny's demand and it shot the occasional burst of anger into her veins, but she fought it down.

In all honesty, she didn't know what she would tell him regarding the meeting. On the winning and logical side of the argument, hiding it from him was clearly the best response.

She was surprised to not find him in bed; normally, he would sleep for as long as he was able and she had, on more than once occasion, practically dragged him from the recess of the covers he so loved. She made her way through the small apartment and found the bathroom door closed. She knocked and stepped back as a great deal of commotion followed by a lot of swearing resulted.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm… yeah, totally good. No need to worry."

 _Well, that's exactly the sort of thing you could say to make me worried, you asshole._

"What are you doing in there?"

"I… nothing, just… you know, bathroom stuff… "

She would have laughed at his unbelievable answer if she hadn't been so suspicious. Leaning against the door, she asked hesitantly.

"Are you masturbating?"

"What?! No, don't be ridiculous!"

Reaching up and grabbing the key that was above the doorframe, she listened to him continuing to babble.

"Don't know why you would think that, totally absurd, just give me like a few seconds and I'll be right out…"

Half expecting to see him standing half naked with porn playing on his phone, she unlocked and forced the door open to a different surprise. Propped on the bedside table from the room was a sewing machine which Joseph was dutifully bent over; the bathroom fan drowned out the buzzing of the machine. He looked surprised, then immediately began spewing apologies and excuses.

"Ah shit, I'm sorry, I wanted it to be a surprise, I know I should have asked your permission, but I wanted to do it without you knowing, at least until it was done, jeez, I'm sorry, just don't… don't be too mad… "

Her eyes moved to the subject of his rambling; it was the scarf Eren had given her all those years ago. After she had moved into high school, she had stopped wearing it, but that hadn't prevented it from being ratty and torn up from all those days of use. Now seeing it though… it was as though she had just gotten it yesterday. It looked flawless, no loose strands, no holes, no uneven threads; she took a step forward and picked it up. Quietly, she heard herself ask,

"You did this?"

He had adopted a very defensive position and his eyes remained deadlocked on the ground.

"Yeah, I took a sewing class in high school as an elective for shits and giggles… and… yeah, I just thought maybe… "

That was all he managed before she swept him up into a tight hug. She said nothing, but there was nothing to be said. In that instant, she decided she would never tell him what Kenny had demanded; Ymir was right. He was too good of a person to be trusted with that information. After several seconds, she stepped back and smiled, dragging her fingers along the fabric of the resewn scarf as affection poured through her. His expression was nothing less than surprised.

"C'mon, let's take that run."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

When Joe heard the news that the following night they would be hitting one of Kenny's compounds in what could only be described as tactical espionage, he felt a rush of anxiety and excitement that he hadn't felt in some time. Finally, they would be striking back at the son of a bitch, hitting him where it hurt. He and Mikasa had driven to their building shortly after an embarrassing run and she had left him be to speak with Hange behind closed doors. He had been pacing wildly around their own compound ever since until he had come across Annie.

"Hey, you wanna practice for a bit?"

She had barely looked at him.

"Not right now."

"Aw c'mon, what's the matter, scared I might win?"

Rolling her eyes, she had accepted faster than he had expected. He also noticed the strange look she gave him.

"Fine."

And so, for the first time in a while, he was back to be being tossed over her hip like a rag doll. This time, he landed on his side rather than his back; it didn't hurt any less.

"Ow… jeez, you'd think at some point I'd get the hang of this."

"You would think."

He smirked at her jibe, then sprang up and forward. Catching her in the kidney with a hit, he felt surprise that he had landed a blow as she grunted. Then, she grabbed his wrist, twisted and smashed his chest with her elbow, sending him down again. Gasping for air, he rolled over and dug his knees into the mat; it took him several seconds before he found himself able to stand. She was looking at him with the same strange expression. This time, she initiated, closing the distance quickly and driving her knee into his stomach. Growling in pain, he wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close, then tried reaching under her thigh to throw her to the ground. She anticipated his move and twisted on her heel; falling into a roll, she threw him over her head and he went sprawling. Allowing himself several seconds, he rose painfully, cursing.

"And at some point, I'll stop letting my guard down every time I… "

He trailed off as he saw her; she had her back mostly to him and was holding her pistol. Blinking in bemusement, he straightened.

"What's up?"

She didn't react at all other than to raise the pistol slightly. When she spoke, it sounded very distant.

"I don't know why I have this with me."

Confused, but slightly at ease, he nodded understandingly.

"Yeah sometimes, I'll find myself with mine when I didn't even remember holstering it… "

She laid it on the table and stared at it for several moments; as Joe paced to the side to catch his breath, he saw her eyes. They were shining with tears.

"Whoa, whoa, are you okay?"

Swallowing, she slowly turned her gaze to him.

"I have to be somewhere."

Shifting his footing, he nodded nervously.

"Okay, just… are you sure you're alright? I mean, I wouldn't assume that… "

In an instant, she was in front of him, wrapping him into one of the tightest hugs he had ever received. Then, she turned and walked briskly from the room. He stood there for a very long time, trying to process what had just happened. Almost subconsciously, he felt himself walk from the room and into the hallways, where he wandered with no aim in mind.

 _What the hell just happened?_

So caught up in his thoughts that he was, that he and Ymir almost knocked each other over, crossing paths.

"Oh shit, sorry man… "

"It's fine, should have been watching where I was going."

She looked at him, almost looking worried.

"How you doing?"

He blinked in surprise; Ymir never put much stock in how anyone else felt other than Krista.

"Me?"

"Yeah, you genius."

"I uh… I guess I'm doing alright."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Mind if I walk with you?"

Again, he blinked in surprise.

"No, feel free."

They walked slowly down the hall through a somewhat awkward silence, before Ymir finally burst out.

"Mind if I ask you sort of a weird question?"

Joe laughed.

"I like weird questions."

"This one's pretty weird. So, say Mikasa is about to be put in a lot of danger. You don't know what kind, but you know it'll be bad. Would you sacrifice yourself to prevent that?"

He stared at her.

"Where is this coming from?"

She laughed nervously.

"Just was talking to Krista about… stuff… you know, when you're in the hospital for that long, you run out of stuff to talk about."

Nodding, he looked back forward.

"Well, yeah, of course I would."

In his peripheral, he could see Ymir nodding aggressively,

"Okay, okay, but say this: there's only a fifty percent chance that you dying saves her. Still do it?"

He furrowed his eyebrows.

"Ymir, I would do it if there was a one percent chance."

Stopping, he turned to look at her; she was staring back, now looking almost frightened.

"Seriously, where is this coming from?"

"I… I was just curious, I'm sorry, I'll uh… just go now, sorry about that… "

And before he could no anything more than open his mouth, she was gone. Standing still in the hallway for several seconds, he turned his gaze to the ceiling.

"What… the FUCK… is wrong with everybody?"

Shaking his head, he resumed his pace and found himself by the stairwell that led to the roof. It was ajar curiously and he found himself taking the path up to see who was taking the roof as a place of solace that afternoon. Reaching the top, he looked around as the brilliant sun struck him and he winced, shielding his eyes. On the far side, Sasha leaned up against the barrier that surrounded the area; in a juvenile instance, he crept up silently behind her, intent on giving her a good scare. Then, he sniffed the air and got a good whiff. He laughed and she spun around.

"Wow Sash, hell of a time to get high."

Cursing, she tried pathetically to hide the blunt that was between her fingers behind her; he walked up, shaking his head.

"C'mon, of all the people to judge you, do you really think you need to worry about me?"

She eyed him cautiously as he leaned up next to her.

"Yes."

He laughed.

"Fair enough."

Gesturing, he smiled.

"Gimme a hit and I won't say a word."

Sasha stared at him in surprise.

"Joseph you… don't do drugs, I thought."

"That's true, but I've also never tried."

Returning his smile, she handed it over; he took a drag and immediately coughed. Ignoring her laughs, he shook his head, trying to clear it and handed it back. A strange feeling dragged itself through his mind.

"Jeez, your inexperience show."

"Thanks."

She gave his back a hearty few pats as he issued a few final coughs. Taking a drag of her own, she asked,

"So how's your day going? Mika mentioned you two went for a run."

"Yeah, she uh… she's definitely more of an athlete than I am."

He could see her smiling out of the corner of his eye, sun catching her hair in a spectacular fashion.

"She also mentioned that maybe you couldn't keep your eyes off her."

Pulling himself up in indignation, he gave a blustering reply,

"Alright, when she wears just short shorts and a sports bra, how am I supposed to look at anything else?"

Joe continued firing the question as she laughed.

"How? How exactly?"

He started poking her in the side where he knew she was ticklish.

"Huh? How?"

"Joseph… stop… STOP… "

"Answer. How?"

Giggling madly, she tried squirming away.

"I don't… I don't know, STOP… "

He finally relented, chuckling himself as she gained control of her faculties. As their laughter died away, he stared off towards the horizon, toward the rolling hills that led to the vast plains beyond. He felt a rush of anxiety in his gut that had nothing to do with the mission set for tomorrow night.

"Sasha?"

"What's up man?"

There was a brief pause as he grappled with the question before it spilled out of him; he had to ask.

 _Do it._

"Is there… is there something going on that I don't know about?"

He had never seen a smile disappear so quickly from someone's face and in that moment, he knew something was wrong.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean what I asked. What's going on around here that I don't know about?"

"Why… why would you assume that… "

He heard himself start to speak, and found he couldn't stop.

"Something's up! Mikasa's been giving me a shit ton of extra affection, not that I'm complaining mind you… Ymir's asking he weird questions and looking at me funny, laughing awkwardly at stuff that isn't funny… and Annie just came out of nowhere and gave me hug! A HUG! From ANNIE! That doesn't just happen!"

She was staring at him fearfully now as the smell of pot swirled around them and he was now well aware she was hiding something.

"Joseph… I… "

"C'mon Sash, spill it."

As she said nothing, he took a step forward; her eyes were shining with tears. He didn't relent.

"Tell me."

She swallowed.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"They were told."

"Yes."

"And I assume you still aren't willing to tell me anything else?"

"Don't know you well enough yet."

"Does knowing I'm risking my job as well as time in prison for talking to you change anything?"

"Did you know I'm doing the same?"

…

…

"Fair enough. "

…

…

"When?"

"Tomorrow night."

"We'll be ready."

"I hope so."


	40. Chapter 40

"… and that's all there is to it. Fairly simple, not too many moving parts, but it will require precision and timing."

Eyes narrowed, MIkasa stared at the map that Levi had provided them with, processing Hange's plan. It was a good one; it kept the risk as low as possible while retaining the most amount of potential damage. If all went as well as it could, the building would be left in ruins. Nevertheless, questions were ready to fly and she let Ymir ask before her.

"In the off-chance that there are more guys there then we're expecting… "

"You will all be armed for bear; we're not taking any risks."

Joseph took a step forward, looking curious.

"Armed for bear… what exactly does that imply?"

Ymir and Ilse exchanged pleased looks as Hange smiled.

"You haven't seen them, but we have about a dozen outfits that would satisfy a Navy SEAL. We've only ever busted them out once, this will be the second time."

Mikasa smiled herself at the look of boyish excitement on his face.

"Like… what does that entail? Like in terms of gear and… "

"Tac boots, vests, body armor, night vision gear, LE901's… "

Noticing how his face brightened after each asset she mentioned, she adopted a stern look.

"And it is all very expensive, I'll not have you messing around with the stuff like they're toys."

His smile faded and he nodded.

"Understood. Has that happened before?"

Ignoring the hasty sounds of protest from Sasha, Hange sighed.

"This lovely young lady right here… mission goes fine, flawless, no snags… and as they're leaving in the back of the truck, she drops her nine-thousand dollar night vision goggles out the back of the damn thing. Fell down the mountainside never to be seen again."

Sasha crossed her arms and muttered something about "hit a bump"; Ilse smirked and pulled her into a noogie. Joseph backed off, nodding slowly.

"Alright, alright, cool."

Stepping forward, Mikasa took his hand as unobtrusively as she could.

"Police."

"We should have little to no trouble on the account of authorities, regardless of Kenny's grip on the department. We still don't know fully how far his reach goes, but we can assume that even if one of his cronies inside the plant would have the chance to call the police, they wouldn't. They would know that perhaps someone who isn't under Kenny's command is dispatched to help them, and regardless, of any outcome, they find that they were in possession of a great many drugs. No, if they call anyone, it will be Kenny himself or one of his higher-ups."

She looked around carefully.

"So let's make sure they don't get the chance to grab at their phones."

Everyone nodded in response, and she glanced at each of them in turn.

"Anything else?"

Silence was her answer and she drummed her fingers on the desk, looking excited and tense.

"Go home. Rest up. This will probably be fairly taxing, no matter how ready we are."

Muttering to each other in hushed tones, they collectively made their way to the door; ignoring a look from Annie, Mikasa spoke quietly to Joseph, whose eyes had become glazed over in thought.

"Ready to head back?"

It took him a few seconds before his eyes cleared.

"Uh… yeah, let's do that, I uh… just need to stop somewhere real fast."

She was immediately suspicious.

"Where's that?"

She didn't expect him to meet her eyes, but he did.

"Buddy I met in college. Won't be long."

"Who?"

"Guy named Keegan. You don't know him."

After several seconds of carefully looking him over, she nodded cautiously.

"Be back quick."

"I will."

Giving him a swift kiss, she turned and strode out to her car. She met Sasha's aggressive hug with one of her own and waved off Ymir as she climbed into her vehicle; she spared Joseph only a quick glance through her rear-view mirror before starting her engine and pulling away. Such was her raging mind that she didn't notice that when he drove out of the lot on his motorcycle, he wasn't driving towards the college.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Though she reached the hospital with plenty of time before she had promised Krista, she chose to use the spare time to pace the hallway, thinking ravenously. She hadn't told her of the meeting with Kenny, she hadn't told her of his demands, and she wasn't sure if she was going to tell her about the hit that was going to take place that next night.

 _You can't lie to her about this…_

But it would be for Krista's own good. If she heard that Kenny had barged into their territory, she would be furious. If she found out what he wanted, she would be even more furious. And if she discovered they would be infiltrating one of his most important facilities with the intent of damage to product, workers, and confidence, she would probably force her way out of her hospital bed to be with them. She was certainly well enough to, though Ymir would never allow it.

 _But you can't lie…_

She had to though. She had to protect her. Making up her mind, she walked briskly down the hall and entered the room.

"Hey Ymir."

She saw that smile, that face, and she melted.

"Krista… there's some stuff we need to talk about."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

It didn't take long for Mikasa to be furious at herself for giving Joseph permission to going to the movies with his friends. He invited her along, but she tried avoiding the public eye as much as possible. After ensuring that he was just going to the movies and then straight back, and double-checking he had his gun, she had reluctantly agreed.

On one hand, there was no real cause to be concerned. Kenny had given them the option to kill him and he certainly seemed…

… _like the type of motherfucker to see if we would do it._

So there was no real reason to think he would be looking for him for a possible hit. On top of that, if she acted to worried, he might pick onto the fact that something was up. So she let him go for a couple hours and told herself nothing would go wrong.

After only thirty minutes, doubts started to creep in.

 _What if his men don't know Kenny's intentions and they see Joseph? Do they have orders to take out hits on any of us? On him? What if Joseph does something stupid? Sees somebody and starts something?_

The more questions she asked herself, the more tense she became. More than once, she caught herself with her hand on the door handle to sprint out and find him.

 _Stop._

She was able to prevent herself from leaving her residence, but her fear kept her pacing. Her mind raced with unwanted possibilities and she cursed both her indecisiveness and her anxiety. For minutes, she strode around, calming herself, then riling herself up again, rinse and repeat. It was nearly maddening.

Suddenly, she stopped walking as her eyes came to rest on her bed. She stood still for a solid minute before walking forward against her will and pulling out a sealed box.

 _Stop, stop, stop, stop…_

Popping it open, she stared down at its contents. Her common sense raged against her desires. Through all the thoughts that coursed through her mind, she heard an ultimatum.

 _You either use it or you sit here panicking for the next hour and a half._

It wasn't a hard decision.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

For a man of his position, Erwin Smith's office was very modest. There were no medals, no pictures of him shaking hands with people of power, though he had many of both. His desk wasn't littered with pictures and there was nothing flashy to catch the eye of any visitors. He was young for having the position, though his deep voice and powerful stature would have many assuming he was much older than he was. And given his age, one would also assume that his office would be properly adorned with self-worshipping visuals. He had none he wanted to show. The room existed to be his place of respite from his many duties, somewhere where he could sit still and ignore the torrent of chaos that flowed through the walls of his town.

 _Though today, it isn't doing the best job._

After a few minutes of gentle consent, he finally was able to get the mayor off the phone; as usual, the man had a hundred questions and had kept him on the phone for nearly an hour. Hanging up, he resisted sighing as he punched the button to get his secretary.

"Is he still here?"

"Yes. I can tell him you're busy… "

"No, I can see him now."

It wasn't often a citizen came wanting to seem him of all people, but he had certainly been intrigued when his visitor had arrived. The door swung open and a young man with thin brown hair stepped in cautiously. He looked very unsure of himself.

"Come in now. No need to look so nervous."

The visitor met his eyes and nodded; walking forward, he slid slowly into the chair Erwin gestured to.

"What can I call you?"

"Just Joe is fine."

"Alright Joe. I assume you already know who I am if you've gone through the trouble of seeking me out."

"I do indeed."

Erwin nodded.

"So what can I help you with?"

Joe continued to look around nervously.

"This is all off the record, yeah?"

"Of course. Unless you want it to be."

He shook his head wildly.

"No, no, no, no."

Lowering his gaze, he took a deep breath.

"I'm going to have to decide if I'm going to trust you."

Though he felt confused, years of his job had given Erwin the advantage of maintaining a permanent poker face. He remained silent watching Joe twiddle his thumbs before reaching into his jacket.

"How long have you been trying to pin Kenny Ackerman?"

Erwin felt a brief rush of surprise; his face displayed no such emotion.

"I'm not sure what you're talking about."

"Yeah you do. How long?"

For no reason whatsoever, Erwin decided to be truthful.

"Long enough."

From his jacket, Joe pulled out a folded piece of paper. Erwin eyed it.

"This is a list of information about his drug circle. I don't know as much as maybe you would like to know, but these are names, locations, times, and product listings, everything I know."

Despite not changing his expression, Erwin leaned forward, now thoroughly at attention.

"Do you work for him?'

"No."

"How do you know this?"

"I work in a position that has given me access to certain information, including this."

There was a moment of silence between them.

"I… I've had perhaps a person or two drop me information on the doings of Ackerman. Though this would be far more useful to my investigation."

He gave a brief exhale.

"Are you going to give it to me?"

Joe pulled out a second paper, equally folded.

"This is a list of names. These are people that you have to promise that you will never investigate, arrest, or otherwise tangle up in the law."

"People you work with?"

"Some."

Erwin sat back.

"I agree to pardon those people and you will give me that information."

"Yes."

"And if I decide to call in some officers to take the information by force?"

"I swallow the paper and sue you for police brutality."

Erwin smiled.

"Just wondering."

For a good while, he stared across the desk into the eyes of the young man who was so willing to surrender this information. Before he could say anything, Joe asked,

"Got a family, chief?"

"No, none."

"No girlfriend? Boyfriend?"

"No."

"Anyone who you would do anything for?"

"I was raised in a foster home with some less than caring parents. They weren't abusive, but they certainly didn't care enough about me to warrant me caring about them. Since I left that place, I've never met anyone who was worth all that much to me."

Joe lowered his head and sighed.

"You are very lucky. And very unlucky."

After a short time in which it became clear Joe had nothing further to add, Erwin decided it would be safe to speak.

"I agree to your terms."

He waited to reach until Joe handed over the papers, which he did after a long stare. Surprising himself, Erwin looked at the names of those he was to avoid first. He smiled as he recognized a few.

"Levi… funny… "

"You know him?"

"We've met."

He carefully read over each name before looking up.

"Thank you for doing this. I will keep my word, but I must ask you tell no one of what has just transpired here."

"I was about to ask you the same thing."

"We have an understanding then."

"Appears so."

Sensing the finality of the meeting, Joe rose and Erwin followed suit.

"I'm sorry you had to wait over an hour to see me. Had I known what the nature of this meeting was, I would have definitely expedited the process."

Joe shrugged.

"No worries."

He walked to the door as Erwin looked down at the list of names again. Suddenly, he came to a confusing realization.

"Did you lie to me about your name?"

His guest stopped at the door, but didn't turn around.

"No."

"Your name is indeed Joe?"

"Well, Joseph, but I go by either."

Erwin raised the paper.

"Neither of those names are on this list."

Joe departed after his short reply.

"I wouldn't worry about me."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Despite Ymir's protests, Krista was out in the deserted lobby of the hospital, watching dark clouds seep towards them from beyond the mountains. Her mind was burning with far too many emotions for her to trust herself to form words. She was doing her best to sort the reason from her anger, but was having only marginal success. From behind her, seated and looking nervous, Ymir finally broke the silence.

"I had to tell you, but… you have to promise not to worry about any of it."

Krista turned; the statement she was about to make was one she knew had to be said. And while Ymir would have denied it, she knew it was coming too.

"I'm coming with."

"No. You're not."

"Ymir, you can't stop me."

"I can actually."

She jutted out her chin challengingly.

"Yeah? How? Strap me to the bed? Tranq me?"

Ymir said nothing in reply, and Krista looked back out the window.

"I'm coming."

When she still received nothing in reply, she thought for a moment she had won. Then, quietly,

"Baby, I need you to imagine something for me."

Krista turned to meet a pair of tired eyes.

"Imagine our apartment. The one we've been talking for weeks about selling and putting down a payment on a house. Imagine me sitting there on the couch. Not sure what to do. Not sure where to go. It's the weekend, not much going on. I finally get up and have a look around. I walk outside, out to the backyard. And… "

Her face clenched as she swallowed.

"… and I walk up to this little marker. It's pretty simple with just a few words on it. It says… "

"STOP!"

Krista screamed the word and it tore through the silent lobby with a harsh force. Ymir looked up with tears in her eyes; Krista knew it was a good reflection of her own face. She didn't try to stop the tears from coming as her heart burned madly.

"You think I want to die?! To leave you?! You seem to forget that I could face the same goddamn situation if… if you don't come back!"

"Krista, I promise I'll… "

"Don't! Don't you EVER fucking promise that! You don't know who or what you'll find! It's as out of your hands as the weather!"

"Please just try and… "

"No. I'm done Ymir."

She looked back out the window. There was a calm as quiet returned to the area.

"… done?"

And Krista looked back, all anger gone.

"Done not being by your side."

Ymir stared for a few seconds as tears spilled down Krista's face; she then pulled herself quickly up and walked over so they could hold each other tightly. They held each other for minutes until Krista finally murmured,

"I'm with you Ymir. Through anything."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Dropping a violent curse as his jacket caught on his bike handle, Joe angrily yanked it free as he hurried up to the steps of Mikasa's apartment. He had spent about a minute looking at a synopsis of the movie he had lied about seeing, just in case she asked. Regardless, he was preparing himself for a hard questioning and he had to have his "facts" in order. He pulled the door open and gritted his teeth; he hated thinking about lying to her, but he knew it was for the best.

The first thing that hit him as he stepped in was the strangely chemical odor that lay upon the air. It was familiar, but he couldn't pinpoint it. Almost immediately he started fretting about a gas leak or something worse.

"Mikasa!"

He bolted through the dark living room and threw open the bedroom door.

"Knew you'd be fine."

She was lying on the bed, fully clothed and looking at him with a strange air of superiority that he had never seen on her face before. As his mind worked, he saw a glass pipe lying on the nightstand and a bag of white…

 _Oh no._

It only then struck him that the smell was considerably stronger in the room. Her eyes turned to the ceiling, and she muttered towards it.

"Knew he'd be fine. Said over and over and over it would be okay. Just couldn't fucking listen… "

He suddenly found he didn't know what to say.

"Are you… is that… "

"Yeah, it is. The fuck do you care, you've been gone all damn night."

Joe swallowed before striding forward and grabbing the bag.

"This goes away. Now."

She snarled and grabbed his wrist.

"Fuck off. I bought that crack, it's not yours."

"You shouldn't have. You… "

He suddenly was furious.

"What the FUCK were you thinking?!"

She laughed hysterically and for a moment, he was afraid.

"Who are you to talk about making good decisions? All you do is make shitty ones."

Whether she was intoxicated or not, the jibe still hurt very badly. Shaking his head, he pulled away with the bag.

"Whatever. This is gone."

"Put it back!"

He spared her a sad, confused look before making to leave.

"I said, put it BACK!"

She was suddenly off the bed and had tackled him to the ground. Grunting, he rolled, throwing her off; in her high, she was not getting up fast. He scrambled to the door as she grabbed at his ankle sending him to the ground again and he cut himself on the door hinge. Ignoring it, he made it the bathroom; stumbling in, he pulled up the toilet lid.

"Joseph, I swear to fucking CHRIST if you… "

He realized how scared he was as he heard her coming, but he moved past it and flushed the bag. Hearing her shout angrily, he turned just in time for her to cut the skin around his cheekbone with a punishing blow. He toppled, shoulder hitting the sink hard; she jumped over him and stood over the toilet, staring at it furiously. There was a look in his eyes that made him feel like a child watching an R-Rated horror film and he attempted to crawl out into the hall. He made it only a few feet before a foot stomped on his kidney; he howled and twisted and suddenly, she was on top of him.

"Mother FUCKER!"

Something, probably her fist or her elbow smashed into his head just above the eye; it burned horribly with pain, and he was fairly certain it was cut. He brought his arms up as she unleashed a torrent of blows. Despite everything, he had no intention of fighting back.

"Who the FUCK do you think you ARE?! You come in here, steal my shit, you goddamn asshole… !"

The world started to spin and buzz as hits whipped past his defenses to pummel his temples and face. He remained as still as he could and finally, when he was ready to pass out, she stopped. Cursing, she stood and stormed back to her room, and he gasped for air as she left. Feeling blood running down his face in more than one spot, he made to crawl for the front door, hissing in pain with each movement. From the room, then, he heard a gasp. He turned over and saw her run out of the room, a wild look in her eyes; she raced up to him and stopped, staring down with wide eyes, as he weakly pulled up his arms, wincing and ready for pain.

"Look… just… put met out quick, would you?"

He was surprised by his own gallows humor and was even more surprised when she started mumbling.

"I… I didn't mean… oh God, why, I didn't mean… please don't… "

She dropped down next to him and he reactively winced again, turning his face away.

"No, no, no, no, I'm not… I won't… "

Taking his head gently, she turned him towards her, tears in her eyes. He realized he had never seen her cry.

"I'm… I'm so sorry, I didn't mean… please… I… "

And she cradled his head, rocking him desperately.

"Don't leave me… I need you… don't go… whatever happens, just… don't go… "

As he pulled in shaky breaths, he realized it was odd what she was saying; he hadn't once mentioned he was leaving her. Then, a wave of guilt and pain washed over him and pulled him into the darkness.


	41. Chapter 41

" _ **You know what sucks about sorry?**_

 _ **It's the worst word in the world.**_

 _ **Because it always happens after you fuck up something good."**_

― _**Brigid Kemmerer**_

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

 _He was falling again, just as he had in the last… dream? Was it a dream?_

 _Coming down with a splash, he kicked up to the surface of what was similar to water that came to his waist. It was still pitch black everywhere but where he was standing; around him in a small area, the water was blood red._

 _Or maybe it just was just blood._

 _It followed him in a tight area as he waded through the liquid, becoming more and more frantic as it seemed the darkness went on forever. Pulling his legs through grew tiresome and he soon had to rest. Breathing as best he could in the suffocating blackness, he became aware that it was no longer silent. If he listened very closely, he could hear hushed voices behind him that sounded as if they were very far away._

 _But they were getting closer._

 _Feeling an unwanted sense of panic begin to drive him forward again as he began his stagger along, he could now start to discern what the voices behind him were hissing._

" _You killed me."_

" _How could you do that?"_

" _She deserves better."_

" _He hadn't even done anything."_

" _Scared to fight back?"_

" _You goddamn asshole… !"_

 _They were bearing down on him fast now; at this point, it was clear they were going to catch him, but instinct kept him struggling further on. The red was spreading around him in a wider area as he tried to yell, but couldn't pull breathe to manage it. They were on his neck now, cursing him, laughing at him, driving him mad. He finally toppled with exhaustion, but, as he turned to face those who were going to kill him with their words, there was a thunderous pounding. Above his head, a light appeared, expanding growing wider and wider until…_

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Mika! Joseph! C'mon guys, open up!

"Maybe they're not here… "

"Where else would they be?"

"His place… ?"

"My ass. That dinky closet of a dorm room? He's said a hundred times he prefers it here."

"Well, nobody's answering… "

"So we find out why."

"Ilse! You can't… !"

From his bleary state of half-consciousness, Joe heard the pounding on the door, the voices, and finally, a sharp click and the sound of a door swinging open. As he heard footsteps enter the apartment, he tried weakly to open his eyes as he felt sunlight pummeling his eyelids. He became aware his body was resting on the floor, save for his head which was lying comfortably, though on what, he wasn't sure.

"Just have a look around, we'll be… ah, shit look at this."

More footsteps.

"Aw that is so cute… albeit pretty curious, why in the hell did they… "

"Wait, is that blood?"

Joe became aware of a presence at his back and someone was suddenly pulling him up very forcefully.

"Hey Joseph, c'mon what's… Jesus, what happened to you?"

Eyes assaulted by sunlight, and ears by noise, he blinked weakly. The world was a blurry mess, though he was able to recognize Ilse's voice and frame as she held him up. Next to him, he could hear Sasha,

"Mikasa! Let's go, get up!"

He could hear a slight grunt of annoyance.

"What the fuck are you doing in… "

There was a sudden burst of movement he felt through the floor and he felt more hands on him.

"Oh Christ… okay, okay, Ilse move… "

"Mika, what the hell happened to him?"

He heard no reply as he allowed himself the ability to swallow; it was surprising how much it hurt. Arms went under his knees and back and he growled in pain as his shoulder throbbed.

"Shh, shh, it's okay, it's okay, don't try to move… "

Deciding to follow her advice, he let her carry him into what he discovered to be the bedroom as she lay him gently on the mattress.

"Go back to sleep… get some rest… "

With a great strain, he managed to blink the world into focus; his right eye was refusing to open all the way. He looked up into her beautiful face; she looked calmly down at him, but he could see the worry in her eyes. With a shaking hand, he took hers; behind them, in the door, Ilse and Sasha were looking on from a respectful distance, both with shocked expressions.

"What… Mikasa, what… "

He swallowed again.

"… what happened?"

For a moment, she closed her eyes and brought his hand to her face, pressing it against her. He noticed her knuckles looked curiously bruised.

"Don't… don't worry about it now… sleep."

"I… but… "

She kissed his forehead; he heard the command in her voice.

"Sleep."

Standing quickly, she walked to the door and ushered Sasha and Ilse back out. As she gripped the door handle, she looked back. They held each other's gazes for a moment and then she was gone, closing the door behind her.

For several seconds, he reveled in the comfort of the bed, realizing how cold he had been on the floor. The blankets and mattress did wonders to his aching body as he tried to drive his dream from his mind to try and remember what had happened to him. Slowly, the previous day's events began to return to his memory. He remembered the talk at the compound, he remembered going to speak with Erwin, his trip previous to that, and he remembered…

 _It was… it was…_

And as he recalled what he had done and how he had sustained his injuries, he turned his face into Mikasa's pillow and silently began to cry.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Looking at Sasha, Ilse saw the same tense look that she knew her face held.

They sat at Mikasa's table, sitting and waiting, while their friend mulled around the kitchen. It was difficult to tell what was more frightening: what had happened to Joseph, or how calm she was acting. She watched Sasha swallow, trying to muster up the courage to ask what they both wanted to know.

"Mika… "

"You guys want anything? Food? Drink?"

Ilse exchanged glances with Sasha again.

"No, we're… we ate a brunch place before coming over."

"Alright."

Mikasa reached into the fridge and pulled out some orange juice which she poured generously into a nearby glass.

"Why _did_ you come over?"

Ilse tensed; the question wasn't phrased rudely, but all things considered, she had no idea what the raven-haired girl was really thinking.

"Hange apparently got ahold of everyone this morning, just to check in I guess. Heard nothing from you or him… "

She nodded towards the bedroom.

"… so she called me and asked me to swing by your place to see if you guys were there."

"Hmm."

This was the only response Ilse received as she watched her friend return to juice and reach on top of the fridge to pull down a bottle of vodka. Sasha opened her mouth, unable to speak until Mikasa started pouring.

"Is that… are you making a fucking screwdriver?"

"Yeah."

"At ten in the morning?"

"Yeah."

Ilse stared in shock as Mikasa finished mixing the drink and took a sip. Then, desperation and concern spilling into her voice, she leaned forward,

"Mika… what the fuck happened last night?"

Their friend said nothing, only stared down into her drink and sipped again. She walked from the kitchen and strolled into the living room past them. Looking out the window as the sun passed over the house, she glanced down. Then, with a terrifying howl, she spun and flung the glass into the opposite wall where it shattered; Ilse was instinctively on her feet. Mikasa stared after the mess she had made with a fleeting look of despair, then she dropped to the couch, head falling into her hands. Ilse was cautious to move, but Sasha, fearless friend she was, ran over, crying out.

"Mika!"

She sat down next to her, wrapping her arms around the girl's shoulders. Ilse walked over slowly; seeing the scars through her shirt, she felt a rush of pity. Neither one of them needed to ask again; quietly and without almost any emotion, Mikasa spoke to the floor.

"He went out last night. Asked me if he could. Wanted to go see a movie with some friends. I told him to go, but not to be late."

Sasha was looking at her the way a mother looks at a child who was trying desperately to admit that he was being bullied at school.

"Did… who jumped him?"

Mikasa only shook her head, slowly back and forth; Ilse gave Sasha a look as they waited nearly a minute for her to continue talking.

"I… I got worried. Scared. Scared Kenny wouldn't… "

She looked up towards the bedroom door as though expecting Joseph to be there watching.

"… wouldn't keep his word in letting us… kill him… "

Ilse was growing anxious; she tried desperately to remain still as the tale continued.

"I had to stop myself from running out and getting him several times. I cursed myself, I reasoned with myself, I paced, I… Jesus Sash, I thought I was going insane."

She inhaled deeply.

"Just when I thought there was nothing else I could tell myself to keep me calm, I remembered… I remembered the twenty-eight grams of crack I had under my bed."

Sasha gasped quietly and Ilse closed her eyes. She suddenly knew where the story was going to end up.

"I… I was smoking before I knew it. Time flew and he was back. I felt angry and relaxed at the same time. He saw what I was doing and… tried to take it. We fought… first with words, then… I started it. All of it… he managed to throw me off and flush the drugs. I… I lost control. Hell, it wasn't even me… I just… he… "

She looked up again and Ilse, expecting to see tears in her eyes, was greeted only by a furious glare that directed itself towards the wall.

"It all came crashing down… the high, Kenny, the strike tonight, Joseph, my father… I just couldn't hold it back. Joseph, he… he was the only thing that was there."

"So you beat the shit out of him."

The words were out of Ilse's mouth before she even had time to think about it. Mikasa looked at her, the look of self-loathing and pain so strong that, for a moment, Ilse almost regretted speaking.

"Yes."

"He took away your drugs and you almost beat him to death."

Mikasa said nothing and Sasha looked up reproachfully.

"Ilse… "

There was an epiphany as Ilse realized how angry she was; she jammed her shaking hands into her pockets.

"Whatever."

She stalked away, not trusting herself to stay standing there. She heard she couch creak slightly and she knew that Mikasa had stood behind her.

"Is there something you want to say Ilse?"

There was no aggression she could hear; it was a genuine question. Ilse turned slowly, not bothering to hide a look of disdain.

"I think I just said it."

"You think I don't regret it?"

"Oh, I don't doubt you do. Can't have your fucktoy out of commission, can you?"

She was surprised by the derision in her own voice; she was also surprised to see Sasha swell angrily instead of Mikasa.

"Ilse, cut it out!"

"Why? Maybe she needs to hear this."

"That isn't fair. To assume she doesn't regret it."

"She just essentially admitted she does, I'm not arguing that."

"You have no idea what she's thinking."

"Well, I can guess."

Ilse turned away, steaming silently. There was a minute of silence in which they all stood, quietly regarding each other. A plane passed overhead. Then, Mikasa slammed her with a question that caught her completely off guard.

"You have feelings for him, Ilse?"

She twisted on her heel.

"I… "

She saw the morose look on Mikasa's face and her anger started to topple. She tried to keep her momentum going desperately; she didn't want to feel pitiful, sad. She wanted to feel angry.

"Maybe I do! So what?! He's still my friend, one way or another! If you or Sash or Ymir or anyone of you got hurt that way I'd still be mad!"

"Even if another one of us had been responsible?"

"Of course!"

Mikasa nodded slowly.

"Of course."

She kept their eyes locked as Ilse swallowed and stared, breathing heavily. For a moment, she thought that was going to be the end of the opposition. Then, quietly,

"I was scared. I've… I've forgotten what it's like to feel that way. Someone I care so much about, outside of my help if he had needed it. I couldn't imagine… I couldn't imagine how I could live with myself if something had happened to him. And I had done nothing. But I knew that showing I was worried would get him suspicious. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, I made a bad decision, to go to a place I swore I wouldn't go back to."

Mikasa's eyes narrowed and, for a moment, Ilse felt intimidated.

"You don't think I'm already paying for it? Every minute, every goddamn SECOND that's gone by since I woke up… I've been thinking about him. The state I put him in. And worst of all, what he'll think of me when he wakes up."

She turned away and walked to the window; looking out, a terribly sad smile played at the corners of her mouth.

"Honestly, he may be well available to you by the time this is over. I'd probably run like hell from me."

And Ilse's anger was gone. She strode forward, taking her friend by the arm. Her own words had been stupid, reckless. Whatever Mikasa had done, she needed friends now, not enemies.

"No chance."

They looked at each other again and Ilse allowed herself to smile weakly.

"No one on the planet loves anyone as much as he loves you."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

 _Krista, I'm so sorry._

Ymir skidded into the parking lot of the compound, slamming the brakes as she shakily pulled in breath.

 _It's for the best._

This is what she had avidly told herself since leaving the hospital. After telling Krista she would call her when she would come and sneak her out of the hospital, she had cornered the nurse looking after her. She had made the young woman slip sedatives meant to keep a patient asleep for almost a full day into her girlfriend's water; while this violated almost every single ethical policy of the hospital, the nurse was one of Hange's. It took only a few carefully-worded threats to send the wide-eyed nurse off on her errand. Ymir had watched Krista drink, lay back, and fall into a deep peaceful sleep. She had then ran out of the building and driven as quickly as she was able to their compound, wishing she had the strength to strangle herself.

 _She'll never forgive you._

Shaking the thought free for the hundredth time, she jumped out of the car and raced into the building. Just managing to get her mind to switch gears to the mission she was about to undertake, she collided with Ilse as the two of them turned a corner at the same time. Landing square on her ass, Ymir cursed and blinked up at her friend, who hadn't fallen.

"Jeez, you couldn't have picked a better… "

She got an eyeful of Ilse and whistled, accepting the hand that pulled her to her feet.

"Already that time, huh?"

Almost fully decked out in combat and tactical gear, Ilse shrugged.

"Boss wants us ready well ahead of time."

Ymir nodded.

"Well, she never was one for late arrivals."

Ilse leaned in conspiratorially as she tightened a strap by her waist.

"She's pretty… anxious. Tread cautiously."

Ymir nodded again.

"Sounds about right."

The pair started walking down the hallway towards where all the gear was kept. While she knew the question was coming, Ymir still winced internally when her friend asked it.

"How did Krista take it?"

Not ready mentally to reveal her lie, she did what she was very good at: hid it.

"She'll be fine. Took a while."

"I expected that much. Glad she didn't bite down on your wrist and have you drag her the whole way here."

The mental image allowed Ymir a moment to smirk.

"That wouldn't have been altogether surprising."

They walked into the half-storage, half-locker room; Annie looked up as the entered, lacing her jet-black combat boots.

"Well, there's one more."

Ymir looked around in confusion.

"Joseph and Mika not here."

She decided she was just imagining the look of discomfort on Ilse's face.

"They got held up."

Ymir chuckled.

"One last fuck before we descend into hell's mouth."

Annie shot her a look and she put up her hands in defense.

"Just trying to lighten the mood."

The blonde grunted as she returned her attention to her gear; she stood and while shortest of all of them, she may have looked the most imposing all dressed up, ready for war.

"Sasha has that well under control."

"Eh?"

Ymir looked down as the barrel of a 901 jabbed around her side.

"Osama!"

Ilse barked a laugh as Ymir swatted the barrel down.

"Watch it."

Sasha straightened from the absurdly low tactical crouch she had been prowling the halls in, laughing as she did.

"Relax. Not loaded."

"So? Matter of principle."

The brunette blew hair out of her face.

"Whatever that means."

Ymir allowed herself to laugh as well before moving towards the locker designated for her.

"Time to suit up, I guess."

"Yeah, probably. I'm gonna keep my eyes out for that jihadist fucker… "

She dropped into the same stupid crouch and slipped out the door; Ymir heard her hiss loudly again as she went,

"Osama!"

Annie sent a disapproving look after her.

"If Hange catches her fucking around like that… "

Ymir pulled off her jacket and hung it up, trying to ignore the feeling that it was the last time she would do so.

"Chill out. That's her way of alleviating tension."

She got no response other than a grunt. Ymir went back to dressing as she tried desperately to think of a way for her to burn her own anxiety; it was eating a hole in her gut, though she would never admit it. A searing image of Krista's face burned at her mind and she pushed it away.

If she thought she was never going to see her goddess again, hell was going to have an impossible time keeping its hands on her.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The sun wasn't in his eyes when he woke.

It felt much better leaving the recess of slumber the second time; his bruises, while still aching, were much more distant and he felt genuinely rested. Joe allowed himself several seconds to lie there, eyes closed. He became aware that someone was holding his hand. He spoke after several more seconds; he kept his eyes closed.

"What time is it?"

"Time enough."

He waited. She said nothing and he wondered how to follow up; Dust made up his mind for him.

"I'm sorry about last night."

"You're… don't ever say that. I'm sorry. That was all on me."

He opened his mouth, but she continued.

"Don't you ever dare say otherwise. And… I know it's selfish… but I'd rather never talk about it again."

"Move on."

"Yes. It will never happen again."

He cracked a bleary smile.

"Never say never."

"Joseph… "

Opening his eyes, he surprised Mikasa by sitting up quickly.

"Alright, let's never speak of it again."

She looked back at him intently before squeezing his hand. Stretching, he sighed.

"Well, time to get ready I suppose."

Nodding, she stood reluctantly.

"I'll be in the car."

He waited as she left; the few seconds it took felt like minutes, and as soon as he heard the front door close, his head fell forward and let tears stream from his eyes again. Shaking with silent sobs, he felt Dust's disapproving glare on his head.

 _Man up. There's no turning back now._

Joe sat up, sucking in breath.

"I know."

 _Let's get moving, big man._

Gaining control again, Joe rose, looking outside at the already setting sun. He tried very hard to not think about what his circumstances would be the next time he saw it.

If he ever did at all.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Hange looked around in front of her desk. Before her stood six striking individuals, all of whom looked ready for World War III. She would never admit it, but she was terrified. For all of them. Mikasa looked perfectly in form, ready to lead, face set. Annie was by her side, looking every bit the warrior Hange knew she was. Ilse and Sasha stood shoulder to shoulder, both looking eager, perhaps to hide feelings of worry. Ymir looked ready, but… regretful? Hange couldn't pinpoint the emotion. Then there was Joseph who looked no more than half-dead. His eyes were wild with emotion, that she could see, but his frame and stance suggested he was about to walk to the gallows.

Knowing they all would need comfort beyond words, she instead stood and addressed them as briefly as she was able.

"You all know what needs to be done. What you each have to do individually and as a team. I know I don't have to tell you this, but… "

She leaned forward.

"Try not to fuck anything up."

She tapped her computer.

"In the back of the van will be a device like this. It's hacked into their compound's cameras so you'll have access to the same visual aid that I will. It will record everything."

Hange looked to Ilse.

"You'll be the voice of a god for them. I won't be talking over comms for fear of detection of long-range transmissions."

Her girl nodded firmly.

"I have it."

By this point, she knew words would get them no further. She clapped, trying to appear as energetic as usual.

"Good luck."

They all turned to leave and Sasha looked back,

"We're gonna be fine Hange, you don't have to worry so much."

Surprised by the comment, she smiled weakly.

"Just make it back in once piece."

The brunette gave her a dazzlingly confident smile and closed the door behind them. As silence took a deafening toll on the office, she allowed herself to half-collapse in her chair. She was terrified. Not of the move they were making, but what would come of it afterwards. Closing her eyes in a moment of weakness, she snapped them back open, completely prepared.

She opened the cameras on the computer program and readied herself for the hardest job of any of them: watching helplessly. And waiting for what would surely feel like years.


	42. Chapter 42

" _ **Doing the right thing for someone else**_

 _ **occasionally means doing something that feels wrong to you."**_

― _**Jodi Picoult**_

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The mood inside the van was tense, but for more reasons than an outsider might have guessed. Annie stared at Joseph's face, trying to use the natural pressure she exuded to force him to reveal something, but he wasn't biting.

 _Don't know what got him that good… but he's hiding it for a reason._

She genuinely wasn't sure what was more disconcerting; the fact that his face looked as though he had provoked an MMA fighter with a history of anger management, or the fact that no one there had made a comment about it yet. She imagined that he and Mikasa had already talked about it, but she couldn't imagine why Sasha or Ilse hadn't made a passing jab or asked a question.

It didn't take long for her to figure out that she was seriously out of the loop.

She came very close to asking him directly what had happened, even opened her mouth to say it, but,

 _Stupid to bring that up, now of all times._

Shaking free of those thoughts, Annie toed the satchel of explosives that rested next to her as the van bumped up and down, approaching their destination. She would never even come close to admitting it, but she was moderately worried. Not that she didn't have confidence in the group as a whole, but this was by far one of the riskiest things they had ever done. There was a lot that could go wrong and a lot that would require flawless execution on their part.

From the back, Ymir shifted uncomfortably for the umpteenth time; Annie knew why she was worried and had no intention of addressing the missing member of their group, but she was hoping very hard that the issue wouldn't distract Ymir from their job. She decided to instead keep the thick quiet in the air undisturbed until, minutes later, the van slowed, then stopped. There was the sound of the door swinging open and closed, then the crunch of gravel under feet as Mikasa walked around the back of the vehicle. She yanked open the heavy back doors,

"This is it."

It was all she needed to say as they all piled out, stretching, taking deep breaths, and checking their weapons. They had driven a distance into some forest and parked around the side of a large hill; just over it was a deal of dense overgrowth and beyond that, the compound. Ymir had insisted on going well out of the way before making the approach on foot.

Very faint light came from over the hill, which loomed like an immense monster; the only light they had, came from the van's internal workings and systems. As Ilse booted the computers into working order, tapping into each and every camera that surrounded the target building, Mikasa walked purposefully up to their front, addressing them with her usual serious tone that never failed in commanding attention.

"I don't doubt that everyone has been going over the plan over and over in their head, but to simplify it: breach from the south side, move to each of the key rooms and plant explosives, make it to the main office and jack as much data as we can, clear the building and watch the fireworks."

Annie tossed a look to Sasha, who was nodding and breathing heavily, shifting her balance excitedly.

"Who's taking point?"

"Joseph and myself. You and Ymir will be behind us carrying explosives. Annie will take our six."

Sasha looked put out.

"Hange said she'd think about letting me… "

"She lied, the two of us are the best shots here."

She didn't say it arrogantly, only matter-of-factly; Joseph looked rather embarrassed. Sasha gave a final huff and crossed her arms while Ilse snickered from inside the van. The brunette turned and slammed a fist against the side of it.

"Shut up."

Mikasa tilted her head to look past them.

"Ilse, you good to go?"

"Eyes and ears, boss."

She nodded.

"Alright, let's do this. In and out."

With no intention of wasting time or dawdling around worries, she marched towards the hill and into the cover of darkness, Joseph following her closely. Ymir gave a heavy sigh and shouldered one of the satchels, walking after them. She looked confused and angry, but then, as though she had reached an epiphany, looked up with determined eyes and doubled her pace. Annie looked around for Sasha; the brunette was leaning against the back of the van and was speaking hushed words into the vehicle. Opening her mouth to snap something rude, Annie caught herself and looked away, blowing hair out of her face in annoyance. This was no time for goodbyes, but it also wasn't a time for arguing. After several seconds, Sasha backed away, grabbed her own pack, gave Annie a grateful look and vanished into the darkness after Ymir.

 _Words of farewell…_

She knew that had been what they were exchanging; Ilse and Sasha weren't lovers _(though they do fuck like it)_ , but they were about as close as friends got. And for a moment, as Annie looked at the van, she felt a strange rush of pain in her gut. Cursing her temporary moment of weakness, she shook her head and descended into the pit after her friends.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

It took a single silenced shot from Mikasa's assault rifle to blind the camera they needed to disable on the south side of the building to make their entrance. Sliding towards the building in tight formation, Joe did as rehearsed and kicked the door open, swinging the barrel of his gun into the building, Mikasa just behind him. The pair stared forward at the empty hallway before she moved he moved his attention back.

"Move up, all's good over… "

As he spoke, the creaking of a door swinging open ahead of him gave him cause to jump in place; he swung back forward just in time to fire a single round through a surprised looking man's head along with his girlfriend. Two sharp thwips and the clattering of two bullet casings hitting the tiled floor heralded the thud the man's body made when he collapsed. Moving forward to cover the hallway, Joe waited tensely in place as the body was taken care of. They moved on.

They encountered no one further as they reached the first room. It was, as the plan Levi game them had specified, the largest room in the building and with its numerous containers, equipment and conveyor belts, there was no doubt this was the manufacturing room. As Ymir and Sasha scampered about, planting explosives, Joe marveled how such small devices were supposed to do so much damage, but this wasn't the time to worry about it.

Securing the last bomb, Ymir spun, looking apprehensive.

"Done. Let's keep moving."

They slipped out of the room and repeated the process when they reached the main office area. It was much smaller and took far less time; Joe took the opportunity to whisper to Mikasa,

"Thought there were gonna be more people here."

Her reply was meant to be assuring, but he saw the same doubt in her eyes.

"Eight people were on duty tonight. Plenty of places the other seven could be."

He nervously glanced at the door.

"We should have seen somebody by now… "

She grabbed his arm briefly.

"Stay focused, eyes open. When they come, they'll come and we'll deal with them."

Nodding, he took his place on point as they others gathered up behind him. Feeling the hand on his shoulder, he stepped out into the hallway.

He had the briefest chance to stare down the barrel of a shotgun held by a frightened looking young woman, ten feet away. She hesitated just long enough for his reflexes to regain control; he shoved Mikasa back into the room and attempted to dive back and to the side. The shotgun roared and he felt himself lifted and flung backward. He crashed to the ground gasping for air as his rifle left his arms. The woman looked panicked as she racked the shotgun, the shell spiraling up and away from the chamber as she took aim at him again. Ears ringing and chest exploding, he tried to pull his Colt free.

To their collective right, the wall was chewed outward by automatic fire; silenced shots thudded through the hallway as blood erupted from the woman. She was dead long before she hit the floor. Mikasa and Annie rushed out through the door, the latter with her gun trained on the lifeless form and the former, running up to him, eyes wide.

"Where are you hit, can you breathe, don't try and… "

He put up a hand as he gasped in breath.

"Vest did its job. Though… "

Leaning, he looked behind him where the shotgun blast had torn through a good part of the wall.

"… maybe I got a little lucky."

Ymir stepped out, in the process of reloading her rifle; as she did, she brought it to her shoulder as running could be heard coming down the hallway. Annie dropped to her stomach and Mikasa crouched in front of Joe, bringing up her own gun. A shout of fear and four bullets later, another body hit the ground, dead. For a split second, they all stared at the man before Annie straightened sharply.

"Move them, let's go."

It was by far the most out of body experience Joe had ever been a part of. They systematically made their way through the building, popping off shots from their silenced weapons when need be and placing explosives where they had been instructed. Where she could, Ilse would warn them of a person up ahead if the cameras allowed her such future sight. He knew he should have been focused, but every time they heaped some husk of a human into a room or closet, he couldn't resist meeting their dead eyes.

 _Don't worry about them. Worry about you. You know what needs to happen._

He mentally cursed Dust into silence.

Finally, they slipped into a room that may have been a meeting area at some point. Sasha killed the lights and slumped against the door.

"Fuck… this feels… wrong… "

Ymir shot her a condescending look.

"Seriously getting cold feet?"

The brunette replied with an equally derisive look.

"No. Just… this shouldn't be so easy. Why, on some nights, would they have so few people here?"

Ymir shrugged.

"Don't question it. Just go with it."

Sasha opened her mouth as if to respond, but Mikasa quieted them as she looked up from the floor plans.

"Quiet. Last stop is the computer room."

Leaning forward, Ymir looked eager.

"Where they keep all their docs and records and anything we could make off with… ?"

Mikasa gave her a look.

"This isn't a smash and grab. We don't need anything of what they have. We set the place, take off, and blow it all sky-high."

She glanced at the time.

"We're doing very well in terms of timing, we move at the same pace to the… "

Over each of their earbuds, Ilse's voice crackled.

"You guys need to beat it. Four cars just pulled in and a lotta guys with a lotta guns are getting out."

Joe gulped and scrambled with Ymir and Sasha to ready themselves; passive and stoic, Annie's eyes narrowed at Mikasa who hadn't moved.

"Police?"

"Don't think so. They aren't SWAT, but they're way too heavily armed to be cops."

Mind clearly racing, Mikasa's eyes narrowed as they received a final warning.

"You guys need to beat it. Now."

Joe watched her intently; after only a few seconds, she clearly came to a decision and shook her head.

"Fuck it. We leave the last room and hope the fire from the explosions gets far enough to hit the room. Let's go."

No one wanted to argue. They all collected their gear; Joe grabbed Ymir's satchel as she ran up the hallway and placed a tripmine near a door that would lead from the entrance. He didn't bother to return to her as they moved quickly back down the hall. For half a minute, all was quiet and well. Then, a door flew open a ways behind them and a man with a mask practically fell out in his haste.

"HERE! I HAVE THEM H… "

Which was all he managed before Annie put a bullet in his throat. He slumped, gurgling and his companion hardly spared him a glance as he stepped over him. Spinning, the blonde barked,

"RUN!"

The second mask sprayed a burst their way and the blonde cried out, stumbling. Not giving it a second thought, Joe sprang forward and yanked free his Colt. It roared once and the man fell beside his friend; Joe reached down and grabbed Annie who pulled away angrily.

"Fine… just hit in the leg, I'll live."

Hardly impressed, he gently pushed her forward.

"Let's go, I'll take six."

Mikasa gave him a nod and they started moving again, Annie's arm around Ymir's shoulder. As they neared the exit, another door flew open and as one man stepped through, the countless voices behind him ensured that he was not alone. Thinking quick, Joe pulled an explosive out of the satchel and threw it down the hallway. Taking aim as the masked man did at him, he fired.

As his own gun discharged, he felt something brush his face, but he had no time to think about his close miss. The resulting explosion threw them all to the ground and took a massive bite out of the wall and ceiling where their pursuers had come from. As his vision cleared, the sole survivor of their followers appeared to be a leg. He shook his head and exhaled, trying to gain control of his breathing. Sasha grabbed his upper arm,

"Fuck man… "

Then, as they collectively staggered up, Joe could see several forms behind the smoke. And they were running their way.

He scrambled up.

"MOVE!"

As he spoke, they were already running, Ymir firing a burst over his head at their seemingly endless pursuers.

"FUCK YOU!"

As shouts and gunfire blazed behind the, there was slight relief as it became more distant and as they neared what they knew would be the exit. When the door came into view, not a single one of them slowed or looked back. Except for Joe. He slowed ever so slightly and waited to see if anyone would look back; when no one did, he stopped completely as they took off out the door and into the night. He only was able to see Mikasa for a brief instant as her feet pounded the ground and she disappeared into the dark. Feeling one of the most painful stabs to his heart that he had ever felt, he slipped into a side door and prayed his memories of the floor plans would lead him straight.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Shocked by her own coordination in the midst of her panic, Ymir somehow didn't go tumbling down the hill in her rush to escape in the darkness. Hearing her own footsteps slapping down on the earth along with those of her friends, the van finally came into view; Ilse was standing outside of it, hands behind her head, looking stressed. Her eyes snapped to them as they came spilling from the darkness, and she rushed forward to meet them; Sasha practically launched herself into her arms.

"Holy fucking shit… fuck… I thought you guys were gone."

Mikasa looked to Ilse as Ymir walked up to her and they placed their hands on each other's shoulder.

"We followed?"

Ilse shook her head as her other hand continued to hold a shaking Sasha.

"Couldn't see anything when you all made it to the exit, but there was nowhere near enough movement on the motion sensors to indicate you were chased."

She looked to Annie as the blonde hissed when she shifted her weight.

"You hit?"

Annie looked more annoyed than anything as Ymir went for the first aid.

"Leg. Nothing bad."

Ilse nodded before looking back to Mikasa, shaking her head in disbelief.

"There were just so many so quick… I had no idea if you were going to make it out of there."

Sasha gave a shaky laugh as the finally pulled away from her friend.

"We may not have, if it wasn't for Joseph goddamn Rambo."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, son of a bitch threw an explosive and then shot it. Blew half of them up, I bet."

"Fuck, so that's what that noise was… glad he decided to… "

She cut off so suddenly, that Ymir spun to look. Ilse was looking around in confusion.

"Where is he?"

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Trying impossibly to control his shaking and breathing, Joe wandered around the computer room, looking at the explosives he had placed. The reality of the decision he was making was still not fully registering for him, though the numbness in her fingers said otherwise. Looking at the security camera footage that he had access to, he watched the living members of his former pursuers yell at each other in the parking lot, swearing and trying to decide what the next course of action would be. Giving a shallow sigh, he leaned against the wall and closed his eyes.

He tried to picture her face.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ymir watched the panic spread through Mikasa's eyes and then through her body as she sprinted a ways into the dark to see if he had fallen behind, then back to the van. Ilse had grabbed her earpiece and was jamming it into place as she asked,

"Where was the last time you saw him?"

Mikasa only shook her head and Annie was left to respond.

"He swapped places with me after I got hit, he was in the back. There was some gunfire, but I think we would have heard if he had been… "

"Stop."

Seeming to break free of her stupor, Mikasa snapped a finger to her own ear.

"Joseph!"

There was a moment where they all listened closely to the soft empty static over the comms. Then,

"I'm alive."

"Yeah."

The brief moment of relief in which Sasha and Ilse both breathed huge sighs of relief was cut away as Mikasa demanded,

"Are you okay?"

Ymir noticed that he hadn't answered her question. Leaning against the van, Annie asked the question they were all wondering.

"Where are you?"

It took him several long seconds before he replied.

"You guys still have access to the camera feeds."

Ilse responded slowly.

"Yes."

"I'm in the computer room."

Despite Sasha's confused sputtering as to why he went completely backwards, they all climbed quickly into the spacious innards of the van and Ilse flipped through the screens swiftly. Ymir's breath caught in her throat as the camera found him. Positioned in the top back corner of the room, the camera showed all they needed to see. He was leaning against the wall, tapping his foot gently and staring at the floor. Ymir heard the crack of knuckles as Mikasa's fists clenched.

"Joseph… what _exactly_... are you doing in there?"

He glanced up at the camera and gestured around, almost uncaringly.

"Was uh… placing some bombs."

She pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Okay… okay. So you risk everything going back in, somehow get extremely lucky in slipping past everyone in the building and now you managed to get to the room we didn't hit. But now… that you've placed them… why… the fuck… are you still there?"

He rubbed his upper lip.

"Because… I… I'm not making the trip home."

Ice gathered in Ymir's chest as he spoke. Before Mikasa could do anything more than blink speechlessly, he continued speaking,

"This is all being recorded visually right?"

When no one replied, he looked up at the camera.

"Right?"

Ilse's reply was barely a whisper.

"Yes."

He nodded.

"So here's what going to happen."

Walking over to a computer, he began punching at buttons for several seconds.

"That was me recording footage from this camera and sending it to you guys. You'll show it to Kenny and tell him that I went off on my own and attacked the building, stole explosives from you and set them up."

Sasha sounded like she was about to cry.

"Joseph… ?"

"You tell him I didn't tell anyone what I planned on doing, I did it all myself."

As if she didn't know where he was going, Ilse muttered,

"You… what good does that do us?"

"It clears you with Kenny. Shifts all the blame directly to me."

For a time, no one spoke. Then he looked down and murmured to the ground.

"He's going to get what he wants."

That broke the tension and silence that was held in the van; they all spoke up immediately. With a voice that sounded like it was very much trying not to convey panic.

"Why… what do you mean that's what he wants?"

He gave a tired laugh and slumped against the wall again.

"Don't bother. I know he wants me dead."

She bowed her head and drove her knuckles against the control padding.

"How… ?"

Shaking his head, he shrugged.

"Doesn't matter. What matters is that, this way, he takes a hit for this place blowing, he can't blame you, and it gives you guys an advantage."

"None of that… none of that is worth… "

Through Mikasa's unsteady words, Ymir finally found the strength to lean forward.

"Okay, so you dead is what he wants. Okay."

She ignored the flaming glare that Mikasa drilled her with and kept talking,

"How can we weigh any of what you just said your life? No matter what he wants? The whole point of this job was to hurt him enough so that he couldn't go on the offensive against us."

"And you'll get that. But now, the only person he will have to blame… "

His hand brushed against the wood grips of his revolver.

"… is someone who he can't hurt."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

 _It's what needs to happen._

" _I'm going to miss her."_

 _For her own good. And theirs._

" _But… "_

 _Don't fuck this up now._

…

 _Think of her fath…_

" _Stop."_

…

 _Think I've made my point._

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ymir's fingers went white as she saw his hand go for his gun. She sensed the rush of fear in all of them, but she honestly had no idea what she could say. If any words she could offer would make any difference. Next to her Mikasa swallowed, eyes closed,

"Joseph, here's what's going to happen… "

"Always liked being called Joe… "

She blinked.

"What?"

On the screen, he looked to be mulling something serious over, eyes glazed.

"Always preferred Joe honestly… "

After being rendered speechless by his comment a moment, she shook her head and continued.

"Here's what's going to happen. You're going to take your fingers off that goddamn gun. You're going to exit the room and leave the building. You're going run back to the van and we are all going to go home."

"I can't."

"Yes, you FUCKING can. Now, straighten up, turn and… "

He rubbed his eye as though he was very tired.

"Mikasa… I love you. More than anything. More than I thought possible. But… we both know I'm not going anywhere."

She was silenced again, though her mouth continued to work silently in fear and frustration. Sasha failed in choking back a sob; Ilse grabbed her arm, face white. Then, the last person Ymir would have expected to say anything spoke up. Annie leaned forward to the screen as though it brought her nearer to him. Her voice dripped with seriousness and menace.

"Look, you seem kind of confused here about what needs to happen. I don't know how… "

She looked around at everyone in the van as though expecting a confession.

"… you found out about Kenny wanting your head. But Ymir is right. You dead is hardly close to a gain."

Looking down, Ymir realized she was having a good deal of trouble forcing out what she wanted to say.

"I… there was a time I wanted you out of my life. You became an obstacle, standing between me and someone I care very much about."

Mikasa was staring at her; she didn't look back.

"I'm sure I don't need to spell out what I mean. But now… I get it. And I need you here as much as she does."

For the first time, Ymir heard Annie's voice break, ever so slightly.

"You made her happy. Something I couldn't do. So don't you dare leave her now."

He hardly breathed.

"Happy… "

Able to speak again, Mikasa bent forward.

"Joe… if this is about last night… what I did… I'm so, so sorry… I can't take it back, but… "

"Nothing that happened last night did, or could have, made a difference. My mind was made up well before that."

Ymir shot a look to their leader as did Annie.

 _She… she did that to him?_

On the screen, Joe straightened.

"Nothing could have changed what I think. Hell, what I know."

He looked down to his gun.

"It was always going to end like this."

His hand closed around the grip for his Colt; the frame for the computer stand cracked as Mikasa's fingers tightened on it. In a bid of desperation, Ymir heard herself blurt out,

"Krista wanted to make you godfather."

He froze. He stood still for several seconds, but then looked around as though shocked.

"Me… as… godfather?"

Ymir nodded though she knew he couldn't see.

"Yes… yes, she… we didn't get a chance to tell you."

Holding still a moment, he then offered one of the saddest smiles Ymir had ever seen.

"Tell… tell the kid that his… or her… godfather died… doing something that he knew was for the best."

Suddenly, Sasha cracked; tears spilling down her face, she smashed her fists against the wall.

"Goddammit Joe! You promised! You said… no matter what I said, you wouldn't do anything!"

Her confession sent eyes to her, though she was too emotionally locked on the screen to notice any of them, even Mikasa, whose look could have made the devil sweat. He shrugged, offering the same weak smile.

"I lied. Sorry, Sash."

She gave a weak sob and spun, her back hitting the wall as she slumped to the ground.

"Fuck you… "

For a time, quiet returned as no one could fathom what to say. It wasn't until he pulled his pistol free and cocked it loudly that they all erupted in protest; Annie's voice rose above the rest as he examined the gun in his hand like it was a priceless treasure.

"Stop. Stop. Put it down. Just listen to my voice. Stop."

She spoke the most calmly of them all, but for once, her eyes betrayed her. She looked scared. He didn't seem to hear them as he spoke,

"I know none of ya'll are probably going to be in the mood to do me any favors, but… could one of you write my folks and tell them... nothing about what I've done or what I became, but… just tell them… I won't be coming home."

Through his apparent daze, he finally started to break down. As he finished speaking, he started to cry; trying desperately to stay strong, he gave a wet laugh.

"Sasha, c'mon, you crying's gonna make me cry."

The brunette was sobbing somewhat reservedly into her arms; as he spoke, tears spilled out of Ilse's eyes as well, who was rocking back and forth, breathing heavily and muttering,

"Don't do it man, don't do it… "

He looked up at the camera, swallowing.

"Show it to Kenny. None of you were here."

Mikasa's legs wobbled as it looked like she might fall to her knees.

"Don't… please… don't leave… I can't… "

It struck Ymir that she had never heard her friend beg before. Joe brought the gun up.

"I owe you all something I can't repay. You taught me how to survive. How to fight. Thank you."

He smiled.

"Love to Krista."

Ymir felt a frustrated moan slip out of her as she lowered her head. Mikasa's hand shook as she brushed the screen.

"Joseph… "

"Don't ever stop fighting."

With a fire that showed even through the camera focus, his eyes burned.

"Never."

He raised a hand in what could have been a wave goodbye. It grew eerily quiet. Then, the barrel swung around into his mouth and Ymir saw his finger squeeze the trigger.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

 **AN: Long chapter, long story. Very close to the end now, though I guarantee that probably no one will guess where it will end up. Surprised myself, even.**


	43. Chapter 43

"Look at this."

…

"I don't believe it. He's actually doing it."

…

"I never believed this would have happened."

…

"This is becoming way more interesting than I would have ever guessed."

…

"Shall we interfere?"

…

"Of course not. This is exactly what we need to happen."

…

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

For a moment, she could see his eyes.

Ymir saw the blazing emotions, raging through the windows of his pupils somehow through the grainy footage that separated them. She saw his fear, his anger, his sadness pounding away at his insides; his face was contorted in a mask of pain, but one that showed him trying very hard to resist his own human weakness. From an outsider's perspective, it seemed almost monstrous.

Then he pulled the trigger.

Jumping as the deafening bang punched clean through their collective earpieces, Ymir could only stare as Joseph's head snapped back as though he was the victim of a brutal uppercut to the chin. The gun recoiled as the barrel left his mouth, flying from his hand and off to the side. An eruption of blood and bits of what could have only been bone exploded from the back of his head and splattered the wall, immediately painting it red with specks of white. In a strange, brief instance, his body swayed and she could see his eyes again. The intelligence and awareness faded as they glazed over with a look that Ymir had seen too many times. Then his head jerked back forward from the momentum and the whole of him went to the ground with a hollow sounding thump.

He didn't move.

They all stared. And stared some more. They stared for what could have been minutes, before, all of the sudden, the camera cut to static as a distant rumble could be heard from outside. The instant change snapped them all free of their shared shock; Ymir dropped her head and cursed, eyes closed. She could hear Sasha wailing into her arms. Next to her, she heard uneven and curious footsteps; she looked to see Mikasa staggering backward. Her face was remarkably calm, albeit pale. She stared at the screen a moment longer before sprinting out of the van and into the dark. Annie bolted after her, turning only to shout,

"Ymir!"

The brunette shook her head, realizing that her help was being asked for. Despite the blinding numbness that covered her hands and feet, she ran out after them, glancing at Ilse as she went.

Her friend hadn't moved either.

Mikasa was clearly fueled by a lot more than simple energy; Ymir's lungs burned as she gained. They may not have been able to catch her if not for an errant tripping hazard that sent her to the ground. Annie was the first to catch up and tackled Mikasa as she attempted to rise. Despite her friend grappling her, she rose to her feet shakily and attempted to keep staggering forward. Realizing the danger of what would come if they were spotted over the hill, Ymir closed the distance and took her down at the legs. She struggled wildly, but made no noise; her face still held the same frightening reserve as she fought like a wounded animal. Annie hissed in her ear and Ymir couldn't have said for sure, but she thought she saw tears flash in the blonde's eyes.

"It's over! You hear me? Over!"

The growls Mikasa offered in reply were more menacing than anything Ymir had ever heard.

"Don't…fucking… say that… let… go… "

She succeeded in lunging forward a few more feet and Annie gave Ymir a warning look. They were almost at the top of the hill where angry voices could be heard shouting just beyond. If they were seen….

 _What if it was her?_

Ymir froze as the very thought of Krista in Joe's place flooded into her mind. She saw her goddess's sad smile, wave goodbye, and then… as the gun fired…

 _God no._

She didn't try and hold back the tears as she pulled herself up to Mikasa's face.

"He did this for you! So you could live! Don't waste it!"

Mikasa stopped thrashing and met her gaze. There was only a promise of hell and Ymir felt her flood freeze.

"Waste… ? What the fuck did you just… "

And the sky lit up with all the magnificence of the sun. A deafening roar shook the earth and threw them all back down the hill several yards. Ears ringing, Ymir blinked away blurriness as the world spun. To her side, she saw Annie rolling to an upright position and once again, bringing a determined Mikasa down. With the blonde doing her best to wear her out, she still stumbled the last few steps to the top of the hill; Ymir scrambled up dizzily and ran up beside them.

The building was gone. Well, almost gone. A shell, like a shredded bowl, surrounded where the compound had once been. The men who had been outside lay still, some in pieces. Above the raging flames, which had become the only sound to dominate the night, smoke billowed to meld into the black sky, swallowed by itself. The three of them stood there for a time, only able to stare. Then, Mikasa's knees gave way and she collapsed. She made a strange noise as she bowed her head; Annie put a hand on her shoulder as she stared to shake. Ymir knew there wasn't a damn thing she could to help the situation.

Suddenly, Mikasa's head snapped up, the fire in her eyes putting the flames brought forth by their explosives to shame. Her face contorted in rage as her teeth became bared in a murderous snarl.

"FUCK YOU TO HELL, JOSEPH! FUCK YOU FOR DOING THIS TO ME!"

She gasped for air as tears started streaming down her face. Annie wrapped her arms around her friend and buried her face in her shoulder. Ymir didn't know if she saw crying too as Mikasa continued to scream,

"YOU WERE ALL I NEEDED! HOW YOU COULD LEAVE ME!? BURN IN HELL!"

Ymir collapsed and rolled onto her back, covering her eyes and wishing half-heartedly that she would succumb to the darkness. As her own mind howled and the shock of loss numbed her bones, she became aware of very few things. She heard Mikasa roar at the fire for another minute, before she too gave in and collapsed in grief. The three of them remained there for a time, none wanting to move. Eventually, Ymir felt hands, probably of Sasha and Ilse help her up. The five of them staggered back to the van, leaning on each other for support, and more or less carrying Mikasa most of the way. As they all dragged themselves into the back of the vehicle, they all dropped to the floor, each in their own realms of sorrow and disbelief. It was minutes before Annie pulled herself up and climbed into the driver's seat. It was minutes more before she started the engine and took them away.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Hange watched Kenny carefully as he stared at the recording. It was important to gauge his reaction, to see what he thought of it. Any change in expression, or alteration of his body's posture could give away a clue as to his impressions towards the video.

Hange knew these reasons for staring at him were all bullshit. She just didn't want to see it again.

The man's face stared intently, eyes narrowing as the gun came out and widening the barrel entered Joe's mouth. Hange turned away as the gun thundered once and took his life; Kenny slapped his knees in a show of mild surprise.

"Holy shit. He did it."

The video faded to static and he turned to look at her; there was suspicion written on his face, but a dark smile was also present.

"So he robs you of explosives and a set of body armor, finds one of my compounds, tells no one, rigs the place, sends you this video and kills himself and a good chunk of my grunts."

She said nothing, her silence answering his hidden question. He shook his head and leaned back.

"How did he know what I asked?"

Hange swallowed.

"He was told."

"By whom?"

"By one of us."

"You won't tell me who?"

"Do you really think that's necessary?"

He laughed and her stomach did a disgusted flip.

"I guess not."

To her surprise, he rose to his feet with an air of finality.

"I got what I asked. I'll respect our agreement."

She tried very hard to not be shocked.

"Your… your building? Your people?"

His eyes flashed darkly.

"Do you really want to bring that up?"

Closing her mouth, she kept his gaze; he finally shrugged.

"Just grunts. I have more. And I certainly have more than one place of manufacture."

He walked to the door.

"I'm going to believe you, that he acted on his own. He certainly seems the type to do something like that."

Seizing the handle, he yanked open the door; before he vanished, he looked back.

"We're essentially business partners now. I suggest you all remember that."

Hange waited several seconds after the door shut behind him before she slumped weakly in her chair and let out a long, tired sigh.

 _Joseph… didn't even know you for a year… but I'll miss you, you sunuva…_

She jumped as her phone buzzed, jumping a bit on her desk. Snatching it, she stared at the four-word text message. She stared at it for minutes; when she finally felt ready to move, she got up and made her way to her car.

Mike asked where she was going as she left; she had given him a fake smile.

"To see an old friend."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

… **and it pains me greatly to tell you that, despite**...

The pencil tumbled from her fingers.

"Fuck… "

Mikasa crushed the paper in her hand and chucked it across the room, where it joined the growing pile of abandoned attempts. As she gave a pained and frustrated sigh, she grabbed at her whiskey and took another swallow. She cursed herself as she did; if she was going to make it through this, she couldn't rely on substance of any kind to ease her pain.

 _I have to face it._

She ripped off a fresh sheet of paper and blinked at it, trying to clear her head. As the buzz granted her a brief reprieve, she managed to address the letter to his parents and write about half of a sentence before she started crying again. She stood and walked away, letting the tears fall silently down her face and onto her chest. This wasn't the first time this had happened that day; since they had come back from debriefing Hange, she had come home and had been assaulted by random bouts of tears ever since. They came on without warning, though by now, she had become better at controlling and stopping them. Stumbling up to the window, she leaned against it, pulling in deep shaky breaths.

"It'll get better."

She spun, hearing the voice and almost fell. There was no one there; furrowing her brow and wiping the tears from her face, she drilled at her head as to explain what she had just heard.

"You're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for."

The voice was behind her again; she snapped her head around and this time… he was there.

"It'll get better."

Joe was rocking back and forth in the chair next to the couch, half-shrouded in darkness. Reeling, she took a step forward and he put up a hand.

"Don't."

Tears slid down her face as her hand passed through where his cheek should have been. He looked up at her smiling sadly.

"This isn't where you want to be."

Her knees shook.

"I… I don't… "

Chuckling, Joe leaned forward.

"I'll never really be gone you know."

As she stared weakly at him, he gave her a knowing look.

"I know, I know, same bullshit you always hear in movies and whatnot: 'Oh, I'm dead, but I'll never really leave you.' I mean, to a certain extent they're right."

He leaned back, smile fading.

"And it's probably not what you want to hear right now."

She went to her knees and reached out, praying, wishing, begging that her hand would feel his warmth as she reached for him. It didn't. He frowned.

"C'mon, buck up."

Looking up at him, she felt real anger flush through her veins; it felt good to let the anger overpower the grief.

"How can you say that?!"

One moment he was sitting, the next he was standing.

"Because you can't stay like this. The longer you mourn, the weaker you'll get."

She rose too.

"It hasn't even been a day since you… you left me! And you want me to what, just move on?!"

He shrugged.

"You only knew me for like eight months."

Shaking her head in disbelief, she looked off to the side.

"Did… did you ever care about me… at all?"

He was now standing by the window.

"Well, I'd like to think that I did. I only, you know, shot my head off for you… "

She gave a howl and turned, swinging her fist at his head with all the strength she could pull up from her drunken, saddened state. It connected with nothing and she stumbled to the side. Straightening, she glared at him furiously.

"How is that caring about me?!"

For a moment, it looked as though he would retaliate. Then, he turned away, looking down.

"You're angry. I get it. You won't understand why I did what I did."

Flickering like a candle, he sighed.

"Hell, maybe you never will."

He was in the hallway.

"The man who got everything he ever wanted… remember him?"

She barely breathed,

"Yes."

Over his shoulder, he tossed her a smile.

"Good. Just do me a favor and remember him."

His form was fading, like steam. He smiled.

"Thanks for writing my folks."

She walked after him, with desperation now flooding through her veins.

"Wait… where are you going… ?"

Laughing, he was at the door.

"What do you mean? I'm dead, remember?"

She blinked and he was gone. After a second, she ran up to the door and threw it open. No one. Closing it, she breathed heavily, once again wiping her eyes as dry as she could get them.

 _What… the fuck.._

It was then that her eyes saw the closet door. She stared at is as her breathing returned to normal and a confused feeling swept into her mind.

 _Did… did I open that?_

For whatever reason, it was slightly ajar. Retracing her steps, and trying to imagine how it could have been opened, she made to close it. Something tugged on her conscious and shaking her head, she pushed it open.

The scarf hung on a hangar, waving very minimally in the breeze caused by the swinging of the door. Clean, red, and looking perfectly new, she reached in and pulled it out; immediately, its soft touch played a soothing melody on her skin that sent another wave of pain through her heart. This time, though, she stopped the tears. She stood there for a very long time as the sun dipped lower and lower in the sky, throwing shadows through her apartment. Then, she wrapped it around her neck, something she remembered doing every day for years back in her school days. It felt different to how it had then.

 _Maybe…_

And, somehow, as fresh waves of pain and sorrow assaulted her, she walked calmly back to her desk and resumed writing.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Every step Ymir took was laced with a fine layer of dread.

The hospital's tile floor seemed to shout the echoes of her footsteps back at her with malicious intensity. The lights flickered further mocking her sleep-deprived gaze. It struck her that she hadn't felt this shitty in a long time.

Maybe ever.

As she rounded the corner that led into the hallway where Krista's room sat only a few doors down, guilt racked her. Her pace slowed as she drew nearer.

 _What do I say?_

Apologize?

 _Like she'll fucking buy that._

Explain?

 _Maybe. She still won't care._

Her hand found the doorknob and she closed her eyes. Steeling herself, she stepped in.

The bed was empty. It looked recently made and a half-eaten tray of food sat on the side table next to it. For a brief moment, Ymir was startled into paralysis. Then, she stepped forward quickly, door swinging shut behind her. There was a yelp and she turned to see the nurse she had so recently threatened drop her broom, with a hand over her mouth. Feeling a twinge of guilt for what she had forced the young woman to do, it was quickly smashed to the side as Ymir stepped towards her.

"Where is she?"

"She… she… "

Ymir allowed some Annie-esque menace to drip into her voice.

"Where?"

The nurse swallowed and looked towards the door.

"She… she went to sit in the lobby. Over by the plants and cushioned benches. Where there's the nice view of the forest."

Without another word, Ymir turned and threw the door back open. Behind her, she heard the nurse say reluctantly after her,

"She said… she didn't want any visitors."

Ymir threw her a disdainful look and took a step into the hall.

"She said… especially not you."

A cannonball seemed to crush Ymir's gut and she stopped. The pain held her in place for several seconds, before she marched down the hall, not looking back.

 _She'll see reason, she'll have to, she needs to know that it was for her own good, that, what with everything that happened, it was too dangerous, she can't go and assume that just because…_

She froze again as she walked into the lobby. Krista sat on the windowsill, looking out at the sun setting gently over the trees, dousing the room in orange light. Her blonde hair was caught magnificently in the beams that penetrated the building, but also cast illumination on her eyes. They were very red.

As Ymir stepped within a couple meters of her, the blonde said quietly,

"Leave me alone."

They were the cruelest three words Ymir had ever heard. Somehow, she didn't break on them.

"Krista, we have to… "

"Didn't you hear me? I want you to get the fuck out of here."

Every word she said hurt her all the worse; Krista's eyes were deadlocked on what lay beyond the window. Ymir walked forward and reached out a hand,

"Girl, please… "

"Touch me and I'll scream."

The threat shook her so badly that her lungs quit working. She collapsed onto a bench, staring dumbfounded at the back of her girlfriend's head; she had known it would be bad, but…

"I did what was right."

"You did what was right by you."

Ymir lowered her head.

"I suppose you told them all that I agreed, right? That I said it was right for me to stay here?"

The ice in her voice was almost palpable.

"I imagine you left out the part where you drugged me, and left me here to rot while you went off gallivanting with everyone else."

"It was hardly gallivanting."

Krista snorted.

"Yeah, right."

She looked so beautiful in the sunlight and Ymir suddenly found herself begging.

"Please… don't shut me out like this… I need you right now… "

"Funny, didn't seem like you did twenty-four hours ago."

It hit Ymir then how serious this was. Krista seemed as though she may be lastingly mad and unforgiving. And Ymir didn't know what she could say to make it right.

 _Wait…_

And she realized there was something she could say. It would far from make anything right, but maybe, it would get Krista to need her the same way she needed Krista. Offering a moment of silence for Krista's enviable ignorance, she then shattered it with two words. And as her girlfriend slowly turned to look at her with shock morphing into anguish, Ymir knew nothing could ever be the same again.


	44. Chapter 44

"He isn't… he can't… "

Ymir lowered her head as Krista muttered denial through her grief.

"He is. It's over."

She slowly started to stand, hoping against all odds that Krista's anger would fall and her heartbreak would take its place. There was a surge of self-hatred as she realized that she had gone so low as to use a friend's death to restore her standing with her girlfriend.

 _She's all I have._

Her inner argument was weak and she knew it; so did Krista. She looked up with furious eyes, glistening with tears as Ymir took a step towards her.

"Get out."

Not able to keep her gaze, Ymir looked down. But she also wasn't able to leave.

"I can't."

"Don't give me that shit, get the fuck out."

"I can't. I won't leave with us like this."

She flinched as Krista got to her feet.

"Us? Are you fucking serious? We all just lost… "

Swallowing, the blonde gritted her teeth angrily.

"And you're thinking about us?"

She turned back to the window, hair whipping through the air as furiously as her temper.

"Ilse was right. You do just think about yourself."

It hurt terribly, but Ymir realized helplessly that this was the first time she could remember where she had no control. She couldn't raise her voice, she couldn't fight back. Because, despite how little she wanted to believe it, she knew that Krista was right.

"How about his parents? His family? Think about them at all?"

Ymir knew there was nothing she could say as Krista plowed on.

"Think about how they'll feel when they realize that their son is missing? Gone? They'll never know."

Her voice shook.

"How about… Mikasa? How about her?"

Feeling eyes burn the top of her head, Ymir kept her head down.

"You know where she is right now? Wonder what's going on in her head? Can you guess how she's feeling?"

 _Don't say it._

"Yes."

Ymir had spoken before she even knew she wanted to.

"What?"

"Yes, I can."

There was silence as she felt Krista staring at her in disbelief; as long as she had the floor, she decided it may be best to keep talking.

"I can't obviously understand how she's feeling right now, because I'm not in her situation. But all I have to do is imagine that, instead of him, it had been you. From that, it's all… "

She felt a shadow pass over her; she looked up. There was a terrifically loud slap and Ymir's head snapped to the left. Cheek stinging with pain, she blinked in shock before slowly turning to see a livid face glaring back at her.

"How… DARE you… "

Ymir had no choice other than to lower her head; as Krista walked back to the window, she felt herself grasp desperately at any straws she had left within her reach. In her distress, she heard herself blurt out,

"I told him you wanted him to be godfather. Before he ended it."

The footsteps stopped and she looked up; Krista was staring back at her, eyes still searing with anger, but there was a touch of confusion there as well.

"What do you mean… before he ended it?"

Mind blanking a moment, Ymir realized that at no point had she informed her of the nature of his death.

"He… he knew Krista."

The blonde hissed back, tears springing into her eyes.

"Knew WHAT?"

"He knew about our meeting with Kenny. He knew what he had asked for and so when we went in, he… he waited until we were far enough away that we couldn't stop him. Then… "

Thinking she might throw up if she had to say it, she mimed by putting a finger gun in her mouth. In a single, beautiful instance, the anger dissipated from Krista's face and she practically collapsed onto the windowsill. She looked completely defeated.

"He… he went and… "

She shook her head and lowered it; Ymir saw tears hit the floor before she looked up again, a trace of anger returning briefly.

"How?"

"How did he know?"

"Yes."

Ymir fought briefly with the idea of feigning ignorance, but immediately knocked it; if Krista found out she was lying about even one more thing… she had no intention of thinking about the consequences.

"Sash. He… apparently found her on the roof two days back. Knew something was up. I guess… I guess she was baking up there. Kinda intoxicated, so when he got in her face, she couldn't not tell him… "

The blonde dug her fingers into her scalp, gritting her teeth and jamming her eyes shut.

"Sasha… that b… why the fuck would you… why… "

"I guess he was pretty persuasive."

Krista gave a laugh that wasn't a laugh.

"Persuasive. Great. And now he's dead."

Leaning forward, Ymir spoke with as much conviction as she deemed was safe under her present circumstances.

"There was nothing you could have done. Even if you were there."

They locked eyes and, for a moment, she thought nothing she had said made a difference.

"Ymir, I'm not mad that you left me behind."

Blinking in confusion, Ymir could only stare as Krista looked sadly out the window. The sun was very close to the horizon, moving in to brush it tenderly.

"I'm mad because after everything that's happened, after everything I said, you still lied to me."

Ymir could feel her fingernails cutting into her skin as she clenched her fists to near numbness.

"I knew deep down you were right. I couldn't risk the baby. I had to stay here."

She looked over with a disappointment in her eyes that had Ymir wishing she would scream and shout and rage.

"But you lied. You said you would come and get me before the hit. Then you drugged me and left."

Shaking her head, the last tear fell from her cheek.

"I can't be with you if I can't trust you Ymir. You all risked your lives while I was knocked out."

For a moment, her face twisted into a furious snarl.

"Joseph DIED for fuck's sake!"

Regaining control, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

"You've promised me a lot Ymir, since we got together. That you wouldn't leave me. That we'd be together forever. That you'd protect me from anything."

She hugged herself, arms tightening around her small, lean frame.

"But I only need you to promise me one thing."

They locked eyes and Ymir knew deep down the ultimatum she was being offered.

"No more lies. Promise me."

As she said the words, Ymir knew that she was saying them just as much to herself as her goddess.

"No more lies. I promise."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ilse was wholly grateful as she swung the door open for Annie. The blonde stepped in quickly, glancing behind her and looking up and down the streets before closing the door sharply; Ilse gave her a look.

"You expecting to be followed?"

Annie shrugged.

"No need to be careless."

Ilse shrugged back.

"Fair enough."

They walked through the living room and, at Ilse's gesture, Annie sat. Quickly moving, she retrieved two drinks from the kitchen and returned, sitting across from the blonde and handing one over. She took it, raising an eyebrow,

"This boozed?"

Ilse shook her head and Annie sipped it reservedly. They both sat in the relative silence of the living room for a good while; the lights were off, the only illumination coming from the setting sun which beat persistently through the drawn blinds. Annie made no comment regarding the darkness, Ilse guessed, because either she knew the reason or just didn't care. When they were a fair way through their drinks, the blonde asked without looking up,

"How is she?"

Sighing, and dragging her fingers through her dark hair, Ilse shook her head.

"She could be a whole lot better."

Annie nodded and Ilse replied with her own question,

"Mika?"

The answer was about what she expected.

"She's… surviving. I think."

Uttering a low, vile curse that caused Ilse to raise her eyebrows in surprise, the blonde ground her foot against the floor.

"It's just impossible to tell, isn't it. It's just like she used to be: cold, short answers, dark expressions, doesn't want to talk. She'll never tell anyone how she's really feeling."

She leaned back.

"I'll keep a close eye on her, as best I can. She's strong, but… he meant a lot to her. More than I think any of us knew."

Resting forward with her forearms on her knees, she looked to the bedroom door.

"Honestly, I'm more concerned about her."

Grunting, Ilse looked the same way, toying with her glass nervously.

"On the way here, she was very… blank. Hardly said a word, didn't react to almost anything. It wasn't until we came inside, until we were home, when she said she wanted to lie down."

She chewed the inside of her mouth.

"She's been in there ever since."

"Beating herself up?"

"Probably. You know Sash, she's gotten so accustomed to taking blame over the years, of course she's blaming herself."

Feeling a pulse of unneeded and unwanted anger, she muttered darkly.

"She certainly is partly to blame."

Annie gave her a look.

"She didn't pull the trigger."

Ilse sighed again.

"No. But if she had kept her mouth shut, that trigger may never have been pulled."

The blonde turned her gaze to the wall.

"We all played our part in his death."

Glancing over in confusion and surprise, Ilse frowned.

"What is that supposed to… "

They both leapt instinctively to their feet as a crash and following thud split the quiet air. As they looked to the door from behind where the noises had come from, Ilse swore,

"Oh, goddamn it."

Annie was already at the bedroom door, and Ilse jumped behind her as it opened. The bed was empty and they both immediately directed their attention to the closed bathroom door; Ilse launched her hand towards it. It was locked from the inside. She had only a moment to try and comprehend what was happening, before Annie shoved her violently out of the way. A sharp kick sent the door flying open with a crack and a bang and the pair of them stormed in.

Sasha was on the ground near the bathtub, towel rack dislocated from its place on the wall, blood up and down its frame. The girl herself was staring wildly at her wrist which was bleeding profusely. A razor was in the sink, blood running inside the basin and down the side of the cupboard. She was shaking terribly, eyes wide and cheeks stained with tears. Ilse could only stare as Annie dropped to Sasha's side and took her gently, but quickly.

"Lie down, alright lie down… deep breaths."

She tossed a glance up almost casually at Ilse who was still standing dumbfounded in the doorway.

"Grab one of those clothes."

Swallowing, Ilse moved in almost a daze to follow her orders; when she had the cloth, she dropped down next to Annie who grabbed it and wrapped it tightly around Sasha's wrist. She looked again to Ilse,

"Hold this and keep it elevated. Check it every five minutes, you can gauze it when it's done bleeding."

She was quickly on her feet.

"I need to get ahold of Hange."

And she was out the door. Ilse held Sasha's arm in the air and stared down at her; the brunette didn't seem to notice what was going on as she lay on the floor, but she stared at the ceiling, muttering,

"Should have been me… should have been me, my fault, that shit's on me… I should have died… "

Ilse felt a groan leak from her mouth as she stroked the side of her friend's face.

"Sash… "

Hearing her name, Sasha looked over and their eyes met.

"We lost someone, Ilse."

"I know."

"He's gone forever."

"Yes."

"And it's my fault."

"No, it isn't."

Sasha's eyes closed and tears leaked out.

"I told him… "

"You told him the TRUTH. He made the decision he did, that isn't on you."

They stared at each other a moment longer before Sasha's face broke.

"Ilse!"

She jumped up and wrapped Ilse in a tight hug. Returning the embrace while trying to lower her friend back to the ground, she heard whispers desperately spew into her ear.

"Don't you go either… don't you ever die on me… don't… "

Laying Sasha on her lap, Ilse kept her bleeding arm in the air while gripping her free hand tightly in her own.

"Don't worry girl. I'm not going anywhere."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Nice night."

"Nice is arbitrary."

"True. From a weather standpoint, it's nice."

"Again, arbitrary."

"Well, then arbitrarily, I think it's a nice night."

Erwin looked at Hange, seeming mildly surprised.

"Considering all that's gone down for you in the past twenty-four hours, I would assume you wouldn't be so lively."

She slumped back against the hood of his car, sighing.

"I'm not. I'm just happy to take any excuse to keep me distracted."

He nodded and returned his attention forward.

"Understandable."

She took a long drag from the cigarette before handing it back to him. He held it between his fingers, staring at it for several seconds, before asking,

"How long has it been?"

She crossed her arms and smiled at the horizon.

"Since college or since you ditched me for the police force?"

He took a drag himself.

"That isn't fair. You knew I wanted to make a difference in this town."

Glancing at him with an air of mockery, she pushed her glasses up.

"And so here you are, fraternizing with the enemy."

"Hange, you will never be my enemy."

She laughed at the darkening sky.

"I know. I just wanted to hear you say it."

He straightened and she saw that old fire in his eyes that had never quite gone out.

"I've long since realized that the drug trade is a necessary part of life, at least in this county. All I want to do is keep it as regulated and under the radar as I am able."

Her smile faded.

"Which is why you want to go to war with Kenny Ackerman."

Erwin passed her back the cigarette and looked at his empty hands.

"How do I fight what I can't see? His "side-business" is flawlessly controlled, I haven't had any luck grabbing dirt on him, not until recently."

Hange looked at him curiously, but he didn't continue. She pulled the cigarette down to half before he asked,

"How are you holding up?"

Surprised, she did her best not to show it.

"I'm fine. Why?"

Passing him back the cigarette, she watched him carefully; he didn't look at her.

"My men are still dragging bodies out of the compound."

She feigned confusion, watching him. He looked over, eyes piercing and imposing.

"The one your people torched last night."

Looking back forward, she pulled in a deep breath.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

He nodded.

"I'm sure you don't. I'm sure you also aren't at all the least bit down that you lost someone yourself in the raid or whatever the hell your plan was."

 _How the hell… ?_

Shaking her head, she barely managed to keep the façade alive.

"I don't know of what raid you're talking about, and I surely didn't lose anyone last night."

"I imagine Joe would disagree."

Her mind buzzed for the briefest instant before she was standing, fists clenched.

"How… how the fuck do you know that?"

Erwin's eyes flicked to hers momentarily, before his gaze returned to the horizon.

"He came to me a couple days ago. Said he had information regarding the drug trafficking affairs of Kenny Ackerman."

Pulling out on piece of paper, he waved it before her.

"And he agreed to hand it over if I promised to keep the police attention off these individuals."

Another paper came out. He handed them towards her and she took them after a moment of staring with shock and suspicion into his eyes. As Hange mentally read out everything on the paper, her mind burned more and more. Finally, she looked up to Erwin.

"He… trusted you… with all of this?"

Smoke wisped from his mouth as he nodded.

"And he told you he was planning on… on… "

Erwin sighed again.

"He told me nothing about his… or your… present state of affairs. I simply looked over the list and found it odd that he hadn't listed himself among those who I was to essentially pardon. When I asked him, he simply said, 'I wouldn't worry about me.' I found it odd, but had no idea of what he could be talking about."

Feeling a rush of emotion that was almost too much to take, she slumped down the front of his car, her rear hitting the ground, snapping her head loosely. She heard him take a step her way towards where she now sat.

"Are you alright?"

Not trusting herself to answer, she ignored his question and asked one of her own.

"Why did you ask me to come here?"

He waited a good long while before answering.

"Joe… if that was his name, opened my eyes. I can't stop the drug trade in my town and I can't even probably slow it. But I can control who's in charge of it."

Hange waited for the proposition that she knew was coming.

"I know what you do, and while I don't approve and never have, I would like us to be able to help each other."

She smiled at the ground, as she heard him shift his weight to her left.

"Would that be something you would be willing to consider?"

Chuckling darkly, she took the cigarette he offered and took a final drag.

"Nothing to consider. You know the answer."

Grinding the butt into the dirt next to her, she chucked the cigarette into the darkness before blowing out a long sigh and dragging her fingers through her long, brown hair.

"You picked a hell of a day to join up."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

In the back of her mind, Mikasa wondered what she looked like to an outsider.

Had someone walked into her apartment, they would have seen her staggering around, half-naked, sweating and breathing like she had just run a marathon. It would have looked to anyone else like she was a regular addict.

She didn't care.

The needle had put her in a world where reality was so close yet so far. Her immediate surroundings had been thrown into beautifully mesmerizing and distracting realism while that which plagued her seemed as though it was slipping further and further away.

She stumbled into her bedroom and swatted the bag and syringe off of her furniture. Her bra and underwear seemed to cling to her like desperate children, every drop of sweat lancing down her body dragged across her skin with frightening delicacy. The fan above her whirred like the wardrums of a long-lost primal culture, the room spun like a carnival ride, and the lights outside seemed to be coming from stars that, for whatever reasons, had decided to park themselves just by her window. It was an orgasm to all of her senses, for it took away what she wanted to forget and replaced it with… madness.

Laughing and falling back onto the mattress that felt as though it was a cloud, Mikasa allowed the darkness above her head to hold all the possibilities that she couldn't see. She reached up with a hand that, from her doped perspective, seemed to keep reaching forever. Fingers stretching, arm pulling, it was as though something was just outside of her grip. And she wasn't surprised to feel tears spearing their way from her eyes; there was something she was reaching for. Something she could never have. Her laughs echoed into sobs as she started crying; for the first time in what felt like forever, she allowed herself to cry like a child. Her body was wracked with great, heaving sobs that seemed to shake the very fabric of her reality. Above her, the darkness screeched,

 _That, you can't have! You've never been able to have it! And you never will!_

She raised her arms in defense and jammed her eyes shut, but that only provoked the never-ending blackness.

 _You stupid girl… it was always going to end this way!_

Understanding she couldn't win, she dropped her arms and let it take victory instead; there was no point in fighting.

Before the twilight claimed her, she thought back once more to what she had been trying to escape. She saw his smile and as she gave a final wail of defeat and loss, she realized she couldn't have been happier to let the terrifying void suck her into nothingness.


	45. Chapter 45

" _ **Because I drown in your shadow**_

 _ **Like salt in the rain**_

 _ **If my fear is tomorrow**_

 _ **Your memory's the fight in my veins"**_

 _ **-Parkway Drive**_

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Armin, seriously, you work anymore, then you don't get enough sleep and all that prep will be for nothing."

Eren shook his head at his friend, who looked to be falling asleep over a pile of law books. Blinking at him drearily, Armin shook his head back, giving a long sigh.

"I go to bed now and I'm up all night wondering what I still haven't reviewed."

"You're going to do that regardless."

"True. But if I fall asleep on the books, then that at least gives me the advantage of passing out immediately and not being stressed out in bed."

Rolling his eyes, Eren walked through the kitchen and killed the light.

"Your funeral. I'm locking the place up."

Dropping his phone on the island, he went to the front door to, swinging in the deadbolt and punching the code on their security system. From deeper in the house, he heard Armin call,

"I still think that's overkill, you know."

Eren glanced out the front window at the fading light by the horizon before responding.

"Yeah, well, when someone breaks into the house and are scared off by the screaming alarm this thing has, I'll remember you said that."

There was a series of electronic chirps from behind him.

"Hey Eren, it's Ilse."

He turned from the window, smiling and frowning.

"Haven't heard from her in a while. Wonder what's up… "

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

There was no one there but her.

Hange didn't believe she would be able to get a good night's sleep if she tried. She would just have to make do with what she had let herself do in the past: wait until she was too tired to think about anything else and then pass out in her chair. Spinning in it now, she sighed and stared up at the dim lights, buzzing overhead. She spun back and stared at her desk. Sliding open the drawer, she looked inside.

 _Just do it._

It struck her that this was something she had never had to do before and it gave her a strange sort of apprehension that she quickly shook off. She fingered passed several aliases that had been quickly scrawled on folder tabs before finding the one she was looking for.

 _Dust…_

She yanked it out; it was the least filled of the lot though as she flipped it open, she immediately closed it as a wave of anger hit her. Swallowing, she pulled free her lighter and paused. Climbing onto her desk, she smothered the smoke detector with her jacket which she taped tightly to it. Dropping back into her chair, she took a moment to stare at the flame as she lit her lighter. The, she dragged it underneath the folder as she held it up and dropped it back to her desk as she flames spread quickly.

She stared at it for a long time, well after the last remnants of the fire had dissipated, leaving only ash as what remained.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Krista found herself standing in the brisk morning air, hand in hand with Ymir. They were behind Mikasa's apartment, a decent walk out into a clearing in the woods. The mood was certainly sobering as Ilse dug with her hands in the dirt, to make a fitting place for the headstone that Annie had brought.

The previous night had apparently been rough for all of them; Sasha's arm was tightly bandaged, and while Krista had known better than to ask why, Ymir hadn't had such foresight. She had asked almost immediately when they had arrived,

"Hey, arm alright?"

The look Sasha had given was a full and obvious contrast of her reply.

"Yeah, fine."

"You sure? Looks pretty… "

At an inconspicuous kick from Krista, she had closed her mouth, mind understanding then that she should drop it.

While she wore no such bandages, Mikasa looked awful. Her eyes were tired, her face was pale, and she wobbled when she stood still. She had almost fallen when they were walking out and had needed to wrap an arm around Annie to keep from going down. Though she had no intention of asking or ever bringing it up, Krista had an idea of what she had been up to last night. Coming out of high school, Mikasa had dealt with a brief history of drug abuse; it hadn't lasted, the same as her smoking habit, but Krista knew that even one hit from a needle would mess with your head forever. And when there was no one to lean on and nothing to escape the pain with… she imagined that the substance was a welcome, if brief, escape.

She stood to the right of Ymir, breathing shakily as Annie flicked her gaze constantly towards her, clearly not trusting her health. Krista felt terrible for her; though she tried, she couldn't even begin to put herself in her friend's shoes. As she looked towards Mikasa, Ymir leaned into her, whispering quietly,

"We should talk to her."

 _And say what?_

Though she knew there was nothing they could say, Krista felt Ymir's concern for their friend and smiled, mouthing 'later'.

The season was indeed summer, but as where the sun was in the sky, Krista watched her breath steam from her mouth and float away. She was dressed warmly, but couldn't fight back the occasional shiver. Hange had pulled a few strings to have the hospital allow her to be where she was for a little while and she was very grateful.

 _After all, I didn't even get to say…_

She took a deep breath and tried to blink away her tears. Squeezing Ymir's hand helped.

Flinging a last clump of dirt aside, Ilse straightened and looked back, shrugging.

"Looks deep enough."

Leaving Mikasa's side briefly, Annie reached down and picked up the stone she had apparently spent the better part of the night chiseling. Krista remembered staring at it when Annie had arrived.

"You made that?"

Hefting the stone from her car, the blonde had shrugged.

"Least I could do."

Kneeling now, she slammed the carved stone into the outlet Ilse had dug. She padded the dirt around the sides and filling in the empty space around it. Standing, she walked back to her place. The stone was blank and they all knew why; despite the incredible odds against it, they couldn't risk having someone who had known Joe to find the stone out in the woods and possibly draw some inconceivable connection. The chances were a million to one, but they all knew the time for taking risks was over.

The six of them stood shoulder to shoulder as morning birds chirped, the only sound to hold dominion in the air that time of day. Krista lowered her head and allowed a tear to splash to the ground.

 _I'm sorry I wasn't there…_

She snapped her head up at the sound of a knife being unsheathed. They all looked to Ilse who had her buck knife out; she glanced down the line,

"Okay if I write something?"

Annie frowned and opened her mouth, but Ilse waved her down.

"Don't worry, no names."

Shifting her weight, Annie nodded reluctantly. Ilse looked to Mikasa for secondary approval, but she had been the only one to not look over, her tortured eyes locked on the headstone. Ilse walked over reverently and knelt in front of the stone. She lowered her head and after several seconds of held silence, she drew her knife back and plunged it at the smooth, rocky face. It took her very little time to work and she backed off after only a minute, a single word etched above the dirt.

 **Strong**

She gave a deep sniff and dropped her gaze to the ground, patting Sasha's hand as it fell gently on her shoulder. Krista stared at the word for a time before Ymir gave her hand a tight squeeze and then let go. She looked over in confusion briefly, then saw her girlfriend walking up and drawing her own knife. After a brief instance, she returned to Krista's side.

 **Rely**

Krista remembered back to the botched deal all those months ago, where she and Ymir had been right in the line of fire. She knew that was the same moment that Ymir was recalling. Sasha stepped forward almost immediately after Krista was reunited with her girlfriend.

 **Commit**

Suddenly, a word popped into Krista's head and she almost ran forward, collapsing at the base of the rock. Before she started carving, she reached out and touched the stone, smiling gently and speaking very quietly.

"No one's gonna forget you."

Digging her word into the surface, she wiped her eyes and darted back to her place on the line.

 **Trust**

She couldn't help but throw a glance down at Annie who was staring at the stone intently; Krista noticed a muscle working furiously in her jaw. For a moment, she figured the blonde wasn't going to come to their level of corny, yet meaningful appreciation. But then, she sighed and walked slowly up to the mound and stopped. She then whispered something that Krista was fairly sure no one caught. Then she crouched and sliced her own tribute into the rock.

 **Loyal**

As she walked back to her place, Krista realized that there was only one person left. Mikasa walked forward, shaking ever-so-slightly; reaching the rock, she slowly slid to her knees and reached out with both hands to grab at the stone. She bowed her head and it looked as though she could have been crying quietly; Krista bowed her own head in silence. She dug her fingers against Ymir's, feeling a sudden, overpowering wave of gratitude. It was minutes before Mikasa pulled free her own blade and slashed at the boulder with clear aggression. When she finished, she stood sharply and spun on her heel, walking out of the clearing. The look on her face before the departed was calm and steeled; not at all the face that had walked there.

Annie walked quickly after her friend; Ilse took a step towards the headstone before shaking her head and wrapping her arm around Sasha and the two left as well. Krista smiled at Sasha as they departed and it was given a sad mirror. Krista turned back to the rock as she and Ymir became the only two standing there. She rested her head against her girlfriend's shoulder before Ymir spoke, in a voice echoing of surprise,

"You know, I think I'm actually going to miss him."

Krista closed her eyes.

"Me too."

They walked forward, hand in hand, to stand staring down at his grave. Ymir nudged it with her foot.

"Rest easy."

Krista knelt and traced the word that Mikasa had carved into the stone. Barely speaking in a whisper, she muttered,

"She really loved him."

"Safe to say."

Feeling an impossibly strong wave of regret smash her gut, Krista rose and turned to Ymir,

"Ymir, I'm so sorry, I never… "

A single finger slid over her lips, brushing her into silence. As Krista looked up, she saw that she was smiling.

"None of that, now. Let's go."

Feeling tears spring back into her eyes, Krista allowed herself to be guided by Ymir from the small clearing, walking after their friends.

"So, what do you wanna name the baby?"

Krista glanced over in surprise.

"What?"

Ymir looked down matter-o-factly.

"The baby. It's gonna need a name."

Looking back forward, Krista allowed herself to think about it.

"I… I don't know. We don't even know if it's a boy or a girl."

"So say it's a girl."

"Fuck… I don't know… Emma… Abby… Lauren… Taylor… "

Ymir gave a laugh.

"I'm just fucking with you. We got plenty of time to think about that."

She pulled Krista into a tight embrace as they kept walking and the blonde allowed herself to snuggle against her.

"Plenty of time… "

Before long, the sound of their footsteps on the leaves and twigs faded into nothing and the sound of birds once again filled the area as they disappeared into the woods. Another minute or so passed before a hidden figure stood and marched up to the headstone. He stared down at it with dissent.

"She didn't tell me much… I know there's something fucked up about all this… "

Narrowing his gaze, he dug his heel into the ground.

"Whatever the reason, you're dead. But… "

He cocked his head.

"… you still broke your promise."

Looking back down the way the girls had all left, he sighed.

"You promised me you wouldn't hurt her. And maybe this was out of your hands. But regardless… "

There was clear venom in his voice.

"… you still hurt her. And I don't know if I can forgive you for that."

For a moment, Eren considered spitting. Then, he cursed himself and walked quickly back the way he had come, allowing his anger to fuel his steps.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Can I ask you something?"

Mikasa stopped walking towards her front door; she had known this was coming. She and Annie were the only two left standing outside as the sun rose to its dominance in the sky. Turning back, she said nothing, but let her body language speak for itself. Annie looked mildly frustrated before sighing,

"What were you doing last night?"

The reply sounded a lot more smart-ass than she meant it to be.

"Sleeping."

"Mika, I'm serious."

"So am I."

Annie shifted her weight and shook her head.

"Look it's no secret to anyone that you look shitty. No one wanted to ask, but I imagine none of them had the indecency to ask it to your face. I'm only doing it because I care. Just at least tell me what it was."

As her friend spoke, Mikasa's attention started drifting. Where had it all gone?

 _How the hell am I supposed to…_

It didn't seem possible. It wasn't possible.

"Did you hear me?"

"Yes."

It wasn't fair.

"I'd like an answer please."

Then she knew.

Giving a smile that was more a sneer than anything, Mikasa pulled up her sleeve and made sure the needle mark was very visible. Annie closed her eyes as she saw it.

"How… how can you be doing that to yourself? Now, of all times… "

"Don't worry Annie."

The blonde opened her eyes, confused. Mikasa finished talking as she walked up the stairs to her residence.

"It's over. I'll never be able to feel the same way he made me feel. And I know that."

She tugged gently at her scarf.

"But now… I know that there's no point in fighting it."

Opening the door, she didn't look back; her voice was so quiet that she almost couldn't hear it herself.

"Move on… "

She closed her eyes and she saw him smiling, laughing. He was sitting in the hood of her car, holding her hand. His eyes blazed with happiness. He looked to be in the midst of saying something stupid that she probably would have laughed at anyway. Applying more focus than she ever had, Mikasa seared the image into her mind.

 _Alright Joe. I'll keep fighting._

She made a fist and felt herself smile.

 _But never without you._

 _Never._

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"You shouldn't have gone."

"I know."

Levi looked at him disparagingly.

"You literally just risked everything… for what?"

"I just had to see her again. One more time."

Toeing the cases on the side of the motorcycle, Levi snorted.

"You act like you'll never see her again."

"I may not."

"True."

The two of them stood looking out at the vast, flatlands that lay before them. For a time, they stood there. Then Levi turned and marched back to his car.

"You have the location. Drive there and he'll be waiting to meet you."

"Did you get… ?"

Levi tossed him a backpack.

"Everything you asked for. Made it look like a robbery, no one will ask any questions."

"Thanks."

There was no reply.

"For everything."

"Forget it. This was as much for me as you."

"You still sunk thousands of dollars into that fucking thing that made it look like… "

"Forget it."

Silence for another minute.

"You'll write?"

"As often as I deem necessary."

"Alright."

…

…

"Just don't do anything stupid. The last thing we need is someone finding out about you and then… "

"Then everything's fucked."

"Yeah."

…

…

"Any advice before I go?"

"Don't look back. It'll probably get a lot harder."

"I suppose."

"You are leaving everything behind."

"I know. I'm gonna miss them all."

"I'll keep an eye on them."

"Especially her?"

"Especially."

…

…

"I'd better get going."

"Yeah probably."

"Hug?"

"Fuck off."

He laughed.

"Figured as much. Take care of yourself Levi."

"Don't forget what I said. Stay low. I'll be in touch."

He nodded and revved the engine up. It roared with the same tortured fire that raced in his heart.

 _Sure you can do this?_

His reply was a whisper.

"I have to."

Giving Levi a wave, he sped off towards the looming wasteland where his new home would reside. The engine pounded the air, overpowering the locusts and other insects of the deserted land with its loud and punishing drone. Levi waited for minutes until the roar of the motorcycle's engine had been gone for a long time. He wondered if he had done the right thing before cursing for second-guessing himself. Then, he climbed back into his own car and drove off the opposite way. After a moment, he too was gone. The road soon returned to its previously quieted state, clouds drifting lazily through the sky they occupied. Silence cooked the earth as the sun did the same; a breeze then kicked up a cloud of dust that hung in the air above the road for a time before slinking off towards the horizon.

END

 **Long But Necessary AN: And there we have it. After forty-five chapters, an imperfect ending for our imperfect characters. I always had reservations about how I was going to finally end this, but this seemed the way to do it. It closes the curtain nicely, but leaves a side door open for a sequel; I won't deny that I haven't already started putting ideas to the keyboard, but I'd love to hear what you guys think. If you'd like to see a continuation, I don't think there's a reason out there that could refute that.**

 **I honestly didn't expect to get this far. I imagined I would get maybe three or four folks who would stop and give this a read. But as I wrote, and as I brainstormed, I watched the traffic graph go from tens, to hundreds, to flippin' thousands. That being said, I would not have made it as far as I did without all of you and I genuinely can't thank you enough, love you guys all so much. There would be days where I didn't feel the urge or desire to keep writing at all, but then I got a single review and I was punching away at the keyboard before I knew it. So specifically, thanks so much to everyone who's left their thoughts in the form of a review; every single one, no matter how long, meant more than I can express. We certainly wouldn't be here without them, so thank you all very much, especially abby2002rules, who contributed more to this story than I think she realizes…**

 **So with all that mushy stuff said, we finally draw to a close. As we finish this particular tale, I would love to hear from you guys, what you thought of the chapter, whether you liked the ending or not, what you thought of the story as a whole, whether you'd like to see a sequel, or hell, even if you just want to say hi. But, regardless, thank you so much for finding my story worth reading and giving me a project that I've had so much fun bringing to fruition. You guys are the fucking bomb!**


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